Dem Arizona Senator Mark Kelly on Monday filed a lawsuit against drunken date rapist Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth following Pete pussying out of recalling and prosecuting Kelly for “sedition.”

“Senator Kelly respectfully asks this Court to declare the censure letter, reopening determination, retirement grade determination proceedings, and related actions unlawful and unconstitutional; to vacate those actions; to enjoin their enforcement; and to preserve the status of a coequal Congress and an apolitical military” Kelly’s lawyers wrote in the relief section on the intro to the complaint.

“The actual numbers that we would have to pay back if, for any reason, the Supreme Court were to rule against the United States of America on Tariffs, would be many Hundreds of Billions of Dollars, and that doesn’t include the amount of ‘payback’ that Countries and Companies would require for the Investments they are making on building Plants, Factories, and Equipment, for the purpose of being able to avoid the payment of Tariffs. When these Investments are added, we are talking about Trillions of Dollars! It would be a complete mess, and almost impossible for our Country to pay.”

“Anybody who says that it can be quickly and easily done would be making a false, inaccurate, or totally misunderstood answer to this very large and complex question. It may not be possible but, if it were, it would be Dollars that would be so large that it would take many years to figure out what number we are talking about and even, who, when, and where, to pay. Remember, when America shines brightly, the World shines brightly. In other words, if the Supreme Court rules against the United States of America on this National Security bonanza, WE’RE SCREWED!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday, begging the Supreme Court not to save him from himself.

“The Earth will not lose gravity on Aug 12, 2026. Earth’s gravity, or total gravitational force, is determined by its mass. The only way for Earth to lose gravity would be for the Earth system, the combined mass of its core, mantle, crust, ocean, terrestrial water, and atmosphere, to lose mass.”

“A total solar eclipse has no unusual impact on Earth’s gravity. The gravitational attraction of the Sun and Moon on the Earth, which doesn’t impact Earth’s total gravity, but does impact tidal forces, is well understood and is predictable decades in advance,” says a NASA spokesman called for comment a Snopes fact-check of some stupid bullshit “viral” video claiming that gravity would be interrupted for approximately 7 seconds on the date in question, thus everything not tethered to a fixed object would float briefly before crashing back down as gravity’s force reasserted itself.

Kind of a throwback right? It’s easy to forget after the last ten years or so, but we used to live in a world in which the stupid shit people saw on the internet and decided to believe was mostly pretty harmless, like that you can grow your own kiwi-banana hybrid by grafting them together or that you can stand an egg upside-down on its own because something something during the vernal equinox.

Silly stuff that never got anyone killed or imprisoned… which made fertile ground for belief systems that to this day are still getting people killed or imprisoned. Without getting into it, the only question now is whether ivermectin or anti-5G crystals will be retconned to help with gravity problems.

A White House source tells CNN’s Alayna Treene that Venezuelan opposition leader Maria Corina Machado’s big sit-down with convicted felon President Trump will happen Thursday. Nothing about the Nobel Peace Prize was mentioned but it’d be kind of surprising if she did not just give it to him.

Drink up, America.#DrinkWholeMilk 🥛 pic.twitter.com/eemI31G1wx

— Dept. of Agriculture (@USDA) January 12, 2026

“Mattel, Inc unveiled today its first-ever autistic Barbie doll created with guidance from the autistic community to represent common ways autistic people may experience, process, and communicate about the world around them. This doll invites more children to see themselves represented in Barbie. Developed for more than 18 months in partnership with ASAN, a non-profit organization run by and for autistic people that advocates for the rights of the autistic community, this doll joins the Barbie Fashionistas collection, which features the most diverse range of skin tones, hair textures, body types, and various medical conditions and disabilities,” says Mattel in a press release.

“The autistic Barbie doll features elbow and wrist articulation, enabling stimming, hand flapping, and other hand gestures that some members of the autistic community use to process sensory information or express excitement,” the release continued and yeah they’re really going all in on this with “The doll is designed with an eye gaze shifted slightly to the side, which reflects how some members of the autistic community may avoid direct eye contact.” And then there’s the accessories.

“Each doll comes with a finger clip fidget spinner, noise-cancelling headphones and a tablet. The doll holds a pink finger clip fidget spinner that actually spins, offering a sensory outlet that can help reduce stress and improve focus.Pink noise-cancelling headphones rest on top of the doll’s head as a helpful and fashionable accessory that reduces sensory overload by blocking out background noise. A pink tablet showing symbol-based Augmentative and Alternative Communication apps on its screen serves as a tool to help with everyday communication.” Damn that is friggin extra-specific.

Well surely Fox News and the rest of the MAGA propaganda-infotainment complex will be plenty fine with this new addition to the Barbie lineup – if they have the bandwidth for it. They may not.

Jilted MAGA oligarch-controlled Paramount-Skydance on Monday filed a lawsuit against WarnerDiscovery accusing the media conglomerate of opacity with shareholders on the terms of Larry and David Ellison’s repeatedly-rejected hostile takeover bids, asking a judge “to simply direct WBD to provide this information so that WBD shareholders have what they need to be able to make an informed decision as to whether to tender their shares into our offer,” CNBC reports.

“WBD has failed to include any disclosure about how it valued the Global Networks stub equity, how it valued the overall Netflix transaction, how the purchase price reduction for debt works in the Netflix transaction, or even what the basis is for its ‘risk adjustment’ of our $30 per share all-cash offer,” Ellison complained in a letter to his own shareholders announcing the lawsuit.

For the nth time, it need be noted that Netflix will not end up owning CNN if and when this is all said and done. America’s number one “fake news” network will at some point over the next year or two be spun off along with the Discovery Channel, TBS, TNT, TLC, and other legacy cable TV assets into a separate entity that would be significantly cheaper for the Ellisons to buy up than the current megacorporation. So it should be obvious from here that (A) Netflix’s offer is both less risky for investors given the structure of the deal and more profitable in the longer run because of the spinoff and (B) that the Ellisons want it all – HBO, Batman, Bugs Bunny, Game of Thrones, and so on – and if for whatever reason they could have it all except CNN they’d probably still take it without blinking.

Not even one of the ballsuckiest MAGA Senators, Kansan Roger Marshall, is taking DC US Attorney Jeanine “Jude Box-o-Wine” Pirro’s “investigation” into Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell seriously, telling Fox Newsmoron Maria Bartiromo that Trump is just “trolling” the economist.

Dem former Congresswoman Mary Peltola on Monday officially launched her bid to take on incumbent Republican Alaska Senator Dan Sullivan in November, another really freaking strong recruit for the Ds on a must-win Senate map. Peltola lost to current at-large Alaska Congressman Nick Begich III by 2.04 percent in 2024 while outperforming Kamala Harris by over 11 percent.

Which means you may want to consider this race less of a “forces Republicans to spend where they thought they had it safe” and more like one on the same tier as North Carolina, Maine, and Ohio as a can-and-must-flip seat for Dems. Peltola’s got a brand, cross-partisan appeal as Lisa Murkowski endorsed her in both of her 2022 races, and Alaska’s low population with only a handful of media markets makes it cheap to spend in relative even to Iowa or other Senate Dem reach states.

Convicted felon President Trump’s team will convene on Tuesday to present the fat bastard with an array of options – ranging from cyber warfare, increased sanctions, and a renewed wave of military strikes – to accelerate what may be a death spiral for Iran’s fascist theocratic regime amid the most sustained period of violent civil unrest in its 47-year history, the Wall Street Journal reports.

At least 544 people have been killed over the last three weeks of crackdowns by the plainly threatened Tehran government who have cut off all internet access in a classic desperation move.

A smartly-written analysis printed in the Atlantic over the weekend laid out just how badly the Ayatollah’s reich is teetering due to massive inflation, food and water shortages, outrage over elites’ kids gilded Instagram posts and other blatant venalities, and so on. But it’s not there yet, as the uprising – despite meeting other major conditions – has yet to make any major dent in the Revolutionary Guard Corps and other power ministries’ loyalty to their 86 year-old Supreme Dictator.

Still, the dumb money may be on the Islamic Republic remaining in power another six months, especially with the Orange Ayatollah smelling blood in the water and with it the opportunity to take credit for its collapse while disowning any of the downstream consequences for the region.

Feeling like she needs to look like she’s doing something, DC US Attorney Jeanine “Jude Box-o-Wine” Pirro has leaked to the New York Times that her office is wasting taxpayer time pretending to conduct an investigation into Federal Reserve Bank chairman Jerome Powell for some stupid bullshit.

The above clip reel is long but it’s hard to choose one single damning moment from this shitshow as the dog-murdering DHS Secretary contradicted herself repeatedly as she tried to find a way through explaining why executing a US citizen on video from multiple angles was justified.

“Cuba lived, for many years, on large amounts of OIL and MONEY from Venezuela. In return, Cuba provided ‘Security Services’ for the last two Venezuelan dictators, BUT NOT ANYMORE! Most of those Cubans are DEAD from last weeks USA attack, and Venezuela doesn’t need protection anymore from the thugs and extortionists who held them hostage for so many years.”

“Venezuela now has the United States of America, the most powerful military in the World (by far!), to protect them, and protect them we will. THERE WILL BE NO MORE OIL OR MONEY GOING TO CUBA – ZERO! I strongly suggest they make a deal, BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE. Thank you for your attention to this matter,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Sunday morning.

Having waited a few months after a youth-led protest over a very ill-advised ban on social media apps turned deadly and brought down the civilian government – and saw now-former Prime Minister Khadga Prasad Sharma Oli’s house burned to the ground – Nepal’s pro-restoration movement took to the streets of Kathmandu again on Sunday to demand an the re-coronation of King Gyanendra Shah, who was deposed in 2008 when the monarchy was abolished, the Associated Press reports.

“The last and only alternative for this country is king and monarchy only” said protester Samrat Thapa, adding “In the present context and the path country has taken after the Gen Z movement, there needs to be monarchy restored to manage the situation.” So far there doesn’t seem to be any bloodshed at the rally, a contrast with earlier royalist demonstrations that have ended in death.

“The Norwegian Nobel Committee and the Norwegian Nobel Institute receive a number of requests for comments regarding the permanence of a Nobel Peace Prize laureate’s status. The facts are clear and well established. Once a Nobel Prize is announced, it cannot be revoked, shared, or transferred to others. The decision is final and stands for all time,” said the Nobel Committee in a statement on Friday, which also linked to an undated page of their bylaws governing the accolades.

“According to the Statutes of the Nobel Foundation, § 10, ‘No appeals may be made against the decision of a prize-awarding body with regard to the award of a prize.’ None of the prize awarding committees in Stockholm and Oslo has ever considered to revoke a prize once awarded. As a matter of principle, the Norwegian Nobel Committee will not comment upon what the Peace Prize Laureates may say and do after they have been awarded the prize. The Committee’s mandate is restricted to evaluate the work and efforts of the nominated candidates up to the moment it is decided who shall be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for a given year. A Nobel Prize can neither be revoked, shared, nor transferred to others. Once the announcement has been made, the decision stands for all time.”

“This does not prevent the Committee from following the future endeavours of laureates closely, even though it expresses neither its concerns nor its acclamation,” said that specific stipulation.

BREAKING NEWS: President Donald Trump signed an executive order to protect Venezuelan oil revenue held in U.S. accounts from potential court seizures. pic.twitter.com/hIxUdYN78E

— Fox News (@FoxNews) January 10, 2026

Rejoice America! KPNX reports that Kevin the emu, as in a large flightless bird, was returned home earlier this week, a few days after escaping from her owner’s backyard in Peoria, Arizona.

And yes, Kevin is a “her.” No explanation for this was given, but it would seem that owner Josh Kondziola named her before a vet informed him of her anatomy. Kondziola was more forthcoming about the nature of her escape, believing Kevin had been freaked out by fireworks on New Year’s.

“When we first moved into this house, she did the same thing. She flipped open the gate latch and escaped,” Kondziola said. “But that time it was easy because we watched her get out, and we just went and got her. But we thought we had done the gate up where she couldn’t get out anymore.”

The article was mostly about the search for Kevin and seemed to have been hastily updated after she had been found and brought back to Josh, so there weren’t a lot of details on how it played out.

Still, Kevin the emu has been returned home, safe and sound. In other good news, a Trump store in Bucks County, Pennsylvania is about to close because the owner says local demand for cultist merch has “run its course” and his “Trump 2028” shit isn’t selling all that well. He’s also tired of responding to people who taunt him on Facebook and has given up. “No matter what the president does, they hate him no matter how good anything is,” MAGA merchant Mike Domanico lamented to the AP after being asked to comment on replies to the closure announcement. “Are you no longer winning?” wrote one lib heckler. “Trump must be doing wonders for the economy,” another posted.

National Zero will now resume its regular coverage of mostly horrible, sickening, bad news.

Iran’s Supreme Dictator Ayatollah Ali Khamenei on Friday accused convicted felon President Trump of having hands “stained with the blood of Iranians” who are “ruining their own streets… in order to please the president of the United States,” during protests against godawful economic conditions that have now cost at least 65 lives since they erupted late December, Reuters reports.

“He said that he would come to their aid. He should pay attention to the state of his own country instead,” the Ayatollah said, both sounding like Trump in blaming foreign agitators for legitimate discontent against his own ruinously inept leadership and also kind of maybe having a point about Trump also similarly overseeing a regime that kills, maims, and imprisons innocent people.

“Please be informed that we will no longer let the American Public be ‘ripped off’ by Credit Card Companies that are charging Interest Rates of 20 to 30 percent, and even more, which festered unimpeded during the Sleepy Joe Biden Administration. AFFORDABILITY! Effective January 20, 2026, I, as President of the United States, am calling for a one year cap on Credit Card Interest Rates of 10 percent. Coincidentally, the January 20th date will coincide with the one year anniversary of the historic and very successful Trump Administration. Thank you for your attention to this matter. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday.

So yeah, he’s calling for it, starting January 20th. Let’s see how this plays out.