Following in the footsteps of their American MAGA brethren two years ago, fans of soon-to-be ex-Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro have turned violent against the government, attacking the headquarters of the federal police in the capital city of Brasilia on Monday, Reuters reports.

Details are sketchy at this point, as Reuters’ only sources are eyewitnesses on the ground, but it appears the invasion has been repelled. The attack came just hours after Brazil’s top election court certified the October 30th runoff victory of former President-turned-President-elect Luiz Lula.

Freedom Caucasians leader Congressman Scott Perry became so obsessed with the “Italian satellites” bullshit in the aftermath of the 2020 election he started nagging former Trump White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows to get Donald on the phone with then-Italian Prime Minister Giuseppe Conti to try to arrest the supposed malefactors, according to text messages sent to Meadows and obtained by Talking Points Memo from the House January 6th Select Committee.

“Why can’t we just work with the Italian government?” wrote Perry at 11:44 PM on December 31st, 2020, evidently not enjoying New Year’s Eve enough to stop ruminating over some nonsense fantasy that a shadowy Italian defense contractor used military grade satellites to beam a signal into voting machines to flip the Trump votes to Biden. Two days later Perry wrote “Also, has POTUS been able to have a conversation with Conti? Can he move the ball today?” Meadows did not reply to either text, but he himself had asked the Justice Department to look into it at the time.

Things are going so well in Russia that dictator Vladimir Putin has no need to waste citizens’ time with some boring speech about the state of the country and its economy, Politico EU reports.

“As for the annual news conference, yes, there won’t be one before the New Year,” said Putin spokesworm Dmitry Peskov, leaving out the definitely good, positive reason for skipping it.

Crypto dipshit Sam Bankman-Fried was arrested in the Bahamas on Monday after federal prosecutors filed criminal charges against him for not doing anything really that criminal considering it was all pretend money in the first place, CNBC reports on a big win for the MAGA conspiracy freaks who will now have to ignore that it was Merrick Garland’s DOJ that filed the charges.

“Mark, in seeing what’s happening so quickly, and reading about the Dominion law suits attempting to stop any meaningful investigation we are at a point of no return in saving our Republic !! Our LAST HOPE is invoking Marshall Law [sic]!! PLEASE URGE TO PRESIDENT TO DO SO!!” Republican South Carolina Congressman Ralph Norman wrote in a text to former Trump White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows on January 17th, 2021, among the thousands obtained by Talking Points Memo from what was likely a sanctioned leak from the House January 6th Select Committee as they wind down.

Remember, this was three days before Trump left office and eleven days after the Capitol riot, and this asshole was STILL begging Meadows to get Trump to declare “marshall law.” There’s plenty more in the TPM article, and we’ll expand on the further lowlights they picked out.

There’s still time to sign up for America Fest in Phoenix THIS WEEKEND!

Arizona residents get a special deal with $20 General Admission & a free concert if you use the code AZLOCAL

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— Kari Lake (@KariLake) December 12, 2022

Lib political news site Talking Points Memo have obtained all of the text messages former Trump White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows turned over to the House January 6th Select committee.

No, they didn’t actually publish any of them yet. That’s coming later on Monday. But “The Meadows Texts,” capitalized, ought to be just as much fun for libs as the MAGA kids pretend “The Twitter Files” has been for them so far (it’s been really, really fucking boring).

Justice Department Special Counsel Jack Smith on Monday subpoenaed Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger to testify to a grand jury investigating fat former President Trump’s attempt to overturn the 2020 election, the Washington Post reports. The subpoena indicates Smith is interested in looking into the disgraced loser’s stupid “Find 11,780 votes” call to Raffensperger.

Disgraced former President Trump sat for an interview with his own lawyer Christina Bobb, a woman potentially facing criminal liability for her role in covering up his theft of classified documents from the White House when he left office, again lying saying Nancy Pelosi had turned down his recommendation that she order 10,000 troops to protect the Capitol on January 6th, adding “There are a lot of people that think [the Democrats] wanted” the insurrection to happen.

“Under Chairwoman McDaniel’s leadership, the GOP lost both houses of Congress and the White House, and seriously underperformed in 2022 by further losing ground in the Senate and only barely winning a majority in the House; and Whereas: The grassroots have lost faith in Chairwoman McDaniel and the RNC and believes the party needs new leadership that will address deficiencies in fundraising, messaging, GOTV and election integrity” and blah blah blah says a resolution passed by the Republican Party of Texas calling for RNC Chair Ronna Not-Romney McDaniel to be replaced.

Ronna’s path to a fourth term of failing to lead the RNC was pretty clear as of a few weeks ago when she announced another run and said over 100 of the party’s 168 delegates had already pledged to her. But that was before scumbag Trump lawyer Harmeet Dhillon announced her challenge, making another two years of Ronna less of a sure thing given Dhillon’s MAGA street cred. It’s cute how the Texas GOP oh so gently try to nudge the actual leader of the Republican Party to find a fresh new scapegoat for all the fuckups that he actually caused. Dhillon just may be next to put on 50 lbs from stress-eating while pleading futilely for MAGAmericans to ignore Trump and vote early in elections.

Arizona Dem Congressman Ruben Gallego has signed up Democratic polling firm GBAO Strategies for a “leadership role” as he edges closer toward a 2024 bid for the seat currently occupied by useless edgelord Kyrsten Sinema, Politico Playbook reports. GBAO is apparently a hot commodity these days, having worked with John Fetterman and Raphael Warnock’s successful 2022 campaigns. “Congressman Gallego puts Arizona first and we look forward to working with him on whatever is in store for him,” said GBAO exec Margie Omero. Gallego has not officially announced a bid yet, but it’s basically inevitable at this point. The only question is whether the “independent” will realize she’s worn out her welcome and step aside or basically hand the seat to Kari Lake.

Campaign operatives trying to get loser Republican Arizona gubernatorial candidate Kari Lake to tone down all the “Stop the Steal” bullshit and stop telling her fans not to vote early were surprised to find out that the psychotic former TV news anchor actually believed the 2020 election was stolen from Trump and wasn’t just pretending to maintain Donald’s support, according to an in-depth Washington Post feature about Lake’s doomed campaign.

“She would never break frame. She’d sort of look at you with a puzzled face and be like, ‘But the election was stolen in 2020,'” said an unnamed fellow Republican. Lake was even taking advice from the “2000 Mules” assholes, Catherine Engelbrecht and Gregg Phillips, who told her to tell fans to mail in their ballots – rather than use drop boxes – to “confuse the Democrats.”

“It was both a collapse and, now in hindsight, it was a failed campaign from the beginning. I don’t really know what to say beyond outrageous arrogance and never getting out of primary mode. This election wasn’t stolen. It was given away,” a “high ranking Arizona Republican” told the Post.

Virginia Gov Glenn Youngkin on Monday set the special election to replace the late Democratic Congressman Don McEachin for February 21st, apparently deciding not to pull a bullshit DeSantis-type move and keep a solid Blue seat empty as as long as possible just because he can.

Disgraced former President Trump’s attempt to sabotage the criminal investigation into his theft of classified documents from the White House met its end on Monday, as scumbag MAGA Judge Aileen Cannon formally dismissed his lawsuit, having wasted a few months of the Justice Department’s time with her bullshit games, even to the point of temporarily blocking federal law enforcement from pursuing a lawful criminal investigation into the obese orange autocrat.

The most important part of the investigation, the question of whether Trump had purposely stolen classified documents from the White House, was settled fairly early on as the 11th Circuit Court stepped in and issued a partial stay in September freeing federal prosecutors to continue building a case. From there the appeals court got to work on the larger question of whether Cannon had improperly intervened and then utterly demolished her earlier this month in a ruling, putting a permanent end to the inane “Special Master” review she had imposed unilaterally.

“Once upon a time, Trump’s aides who advocated this suit insisted it was going to be the first step toward getting the entire search warrant tossed as a violation,” wrote New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman in response to the dismissal, offering a window into the fantasies of Donald’s sycophants who thought this flagrant abuse of the process would ultimately work out for them.

“A recap of McCarthy’s voting record in Congress would be helpful. How many times has he voted with Democrats? Even if it is only once, that would be disqualifying”

– The current top comment on the PJ Media article “The Morning Briefing: McCarthy Toughens Up Before Speaker Fight – Will It Be Enough?” posted Monday morning.

The “recap” is public information, available at Clerk.House.gov, which records every single vote by the House of Representatives. Last week McCarthy voted “Yea” on HR 1617, the “Disaster Assistance for Rural Communities Act,” which passed 406 to 8 and we guess would have to qualify as having “voted with Democrats.” Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert, Paul Gosar, Matt Gaetz, Jim Jordan, and Louie Gohmert also voted to pass it. Only eight Republicans voted against it.

There’s almost certainly some kind of allegorical meaning to an AP article on the deaths of at least three bald eagles – and the illness of a further 10 of them – after they ate the carrion of unspecified euthanized animals carelessly discarded at a landfill outside Minneapolis, it’s just not clear what it is.

Not just the obvious moral lessons of why people should more careful about the natural environment or the savage cruelty of poisoning animals to death which led to the further poisoning deaths of more of them. Those are right up front here. There’s some sort of deeper metaphor for the living symbol of the United States sickened and dead from the wanton wastefulness of American commercial enterprise in the 21st century. Somebody ought to be able to slap it together in a way that causes the reader to pause and contemplate the true cost of modern industry or something.

Or maybe it’s like an omen. The part that says “when the eagles were found some of them were lying motionless, face down in the snow” comes across like a cosmic warning sign of future national upheaval or whatever. There’s a lot to work with here. Oh and at least one of the eagles had bird flu.

The woke mind virus is either defeated or nothing else matters

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) December 12, 2022

Elon got viciously booed when fellow edgelord Dave Chapelle invited him on stage at a show in San Francisco on Sunday night. Chapelle tried to help ease the pain of the derision by saying “All these people who are booing, and I’m just pointing out the obvious, you have terrible seats.”

Scientists at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory might have sort of achieved a net energy gain with nuclear fusion, potentially creating a source of unlimited energy, which would change the entire future course of human history in more ways than imaginable, the Daily Beast reports.

You read that right. After two years of continually blown dates to deliver this for readers we are finally live once and for all at NationalZeroShop.com via our on-demand merch partner TeeSpring.

These product listings are fairly simple to make (provided we already have the art assets), so if you don’t see it yet, put your requests for specific items in the comments below.

Again, Paul Whelan was arrested on December 28th, 2018, two years and 23 days before Trump left office, so “would have” isn’t really correct since it implies he never had the chance. He did.