Category: Uncategorized

“Deranged Jack Smith, Andrew Weissmann, Lisa Monaco, the ‘team of losers and misfits’ from CREW, and all the rest of the Radical Left Zealots and Thugs who have been working illegally for years to ‘take me down,’ will end up, because of their suffering from a horrible disease, TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME (TDS!), in a Mental Institution by the time my next term as President is successfully completed. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!” writes former President Donald Trump on Truth Social in response to the news that his beloved older sister Maryanne has passed away.

Literally this was his first and only public statement so far since the New York Times reported she died, posted at 11:42 AM EST, just under an hour after they first published the story about it.

Former federal Judge Maryanne Trump Barry, older sister to disgraced former President Trump, died at her home in Manhattan Monday morning at the age of 86, the New York Times reports on God once again choosing the wrong one of Fred Trump’s evil spawn but at least blessing us with the opportunity to troll National Zero readers with a misleading but still technically accurate headline.

Large headed Trump spokesman Steven Cheung did not respond to a request for comment from the Times on this matter. Probably wanted to say Maryanne was a mean old bitch and he hated her.

The lion who escaped from a circus outside Rome, Italy on Saturday did not eat any Christians during five hours spent roaming the seaside town of of Ladispoli prior to his recapture, with the circus’s trainer telling AFP the predatory cat does not possess his ancestors’ performative urges to consume the flesh of Jesus worshippers for the cruel entertainment of the pagan vox populi.

Rony Vassallo, owner of the Rony Roller Circus, said his troupe’s eight year-old lion Kimba “met with people in an environment he wasn’t used to… and nothing happened, he didn’t even for a second have the instinct to attack a person,” and Vassallo was far more fearful “that someone could have harmed the animal, out of fear, or excess enthusiasm,” while the animal was missing. It could also have been that the Italians who encountered Kimba did not look him in the eyes or start praying the Hail Mary for divine protection, which would have driven the beast to instinctively pounce.

Large-headed Trump spokesman told Axios that “Disgraceful and talentless John Carl [sic] is a back-bencher who could never get his own show for obvious reasons. Excerpts previously released from this ‘book’ have already been thoroughly debunked,” when asked to comment on an unrelated story about Trump hanging up on Kim Kardashian because he believed she had voted for Joe Biden.

Anchorage, Mat-Su Valley, and other school districts across south-central Alaska are switching to remote learning-mode Monday after an incoming snowstorm is expected to drop as much as 1 to 1.5 inches per hour between 5 AM and 10 AM local time, the Anchorage Daily News reports on a plowing challenge apparently too mighty for municipalities located north of the 60th parallel.

Large-headed Trump spokesman Steven Cheung railed against “snowflakes” who are “grasping for anything because they are suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome and their entire existence will be crushed when President Trump returns to the White House,” in an unrelated Washington Post story about his boss promising to “root out” his “vermin” political opponents if reelected.

Asked to comment on the Biden Campaign seizing upon his Orange Allah’s ongoing flurry of batshit stupid mental slips during speeches to his fans, large-headed Trump spokesman Steven Cheung’s response was a few notches above his typical abrasiveness, angrily telling the Messenger in a statement that “The Biden campaign must be confused like their own candidate because Biden is in a constant state of confusion, shuffling around like a Roomba, and falling on his ass in front of the American people because he’s weak and frail. But even more damning is that Biden is just plain stupid. He doesn’t have the intelligence to lead a junior high book club let alone the entire country.”

He seems frustrated, right? Like Cheung definitely could’ve come up with something snappier if the bizarre mistakes his Messiah has been making lately weren’t actually starting to worry him. A “junior high book club” is the best he’s got while the Biden campaign keeps hammering fat Donald?

A lengthy review published Monday by the Washington Post concludes the Arizona, Georgia, and Michigan state Republican Parties are all but defunct due to an array of interconnected reasons such as leaders listening to Steve Bannon’s advice on how to manage things, legal bills from the aftermath of the 2020 election, purges of “RINOs” for thoughtcrimes such as – you guessed it – not believing the 2020 election was stolen, and a lack of support from Chair Ronna Not-Romney.

Which is to say it’s all Trump’s fault one way or another. Interestingly it’s his problem too as his 2024 campaign is going to have to do the fundraising and field work that the state parties would have handled in past election cycles. This might be less of an issue in Georgia since “RINO” Governor Brian Kemp’s political operation has effectively taken over for the MAGA-brained state GOP and Kemp has publicly said he’d rather see Trump than Biden win in 2025. Who knows how it’ll play out in practice when they actually have to work together given all the bad blood since 2020 though.

There are no such backstops for the Arizona and Michigan GOPs gutted by infighting and piss-poor money management. Arizona GOP Chair Jeff DeWit took a lot of shit from fanboys after he was forced to back out of a plan to circumvent the state government-run presidential primary election and have the party run its own one-day, in-person vote with paper ballots that would have been counted by hand because they simply didn’t have the money to do it. When DeWit asked Ronna for some cash to help prop up his party back in July, RNC officials referred him to what the Post describes as “a program intended to incentivize state parties to build out their own finance, data and political operations,” like a wealthy aunt giving a used copy of a Suze Orman book to the nephew who needs $1,400 for a new transmission on his 2009 Mustang so he can get to work at Applebee’s.

I'm officially running to become the next Governor of Virginia.

I'm a former CIA case officer, former federal agent, current Member of Congress, and mom to three great kids.

I know that when we rise above the chaos and division, we can focus on what matters most to Virginians. pic.twitter.com/rB5EoNnD2H

— Abigail Spanberger (@SpanbergerForVA) November 13, 2023

Spanberger, whose first win in 2018 was seen as emblematic of that year’s Blue Wave, will not be seeking reelection to the 7th District in the meantime in 2024, leaving the swingy seat open.

Misdemeanant Capitol rioter Chuck Hand, husband of former Taylor County, Georgia GOP Chairwoman Mandy Robinson-Hand, who along with his wife did 20 days in jail and paid $500 in restitution after they both pleaded guilty to a parading charge for entering the Capitol during the January 6th, 2021 insurrection, has filed the paperwork to challenge longtime Dem Congressman Sanford Bishop in the Peach State’s 2nd District, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports.

Hand, whose campaign slogans “Hire Hand for Congress” and “Stick it to the man, hire Hand” really fucking suck, is now at least the third convicted January 6th MAGA terrorist to launch a 2024 run for the House of Representatives. Hand follows Republican former West Virginia state Delegate Derrick Evans, who announced a bid on January 6th, 2023 after taking a plea deal and serving three months in the clink – more than twice as long as his time in office as Evans resigned 39 days into his first term upon being charged – and Jacob “QAnon Shaman” Chansley, the iconic face of the insurrection who on Friday filed the paperwork to run as a Libertarian in Arizona’s 8th District.

President Joe Biden and ChiCom dictator Xi Jingping will enter into a bilateral agreement to ban AI operators in autonomous lethal weaponry, including drones and nuclear weapons platforms – and presumably humanoid-shaped endoskeletal robots, the South China Morning Post reports.

The landmark agreement will be the centerpiece of Wednesday’s hotly-anticipated APEC summit in San Francisco, unless some future singularity that has developed time travel in future decades sends one or more highly advanced Terminator units to the present to disrupt the signing ceremony.

Three cities in India are under high air quality alert warnings Monday after Diawli celebrants blew off enough fireworks to generate smog, Reuters reports. For coastal towns Kolkata and Mumbai it was something of an accomplishment, but the capital New Delhi was already in bad shape with air quality as it usually is this time of year due to the weather, hitting an AQI of 680 at midnight. For comparison, NYC on its worst day in early June, during the Canadian wildfire smoke storm, hit 480.

South Carolina Senator Tim Scott on Sunday told Fox News’s Trey Gowdy he was ending his 2024 presidential campaign, just days after he finally showed his girlfriend to the public.

Politico reports from sources that Scott didn’t even bother to tell his campaign staff before announcing on live TV that they were all out of a job. Of course they had to already know it was coming sooner or later given his awful numbers but that was still kind of shitty. CNN politics reporter Isaac-Edward Dovere did however get a hint in the form of a “Team Tim Scott” fundraising email with the subject line of “One last chance.” It was sent eight minutes before Scott publicly pulled the plug on his bid. “Usually fundraising email subject lines are a little hyperbolic,” Dovere wrote.

RNC Chairwoman Ronna Not-Romney McDaniel’s post-2023 elections tour has been pretty poorly received in MAGAmerica, with the blame for GOP defeats last week falling on her shoulders like a pallet of bricks. Whether this is fair or unfair to her is not our concern, we’re simply here to enjoy the demented freaks who vote for this party calling for its feckless figurehead’s reign to end.

“I don’t understand Trump’s fascination with Ronna. She is an utter failure” – The current top comment on the TownHall article “Ronna and Trump: A Single Unit of Electoral Dysfunction.”

“Ronna Romney is sabotaging the republican party and it’s obvious” – The current top comment on the Gateway Pundit article “McDaniel, RNC Cave After Threatening to Disqualify Candidates Over Christian Event,” posted Sunday. The story’s so lame and stupid. Ronna had to pretend there’s still a GOP 2024 primary going on and threaten the handful of candidates that would’ve qualified for the fourth debate with a ban if they attended some lame non-sanctioned Evangelical forum in Iowa.

“After the latest election disaster, I’m not sure how Ronna McDaniel is still chair of the RNC. Unless the RNC does makes some changes, I, for one, am considering dropping out of the party to become an independent” – The current top comment on the Fox News article “GOP debate fireworks: Why Vivek Ramaswamy took aim at RNC chair Ronna McDaniel.” Okay… So what the hell is that going to achieve if he still plans on voting Republican? It’s one thing if this guy regularly donates to the RNC but he probably would’ve mentioned that first and foremost. Simply dropping out means nothing.

“I find that hard to believe considering how outspent Republicans were (I’m basing this on the number of ads I saw comparatively). I should clarify I find it hard to believe that Youngkin rejected more money” – The current top comment on the Twitchy article “RNC Chair Makes Eyebrow-Raising Claim When Asked About Virginia Elections.” The comment’s not as funny as the headline. Ronna probably did get her eyebrows raised to go with those hideous duckbill-shaped lips.

“Convicted of what? This girl is toxic… she’s got to go” – The current top comment on the Breitbart article “RNC Chair McDaniel: We Will Support Trump as GOP Nominee Even If He Is a Convicted Criminal,” posted Sunday. They’re now mad at her for acknowledging reality while still affirming she’ll back their Orange God Emperor in the likely event he’ll be convicted on multiple felonies next year.

Don Samuels, a former Minneapolis City Council member who came within two percentage points of defeating incumbent Democratic Congresswoman Ilhan Omar for the Democratic nomination for her seat in 2022, announced he will challenge her again, Politico reports.  Omar is frequently a target of a significant amount of right-wing vitriol given she’s a non-white, non-Christian woman who has her own opinions, but she is drawing fire from within Democratic ranks for her stance against Israeli action in its war with Hamas.

“Ilhan hasn’t helped herself,” Samuels said during an interview WCCO radio in Minneapolis. “She has made missteps, even after the last race. There are some folks who are coming [to support me] because of what I am, who I am, and what I will do. And some are coming because of what she’s done and what she’ll do.”

Lying piece of shit Long Island Republican Congressman George Santos’s expulsion may come sooner rather than later as CNN’s Melanie Zanona reports that the House Ethics Committee is set to release their final report on his numerous transgressions later this upcoming week. Members who voted against expelling the fucker had cited “due process” of an Ethics Committee investigation as a reason for holding their fire on him, but we shall see if they’re willing to make it happen.

Sources within the FBI tell the New York Times that in 2021 then-Democratic New York City Mayoral nominee Eric Adams – who was effectively the mayor-designate at that point because that Curtis Sliwa dipshit had absolutely zero chance of winning – pressured then-FDNY Commissioner Daniel Nigro to sign off on the Turkish government’s new high-rise consulate in Manhattan despite safety concerns with the building, pressure that appears to be one of the policy concessions (or maybe the only one) the Turks got in exchange for allegedly illegally funding Adams’s campaign.

Accepting foreign campaign contributions is against the law and antithetical to principles of American sovereignty, full stop. There is however a pretty wide spectrum of possible damage inflicted upon American sovereignty, a spectrum that if Donald Trump and the Russians, Saudis, Chinese, etc are at the top while Bob Menendez and the Egyptians are not very far behind, Adams and the Turks sit on the opposite end. THIS is the scandal here? A goddamned building code issue?

We knew it had to be something this stupid (again, there could be other favors involved), but seeing the other end of it is just… Jesus Christ, Adams is a moron, the Turks are morons, and we feel embarrassed for the FBI agents and federal prosecutors having to investigate this.

As we had anticipated, the MAGA assclowns were already pretty much universally claiming that Adams is the victim of the “Biden Regime’s” retaliation for complaining about immigration policy and a fucking fire code violation being reason the FBI seized Adams’s phones and iPad is about the last thing that would’ve disabused them from that notion. How many times between 1993 and 1997 did Donald Trump call Rudy Giuliani and order him to cut the red tape on this or that project, making it clear to Rudy that he would support his reelection campaign if he delivered? It’s just everyday cronyism most people do not and should not like but nevertheless accept as part of the fabric of political reality… elevated to a crime simply because the Turks are definitionally not Americans.

Doing a weekend hit on Fox News media dude Howard Kurtz’s show, weekday host Brian Kilmeade offered up some pretty freaking lame excuses for two distinct failures for disgraced former President Trump, first helping him disown Kentucky Attorney General Daniel Cameron’s loss and against incumbent Dem Governor Andy Beshear, claiming Cameron was a “McConnell guy” all along and that Trump’s late endorsement didn’t count. Then in a separate clip (apologies for the abrupt jump at 1:08 above), Kilmeade explained the Orange God Emperor’s stupidly confusing Obama and Biden on Saturday with “He believes Obama is pulling the strings” as if Trump wouldn’t have simply just said that to his fans – or that it also counts for the time he claimed he beat Obama in the 2016 election.

A number of Republican members of the Virginia House of Delegates, reeling from the loss of their majority in Tuesday’s mini-Blue Wave election, rip shit angry with Gov Glenn Youngkin and soon-to-be-ex-Speaker Todd Gilbert over the former’s moronic push for a 15-week abortion ban and the latter’s failure to push back against it forcefully enough, are planning to remove Gilbert from leadership as soon as Sunday, the Washington Post reports on the still-ongoing bloodbath.

“We literally ran on one of the third rails of politics,” said one of the delegates, who said he brought this up to Gilbert months ago. “We told them, this is the year to run on inflation, grocery bills, gas bills, fuel costs, freakin’ child care… If we’re not providing an answer or a solution to those things, then the people are looking at us, ‘Why are you talking about abortion?'”

Speaking on NBC’s “Meet the Press,” Sunday, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu stated that there “could be” a potential deal to release more than 200 people taken hostage by Hamas in the early hours of its attack of Israel from the Gaza Strip on October 7th.

Saying that the potential deal is a direct result of Israel’s aggressive military actions to counter the Hamas attack and could hold off on future action to rescue them, Netanyahu was more cagey about the information Israel has collected.  “We know a great deal, but I won’t go beyond that,” he said, noting that he wouldn’t discuss to much openly:  “I think the less I say about it, the more I’ll increase the chances that it materializes.”

Titular Republican National Committee Chair Ronna Not-Romney McDaniel on Sunday expressed frustration to CNN’s Dana Bash that the Democrats aren’t coming to a “common sense limitation” agreement with her party’s lawmakers and thus ending the issue’s salience to the Dems’ electoral advantage. As fucking stupid and simplistic as all that sounds that’s basically what Ronna said.

Icelandic officials have ordered the evacuation of Grindavik, a fishing town of 3,400 on the southwestern coast, due to the risk of a volcanic eruption, an event caused, in Nordic lore, by the god Loki attempting to escape his bonds, an origin story that has somehow escaped the Marvel Universe rewrite of mythology.

Officials were not low-key about the risk, per CBS News:  seismic activity had moved south along the Reykjanes Peninsula toward the town, located about 31 miles from Reykjavik, Iceland’s capital, and authorities were worried the town would be either in the path of or cut of by a flow of magma that scientists believe is forming under the town, with a non-zero possibility that the town itself could be the point where the magma would surface.

The Icelandic Meteorological Services issued a warning for the area that for a “[s]ignificant likelihood of a volcanic eruption in the coming days” which for an Icelander is almost a full-blown panic.