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Iran’s fascist theocratic regime on Tuesday said they’re readying their “justice” system to swiftly try, convict, and execute protestors arrested over the last few weeks, a formalized version of the wanton, indiscriminate slaughter by state security forces that quite possibly has cost as many as 20,000 lives since late December, the Wall Street Journal reports. “If we want to do a job, we should do it now. If we want to do something, we have to do it quickly,” said Tehran’s judiciary chief Gholamhossein Mohseni-Ejei in a video address. As many as 18,000 civilian protestors are in custody, according to an estimate by group Human Rights Activists in Iran, all of them facing death.

“The signal that authorities keep sending is that they have ordered extraordinary measures by the courts,” said Mahmood Amiry-Moghaddam, director of the Oslo-based Iran Human Rights NGO.

In a separate report, the Journal also examines the precipitating event of the current crisis: the collapse and nationalization of Ayandeh Bank, a corrupt shitshow run by regime-friendly oligarchs that sank under $5 billion in debt that the Ayatollah’s economic geniuses tried to paper over by printing a shit ton of money which very quickly caused an explosive surge in inflation. “This was a very well-connected bank, corrupt et cetera, which underscored that the banking system in itself is a channel for enrichment of the well-connected,” said Adnan Mazarei, a former deputy director of the Middle East and Central Asia Department at the IMF, adding that Ayandeh’s failure was the cherry on top of “a crescendo of the loss of legitimacy of the regime following the Israeli attack.”

“EFFECTIVE FEBRUARY FIRST, NO MORE PAYMENTS WILL BE MADE BY THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT TO STATES FOR THEIR CORRUPT CRIMINAL PROTECTION CENTERS KNOWN AS SANCTUARY CITIES. ALL THEY DO IS BREED CRIME AND VIOLENCE! If States want them, they will have to pay for them! MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!” posted the angry old asshole on Wednesday.

Convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday talked down to douchey new CBS News anchor Tony Dorkoupil, reminding Katy Tur’s undeserving husband of his place by correctly stating that Tony would not have the job now if Kamala Harris had won the 2024 election. Trump was right.

“Today, the ACLU of Pennsylvania, Democracy Defenders Fund, and Hangley Aronchick Segal Pudlin and Schiller filed a motion to intervene in EEOC v The University of Pennsylvania on behalf of five organizations affiliated with the University of Pennsylvania. The groups petitioning the court to join the proceedings represent Jewish faculty and student employees who oppose the non-consensual release of organizational membership rosters and members’ personal information based on the First Amendment right to associate confidentially, which directly impacts the freedoms of speech, association, privacy, and religious liberty. At a press conference hosted by the ACLU-PA this morning, attorneys and impacted Jewish faculty explained the threatening nature of the subpoena and the ramifications that could result if the EEOC’s demands were met, essentially allowing the creation of a centralized registry of UPenn’s Jewish students, faculty, and staff.”

“‘To put things bluntly, I don’t want my employer handing over information about my religious identity without my consent, and I see it as a violation of the First Amendment for the government to be forcing the university to do so. The government cannot guarantee that the information it accumulates about Jews won’t fall into the wrong hands,’ said Steven Phillip Weitzman, professor of Hebrew and Semitic Languages and Literatures at UPenn,” says a Tuesday ACLU press release

You want the nunchucks.

You got the nunchucks. pic.twitter.com/fu4MlJEUN1

— Mark Brnovich (@GeneralBrnovich) October 15, 2021

Republican former Arizona Attorney General Mark Brnovich died Tuesday at the age of 59, ABC 15 reports citing a family announcement that did not disclose a cause of death. So it could’ve been a nunchucks accident for one of the Republicans whose careers Trump ruined after the 2020 election.

Pedophile 1980s actor Timothy Busfield, who played the douchey brother-in-law in Field of Dreams, turned himself in to police in New Mexico on Tuesday after four days on the lam from a warrant for molesting twin boy child actors on the set of some TV series, NBC News reports.

Hey remember New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani, the socialist guy who’s supposed to be public enemy number one to MAGAmerica, or was until convicted felon President Trump lavished praise on him after the Oval Office meeting? Well Axios reports that Zo and Don have been texting each other constantly, which explains why you never hear Trump shit-talking the mayor publicly any more.

“Days after an Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agent fatally shot a Minneapolis woman in an incident that was captured on video, voters 82 – 18 percent say they have seen a video of the shooting and a majority (53 percent) think the shooting was not justified, 35 percent think it was justified, and 12 percent did not offer an opinion, according to a Quinnipiac (KWIN-uh-pea-ack) University national poll of registered voters released today. There are differences based on political party and gender. Republicans (77 – 10 percent) think the shooting was justified, while Democrats (92 – 4 percent) and independents (59 – 28 percent) think the shooting was not justified,” says a brief Quinnipiac poll conducted January 8th – 12th following the murder of Renee Good.

Following up on CBS News’s Tuesday morning story about an exodus from the Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division over the orders not to open up an investigation into ICE agent Jonathan Ross over the murder of Renee Good, the New York Times adds to the disgraceful picture with additional reporting that the top three prosecutors in the Minnesota US Attorney’s office quit when they were commanded to open an investigation into Good’s widow, Rebecca, who was present at the scene.

The most on-brand part of this is that one of the guys who quit, Deputy US Attorney Joseph H Thompson, oversaw all the prosecutions into the welfare fraud in the state and obviously had been tasked with continuing those cases, the fraud being the whole reason ICE is in Minneapolis now.

The CEO of a Troy, Michigan “private health care investment firm and search fund platform” business resigned on Saturday, two days after he was caught on video in Minneapolis screaming “The storm is here … no one can stop what is coming” to the “fucking terrorist” libs protesting ICE in the city, calling for “patriots” to “get out here. We need the backup,” and warning “all you liberal, commie motherfuckers, keep your hands to yourself or you’re going to get hurt today, alright? We executed one of you yesterday,” referring to Renee Good, USA Today reports on a woke cancelation.

“It is with a sad heart I announce my departure and formal resignation of Harmony Investment Group, With recent developments in America, the board and I have decieded [sic], we have different views of the future of America. It was a great run. We built many great things. Mountains were moved. Fortunes were made. Until next time, So long my friends. Thank you for everything,” wrote Jayden Scott, a skinny, kind-of hipster-looking douche who talked a much bigger game when he had what the video showed to be at least a dozen ICE agents behind him as he screamed.

He also fucked up in admitting that Good was “executed.” It was supposed to be “self-defense.”

“Sadly, the Great Influencer, Scott Adams, has passed away. He was a fantastic guy, who liked and respected me when it wasn’t fashionable to do so. He bravely fought a long battle against a terrible disease. My condolences go out to his family, and all of his many friends and listeners. He will be truly missed. God bless you Scott!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday, mourning a cartoonist who got canceled because he screamed “fuck Black people” three years ago.

“Chairman Comer, We want to take a moment, given everything, to address you directly. This past year has seen our Government engage in unprecedented acts, including against our own citizens. People have been seized by masked federal agents from their homes, their workplaces, and the streets of their communities. Students and scientists with visas permitting them to study and work here have been deported without due process. The people who laid siege to the US Capitol have been pardoned and called heroes. Agencies vital to the country’s national security have been dismantled. Universities, media companies, and law firms have been subjected to threats to their funding, access, and licensing unless they made concessions and surrendered their right to constitutionally protected free speech. American troops have been deployed on the streets of our towns and cities. The Justice Department has been used as a weapon, at the direction of the President, to pursue political opponents. And most recently and searingly, an ICE agent killed an unarmed mother only days ago. Every person has to decide when they have seen or had enough and are ready to fight for this country, its principles and its people, no matter the consequences.”

“For us, now is that time,” write Bill and Hillary Clinton in a letter to House Oversight Chairbilly James Comer responding to his subpoenas for their testimony in the Epstein investigation.

Might’ve been a little more morally defensible if this was about something else.

“Iranian Patriots, KEEP PROTESTING – TAKE OVER YOUR INSTITUTIONS!!! Save the names of the killers and abusers. They will pay a big price. I have cancelled all meetings with Iranian Officials until the senseless killing of protesters STOPS. HELP IS ON ITS WAY. MIGA!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday, obviously deeply concerned for the regular folks of Iran.

However, make some small edits to change it to “Patriots, KEEP PROTESTING – TAKE OVER YOUR INSTITUTIONS!!! Save the names of the killers and abusers. They will pay a big price. I have cancelled all meetings with officials until the senseless killing of protesters STOPS. HELP IS ON ITS WAY,” and everyone’s like “LMAO! Trump would never post something like that. That’s fake news!”

A smarter fascist state would have put Jonathan Good on trial and then purposely engineered the case so that the jurors would have to find him not guilty rather than just pretending he acted appropriately.

Since being told straight up that millions of fucking morons and moral cowards only realize now that they were lied to about groceries magically becoming more affordable so they could keep a vile obese old degenerate from dying in prison isn’t torture enough for readers, here’s some fun international news: The AP reports from Seoul that independent counsel Cho Eun-suk on Tuesday demanded that a court sentence disgraced former South Korean President Yoon Suk Yeol to death for his YouTube conspiracy bullshit-inspired December 2024 imposition of martial law.

According to the AP however, experts say it’s more likely Yoon will get life in prison. Which, no matter where you may stand on capital punishment as a moral quandary, is unlikely to be his ultimate fate. Sooner or later some right wing government is going to return to power and claim a mandate sizable enough to walk it back – whether it’s a commutation or at least giving Yoon a cushier carceral living situation and then eventually a supervised release or whatever. It could take a decade or two, maybe longer, but the fact is that Yoon’s not a serial killer or a drug cartel boss where the offense is universally recognized as a serious harm inflicted on the public. One day the majority of South Koreans will have moved on and no longer care about the near-destruction of their democracy by a madman who got pilled on what was essentially localized QAnon bullshit.

Now don’t take that as an argument for executing Yoon so much as a consideration that its irreversibility would not be limited to just his body temperature. Really the question boils down to whether his crimes are not okay in the sense that he can do a 15 or so year “life” sentence or if they’re so not okay that he needs to pay the ultimate price as a deterrent to those who would study his mistakes to learn how to get it right next time. Maybe a noose should be part of their calculus.

“Do the people of Minnesota really want to live in a community in which their are thousands of already convicted murderers, drug dealers and addicts, rapists, violent released and escaped prisoners, dangerous people from foreign mental institutions and insane asylums, and other deadly criminals too dangerous to even mention. All the patriots of ICE want to do is remove them from your neighborhood and send them back to the prisons and mental institutions from where they came, most in foreign Countries who illegally entered the USA though Sleepy Joe Biden’s HORRIBLE Open Border’s Policy. Every place we go, crime comes down. In Chicago, despite a weak and incompetent Governor and Mayor fighting us all the way, a big improvement was made. Thousands of Criminals were removed! Minnesota Democrats love the unrest that anarchists and professional agitators are causing because it gets the spotlight off of the 19 Billion Dollars that was stollen by really bad and deranged people. FEAR NOT, GREAT PEOPLE OF MINNESOTA, THE DAY OF RECKONING AND RETRIBUTION IS COMING!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday.

Well that’s a pitch to the Twin Cities. It’s like he expects them to say “Well when you put it that way, we totally support ICE going to door to door and systematically ransacking our homes searching for undocumented migrants. And he’s so right about it all being a distraction from the 19 Billion Dollars that was stollen.” Now maybe it would be better to just not make any pitch at all and simply leave ICE to do their “job.” This whole trying to pay tribute to virtue thing rings a little hollow when nobody’s under any notion that this isn’t all just kayfabe of a “fuck you” to Minneapolis for not voting for Republicans, all ready made as spank material for Fox News viewers who need their rage fix.

Trump’s will is being imposed on the city whether they like it or not. No need for him to waste what little executive function capacity is left in his rapidly decaying mind coming up with a “rationale.”

What’s the harm in telling Newsmax viewers that Republicans are working on a bill to denaturalize and deport any immigrant convicted of any type of fraud that will never pass the Senate without filibuster reform which the GOP does not want to do and thereby creating the expectation that they’re actually doing something? It’s not like MAGA voters are ever going to hold them accountable.