Paige Mazzoni, the CEO of service dog training organization Canine Companions, who partners with prisons to give well-behaved inmates something to do in the joint by fostering and training the animals, tells NBC News that as a convicted sex offender, Jeffrey Epstein’s accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell is banned from going anywhere near the puppies destined to be paired with disabled folks.

“We do not allow anyone whose crime involves abuse towards minors or animals – including any crime of a sexual nature. That’s a hard policy, so she will not be able to. Those are crimes against the vulnerable, and you’re putting them with a puppy who is vulnerable,” said Mazzoni.

For those keeping score at home, as a violent sexual offender, Ghislaine Maxwell had been prohibited from doing her time in a facility for white collar convicts. Until she wasn’t because that proscription was waived by the Trump Administration in exchange for her silence and a pardon will in all likelihood be forthcoming no later than January 20th, 2029. Yet the organization that brings puppies to prisons to be trained as service animals held firm on their similarly longstanding policy.

Kind of brings the whole blatant quid pro quo with a sex trafficker thing into perspective, doesn’t it?

Man just skip to saying Brawndo has what plants crave and electrolytes are good for them and so on. We’re already well over halfway there anyway. Ow My Balls! should be on primetime too.

Having their spot blown up by someone’s leaks to CNN, someone leaked to CNN that convicted felon President Trump’s top reichsministers relocated and/or rescheduled their planned Wednesday night dinner meeting at Vice President JD Vance’s official residence at the Naval Observatory to brainstorm a way out of the now-month-long self-inflicted Jeffrey Epstein shitshow.

It’s not clear why Jaydee, White House chief of staff Susie Wiles, Attorney General Pam Bondi, FBI Director Kash Patel, and Trump defense lawyer/Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche couldn’t just hold the meeting over Zoom… Or maybe it is and since the plans for meeting leaked then they’re worried that the link for the meeting could too and some “Deep Stater” could watch and record the whole thing. They plainly believed they had to hold it in person away from the White House.

Why is it so important to hold a meeting at all? On Wednesday Wired reported that the Orange God Emperor’s top allies have come to the conclusion that there’s actually no way out of it. Nothing that can be done. “Honestly, like, fuck Trump,” a “Trumpworld source who works in conservative media” said, adding “I’m not a conspiracy theorist, but there’s obviously something nefarious that went on.”

“I have instructed our Department of Commerce to immediately begin work on a new and highly accurate CENSUS based on modern day facts and figures and, importantly, using the results and information gained from the Presidential Election of 2024. People who are in our Country illegally WILL NOT BE COUNTED IN THE CENSUS. Thank you for your attention to this matter!” posted convicted felon Trump on Thursday, trying to divert media attention away from his dead friend.

“The CEO of INTEL is highly CONFLICTED and must resign, immediately. There is no other solution to this problem. Thank you for your attention to this problem!” the fat fuck later posted, almost certainly tanking their stock as another distraction from Epstein. And then in another distraction from Epstein he posted “Now that the nuclear arsenal being ‘created’ by Iran has been totally OBLITERATED, it is very important to me that all Middle Eastern Countries join the Abraham Accords. This will insure PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST. Thank you for your attention to this matter!”

In just a few words reacting to the latest of an increasingly lengthy string of clusterfucks surrounding Florida MAGA Congressman Cory Mills, an anonymous House Republican elegantly, succinctly, and unintentionally summarized to Politico the current state of their party’s moral values.

“What if he is arrested for real?” the Republican said in response to the latest allegations about Mills as this time he’s accused of sextorting one of his side pieces – Lindsey Langston, a Florida GOP state committee member and Miss United States 2024 – who broke it off in February when she saw reporting on the 45 year-old Mills assaulting his other Gen Z-aged girlfriend Sarah Raviani.

Oh and Mills threatened to kill any other man she dated. And he just got evicted. And he’s suspected of valor theft. And he’s kind of secretly a Muslim even if he didn’t convert on purpose. And he’s been grifting on federal contracts while in office. All that has a fellow MAGA Republican worried that Mills could end up getting criminally charged and jeopardize his Trump +12 seat in next year’s midterms.

It’s not that this anonymous congressman or woman is worried that they serve next to a manipulative woman abusing stalker sociopath with an inflated Army service record and at least $99,000 in debt (almost certainly a lowball figure). It’s that the next time he fucks up it might be so egregious and indefensible that Jeannine Pirro could have no choice but to actually sign the arrest warrant and making it harder for him to run. That’s where the party’s priorities are at these days.

…and yeah, it worked out for 32 year-old Miami Beach man Justin Benore. There was indeed exculpatory evidence on the phone Benore submitted because, per police, “he had conversations and screenshots related to the incident that would prove his innocence” and indeed was cleared on domestic assault for injuring his girlfriend by shoving her to the ground in a late June altercation.

Yup. No domestic assault rap. Benore’s phone contained evidence he was innocent of that crime.

Sometimes there’s only so much something like this can be built up before the payoff you all already know is coming. It doesn’t take a whole lot of perspicacity to notice certain key words, the most glaring of which being the first two in the headline. You’re clued in that this one’s a marquee hit in the vast legend of the Sunshine State’s bloody, mortifying, and inexhaustibly depraved history.

President Trump will on Wednesday announce a $700 quintillion investment deal in the US from our trading partners across the globe who will build a giant crypto AI machine that will be the tallest building in America, some are even saying the world – biggest in the world. This investment deal which will end the deadness in our country and bring in a total of $900 octillion in money that we can use to build all sorts of new bridges and new roads for commerce in places that see very little commerce. Octillion’s a funny word, it’s surprising it even exists. It wasn’t even in our vocabulary here in America but now our country is back and new numbers, ones we haven’t even imagined before, are being used to describe these kinds of investments. It’s not even a golden age anymore it’s a platinum – or plutonium age! Plutonium… That’s a funny word because of the dog from the Mickey Mouse show people used to watch and you had the girl Mickey Mouse with the little bow…

Convicted felon President Trump has told European leaders he intends to meet with Russian dictator Vladimir Putin as early as next week, CNN’s Alayna Treene reports on the looming trap.

A troubling new report in the Washington Post reveals that Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard may have ignored the advice of qualified intelligence community professionals with vast experience in the very complex and specialized line of work and possibly compromised sources and methods used to conduct that work when she decided to declassify a document she used to accuse former President Barack Obama of treason during a wild press conference appearance last month.

It’s not clear how Gabbard, a former Democratic Congresswoman from Hawaii who served four terms and is a member of the Science of Identity Foundation – a Hindu sect founded by a Caucasian-American former surfer – demonstrated that she was in fact more knowledgable on the matter than the intelligence professionals but it’s possible that her experience as a former Hawaii National Guard colonel who served in a medical unit tasked with keeping frontline triage stations in Iraq supplied she simply relied on her intuition to make a determination that accusing Obama of treason was in the best interests of the people of the United States of America.

“Multiple earthquakes shook Southern California hours after a tremor was felt on the East Coast on Aug 5, according to data from the US Geological Survey. One quake hit Rialto, California, in the evening hours on Aug 5, followed by two more overnight in the San Bernardino area, according to USGS. In Northern California, two tremors also struck overnight outside of Petrolia and Ferndale, respectively. Hours earlier on Aug 5, some in New York reported feeling shaking after an earthquake rattled northern New Jersey,” says a Wednesday USA Today article, copied verbatim to preserve its, shall we say novel, means of compiling recent geological disturbances in separate regions as though the California story is entirely dependent on a contextual background of the North Jersey quakes.

That’s probably overthinking it though about a story for which a headline of “California, New Jersey experiencing a shaky few days amid separate earthquake activity” would’ve done the job for normal adults with the most cursory understanding of plate tectonics and the seismological history of the United States. Instead it gets re-worded in a way that the almost 100 percent physically impossibility that the events were maybe sort of connected in the way that, say, separate tornadoes in Oklahoma and Alabama can be connected, thereby enticing the very fucking stupid among us to keep checking in to see if somehow there’s an earthquake “storm” brewing underneath the continental United States and to read carefully for clues it could be “targeting” the Sarasota, Florida area next.

Pretty solid stealth marketing strategy. Could be the secret sauce behind USA Today’s popularity.

Ghislaine Maxwell should never ever be pardoned.

— Laura Loomer (@LauraLoomer) August 6, 2025

Some MAGA asshole on Wednesday called in a bomb threat to the St Charles, Illinois hotel where several of the “fugitive” Dem members of the Texas state House have been holed up since their flight from quorum to prevent the GOP from enacting a mid-decade gerrymander, WFAA reports.

“When the Attorney General tells people to ‘hunt us down,’ it’s not just politics — it’s a threat to our safety,” Houston Representative Ann Johnson said in a statement after the false threat. “Extremism is dangerous. Continuing to go further and further down the path of incitement and intimidation is dangerous. And this is the perfect example. We won’t be intimidated.”

An unidentified 18 year-old Utah man was in big trouble last year for statutorily raping a 13 year-old girl, looking at 25 to life in the big boy house and a hardass prosecutor who wouldn’t budge on a plea deal. Then suddenly some phone calls were made, a bill was signed, and the lad was sentenced to a week of time served and wouldn’t have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life.

What happened? Funny story. The Salt Lake Tribune reports that the man, let’s call him Brigham, is related to Republican state Senate President J Stuart Adams, who had gotten the call from Brigham’s defense attorney Cara Tangaro with an idea: Just a tiny little change to an existing law that stipulates that 17 year-olds who have sex with 13 year-olds are subject to a third-degree felony charge of unlawful sexual activity, a wide gap from the first-degree child rape charge and lifetime sentence to the sex offender list Brigham had faced. Tangaro, being the smart lawyer she is, sold Adams on amending the law to make 18 year-olds who are enrolled as high school students at the time of the offense to be charged as the third-degree felony reserved for 17 year-olds.

Adams then in turn got one of his members to sponsor the bill and presto! “You saw the legislative change,” Tangaro told the judge at sentencing two months later. “We all agree that’s not retroactive, but the government did change their offer based on that,” before Brigham walked out a free man.

At some point someone Republican’s going to file a bill sanctioning the Nobel Committee for refusing to consider however many goddamned ballsucking nominations it’s been by this point.

House Oversight Chairbilly James Comer’s subpoena for former FBI Director and Trump-Russia Special Counsel Robert Mueller for a September 2 deposition is very unlikely to obtain any testimony relevant to the 2008 investigation into convicted felon President Trump’s friend Jeffrey Epstein as Real Clear Politics dickwad Paul Sperry reports that Mueller is sadly in a “memory care facility.”

Typical fucking Comer move, not doing any goddamned homework before sending out these subpoenas – which is also very unlikely to have any legal weight on Bill Clinton as former presidents cannot be compelled. Mueller’s a private man and not checking first while ALSO leaving corrupt former federal prosecutor/Trump Labor Secretary Alex Acosta – who negotiated the 2008 plea deal with Epstein and obviously would have had significantly more knowledge than a lucid Mueller – off the list is so on brand for this stupid hick who got punked by the likes of Hunted Biden.

“Politically embattled Senator, Cryin’ Chuck Schumer, wants the Republicans to pay, as EXTORTION, TWO BILLION DOLLARS in order for the Radical Left Democrats to approve the hundreds of Trump Appointments who have been waiting for months, and are raring’ to go. This has never happened before. There has never, in US history, been such a delay. THEY ARE EXTORTIONISTS! Republicans must create legislation in order to get out of the grasp of these Country hating THUGS. Move quickly!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday, raging over Schumer blocking low-level nominees from quick confirmation in order to “extort” back $2 billion the rescissions fuckjob Trump and Republicans pulled last month. If he thinks this is bad then wait until next month when they have to do the appropriations process that requires 60 votes in the Senate.

And this fat megalomaniac’s also lying with “This has never happened before. There has never, in US history, been such a delay” two years after his loyal ballsucker Tommy Tuberville held up military promotions for months and months because he wanted the Defense Department to outlaw abortion.

'CLEAN UP OUR STREETS': @DHSgov announces new “Speedway Slammer” ICE detention facility in Indiana | @Sec_Noem pic.twitter.com/IGvYVExl5S

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) August 6, 2025

MAGA Tennessee Senator Marsha Blackburn, who would be the dumbest person in the chamber if not for Tommy Tuberville, on Wednesday launched her gubernatorial campaign, Politico reports.

Convicted felon President Trump’s team are planning a Wednesday night powow at JD Vance’s public housing for Jaydee, White House chief of staff Susie Wiles, Attorney General Pam Bondi, FBI Director Kash Patel, and Trump defense lawyer/Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche to figure a decisive way out of the Jeffrey Epstein shitshow for the Orange Caesar, CNN reports in their lede.

The real story however is the statement on how fucking desperate they are: That they’re considering trying to get Blanche booked on Joe Rogan’s show to bro out and quell all the deep and completely merited skepticism from the shitbrained podcaster’s disaffected listener base.

That would be an extremely risky move, to say the least. Obviously this being a White House insiders-sourced CNN report – following up on their Tuesday story about Team Orange thinking about releasing a transcript of the Blanche-Maxwell interview – they’re going to highlight the Rogan idea in their article without regard for how serious the Trump Reich actually are about trying to make it happen. It could’ve just been spitballed briefly during a meeting and nobody took it any further.

And even if they did who knows if Rogan would actually want to have Blanche on his show. But either way that they considered the idea seriously enough for someone to leak it to CNN that Team Trump would want to rely on a guy who thinks fucking dragons might have existed in antediluvian times to help get them out of this jam says a lot and nothing good about the situation.

Today's cover: NYC shootings have plunged to record lows this year, NYPD Commish Jessica Tisch says ‘we are resetting the curve’ https://t.co/73zcUEt8PW pic.twitter.com/nXeugzIgPh

— New York Post (@nypost) August 6, 2025