Last month the Daily Wire debuted a high concept superhero comedy called “The Hyperions”, which it turns out they didn’t actually make but bought the distribution rights to. The only recognizable name in the cast is journeyman actor Cary Elwes, best known for his Errol Flynn-esque performances in the highly overrated Princess Bride and the much better slpastick Robin Hood: Men in Tights three decades ago. Reviews are mixed at best, but none of them seem to characterize it as anything less than an earnest effort by the filmmakers.

The quality or lack thereof is almost besides the point however. Nobody reasonably expects the Daily Wire to be turning out some surprise sleeper hit. What is surprising is how apolitical or even mainstream-ish it all seems. Wasn’t the whole point of Daily Wire making their own entertainment content – or at least buying the distribution rights to other productions – to serve up some freshly anti-woke thrills to their audience? What does a diverse cast do for MAGA viewers sick beyond hell of female and/or non-white characters being represented in the Marvel and Star Wars cinematic universes? Why aren’t these superheroes fighting Antifa and BLM? Why aren’t they on the run from evil socialist octogenarian President Jim Borden? Ben Shapiro better get his shit together and start cranking out something we can actually make fun of. We can’t work with this.

A Russian military unit and radio station in the Moscow-backed breakaway Transnistria region of Moldova were attacked Tuesday in the latest in a series incidents believed by Moldovan authorities to be Russian false flags, Bloomberg reports. The attacks were aimed at “creating pretexts for straining the security situation” said a statement from the Moldovan government.

No one was reported injured in the attacks, one of which saw some asshole fire several rounds from a grenade launcher at the state security headquarters in Transnistria’s capital, Tiraspol. The unrecognized breakaway republic of Transnistria, wedged between Moldova and Ukraine, has hosted about 1,500 Russian troops since a war in the 1990s gave the Moscow-backed separatists de facto control over the region. Russian false flag attacks have become fairly haphazard and incompetently executed lately, with one pic of staged “evidence” of Ukrainian Nazi terrorists plotting attacks inside of Russia showing three copies of a video game called “The Sims 3”. The caption of the photo read “SIM cards” as in the chips that allow a phone to access cell networks.

Russian President Vladimir Putin’s fidgety, jerky movements during a Sunday church service and a recent meeting with his defense minister Sergei Shoigu seem to indicate he’s suffering from a neurological ailment such as Parkinson’s disease as had been rumored back in December 2020 and similarly suspected of fellow right winger Congressman Paul Gosar.

The Anti-Defamation League’s annual survey of reported anti-semitic incidents of violence and harassment totaled an increased of 34% of reports in 2021 over 2020, the AP reports, with a large surge coinciding with Israel’s 11 day war with the Gaza Palestinian territory that now-former Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu started to try to stay in office after a coalition formed to oust him. “It’s alarming because the vitriol against the Jewish community is coming from all angles,” said ADL Center on Extremism Vice President Oren Segal. Attacks by MAGA white supremacist organizations recorded by the ADL also increased last year, from 332 in 2020 to 484 in 2021.

Although he wants to put his companies into bankruptcy, Infowars chief conspiracy theorist Alex Jones refused to put his personal accounts into bankruptcy because he feared it would hurt his ability to sell merchandise, according to court documents filed Friday.

The Connecticut Post reports that Jones’s preferred chief restructuring officer for the bankruptcy process told the court, “InfoWars’ is a prominent trademark in the conspiracy theory community and Alex Jones is equally as prominent.  It would ruin his name and harm his ability to sell merchandise.”

The judge in the bankruptcy hearing has expressed doubt about the legitimacy of Jones’s companies’ bankruptcy filings, and the plaintiffs in the Sandy Hook defamation suit, who won against Jones, said they believe Jones’s filing was an attempt to delay any payment while he hides assets.

A team of inspectors and scientists from the International Atomic Energy Agency will tour the Chernobyl nuclear power plant site on Tuesday, the 36th anniversary of the Chernobyl nuclear disaster, the Washington Post reports.

The inspection of the site was requested by the regulatory agency because the plant lost power for about five days after the Russians immediately took control of the plant on February 24th.  The inspectors will be looking for signs of additional damage to key systems caused by loss of cooling systems for the nuclear material and waste.

The plant is also being run by a small crew of Ukrainian experts who were caught at the plant during the Russian invasion.  the IAES experts are concerned that the small size of the operating crew will exhaust the workers, leading to more problems.

“I love Twitter. Twitter is the closest thing we have to a global consciousness.  The idea and service is all that matters to me, and I will do whatever it takes to protect both. Twitter as a company has always been my sole issue and my biggest regret. It has been owned by Wall Street and the ad model. Taking it back from Wall Street is the correct first step.  In principle, I don’t believe anyone should own or run Twitter. It wants to be a public good at a protocol level, not a company.

“Solving for the problem of it being a company however, Elon is the singular solution I trust. I trust his mission to extend the light of consciousness. Elon’s goal of creating a platform that is ‘maximally trusted and broadly inclusive’ is the right one. This is also [Paraga Agrawal]’s goal, and why I chose him. Thank you both for getting the company out of an impossible situation. This is the right path…I believe it with all my heart.  I’m so happy Twitter will continue to serve the public conversation. Around the world, and into the stars!”  —Twitter founder Jack Dorsey via, you guessed it, Twitter

With its thrust into central Ukraine repelled, Russia has moved its goalposts one more time, now saying its goal is to “liberate” the Donbas region of eastern Ukraine, and it’s striking strategic targets in central and western Ukraine to impede enemy forces, the Associated Press reports.

The Russians sent attack aircraft and launched missiles to hit five railroad stations and various fuel installations to hinder Ukrainian responses to an anticipated attack in eastern Ukraine.  However, unlike Russia, Ukraine is less dependent on rail lines to transport troops and equipment, so the impact on Ukraine’s military response might be less anticipated.

Russia claimed it destroyed 56 strategic targets overnight.  Ukraine reports an oil refinery and fuel depots in Kremenchuk, in central Ukraine were hit overnight.  Missiles also hit a rail station outside of Lviv, where tens of thousands of refugees are gathered as they try to exit the country during the war.

Segment from douchey Limey Piers Morgan’s interview with the Orange God Emperor, challenging him on the January 6th, 2021 Capitol insurrection that Trump incited after losing reelection.

On Monday fat former President Trump commanded Republican Wisconsin Assembly Speaker Robin Vos to renew the chamber’s contract with the “Special” counsel, fat braces-wearing former state Supreme Court Justice Michael Gableman (pictured above) in a statement: “The Special Counsel appointed by the Wisconsin Assembly to investigate the crimes of the 2020 Election did an outstanding job. He discovered many pieces of evidence that indicate foul play. Anyone calling themselves a Republican in Wisconsin should support the continued investigation in Wisconsin without interference. After all of the evidence the report brought to light, how could anyone want to stop it? I understand some RINOs have primary challengers in Wisconsin. I’m sure their primary opponents would get a huge bump in the polls if these RINOs interfere.”

Among Gableman’s “many pieces of evidence that indicate foul play” include – and this is fucking seriously not satire or embellishment – that a Milwaukee city employee is “probably a Democrat” because she colors her hair, “has a weird nose ring” plays video games, and lives with her boyfriend despite being unmarried. That was among the notes Gableman tried to keep secret from state courts until Vos was held in contempt and the documents were quietly dumped online.

Gableman has repeatedly blown deadlines to issue a final report, thinks the election can be “decertified”, and has been spending quite a lot of his $676,000 budget on out-of-state travel, showing up at Mar-a-Lago this month after visits to Mike Lindell’s bullshit CyberSymposium, and the Cyber Ninjas clusterfuck in Arizona before both utterly failed to prove a “stolen election” last year. Vos hired Gableman in a panic mere hours after Trump erupted in rage at he and other state GOP leaders over their failure to reverse Joe Biden’s 20,000 odd victory in the state in the 2020 election and has gotten nothing but grief for it since. This ought to end well for Cuckin’ Robin.

The Supreme Court refused to issue an injunction to stop a Virginia high school from using an admissions policy that some parents say discriminates against Asian Americans, allowing the magnet school to admit students it feels diversifies the student population, the Associated Press reports.

Thomas Jefferson High School for Science & Technology, a state-chartered magnet school in Alexandria, Virginia, had used admissions criteria that created a student body consisting of 78% Asian-Americans, while Blacks had 1% of slots and Hispanics had 3%.  In the incoming freshman class, the new formula would lower the percentage of students of Asian heritage to 54% while Black student representation would increase to 7% and Hispanic representation to 11%.  White student representation would stay around 20%.

A lower court issued a stay, preventing the Fairfax County school from using the new criteria to admit students for the fall school year.  Fairfax County Schools argued that the criteria should be used, and the Supreme Court agreed that it may be used until the court hears the case.  Justices Samuel Alito, Neil Gorsuch and Clarence Thomas said they would have voted to block the implementation of the new system.

One of two historically Black colleges for women, Spelman College in Atlanta named as its next president Dr. Helene Gayle, an epidemiologist and former Assistant Surgeon General who was a leading researching into HIV/AIDS, the Associated Press reports.

On June 30th, Gayle will succeed current president Mary Schmidt Campbell, who announced her retirement last year.  Gayle will leave her position as the CEO of the Chicago Community Trust, the largest community organization in the United States.

With degrees from Columbia, Penn and Johns Hopkins, Gayle spent two decades working at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention working on issues of global health and infectious disease, later focusing on HIV/AIDS. 

Other things this might be:

• A Coppertone SPF 90 user group
• A Duggar family dinner
• The monthly meeting of the Neil Sedaka fan club

Christian Walker already deleted this call for Twitter CEO Parag Agrawal to jump off the roof of the building, as if the guy would have any trouble finding a job or starting his own company after Elon Musk figuratively defenestrates him as expected. Christian’s Really helping the appeal to the suburban moms in Georgia for his old man’s campaign by hoping a dude commits suicide.

Did you realize Jesse Watters had a week’s absence from Fox?  Neither did we.  But he’s back, and he’s insisting that he wasn’t suspended for claiming that he let air out of his now-wife’s car tires in a complete stalker move so she’s have to accept a ride from him. He was actually out because of a back injury… which none of his co-hosts on The Five mentioned.  Or the guest hosts on his 7 p.m. show… so sure, it’s completely reasonable to think it wasn’t because he’s a sick psychopath who bragged about sabotaging a woman’s vehicle to get her to spend time with him.  And he’s now saying that story was completely made up because, yeah, sure, someone would make up a story like that, y’know, for laughs and stuff.  Because stalking is always SO funny.  And it just so happened that he had recovered in exactly one week.

Leslie McCrae Dowless, the right wing election cheater famous for his 2018 ballot harvesting scam which led to the downfall of Republican Congressman Mark Harris and a special election in 2019, has escaped from justice ahead of his scheduled trial this summer on felony charges of perjury, obstruction of justice, and absentee ballot possession, the AP reports. Having ditched his lung cancer-ridden body, Dowless is believed to be hiding in Hell, beyond the reach of law enforcement.

A federal judge has blocked the Biden Administration from ending Coronavirus pandemic lockdown measure Title 42, scoring a win for socialist pro-lockdown state Attorneys General Mark Brnovich of Arizona, Jeff Landry of Louisiana, and Eric Shitt of Missouri. America-haters win!

Somewhere in a low-slung 1980s vintage office park west of the Interstate in Palm Beach, Devin Nunes is weeping soft tears of relief.

— Rick Wilson (@TheRickWilson) April 25, 2022

Fat former President Donald Trump told Fox News on Monday that he’s going to stick with his lame Twitter clone that he doesn’t post on, even as fanboys agitated for Twitter’s new owner Elon Musk to reinstate the Orange Warlord. “I am not going on Twitter, I am going to stay on TRUTH I hope Elon buys Twitter because he’ll make improvements to it and he is a good man, but I am going to be staying on TRUTH” the Former Guy said in an interview, adding he’ll start “TRUTHing” this week.

In news that will make Truth Social CEO Devin Nunes update his resume, Tesla founder Elon Musk has struck a deal to buy social media giant Facebook for $44 billion, Bloomberg reports.

Shareholders will receive about a 5% premium on their shares in the takeover offer, getting $54.20 for a stock currently selling for around $52 per share, which itself is a 30% increase from the stock’s closing price on April 1st, when Musk first made overtures for the company.

Conservatives had praised the idea of the famously libertarian Musk taking over Twitter, which has banned a number of conservative figures for disseminating pandemic misinformation, hate speech and election conspiracy theories–and that was just Donald Trump.  Others have made direct threats against liberal politicians and personalities.