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In perfect metaphor for DeSantis campaign, beloved century-old oak tree at Florida’s governor’s mansion collapses

As Gulf of Mexican migrant Hurricane Adelia caused havoc along Florida’s coast, the winds along the panhandle ripped apart a 100-year-old oak tree that sat on the Governor’s Mansion property, CBS News reports.

In an unusual event during campaign season, Republican Florida Governor Ron DeSantis and his family were actually in Tallahassee, a rarity given DeSantis’s recent Iowa residency.  Plucky Casey DeSantis tweeted a message that while Ron was away, she and their three children were unharmed.

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White man armed with shotgun attempted to enter Black church outside Pittsburgh, turned away at door

Police in Ambridge, Pennsylvania, a Pittsburgh suburb with a population of 7,000, arrested 38-year-old white male Jeffrey Harris for pointing a shotgun at two women in the street after he was thwarted from entering a nearby Black church, the Atlanta Black Star reports.

Harris tried to enter Greater Dominion Church on Sunday morning but was denied permission at the door. “There was a white male, camo vest, red hat, and white t-shirt walking with a possible long gun down [a crowded street],” Ambridge Police Chief John DeLuca said.  Once detained, police found he was carrying a 12-gauge shotgun and some meth.

Statements Harris made to police indicated he intended to carry out a hate crime, and that he planned a long standoff with police at his home.  Police who searched his home found barricades and obstacles throughout the house; something slippery had been spread on the front porch.  Once he sobered up, Harris denied wanting to carry out a hate crime or ambush police.

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Trump inflated his stated net worth by $2.2 billion in one year, claims New York Attorney General in new court filing

Donald Trump inflated his personal net worth by more than $2.2 billion in 2014 and his overall finances may be overstated by $4 billion, according to a court filing by the New York State Attorney General’s office, CNN reports.

In a motion for summary judgment in the state’s quarter-billion-dollar civil suit alleging Trump manipulated his financial statements to avoid taxes or gain credit, depending on the circumstance, Attorney General Letitia James stated that between 2011 and 2021, Trump’s net worth could legitimately be estimated as high as $2.6 billion given his company’s financial records.  However, Trump at one point claimed to be worth as much as $6.2 billion, a figure James says is fanciful.

“Mr. Trump’s net worth in any year between 2011 and 2021 would be no more than $2.6 billion, rather than the stated net worth of up to $6.1 billion, and likely considerably less if his properties were actually valued in full-blown professional appraisals,” the court filing says.  Trump’s lawyers will make their own motion for summary judgment, but the judge will not release his decision until just before the scheduled court date in October; neither motion is likely to succeed.

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Oath Keeper’s wife sentenced to 15 months for January 6th

Connie Meggs, the wife of convicted domestic terrorist and Proud Boys leader Kelly Meggs, was sentenced to 15 months in prison Wednesday after telling the court that she was “so angry at my husband for doing this to [her],” according to reporting by Politico’s Kyle Cheney.

Connie Meggs related that she and her children thought Kelly’s activities were meant to protect the family and their way of life, not overthrow the government.  “I was trusting my husband to keep us safe,” she said. “He put his whole family in harm’s way…He has put me through so much hell.”  Ultimately, she realized where his loyalties lay:  “He chose the Oath Keepers over his family.”

Meggs was convicted in March of felony counts for obstruction of an official proceeding, conspiring to prevent an officer of the United States from discharging a duty and destruction of government property; she was also convicted of a misdemeanor count for trespass in an official building.

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UNC Police detained wrong Asian man while they sought shooter

The University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill Police Department admitted that while the campus was in lockdown during an active shooter event, its officers detained a different Asian man believing they had the killer, NBC News reports.  He was not.

The active shooter situation on campus, where one in six students is of Asian ancestry, was aggravated as the photo of the wrong man being detained circulated among college students and staff for more than a half hour before the actual shooter was identified and detained.

While police said the detained man was questioned and ultimately released, the incident raised concerns among Asian students and others about racial profiling.  The actual shooter, who is suspected of murdering an associate professor over an academic issue, was ultimately taken into custody.  The issue was so prevalent during the shutdown, a professor of Asian heritage on campus posted on social media, “Please stay safe and if you are an Asian male, do not go outside until this is over. The suspect is an Asian male and you don’t want to be mistaken.”

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Texans complain about Abbott wasting money at border

Government watchdogs and migrant advocates called on Republican Texas Governor and confirmed xenophobe Greg Abbott to end Operation Lone Star, the state-run migrant victimization program that pays for inhumane border barriers and kidnapping runs, KTSM NBC-9 in El Paso reports.

Protestors pointed out to the $4.5 billion Abbott has allocated to kidnap migrants and send them to Democratically-run cities in a program the Republican Abbott runs to “own the libs” or to erect razor wire barriers in Mexican waters has done little to stem illegal border crossings.  The groups also pointed out the Abbott Administration is facing multiple lawsuits from individuals, groups and the federal government for its unconstitutional programs regarding the treatment of migrants.  Abbott has allocated an additional $5 billion of taxpayer money over the next two years for additional politically-motivated publicity stunts.

Held at a public park that had been closed as officials decided if the State would confiscate the land as a storage, construction and deployment site for buoy barriers on the Rio Grande, the advocates pointed to the death of at least two migrants who became entangled on the razor wire-covered buoys that Abbott ordered placed on the Mexican side of the border.  They also pointed to a more recent incident where a Texas National Guardsman fired at least one shot that wounded a civilian at a public park on the Mexican side of the border.

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McConnell experiences system glitch again

For the second time in two months, Republican Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell had a second public episode of freezing while asked a question Wednesday, this time as he was addressing a local Chamber of Commerce group in Kentucky.  After being asked about reelection plans, McConnell briefly acknowledged the question and then stood for 25 seconds with a blank look on his face.  McConnell aide approached the Senator and asked if he had heard the question, and the Senator barely acknowledged her presence.

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Gooch wants Georgia state Senate to “sanction” Fulton DA Willis

Republican Georgia state Senate Majority Leader Steve Gooch, whose terrible surname we had to use in the headline to underscore how much he sucks… You just know that asshole definitely went by the “Goochmeister” and “El Goocharino” in college too like that kind of fucking tool. Christ.

Anyway, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports the Goochoo Train is steaming his way to holding hearings on Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis to draw attention to his impotent rage over disgraced former President Trump and 18 of his minions getting slapped with massive RICO indictment over their post-2020 election coup attempt in the state. “We believe she is definitely tainted,” Goochbag said. “She’s politicizing this, and we want to make sure these people get a fair trial and a fair shake,” he added as if a political crime could ever not be “politicized.”

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Sexual predator and beard unified in public butthurt

Nothing like calling a widely well-regarded outlet like the Daily Beast “Satan’s publication” after their reporter revealed you tried to settle with a guy who accused your husband of drunkenly grabbing his dick and begging him to come upstairs for sex. That’ll really show them.

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Georgia election workers awarded default judgment against Rudy

DC Circuit Judge Beryl Howell on Wednesday awarded a default judgment for Georgia election workers Ruby Freeman and Shae Moss in their federal defamation lawsuit against drunken shitbrain Rudy Giuliani, a stunning defeat in civil court just as Mayor 9/11 faces charges in a Georgia criminal court for the very same campaign of harassment he waged against the mother-daughter duo.

“Upon consideration of plaintiffs Ruby Freeman and Wandrea ‘Shaye’ Moss’s Motion for Discovery Sanctions, ECF No. 81, the related legal memoranda in support and in opposition, the exhibits and declarations attached thereto, the parties’ Updated Joint Status Report, ECF No. 89, and the entire record herein, for the reasons set forth in the accompanying Memorandum Opinion, it is hereby ORDERED that plaintiffs’ Motion for Discovery Sanctions, ECF No. 81, in the form of default judgment and an award for attorneys’ fees and costs associated with filing the motion, is GRANTED; it is further ORDERED that default judgment will be entered against defendant Rudolph W Giuliani on his liability for plaintiffs defamation, intentional infliction of emotional distress, civil conspiracy, and punitive damage claims, pursuant to Federal Rules of Civil Procedure 37(e)(2)(C),” wrote Howell.

The lengthy ruling concludes with Howell ordering that there will still be a trial, but only to determine damages – and the jury will be instructed to consider how much Rudy fucked around and withheld documents from the plaintiffs during the discovery process, Lawfare’s Anna Bower reports.

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Proud Boys’ leaders sentencings postponed due to “emergency”

The scheduled Wednesday sentencing hearings for Proud Boys leaders Enrique Tarrio, Joe Biggs, and Ethan Nordean have been canceled due to an “emergency,” Politico’s Kyle Cheney reports. The fascist street brawlers had been set to be locked up for a good while following their convictions earlier this year on charges of seditious conspiracy for their group’s involvement in the Capitol riot.

No further explanation was given. We would have to guess there’s been some kind of incident at the jailhouse, possibly a suicide attempt by one or more of them. Tarrio faces as much as 33 years in the big house for his role calling the shots in the attack even though he was not present.

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“We haven’t proven the case for impeachment yet”

Yet another anonymous “senior GOP aide” tells Politico Playbook the House Republicans are making shit up as they go along, saying “We haven’t proven the case for impeachment yet. How can you start impeachment? We haven’t done what you need to do to start. There is no way we’d get the votes,” as titular Speaker Kevin McCarthy moves forward hoping it’ll somehow all work out.

Naturally it’s all disgraced former President Trump forcing the issue on his weak underling, with Playbook writing that the Orange Overlord “has suggested he’d use an impeachment vote to smoke out any MAGA-skeptical Republicans and support primary opponents against them,” as if the fat fuck actually has the attention span to make that happen with multiple indictments on his plate.

Meanwhile the Gateway Pundit reports that Newsmax dipshit Greg Kelly promises there’s some new “smocking gun” incriminating Biden that’s coming very soon, like in October that will totally forced Biden to withdraw from the 2024 race. “There is an audio tape, I am told, by people in the know, not necessarily in government, not necessarily out of government. I can’t say too much, but there is incontrovertible evidence of Joe Biden’s corruption that is about to be made public. It’s not going to happen tomorrow. It’s not going to happen before Labor Day, but it will happen sometime between Labor Day and Halloween.” Kelly didn’t explain why he’s hyping this “incontrovertible” evidence rather than simply playing it for his audience on his low-rent Fox News clone network’s show.

“We will file this one in the I’ll believe it when I see it category,” says the top comment.

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Michigan Republicans throwing telethon for fake Trump electors

A coalition of right wing groups say they’re planning a telethon to raise money for the legal defense for the 16 fake Trump 2020 electors indicted by Attorney General Dana Nessel and yeah, a literal fucking telethon, like it’s 1985 and there’s a variety show going on with celebrities sitting at desks and answering the phones while people call in to donate, the Detroit News reports.

Even better is that one of the guest celebrities is Rudy Giuliani, who himself will be the guest of honor at a higher dollar legal fundraiser being thrown by disgraced former President Trump at the Bedminster golf club in New Jersey just two days later. “This telethon will feature hours of original content, including human interest stories about the electors showing what brave, patriotic conservatives they are,” wrote organizer Shane Trejo, director of the “Grand New Party” PAC.

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Coup craze hits Gabon

The viral “military coup” trend that’s so hot lately in sub-Saharan Africa and other dysfunctional states in the global south has hit Gabon, with a group of soldiers voiding the August 26 election, dissolving the country’s institutions, and possibly arresting President Ali Bongo, who between he and his father, the late Omar Bongo, have ruled the country for 56 years, AFP reports.

Gunshots were heard in the capital city of Libreville, it’s not clear if it was from rogue soldiers firing off celebratory rounds, executing Bongo regime officials, or firing off celebratory rounds into the bodies of Bongo regime officials. The coup started just minutes after the Gabonese election authority announced Bongo had won a third seven-year term with 64 percent of the vote.

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Hurricane Idalia expected to hit Florida as a Category 4

Last-minute preparations and evacuations are underway in Florida as Hurricane Idalia is expected to hit the Gulf Coast Wednesday morning as a Category 4 hurricane with storm surges expected to be as high as eleven feet in some areas, CNN reports.

Officials have urged the remaining residents to evacuate counties in the storm’s path, warning them that rescue operations may not help if the storm surges reach as high as expected.  Adding to the surge:  the wrath of God.  No, really:  there will be a supermoon Wednesday, at its closest point to Earth.  Because God hates Florida.

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Inmate P01135809 may waive in-person arraignment: report

Sources tell CBS News disgraced former President Trump is considering waiving his right to appear in person at his arraignment on 13 felony counts from his post-2020 election coup attempt in Fulton County, Georgia on September 6th. There’s no requirement that the fat bastard or any of his co-conspirators show up to enter a plea since he’s already been booked separately on the charges. Co-defendant Ray Smith did so on Tuesday, filing his waiver and pleading not guilty.

What CBS’s sources do not address is why. As in why the fat asshole wouldn’t show up in court again to reap another day of wall-to-wall news coverage and the adulation of his cult gathered outside the building. Trump’s minions are usually eager to explain their “strategy” for handling this or that shitshow but this article doesn’t even have them on background, let alone anonymous quotes.

That Donald’s reportedly “considering” it now would seem to indicate that there’s no real scheduling conflict and he would go if he wanted to. So it’s not hard to guess why he’s wary: Cameras.

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Tennessee prosecutor threatens Pride event organizers

The Republican prosecutor in Blount County, Tennessee has sent a letter threatening to prosecute the organizers and hosts of an upcoming LGBT Pride event set for this Saturday on the campus of Maryville College in Maryville, Tennessee, writing that he intends to enforce the state’s anti-drag law even though a federal judge ruled it unconstitutional back in June, Law Dork reports.

Ryan Desmond, the district attorney general for the 5th Judicial District of Tennessee, coterminous with Blount County, claims the federal court’s ruling was only binding in the state’s 30th District and “that violations of the AEA can and will be prosecuted by my office.”

Desmond also ominously warns that “it is possible that there will be both protestors and counter-protestors present at this event,” like he’s purposely publicizing it to make sure another certain “pride” organization and the Moms for Liberty or some other assholes show up.

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Instead of going on the run, Ammon Bundy attended his arraignment because God told him to, he says

Aamon Bundy was all set to go on the lam, taking his anti-government, anti-establishment self underground to avoid the authoritarian hammer of the Big Bad Government for a contempt of court finding.  But then the voice of God Himself told His anti-The Swamp crusader to submit to the hand of law and go to his arraignment hearing in Idaho–so Bundy should literally thank God that he was not thrown in jail.

On Monday, per the Daily Beast, Bundy posted a hyperdramatic public letter to his attorney which sappily laid out his internal dialogue.  “Do I flee Idaho with nothing, leaving all I have for you to take and then start over somewhere else?  Do I grind through the legal process with no funds to really fight back, allowing you and St Luke’s to look justified in your terrible assault on the rights of parents and freedom of speech, just to have everything taken from me anyway?  Do I unite my neighbors, friends and family to physically defend against this terrible assault on liberty and the right to keep the fruits of my labor?  It is hard for me to know what God wants me to do right now, therefore, I have not yet decide if I will be attending the hearing today.”

Later that night, however, Bundy had an epiphany, as he described on his YouTube channel, with the Lord High Almighty telling him to get his butt to the courthouse to avoid a prison cell:  “We started boxing up our house and I just couldn’t see and had been asking the lord for direction and just couldn’t see an end to this and scheduled a moving truck, and the day the moving truck was scheduled to come, I—praying the whole time—the day the moving truck was scheduled to come, I woke up early in the morning.  And I felt very, very clear understanding from God, and I believe and know that that happens […] I felt very clear understanding that I was not to leave Idaho yet, that I was to stay and fight.”

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