Republican South Carolina Senator and man who “racked balls until the sun came up” Lindsey Graham has received a formal admonishment from the Senate Ethics Committee for improperly soliciting funds for losing Republican Georgia Senate candidate and crash test dummy aspirant Herschel Walker in a government building, Politico reports.

The incident cited by the Ethics Committee happened during an interview from the Russell Office Building rotunda on November 30th during an interview on the Fox propaganda network when Graham directed viewers to a Walker fundraising website no fewer than five times in a nine-minute interview.  No fine or penalty will be assessed for Graham, who essentially received a slap on the wrist, something he may, in fact, enjoy.

The “kept man” side-piece of vampiric right wing billionaire Peter Thiel died by suicide in Miami earlier this month, the Intercept reports. Well that’s how cops are investigating it, anyway. Jeff Thomas had spoken at least several times to reporter Ryan Grim in the months leading up to his death, saying he had been trying to soften Thiel up on his nihilistic right wing insanity (Thiel was and still is married to his husband, investment banker Matt Danzeisen, by the way). The circumstances surrounding Thomas’s death are far murkier than any “Arkancide” victim as Grim can confirm nothing about it aside from that the cops are going to interview Thiel. Grim’s report mentions some coverage in the shitty UK tabloid Daily Mail that speculates Thomas may have fallen off a building while taking a selfie – four articles and not one of them mentions the connection to Thiel.

Are we better than making the tragic death of a young man into a blunt weapon to wield against right wing hypocrisy? Just fucking barely and it is so painful to just leave it alone given the depravity of Thiel’s war on American democracy that would not for a second hesitate to do the same.

“[Thiel] knew I was a strong person, but there’s only so many times you can be strong and for how long, until, you know, you’re just not strong enough anymore,” Thomas told Grim in their last conversation. “I was honest with my family about the relationship… I thought I was doing what I could to help secure my safety and be OK when it actually did the opposite of putting me into a position of something I couldn’t carry emotionally or physically or mentally.”

The National Suicide Prevention Hotline in the United States is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week at 1-800-273-8255 or 988. Please call or text if you need to talk to someone.

Republican Utah Governor Spencer Cox signed legislation that requires parents to sign a consent statement allowing their child to set up an account with a social media platform, NBC News reports.  The new law also requires social media platforms to provide access to their children’s accounts.

At least four other states are considering similar legislation, which would require social media companies to confirm the age of everyone setting up an account, and for people under the age of 18, parental approval must be obtained.  The law would mandate a social media “blackout” for children between 10:30 p.m. and 6:30 a.m., based on the GPS setting of the device used, unless parents consent to greater access.

Former communist illegal immigrant Melania Trump “doesn’t sympathize” with her fat pornstar-fucking husband’s current legal situation – in particular the one about the pornstar fucking – and is living her life about as far away as she can get from him, sources tell People Magazine.

“She does very well with all of her socializing duties,” the source said about keeping up appearances. “They still see friends for dinner at the club, but live separately and do what they want on their own. They don’t spend that much time together.” The source said the Third Lady “remains angry and doesn’t want to hear [the alleged hush money payment] mentioned. She is aware of who her husband is and keeps her life upbeat with her own family and a few close friends,” adding she “wants to ignore it and hopes it will pass, but she doesn’t sympathize with Donald’s plight… She is happy when she is in Palm Beach. She has her son and other close family members. They are tribe-like and stick together. Despite what happens to Donald, she will be fine. She is well taken care of.”

Conservative Wisconsin state Supreme Court candidate Dan Kelly told reporters Thursday he’s cool that QAnon activist Scott Presler – a guy who was fired from his job with the Virginia GOP for having sex with another man at the office and then posting pics of it on fucking Craigslist – coming to the cheesehead state to campaign with him ahead of the big April 4th election, the AP reports.

Well actually the AP article says the question was about Presler being on the grounds of the Capitol during the January 6th, 2021 MAGA insurrection, as if that would be a problem for Kelly, who was paid $120,000 to advise the Trump 2020 campaign on the fake electors scam. Kelly professed ignorance anyway, saying he was “not really familiar with [Presler’s] background. But what I can say, I appreciate a great deal the work that he’s doing here in Wisconsin. I think it is invaluable.”

Maybe the sex with another man inside a state Republican Party office and then posting pics of it on Craigslist might’ve given Kelly more pause. Maybe not. We don’t know because the AP didn’t ask.

New York City Fire Department officials did not laud the bravery and adventurousness of five 11 and 12 year-old boys they had to rescue from the storm drain system in the vicinity of the Staten Island Zoo on Tuesday after they got lost in the dark underground maze for an hour, Fox 5 reports.

“We’re stuck in the sewer,” one of the boys said to a 911 operator, having called after realizing they weren’t going to find the legendary treasure of pirate Captain Jolly Roger McCutcheon or whatever it was. “It’s like a tunnel where all the pipes are,” the boy said when asked where they were.

“Overall it was a very successful operation, we walked along the route that we knew the sewer traveled and opened up manhole covers searching for the children,” said FDNY Chief John Hodgens at a Wednesday press conference arranged at the site to celebrate his mens’ courage and determination in the face of adolescent dumbassery. All five boys and one firefighter were hospitalized for some reason that the Fox 5 digital news team did not care to explain.

A lawyer for CIA Agent Ray Epps on Thursday sent a letter to Fox News demanding a retraction and “formal on-air apology” from patriotic host Tucker Carlson for exposing his client’s Jew-sponsored and Trilateral Commission-approved secret January 2021 mission to instigate the Capitol riot in order to make President Trump and his supporters look bad, the New York Times reports.

“The fanciful notions that Mr. Carlson advances on his show regarding Mr Epps’s involvement in the January 6 insurrection are demonstrably (and already proven to be) false,” wrote Epps’s lawyer Michael Teter, a secret clone of future time traveler John Titor who is also silencing the truth about the Reptilian plot to steal the 2022 Arizona gubernatorial election from patriot Kari Lake. “And yet Mr Carlson persists with his assault on the truth,” Michael Teter Titor added in the letter.

The Times notes that such letters often precede defamation suits from Deep State actors like the super-advanced Venezuelan AI that secretly controls all the voting machines in the United States which seeks $1.6 billion in damages from Fox News for its shell company Dominion Voting Systems.

National Zero will resume our regular news coverage now that we’ve reported the REAL truth about Ray Epps and his involvement in the Trilateral Commission’s secret January 6th coup plot.

“Total disarray in the Manhattan D.A.’s Office. Tremendous dissension and chaos because they have NO CASE, and many of the honest people in the Office know it, and want to do the right thing. They think back to the Late, Great, Bob Morgenthau, the best ever, and know what he would have done. JUSTICE FOR ALL!” the Man-Karen wrote earlier before experiencing a sudden mood swing.

Micki Witthoeft, mother of MAGA Joan of Arc Ashli Babbitt, arrived at the US Capitol on Thursday to discipline legendary cuck Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy over a recent “gaffe” in which he said the Capitol cop who shot her daughter dead “did his job,” CBS’s Scott MacFarlane reports.

Witthoeft told MacFarlane she has “things to ask” of McCarthy and is “expecting good things” in converting Kevin back to the cult formed in the wake of her daughter’s tragic but justified death.

CPAC organizer Matt Schlapp on Thursday filed a motion seeking a gag order against the man who refused Schlapp’s orders to gag him back on one lonely autumn night in Georgia back in October.

Some members of the Clark County, Nevada GOP are concerned that chair Jesse Law may have stopped the steal by canceling the party’s March meeting, thereby cutting off new and returning members from voting against his bid for a second term, the Las Vegas Review Journal reports.

The story is slightly complicated but can be explained simply: Party meetings are held six times a year, on the third Tuesday of every odd-numbered month. To be eligible to vote in the chair election in July, a member must have attended at least two prior meetings. So any member who joined after January is now fucked out of voting as Law canceled this week’s meeting on Monday claiming the venue – Stoney’s Rockin’ Country in Town Square – told them they weren’t welcome anymore after they found out that a member was armed at the January meeting. That actually happened (of course), but it would seem awfully convenient that they would wait until the day beforehand to inform Law they were canceling the booking based on a Reuters report from two weeks earlier.

And that his opponent, a real estate agent who served as Maricopa County, Arizona GOP chairman in the 1990s before moving to Nevada was among those contacting lapsed members to encourage them to rejoin and vote against Law in July. That’s convenient too. Law claims he’s working hard to get the March meeting rescheduled at a new venue as if he’s not in fucking Las Vegas where there are literally hundreds if not thousands of spaces that can be rented to hold a meeting for a few hundred people for a few hours on a weeknight. Law added that Trump endorsed his reelection bid.

Yeah, this is where we’re at right now: Ron DeSantis wants to make it easier to sue reporters and outlets for “libel” and the standard in that law will be that if a story uses anonymous sourcing, then the defendant would have to prove it was not malicious. So free speech-y.

Pennsylvania MAGA terrorist Riley June Williams, who in November was convicted on six counts related to her actions during the January 6th, 2021 Capitol insurrection, was sentenced to three years in prison on Thursday, Politico’s Kyle Cheney reports. Williams, a hardcore Neo-Nazi and daughter of a pedophile, said to be “devoted” to Trump dinner guest Nick Fuentes, stole House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s laptop during the mayhem and tried to sell it to Russian intelligence.

Embattled Ontario MP Han Dong on Wednesday announced his resignation from the Liberal Party caucus, just hours after GlobalNews.ca reported Dong had in 2021 told a ChiCom diplomat that the Xi Regime should hold off on freeing two Canadian citizens being held in China on bogus espionage charges while the Canucks were jailing a Huawei exec for extradition to the US on a federal warrant.

“I have informed the prime minister and the leadership of the Liberal Party caucus that I will be sitting as an Independent at the conclusion of these remarks. Mr Speaker, I am in your hands as to what happens next,” Dong said as he tearfully denied the accusations. “The allegations made against me are as false as the ones made against [former detainees Michael Kovrig and Michael Spavor]. Let me assure you, as a parliamentarian and as a person, I have never and would never advocate or support the violation of the basic human rights of any Canadian – of anyone, anywhere.”

Huawei exec Meng Wanzhou and the two Canadians Kovrig and Spavor were eventually repatriated to their respective homes in a September 24, 2021 prisoner swap. Dong had allegedly told ChiCom Toronto Consular General Tao Han in February of that year that the Xi Regime should hold off until after the elections because it would have hurt the Liberal Party. The 2021 Canadian general election was on September 20, 2021, so you can kind of see how this timeline is not good for Dong.

The revelation comes amid a larger pushback on ChiCom interference in Canadian elections, with the government looking at forming a commission to drop the hammer on scumbags like Dong and Conservative Ontario provincial MP Vincent Ke who is suspected of laundering XiBux for campaigns.

A Manhattan federal judge on Thursday ruled the names of the jury to be seated in the upcoming civil trial from writer EJ Carroll’s lawsuit against disgraced former President Trump over her credible accusation he raped her in 1995 will remain anonymous for their safety, Law and Crime reports.

“Mr Trump’s quite recent reaction to what he perceived as an imminent threat of indictment by a grand jury sitting virtually next door to this Court was to encourage ‘protest’ and to urge people to ‘take our country back. That reaction reportedly has been perceived by some as incitement to violence. And it bears mention that Mr Trump repeatedly has attacked courts, judges, various law enforcement officials and other public officials, and even individual jurors in other matters,” wrote Southern District of New York Circuit Judge Lewis Kaplan in his surprise ruling, which came unilaterally and without any request by Carroll or Trump’s legal teams.

Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg on Thursday responded to spandex-wearing grapple freak Jim Jordan and abortion daddy James Comer’s requests for testimony and documents regarding the upcoming indictment of fat former President Trump’s hush money payment to pornstar Stormy Daniels with a polite thanks, but fuck off, informing the two idiots “there’s no legitimate legislative reason to probe this ongoing investigation,” while offering some token cooperation with their requests for info on how federal funding accepted by the office is used. Sections of the letter (which unfortunately we only have piecemeal right now, nobody wants to just post a goddamn PDF):

“The District Attorney of New York County is investigating allegations that Donald Trump engaged in violations of New York State penal law. The investigation is one of thousands conducted by the Office of the District Attorney in its long history of pursuing justice and protecting New Yorkers. The investigation has been conducted consistently with the District Attorney’s oath to faithfully execute the laws of the State of New York. The District Attorney pledged that the DA’s Office would ‘publicly state the conclusion of our investigation whether we conclude our work without bringing charges, or move forward with an indictment.’ He stands by that pledge. And if charges are brought at the conclusion, it will be because the rule of law and faithful execution of the District Attorney’s duty require it. Your letter dated March 20, 2023 (the ‘Letter’), in contrast, is an unprecedented inquiry into a pending local prosecution. The Letter only came after Donald Trump created a false expectation that he would be arrested the next day and his lawyers reportedly urged you to intervene. Neither fact is a legitimate basis for congressional inquiry…”

More disappointment from Insider.com as sources say the Manhattan grand jury investigating disgraced former President Trump’s 2016 payoff to pornstar Stormy Daniels will be working on a different, unrelated case during their Thursday session, pushing off any possible further testimony and a vote to hand down an indictment until Monday at the earliest. Have a great weekend guys!

Huh. It would appear that the “BOMBSHELL EVIDENCE” consisting of a letter to the FEC signed by Michael Cohen’s attorney – in which Cohen claimed he had paid off Stormy Daniels and had not been reimbursed by Trump, before later pleading guilty to federal felonies and admitting that was bullshit, that Trump had in fact repaid him the $130,000 – hasn’t gotten the “SOROS BACKED ANIMAL” to back off from the case. The fanboys seemed so sure about this one.

“EVERYBODY KNOWS I’M 100% INNOCENT, INCLUDING BRAGG, BUT HE DOESN’T CARE. HE IS JUST CARRYING OUT THE PLANS OF THE RADICAL LEFT LUNATICS. OUR COUNTRY IS BEING DESTROYED, AS THEY TELL US TO BE PEACEFUL!” Trump continued in a subsequent Truth Social post, further emphasizing his discomfit and unease with the current situation.