In early 2018 fat President Trump’s minions called a Disney lobbyist to demand that late night host Jimmy Kimmel be punished for daring to mock him, according to a new report by Rolling Stone.

It’s not clear what exactly Kimmel had said that angered the fat bastard so much, but January 2018 was an extremely bad month for the MAGA Reich, even by their abysmal standards as the orange asshole melted down over Michael Wolff’s book Fire and Fury, the Stormy Daniels story broke, and Dem Senators told the press about the “shithole countries” remark Trump made during a meeting on immigration policy. So Kimmel had plenty to work with and Donald wanted him fired or to apologize publicly for what were probably pretty obvious jokes about the dysfunction and disarray.

Disgraced former President Trump leads Napoleonic Florida Governor Ron DeSantis 43 percent to 28 percent in a full 2024 Republican presidential primary field survey question by Fox News polls.

Tied for third at 7 percent are Nimrata “Nikki” Haley and Mike “Don’t Hang Me” Pence, with Lizard Cheney and Low Energy Greg in fourth at 2 percent, and the rest of the question’s field of Mike Pompeo, Tim Scott, Glenn Youngkin, and Kristi Noem all pulling 1 percent each.

A 52 year-old resident of The Villages, Florida was arrested Thursday after drunkenly pissing herself and pulling her husband’s pants down during a struggle with cops, Villages-News.com reports.

The saga began when the Village of Lady Lake Police Department responded to a report that registered Republican Kerry Ann Graber was passed out drunk on a sidewalk at Spanish Springs Town Square. By the time cops arrived, Graber had managed to drag herself up to a nearby bench, on which officers observed her jeans were “saturated” and Graber indicated she had pissed herself.

Graber’s husband then arrived at the scene to pick her up, and she then began screaming and cursing at the officers as she was being led away to the vehicle. She then jumped out and continued the tirade, upon which cops decided to place her under arrest for disorderly conduct. Graber struggled and then somehow pulled her husband’s pant down during the melee. She was booked at the Lake County Jail on $1,500 bond. It’s not clear if they gave her clean pants and underwear.

Titular Republican Party leader Ronna Not-Romney McDaniel on Sunday confidently predicted that fat former President Trump would sign her stupid “loyalty pledge” in which Republican presidential candidates must promise to support the eventual 2024 nominee as a precondition for participating in the primary debates. It’s not clear why she implied him signing it means the same as actually honoring it, seeing as how Trump in 2017 also said “I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States,” and then didn’t. At all.

The US Department of Energy has concluded that the COVID-19 virus most likely originated from a ChiCom government laboratory in Wuhan, China, the Wall Street Journal reports in an “exclusive.”

The Department of Energy came to the conclusion based on new intelligence and “is significant because the agency has considerable scientific expertise and oversees a network of US national laboratories, some of which conduct advanced biological research,” according to the Journal, which we copied verbatim to relay to readers who would understandably be pretty skeptical as to why the Energy Department would have any expertise in something obviously not energy-related.

The Journal describes the conclusion as “low confidence,” but one the FBI in 2021 reached with “moderate confidence.” The two agencies are the only ones with any confidence about the virus’s origin having come from a laboratory. The National Intelligence Council rates natural transmission from an infected animal with low confidence, while the CIA is undecided between natural and lab-based transmission. No further details about the updated intel were available to the Journal.

MAGA asshole cartoonist Scott Adams on Saturday lamented the end of his career after his racist Wednesday rant caused dozens of newspapers to drop his once-popular Dilbert comic strip. “Most of my income will be gone by next week. My reputation for the rest of my life is destroyed. You can’t come back from this, am I right? There’s no way you can come back from this,” said Adams to his livestream audience, according to the Washington Post. Sucks for him.

Countering Americans’ tendency toward “self-criticism and self-doubt,” billionaire Warren Buffett expressed, in his annual letter to Berkshire-Hathaway investors, enthusiasm for the long-term growth of the nation’s economy saying, “I have yet to see a time when it made sense to make a long-term bet against America.”

Perhaps the most interesting observation made by Buffett, however, had to do with the corporate tax structure in the United States and how it tilts to favor major corporations:

The $32 trillion of revenue [collected by the US Treasury during the decade ending in 2022] was garnered by the Treasury through individual income taxes (48%), social security and related receipts (34 1⁄2 %), corporate income tax payments (8 1⁄2 %) and a wide variety of lesser levies. Berkshire’s contribution via the corporate income tax was $32 billion during the decade, almost exactly a tenth of 1% of all money that the Treasury collected.

And that means – brace yourself – had there been roughly 1,000 taxpayers in the U.S. matching Berkshire’s payments, no other businesses nor any of the country’s 131 million households would have needed to pay any taxes to the federal government. Not a dime.

It should also be noted that over that time period, Berkshire never had a losing year.  And $3.2 billion in annual tax payments from, say, ExxonMobil’s $55 billion in profit wouldn’t even be the minimum tax as suggested by the Biden Administration.

At best, the tenth-best Hollywood Hercules and loud-mouth poorly-educated conservative Kevin Sorbo prostitutes himself for his Cameo channel, where you can order him to give your drunk uncle a birthday greeting or command that Sorbo record a retirement message for the co-worker you intensely dislike:  “Thanks for thirty years of service to our company, Sheila.  Here’s a message from Kevin Sorbo about your Social Security disappearing soon.”  In his Jeb!-esque “Please clap” appeal, Sorbs (as he says his “friends” call him) says he’s available for most any holiday, so if you’re looking for a last-minute way to commemorate Black History Month, he’s your CIS man.

The Lee County, Florida Republican Party, which last year voted on a set of batshit resolutions declaring the WHO and World Economic Forum to be “terrorist organizations” and banning federal agents from the county is now at again, passing a new resolution urging Governor Ron DeSantis to ban the sale and distribution of the COVID-19 vaccine in the state, WINK reports.

“The Lee County Republican Party is going to be on the vanguard of this campaign to stop the genocide because we have foreign non-governmental entities that are unleashing biological weapons on the American people. If you got this shot, you go home and hug your pregnant wife – she can have a miscarriage through skin contact,” said member and resolution author Joe Sansone, who is a licensed psychotherapist in his day job. Yeah, that’s what the article says.

US Secret Service agents in 2017 questioned then-future Congressman George Santos after finding his home address in a vehicle tied to a suspect in an ATM skimming investigation, CBS News reports.

More than 400,000 customers of DTE Energy in southcentral Michigan remain without power after a massive ice storm struck the region Friday, the Detroit News reports, with the utility saying some may not be restored until Sunday.

DTE Energy reported 87% of the customers have electrical service in the area as of noon local time Saturday, short of the goal of 90% set by the company’s CEO Friday.  The area impacted is south of Lansing, west of Ann Arbor and east of Kalamazoo.

This is so dense with bullshit and it’s hard to tell which parts of it are intentional lies versus what’s simply incorrect. What the fuck is this “Chinatown” thing? How does it matter if he had the power to declassify the documents if he didn’t actually do it? Why is he saying the FBI didn’t have a search warrant to raid Mar-a-Lago? Sure, Trump just spews this shit to try to overwhelm his opponents, but isn’t it at least supposed to make some sort of sense to his fans? Can they even follow this?

“There is no case against me in Georgia because I did NOTHING WRONG, but in any event, and everyone agrees, the out of control Foreperson who did an illegal and unprecedented Media Tour DURING the process, makes the case dead for a second reason. Same in New York City, where the Democrat Prosecutor actually wrote and released a book during the Witch Hunt… TAINTED both! TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME coupled with Prosecutorial Misconduct!” Trump continued “venting” in another post. Then playtime was over and things got serious. Caps lock was engaged. “MASSIVE & UNPRECEDENTED PROSECUTORIAL MISCONDUCT DUE TO TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME & BIG LEADS AGAINST BOTH PARTIES IN POLLS!!!” Trump wrote.

The whole “Replacement Theory” MAGA crusade has become just a tad less than an abstraction for QAnon fan Congresswoman Lauren Boebert as a Mexican restaurant has been approved to take over the former location of her lousy dump Shooters Grill in Rifle, Colorado, the Denver Post reports.

The Rifle City Council unanimously approved a liquor license application from the owners of Tapatios in nearby New Castle seeking to open a second location right where Shooters used to be prior to its failure last year. So quite literally Mexicans are replacing conservative whites.

DC federal Judge Beryl Howell on Friday unsealed her December 28th decision allowing federal prosecutors access to more than 2,000 emails sent and received by Trump coup plotter and House Freedom Caucasians leader Congressman Scott Perry in late 2020 and early 2021, Politico reports.

• Remember when Ronald Reagan characterized America as the “shining city on the hill” that other nations would aspire to be?  Today’s Republicans don’t, nor do those isolationists want America to play that role in global affairs.
• Trump trumpeted his visit to East Palestine, Ohio, while Biden visits war-torn Ukraine.  Trump hands out hats while campaigning for his ego and perhaps, his freedom.  Biden delivered hope and encouragement to people defending democracy and fighting for a nation’s freedom.  History will favor Biden, but domestic politics may favor Trump.
• Recently departed Richard Belzer’s “Munch” character is widely credited with being the American television character, portrayed by the same actor, to appear on the most programs:  Homicide:  Life on the Street, all the Law & Order franchise shows, The Wire, X-Files, among others.  (And legendarily on “The Simpsons,” although there’s no official record of Belzer being on the show, so possibly a background cop somewhere?)
• Marjorie Taylor Greene suffers from a condition of people common among those who don’t read books and don’t know history.  She thinks every idea she has is a unique innovation no one has ever thought of before, but she doesn’t read so she doesn’t realize these ideas have all been presented–and summarily dismissed as idiotic–in the past.

The left is absolutely FURIOUS that Amazon now has a competitor – and it's made up entirely of conservative, America-first companies.

Make a liberal cry today by joining us at Mammoth Nation.

— Mammoth Nation (@MammothNationUS) February 6, 2023

You won’t see it here in the embed but this is the kind of company the new Elon Musk-ified Twitter is taking ad money from these days. So we guess it is taking over Amazon in that respect.

Or Trump showing him a copy of Hustler in the Oval Office. Or Matt Schlapp after he’s had a few cosmopolitans. Or… Wait that last one probably doesn’t work. Schlapp likes younger men.

Anyway, just like fellow not-yet-official non-Trump 2024 GOP primary contender Ron DeSantis, former Vice President Mike Pence won’t be attending next weekend’s CPAC, ABC News reports.

What we learned about the economy this week https://t.co/eglI9ErmKm pic.twitter.com/wyrrnNfQUk

— The Hill (@thehill) February 24, 2023

We should probably act like this choice of a stock photo for the “economy” from bad national political website TheHill.com into some sort of major scandal. Like it’s definitely an affront to the principles of ethical journalism, right? We could probably do some research into those principles and come up with one pretty quickly. Maybe more. For all we know even all those ethics thingies.

But why go to the library and skim through a book on journalistic ethics when we could just accuse The Hill of colluding with the “BuddyBells” Taco Bell franchisee to gain an improper advantage in the local market for fast food employees, thereby depriving nearby McDonald’s and Wendy’s and even other Taco Bell franchisees of desperately needed help. That’s wrong, right?

Look, it’s definitely a major ethical breach. They could have just gone with a generic “HELP WANTED” sign in a window without a phone number, website, and email address of a Taco Bell franchisee’s hiring contact and we should turn that actually genuinely bizarre editorial decision into a totally overblown shitshow rife with all sorts of accusations. After all, we don’t like them and they don’t like us, so let’s do this. Big Taco Bell franchisee collusion scandal at The Hill!

Earlier this month an Oklahoma QAnon influencer named Deborah Sullivan wrote a post on Truth Social requesting Trump’s assistance in a delicate legal matter. We’ve added a few annotations:

“Dear Mr (Real) President aka Q+, My name is Deborah Sullivan aka The Meme Queen aka DS. I am an OG Anon and I desperately, need your help. I need you to be my BATMAN [Jesus Christ, lol]. This spiritual battle has entrapped my son, with false accusations of Child Sexual Assault, for the past 4 1/2 years. Last Wednesday he was convicted on two counts, with ZERO evidence. There was certainly prosecutorial misconduct involved. Even though I’ve helped fight many years, to help drain the swamp, creating 4500 memes, to assist [lol, creating memes is “assisting”], I still believed a jury couldn’t convict with zero evidence. But I didn’t account for a crooked DA [The DA is Republican].”

“This case is in Canadian County Oklahoma. Respectfully Sir, Q said our families would be safe. My son is not. And neither are his sons or any other innocent man or woman, for that matter. I know there’s no one that understands, wrongful accusations, better than you. And you’re one of the few people, on the planet that I trust. Please have someone put eyes on this case immediately.”

Vice News looked into it and, well, it turns out Sullivan’s son, Michael Aaron Wall isn’t all that innocent and in 2018 pretty much confessed to all the accusations of sexual abuse of his then-12 year-old stepdaughter in a text message to her mom, now Wall’s ex-wife. Wall was convicted of two counts of child sexual abuse on February 9th and faces five years in prison. Sullivan has reached out to Trump, Dan Bongino, Mike Lindell, Lin Wood, some other QAnon influencer dipshit called “Praying Medic,” Kash Patel, and others on Truth Social for help. None have responded publicly, at least.