A federal judge on Friday issued bench warrants for Lakeland, Florida MAGA insurrectionists Joseph Daniel Hutchinson and Olivia Pollock after their pre-trial GPS ankle monitors reported tampering and law enforcement were unable to locate them ahead of their Monday trial, Sedition Hunters reports.

Pollock’s brother Jonathan has been on the run since the riot itself. The three were among a group of five Sedition Hunters has termed the “Machine Gun Kitty Crew,” charged with felonies connected to assaults on cops during the failed attempt to keep fat former President Trump in power.

• No wonder Lauren Boebert believes people could only have been sickened from intentional carelessness at a facility.  She has significant experience with that, poisoning people herself at her failed restaurant with tainted pork sliders.  
• “We have to lead our viewers, which is not as easy as it might seem,” Rupert Murdoch told a Fox board member, admitting the network’s slogan of “We report. You decide.” was a complete farce.
• By forbidding drag shows, Republicans want to eliminate a form of entertainment that pre-dates Roman civilization.  It would make performances of musicals like the “Rocky Horror Picture Show” and “Kinky Boots” illegal.  Movie theaters and broadcasters could not show the Tony Curtis/Marilyn Monroe classic “Some Like It Hot.”
• Banning treatment, including mental health therapy, for trans kids will lead to fewer trans kids.  …thanks to suicide.  That’s what Republicans really want.
  Read More ▶ “Random thoughts Friday, Volume CXI”

He came so close:  Going through the list of characters who have announced their bids for the 2024 Republican presidential nomination, Fox host, secret Trump advisor, and proven liar Sean Hannity hit a moment of panic when seeing Vivek Ramaswamy’s multisyllabic surname in his teleprompter.  The Republican host, who can breeze through names like Trump and Pence and Cruz even while his lips are simultaneously attached to their respective backsides, demonstrates why show prep is essential.  (And in case you’re wondering, here’s your help.)

A 24-year-old former private in the US Army was sentenced to nearly a half-century in prison for plotting to kill the other members of his unit in what prosecutors described as a “murderous ambush” and giving a British neo-Nazi group plans to a sensitive US military installation in the UK, NBC News reports.

Eric Melzer pleaded guilty last year to charges of attempting to murder U.S. service members, providing and attempting to provide material support to terrorists, and illegally transmitting national defense information for the 2020 plot in which he handed plans of a military facility to the British neo-Nazi group the Order of Nine Angles.

Melzer then posted information about the strength, armaments, location and future deployment of his unit to Turkey in hopes of inspiring an al Qaeda-aligned British group O9A to attack them or whatever unit took up their position.  Prosecutors in the Southern District of New York, where the case was heard, say Melzer hoped to spark a wider jihad against the American military.

Former Mesa County, Colorado county clerk Tina Peters was convicted on one charge of obstructing government operations but acquitted on a second charge of obstructing a police officer, an outcome that could land her in jail, Colorado Public Radio reports.

Peters was convicted of using her iPad to illegally record a court session in the trial of a former aide.  She was acquitted of a charge brought when she struggled with an officer who tried to confiscate the device.  She faces up to three months in jail and a $750 fine; her sentence will be in April.

Peters is facing additional felony charges for allegedly stealing confidential data from voting machines in her county and providing that information to an effort back by ripped foam salesman and guy who just wants his Arby’s Half Pound Beef ‘n’ Cheddar Mike Lindell.

Matt Schlapp, the embattled sexual predator who continues to lead the CPAC conservative group, ordered Christian white nationalist Nick Fuentes removed from the group’s annual convention being held outside Washington, NBC News reports.

“We removed Nick Fuentes from his attempt to attend our conference. His hateful racist rhetoric and actions are not consistent with the mission of CPAC,” Schlapp posted on Instagram, although he remains silent when various speakers threaten Democrats of various hues.

President Joe Biden had a basal cell carcinoma, a common form of skin cancer, removed from his chest during his physical last month, with the White House reporting doctors determined no further treatment was required, Politico reports.

The White House reported the news because lab tests confirmed the composition of the removed tissue, and Biden’s physician is a realist who doesn’t throw around outrageous claims that anyone will live to be 200 years old because he’s in a cult.

Ever the pitchman, NFT model and failed husband Donald Trump tells his audience about his next big project he’ll undertake when he’s reinstalled:  he intends to hand over federally-owned land to build ten new cities he’s calling Freedom Cities–which he’ll later humbly accept Matt Gaetz’s inevitable proposal to name them “Trump Towns”–in which his cult can escape reality.  Because having government-built and -financed full-scale cities out of nothing isn’t socialist, Soviet or Nazi-esque at all.

🚨🚨🚨 BREAKING! HOLY SHIT! 🚨🚨🚨 In May 2014 Hunter Biden told then-Vice President Joe Biden’s press secretary Kendra Barkoff about Hunter’s new spot on the board of the Ukrainian energy company Burisma to give her the heads up in case any reporters asked about it, the New York Post reports in an EXCLUSIVE from Stephen Miller’s “legal” group’s complaint to the DOJ alleging that Hunter violated federal laws prohibiting unregistered lobbying for foreign entities.

And, uh, yeah that’s it. Hunter “coached” the Vice Presidential press office on how to respond to any questions about Burisma ago and the far right “America First Legal Foundation” circlejerkers think this is the smoking gun on him acting as an unregistered foreign agent. The headline and lede of the Post’s report make it sound like this complaint the product of an official investigation from inside either the government or Congress, and it’s not until a little further down that it becomes clear it’s just residual butthurt from Trump getting impeached for blackmailing the Ukrainian government and then losing reelection in part because the Burisma shit had backfired so spectacularly.

The phrase “statute of limitations” is also missing from the Post report, a detail which would seem pertinent when we’re talking about something that happened almost nine years ago. Unless it’s not a serious complaint but simply yet another lame attempt to bring Joe Biden down to Trump’s level as far as “corruption” goes in the perception of low-info independent voters in swing states. Then the express intent of getting Hunter Biden prosecuted for a federal crime doesn’t actually matter.

Laughably arguing that the infamous 2005 Access Hollywood tape of the client bragging about sexual assault “does not share any unique characteristics to this case or demonstrate a modus operandi or pattern of misconduct,” disgraced former President Trump’s lawyers on Friday submitted a memo to a Manhattan court begging a judge to rule it inadmissible as evidence ahead of next month’s civil trial brought by a lawsuit from rape accuser EJ Carroll, the Daily Beast reports.

“Here, the actions described on the tape bear little resemblance to the actions that allegedly took place in or around 1995,” the lawyers wrote. Maybe what they’re trying to say is that Trump wasn’t a star yet in 1995 so Carroll wouldn’t let him do it, but things were different ten years later.

It’s day two of CPAC 2023 and let’s try again at covering all the insane bullshit in one place as it comes in instead of having to split it into a dozen or more separate articles of video clips.

Fuck yeah! The “January 6th Prison Choir” just dropped their debut single “Justice for All,” with guest vocals by former President Donald J Trump and sampled from East Baltimore lyricist Francis Scott Key’s 1814 smash hit “The Star Spangled Banner.” You can’t get any more authentic than a tune secretly recorded from inside a jail cell block by a squad of hardcore cracka thugs.

Former WWE wrestler Brett DiBiase, son of former WWE wrestler-turned-Evangelical pastor Ted “The Million Dollar Man” DiBiase, pleaded guilty Thursday to conspiracy to defraud the federal government over his involvement and personal profiting in a sprawling $77 million welfare fund embezzlement scam that has also implicated the elder DiBiase, Brett’s brother Ted Jr, former NFL quarterback Brett Favre, former Republican Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant, and dozens of others named in a federal civil lawsuit over the fraud, the Associated Press reports.

Brett DiBiase previously pleaded guilty to state-level charges in December 2020 but his sentencing was delayed after he agreed to cooperate in the ongoing investigation into the massive heist, the details of which are too complicated and fucked up to describe with any sort of brevity. DiBiase personally netted at least $4 million from the federal Temporary Assistance For Needy Families fund disbursed to Mississippi non-profits to spend for its intended purpose but instead went to things like a $5 million volleyball gym for the University of Southern Mississippi while Brett Favre’s daughter was on the team there, luxury travel for former state Human Services Director John Davis, and $160,000 for Brett DiBiase’s stint at a fancy drug rehab center in Malibu, California.

“On Tuesday afternoon at about 4:00 pm the Stanton County Sheriff’s office responded to a report of a suspicious vehicle just northwest of the main Wood Duck Recreation Area that is located about three miles southwest of Stanton. The vehicle was located in a field and while having contact with the two males it was determined that they had a dead North American Bald Eagle in their possession. Further investigation revealed that the two had shot and killed the protected national bird in that area and stated they planned on cooking and eating the bird.”

“Nebraska Game and Parks was contacted and took custody of the eagle and the rifle used to kill the eagle. Two Honduran nationals, Ramiro Hernandez-Tziquin, 20 and Domingo Zetino-Hernandez, 20, both of Norfolk were cited for unlawful possession of the eagle. Hernandez-Tziquin was also cited for having No Drivers License. More serious charges are possible as the investigation into the unlawful killing continues,” says a press release from the Stanton County, Nebraska Sheriff’s Office.

That’s the Fox News-iest thing ever. How the hell have they not gotten on this story yet? We just checked and the only Google results for “Stanton County Sheriff” from FoxNews.com are three older reports about tornadoes hitting the area between 2015 and 2018. Can you get any more of a literal representation of the story they’ve been selling for years about a “border invasion” than two probably illegal Honduran immigrants killing an American bald eagle and trying to eat it?

A Friday Axios “scoop” on disgraced former President Trump’s plan to fend off Florida Governor Ronnie Meatball’s expected challenge for the crown of the GOP doesn’t really contain anything new or surprising – Social Security/Medicare, “Disloyalty” after Trump helped him get elected in 2018, Ron being an acolyte of “RINO” Paul Ryan, flip-flopping on COVID and Ukraine – but that doesn’t mean it won’t work. Or isn’t working given Donald’s resurgence in recent GOP primary polls.

The fact is that DeSantis is still too soft on Trump. There is nothing public in DeSantis’s record so far, except for maybe a still very indirect rip on how he got reelected while Trump didn’t, that has hit as hard or harder than anything Biden said during the 2020 campaign or afterward. If the point is to defeat the fat bastard then shouldn’t the guy who actually did it be the baseline?

You will not be shocked to learn that the FBI “whistleblowers” interviewed by Jim Jordan’s “Weaponization” subcommittee have virtually no firsthand knowledge of “Deep State” conspiracies inside the bureau, according to separate reporting by Rolling Stone and the New York Times.

The Times obtained a copy of a report by the Dem staff on the Committee which concluded that the three witnesses who have testified privately so far don’t even meet the definition of whistleblower as they aren’t current employees and are – very unsurprisingly – simply right wing assholes with a history of pushing MAGA bullshit. “Each endorses an alarming series of conspiracy theories related to the Jan. 6 Capitol attack, the Covid vaccine, and the validity of the 2020 election,” the report says. “One has called repeatedly for the dismantling of the FBI. Another suggested that it would be better for Americans to die than to have any kind of domestic intelligence program.”

According to Rolling Stone, one of the witnesses, former FBI supervisory intelligence analyst George Hill, admitted to the Dem committee staff lawyers in an interview he had little or no firsthand knowledge of the supposed “deep state” plots and his counsel begged the Dem lawyer to stop asking about Hill’s “Cancer! GO FASTER!” reply to a tweet by Congresswoman Lauren Boebert in which she suggested that President Biden had been diagnosed with cancer. An anonymous Republican source told Rolling Stone that the interviews with these witnesses – again, there are only three of them in contrast to Jordan’s promise of “dozens and dozens” of whistleblowers – have been “very much amateur hour,” and that airing them “on live television would make us look like morons.”

Nearly 25 hours after its launch from the Kennedy Space Center in Florida, the Dragon capsule and its crew of four–two Americans, a Russian and an Emirati–will dock with the International Space Station at a target time of 1:17 a.m. ET Monday.  The seven crew already aboard the ISS, including commander Nicole Aunapu Mann, the first Native American woman to fly to space, will return to Earth over the next month in two separate flights, while the new crew will begin a six-month mission on the ISS.

Citing a new state law that attempts to remove the criminal stigma attached to enjoying artistic expressions like rap songs, a California appeals court threw out the murder conviction of a man because prosecutors used a music video as evidence during the trial, ABC News reports.

The Riverside court ruled Travon Rashan Venable, Sr.’s conviction at trial for a 2004 drive-by shooting was invalid because prosecutors showed the jury a music video in which Venable appeared, but did not say anything, while a rapper described the shooting for which Venable was later convicted.  The court said that nothing in the video implied intimate knowledge of the shooting by anyone in the video, and that the rapper’s account was one someone heard.

The “Decriminalizing Artistic Expression Act” signed by Democratic Governor Gavin Newsom last September seeks to ensure “creative expression will not be used to introduce stereotypes or activate bias against the defendant, nor as character or propensity evidence.”  The court ruled that although the law was not in effect at the time of Venable’s original conviction, the evidence would not be admitted in an appeal, and it likely impacted the decision of the jury.  Because the case is still under appeal, the court ruled the new law applied and overturned the conviction, saying the admission of the video likely prejudiced the jury against Venable.

“The hills to die on of the Democrat [sic] Party today [rattle rattle rattle]…it’s, honestly, it’s demonic at this point, right?  Whether it’s the transgender issue, cutting parents out of their children’s lives, allowing a three-year-old to make decisions while they’re, permanently life-altering decisions when they couldn’t buy a pack of cigarettes for another fifteen years.  It’s absolute insanity.  That pendulum has swung so far, they’re saying the quiet parts out loud and the American people are seeing it.  It’s why I’m on, doing a podcast.  We have to get it out there because that’s being covered up by media, by Big Tech–“