Democratic Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer signed new gun safety laws after a series of tragic shootings across the country, including a first grader shooting a teacher at a school in Virginia, NBC News reports.  The new laws include a background check regardless of the type of weapon a customer wants to purchase; previously only people purchasing handguns in the state were subject to background checks.

The second feature of the new law would require gun owners keep weapons, including unloaded guns, locked up if there is a reasonable expectation that a minor would be in the residence.  Advocates say it will prevent teenagers from getting weapons, like the 15-year-old shooter who killed four classmates at Oxford High School in 2021.  The shooter used a gun purchased for him by his father; his parents are facing manslaughter charges; their son pleaded guilty to 24 felony counts.

Wow. You’d think the Jack Teixeira kid had murdered a sexy green M&M or something with how fast Tucker is to jump in his corner. Even less surprising is how quickly Marjorie Taylor Greene did too.

The US Supreme Court on Thursday allowed a $6 billion settlement erasing in debt owed by former students of mostly for-profit colleges who said they were misled by schools about academics and job prospects, Reuters reports. The case is separate from the one a bunch of MAGA attorneys general brought against the Biden Administration to wipe out $20,000 in student debt for borrowers.

Fat former President Trump spent the entire day Thursday being deposed by New York State Attorney General Leticia James and her staff, CBS’s Graham Kates reports, noting that it may have actually hit the state’s maximum civil deposition length of seven hours in a single day.

The Orange God Emperor reportedly was going to actually answer questions this time, unlike his first deposition with James last year when he pleaded the Fifth Amendment a staggering 440 times.

As much as we would like to say we’re not giving it away and that you have to watch the whole thing, we do need to give at least some context to how “San Francisco” fits into this hit by MAGA author Victor Davis Hanson that was supposed to be about Jack Teixeira’s arrest.

Records found by ProPublica reveal that MAGA Texas billionaire Harlan Crow did his buddy Clarence Thomas a huge favor in 2014 by purchasing his mom’s old house and two other empty lots owned by Clarence, his mother, and the family of his late brother for a total of $133,363.

You will not be surprised to learn that Clarence never disclosed any of this and it took the work of investigative reporters to dig it up. It gets better: Clarence’s mom continued living in the house while Crow dumped tens of thousands of dollars into renovating it. Crow told ProPublica that his “intention is to one day create a public museum at the Thomas home dedicated to telling the story of our nation’s second black Supreme Court Justice. I approached the Thomas family about my desire to maintain this historic site so future generations could learn about the inspiring life of one of our greatest Americans.” Kind of like how he preserved one of Hitler’s paintings.

Sources tell the Spectator that the Turtle Man may be lumbering off into the sunset for good following the bad knock he took on his shell at the site of the former Trump DC Hotel last month.

In an eerie echo of scumbag Peter Thiel’s destruction of Gawker by backing leathery wrestler Hulk Hogan’s lawsuit against the site for publishing parts of a sex tape, the Daily Beast reports LinkedIn founder Reid Hoffman is bankrolling EJ Carroll’s lawsuits against fat former President Trump.

The California state Capitol in Sacramento was evacuated Thursday morning over a “credible threat” of an otherwise unspecified nature, KTXL reports on a possible MAGA terrorist incident unfolding.

“The California Highway Patrol has notified the Senate of a threat they consider to be credible involving the Capitol,” Secretary of the Senate Erika Contreras wrote in a letter to staff. The state Senate are holding their session in the committee room of a nearby legislative building.

Amid rumors that retiring California Senator Dianne Feinstein might make it official earlier than expected, Governor Gavin Newsom is likely to be faced with the second Senate vacancy of his governorship since he appointed (and annointed) then-Secretary of State Alex Padilla to serve as the Golden State’s junior Senator following Kamala Harris’s election to the Vice Presidency in 2020.

Rather than unfairly tip the scales in the three-way fight between Dem Representatives Katie Porter, Adam Schiff, and Barbara Lee to succeed Feinstein, Newsom should appoint an elder caretaker to sit pending a special election (one that should be held this year so Schiff, Porter, and Lee wouldn’t have to give up their House seats to run in the 2024 primary): Former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Okay, bad idea. It would be a funny stunt and Arnold’s definitely no friend to MAGA, but he isn’t exactly liberal either. The better pick would probably be former Governor Jerry Brown. Or maybe even Nancy Pelosi. She could spend a few months in the Senate just to be able to say she did it, and then run again for her House seat in a special election on the same day.

All of this of course depends on Feinstein resigning soon, which she definitely should, and do her fellow California Dems in the House a favor by moving up the timetable for the voters to pick her real successor without forcing two of them to exit Congress in the primary bid.

Sometime before this mess on Thursday Tim Scott proposed a 20-week national ban on abortion as part of his not yet but almost official 2024 presidential primary campaign to lose to Donald Trump.

Former US Capitol cop Mike Riley, who last year was convicted on one count of obstruction after he warned a MAGA insurrectionist to delete his photos of the January 6th riot via Facebook messenger the very next day was sentenced to 120 days home confinement on Thursday, NBC News reports.

“Hey Jacob, I’m a Capitol Police officer who agrees with your political stance,” Riley wrote to Trump fan Jacob Hiles. “Take down the part about being in the building they are currently investigating and everyone who was in the building is going to be charges. Just looking out!” Hiles, who pleaded guilty to misdemeanors, was sentenced to two years probation in December 2021.

In his trial the jury deadlocked on whether Riley’s initial message was obstruction but convicted him of the other count over his deleting the messages after the FBI had contacted Hiles.

Republicans are well known for their projection:  the things they accuse their political targets of doing, they’re doing themselves.  Hiding stolen government documents, nepotism, corruption and of course, grooming.  During a Missouri legislative committee meeting debating banning gender-affirming care for transgender youth, a witness challenged Republican legislator Mike Moon’s record on child protection given allowing his endorsement of minors to marry.

In a survey by Navigator Research marking 100 days since the House GOP struggled over 15 tedious votes to elect cowardly worm Speaker Kevin McCarthy, only 35 percent of respondents approve of the job the MAGA jackasses have been doing so far versus 59 percent who disapprove, putting them 24 percent underwater overall and 48 percent underwater with independent voters.

The bullshit investigations aren’t all that popular either, with 49 percent of respondents overall and 42 percent of independents agreeing that “Republicans in Congress will overreach in various investigations into Biden and Democrats” versus 32 percent overall (29 percent of independents) who say they’ll “do the right amount of investigations” and 19 percent overall (plus 29 percent of independents) saying they’ll “do too little to investigate” Biden and Dems.

It wasn’t that long ago that certain circlejerk-ier voices in the mainstream media were calling Joe Biden’s classified documents fuckup a “political gift to Trump, GOP” and even that it “should spell the end of any realistic prospect of criminal charges against former President Donald Trump.” It’s been three months this week since the first revelations that Joe had apparently accidentally held on to classified documents dating from his time as Vice President, stashed them in an office at a DC think tank and also at his home in Delaware, and Merrick Garland appointed Robert K Hur to serve as special counsel to investigate the fuckup. And then nothing else except for some FBI searches of Biden’s beach house and archives at the University of Delaware that came up empty.

Oh wait, this is hilarious: The House Oversight Committee interviewed Biden’s former executive assistant Kathy Chung last week, and afterward chair James Comer said her testimony “refuted” that the files at the think tank were “in a locked closet.” The New York Post story about it is timestamped at 8:32 PM EDT on April 4th. Silly us for missing it on what was such a slow news day.

Anyway, like we’ve written before, the further we get from the first reporting on the Biden docs fuckup, the less and less likely it would seem that any damning new revelations about either their contents or what Biden did with them are going to surface. Hur’s team have leaked jack shit, and it’s hard to imagine that they would’ve held back on it if they learned that Biden was showing off a classified map to his buddies or an aide had uploaded files to a laptop. Also hard to believe that Chung was never asked about the contents of Biden’s documents and that he wouldn’t be screaming at the top of his lungs that if any of it pertained to nuclear secrets or something similarly bad. The bottom line is that Trump and his minions have likely gotten as much of a “political gift” as they were going to get out of Biden’s classified docs and that’s just so unfair to them.

After firefighters from ten regional departments finally extinguished the blaze in Dimmitt, Texas, the scene they found was horrific:  charred corpses littered the ground.  After discussion, the first responders brought in heavy equipment to move the bodies instead of doing their first instinct:  ordering gallons of Heinz 57.

The Monday fire at the South Fork Dairy Farm killed more than 18,000 head of cattle, easily surpassing the previous deadliest livestock fire in US history:  a 2020 blaze in upstate New York that cost 400 cattle.  The number of dairy cows lost equals the number of beef cattle slaughtered for meat every three days in the United States, according to the San Antonio Express-News.

Caused by the explosion of methane from cow burps sparked by a malfunctioning piece of equipment in a barn, the fire injured one human.  In infamously regulation-free Texas, there was no word on when the last time the farm had been the subject of a safety inspection for a commercial property.

Speaking to reporters in Dublin on Thursday, President Biden said the still-unidentified “racist, gun-loving” asshole civilian Defense Department employee who posted a trove of military and diplomatic intel in a private Discord server is close to being identified, CNN’s Kylie Atwood reports.

“There’s a full blown investigation going on as you know. The intelligence community and the Justice Department. And they’re getting close. I don’t have an answer for you,” said Biden.

Belarusian authorities on Thursday extradited fugitive Russian single dad Aleksei Moskalyov, who had skipped out on house arrest just prior to being sentenced to two years in the gulag in a persecution that started with his now 13-year old daughter’s anti-war drawing she made in school that was reported to the Putin regime’s thought police by the principal, the New York Times reports.

Fat former President Trump is in New York City to face the law again on Thursday, this time to plead the Fifth Amendment a few hundred more times in another deposition with Attorney General Leticia James in her $250 million lawsuit against his corrupt businesses, the Daily Beast reports.