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White nationalist Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene on Wednesday formally triggered the motion to vacate process against Jesus dork Speaker of the House Mike Johnson as revenge for his support for military aid to Ukraine and other sundry bullshit far-right grievances.

This was simply not fair to Wisconsin MAGA Congressman Glenn Grothman. It was like an amateur flag football team against the Chiefs, a puppy against Kristi Noem, a fudge sundae against Sarah Huckabee, Kristi Noem against a Fox News host. Just utter savagery on Jamie Raskin’s part.

This one NBC News story is pretty fucked up, sad, and another example of how goddamned stupid some domestic murderers can be. Minnesota man Dr Connor Bowman, 31, faces an absolute shit ton of circumstantial evidence indicating that he was responsible for August 20, 2023 poisoning death of his wife Betty, 32: Connor worked for a “poison control center for an extended period of time prior to his residency” according to a court document, had started contacting woman on dating app Bumble on August 29, had “brought up the large life insurance payout he received, using it to pay off student loan debt” in a conversation on the app, lied to another woman via the app about how long it had been since his wife had died, and had asked a female friend and some others “out for drinks two days after Betty’s death and appeared to be happy or at least indifferent to” losing his wife.

However probably what sticks out the most is this: Betty was hospitalized with colchicine toxicity on August 16 and passed away August 20th. On August 18th Connor googled whether “widow” was a “gender neutral” term. So on top of all this shit pointing at his consciousness of guilt – again it’s circumstantial and thus he’s only facing a second degree homicide charge – he had to go and do the “woke” thing when preemptively putting himself out on the dating market again. What a dick.

Disgraced former President Trump’s lawyers on Wednesday further murdered irony by urging a New York State Appeals court to expedite their challenge to the gag order imposed by Judge Juan Merchan in the criminal trial over the fat fuck’s 2016 election interference scam, ABC News reports.

🚨 #BREAKING: @Jim_Jordan and @RepJamesComer refer MICHAEL COHEN to DOJ for prosecution.

Cohen lied SIX times to Congress and is Alvin Bragg’s star witness in President Trump’s NYC trial. pic.twitter.com/axJMyXBFhX

— House Judiciary GOP (@JudiciaryGOP) May 8, 2024

Jordan and Comer actually look even more impotent when you stop to realize this is not just them trying to gin up some Fox News headlines and muddy the water politically but that it’s actually their brilliant plan to stop Cohen from testifying to a New York State court within the next week.

A new Quinnipiac University survey of Wisconsin voters finds President Joe Biden leading fat former President Trump 50 to 44 percent in the Cheesehead State, a lead that drops to Biden 40 – Trump 39 when Russian assets Robert F Kennedy Jr, Jill Stein, and Cornel West are added to the mix. Still no word yet on who the Libertarian candidate is supposed to be or why the hell these polls don’t just include “Generic Libertarian” as choice since it doesn’t ever really matter who they pick to run.

Incumbent Dem Senator Tammy Baldwin leads dipshit MAGA challenger Eric Hovde, who doesn’t know the Pledge of Allegiance and reportedly actually lives in California, by 54 to 42 percent.

A unknown number of juveniles recently pleaded guilty to murdering 10 individuals while driving around on an off-road vehicle at night last fall in a multi-night shooting spree that left Southwestern Pennsylvania horrified. WPXI reports the juveniles face $5,000 fines, 50 hours of community service and will have their hunting licenses revoked for multiple years for illegally killing so many deer.

Dog-killing South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem on Tuesday canceled her appearance on rodent-like “comedy” host Greg Gutfeld’s nightly Fox News show, citing a snowstorm in her home state even though she was already in NYC for an earlier hit on Stuart Varney’s show, the Daily Beast reports.

Then on Wednesday CNN’s Inside Politics host Dana Bash announced that Noem had called the previous night to cancel her planned appearance on the afternoon show. Bash specifically said the governor’s team had reached out weeks ago to book her appearance, which answers our burning question of whether all these disastrous hits had been long-planned to promote her violent, lie-filled memoir or had been last-minute damage control for her violent, lie-filled memoir. Now we know it was the former but quickly devolved into the latter. Rarely are such mysteries resolved so fast.

President Joe Biden is wheels down in Racine, Wisconsin to promote the construction of Microsoft’s massive new AI data center on the site of fat former President Trump’s Foxconn failure.

Republican New Hampshire state House member Jess Edwards was a bit upset to see a bill outlawing child marriage pass in the chamber last week, the Granite Post reports.

“When we do this to people who are of ripe, fertile age and may have a pregnancy and a baby involved, are we not in fact, making abortion a much more desirable alternative when marriage might be the right solution for some freedom loving couples?” Edwards asked as he railed against the bill, later voting no along with 273 other Republicans in the 400-seat chamber, but failing to stop it from reaching Governor Chris Sununu’s desk as the bill had already cleared the state Senate in March.

Jesus dork Speaker of the House Mike Johnson told reporters on Wednesday that he has a lot of feelings and senses to back up his assertions that millions of undocumented migrants have been secretly voting in elections “We all know, intuitively, that a lot of illegals are voting in federal elections. But it’s not been something that’s easily provable. We don’t have that number,” Johnson assured reporters assembled on the Capitol steps for a press conference to promote the pointless bill banning non-citizens from voting in federal elections, which is already illegal.

You think your family can’t get along? Try being one of the Wilsons of Pulaski and Russell Counties in Southern Kentucky! WKYT reports that Angela Gosser, née Wilson, ended her marriage to 73 year-old Larry Gosser pretty abruptly in Pulaski County on Friday before driving to Russell County and fatally shooting her sister Jennifer Wilson, 57, before heading to her brother Darryl Wilson’s house to settle some score. After being shot and injured, Darryl returned fire, putting an end Angela’s rampage. Thanksgiving will probably be less awkward this year.

Fox News White House correspondent Peter Doocy avoided saying “Yes, Dad” when answering a question from Fox and Friends host Steve Doocy about President Biden’s visit to Racine, Wisconsin on Wednesday to promote a massive new Microsoft AI data center, so that was the normal part.

What was bizarre however was that this was Fox News covering Biden not only positively but doing so in a way relative to Trump, with Steve going a little bit out of his way to note that Trump had failed to create jobs at the very same location, even using the “Eighth Wonder of the World” quote.

To steal a seminal line from former President George W Bush: That was some weird shit.

A Georgia appeals court on Wednesday announced they would hear disgraced former President Trump’s appeal of Fulton County Judge Scott McAfee’s decision not to disqualify District Attorney Fani Willis from the massive RICO indictment brought against the fat fuck and 13 of his accomplices for their failed attempt to overturn his humiliating defeat in the 2020 election in the Peach State.

Lawfare’s Anna Bower reports that the interlocutory appeal order did not grant a stay, meaning the pretrial proceedings can still continue until the higher courts rule otherwise. Irrespective of whether or not the case does get stayed by an appeals court, it probably was not ever going to actually start before the 2024 election given its scope and the complexity of prosecuting so many defendants.

Yeah, we just need to report this straight because editorializing about the uselessness of harping on Republican hypocrisy wouldn’t be the most productive use of our time: The Daily Mail reports white nationalist Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene has fired her “right hand man,” staffer Travis Loudermilk – son of other MAGA Georgia US Representative Barry Loudermilk – for cheating on his wife with a married Instagram influencer. The hypocrisy of a woman – whose National Zero nickname is a portmanteau of her reputation for promoting far right conspiracy bullshit and fucking around with a gym manager and a “polyamorous tantric sex guru” prior to her divorce – firing an aide for the same sin should be obvious enough in the headline and we take this brief recomposition no further.

“It is a really bad feeling to have your Constitutional Right to Free Speech, such a big part of life in our Country, so unfairly taken from you, especially when all of the sleazebags, lowlifes, and grifters that you oppose are allowed to say absolutely anything that they want. It is hard to sit back and listen to lies and false statements be made against you knowing that if you respond, even in the most modest fashion, you are told by a Corrupt and Highly Conflicted Judge that you will be PUT IN PRISON, maybe for a long period of time. This Fascist mindset is all coming from DC.”

“It is a sophisticated hit job on Crooked Joe Biden’s Political Opponent, ME! Judges Engoron and Kaplan, also of New York, are equally Corrupt, only in different ways. What these THUGS are doing is AN ATTACK ON THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, AND OUR ONCE GREAT NATION ITSELF. OUR FIRST AMENDMENT MUST STAND, FREE AND STRONG. ‘GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH!'” posted fat former President Trump in an extra furious Wednesday morning Truth Social rant.

Now, be it far from us to presume to know exactly what’s going on in the 45th leader of the Free World’s head, we’re just going to speculate here and say he probably doesn’t actually want to die in some sort of glorious sacrifice to inspire the masses to his cause. Just throwing that out there.

President Joe Biden will visit the “Eighth Wonder of the World” in Racine, Wisconsin on Wednesday to tout a new $3.3 billion investment by Microsoft to build a new AI data center, Axios reports.

We put “Eighth Wonder of the World” in quotations because the term is kind of loosely defined and subjective as there is no agreement as to what constitutes a “wonder of the world,” even among the archaeology, geology, and other experts who purport to maintain such rankings. It’s just that fat former President Trump called the site of the new Microsoft project the “Eighth Wonder of the World” six years ago when he and then-Governor Scott Walker ceremonially broke ground on the construction of a massive new Foxconn manufacturing facility that was supposed to add like 13,000 high-paying, specialized jobs to the area in exchange for $4 billion in tax incentives to the company.

The project was then steadily downsized again and again and again until Foxconn just built a flatscreen plant that employs about 1,450 locals. Microsoft bought up the remainder of the Eighth Wonder’s parcel last year, leading to Wednesday’s big visit by Biden to tout the American tech giant’s commitment to adding at least 2,000 new jobs to the area, aiming to train at least half of them in specialized data center management courses at a local technical college.

Robert F Kennedy Jr suffers from brainworms, which is not a medical term but simply a modern colloquialism meant to encompass a wide description of his batshit delusions like believing that a chemical in drinking water is turning children trans, that COVID-19 was engineered to recognize the DNA of ethnic Chinese and Ashkenazi Jewish people and thus spare them the worst of symptoms, that 5G signals carry something other than cellular data signals, among other insanities.

Robert F Kennedy Jr also once suffered from a literal brainworm, like an actual parasite, and had it surgically removed in 2010, the New York Times reports, leaving it up to the reader to speculate as to whether there may be some kind of causal relationship between these two paragraphs. Jr told a lawyer in a 2012 deposition that the worm got into his “brain and ate a portion of it and then died.”

In related news, Bobby Jr on Tuesday challenged fat former President Trump to a debate at the Libertarian convention in DC this month, writing “I’d like to make you an offer. We’re both going to be speaking at the upcoming Libertarian convention on May 24 and 25. It’s perfect neutral territory for you and me to have a debate where you can defend your record for your wavering supporters.”

Big win for President Trump. https://t.co/UIFZ9V7Hm8

— Rep. Jim Jordan (@Jim_Jordan) May 7, 2024

We don’t need to tell you that tweeting this instead of “This delay is a travesty! Utterly inexcusable that President Trump won’t be able to prove his innocence to a jury before the election” is an extremely pure distillation of how MAGAmericans feel about the justice system these days. You already knew that. What we will say however is that Jim Jordan is kind of a pussy for calling it simply a “Big win” and leaving it at that rather than posting “ROFLMAO! Suck it libs! This was the case that was probably going to nail Trump to the wall faster than any of the other ones if Jack Smith just landed a competent judge with a modicum of integrity! Go scream at the sky losers!” Maybe that everyone on both sides saw this coming like nine months ago took his edge off a bit, but still, there’s a reason why the MAGA hardcore think Gymbo is a limp dick who reliably implodes upon contact with adversity despite constantly talking a big game – and not talking a big game here is part of it.