Frozen food empire princeling Tucker Carlson recently heavily implied to a San Diego-area MAGAchurch that he’s completely unvaccinated against COVID-19, a transgression that apparently is a fireable offense for other employees of the Fox News propaganda network, Voice of San Diego reports. “I skipped the first three, I’m not getting that one either,” said Tucker to the Awaken Church, a far right cult that would probably eject any tan hippie Jew wearing simple robes and sandals who dared walk through their door to preach love and kindness. Fake online school founder Dennis Prager, Russian proxy Candace Owens, small faced man-boy Charlie Kirk, disgraced traitor Mike Flynn, swinger deviant Roger Stone, and totally successful hotel executive Eric Trump have all recently spoken to the extremist congregation. Together they preyed. 

Furthering his efforts to isolate Russia and Russian President Vladimir Putin, President Joe Biden called on Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi to cease buying Russian oil, Reuters reports.

The Biden administration said the hour-long video call was “candid” and “warm” but Biden stopped short of asking Modi to stop all trade with Russia as a way to help punish Russia for its invasion of Ukraine, particularly regarding.  Modi expressed concern over the growing relationship between Russia and China, a situation that could harm India’s economic growth in the future.

“Recently, the news of the killings of innocent civilians in the city of Bucha was very worrying,” Modi said during a brief portion of the meeting open to reporters. “We immediately condemned it and have asked for an independent probe.”

Missouri Democrats have sued to block “a longtime Republican and vocal opponent of the Democratic Party” from actually running for a state House seat on their party’s ticket, the Missouri Independent reports. Firecrotch John D. Boyd Jr, “who has at least twice had full orders of protection entered against him (and) has a history of not paying his taxes…” paid a fee of $100 to the state Dem party to run in the primary for the 36th District. The party claims it has a “First and 14th Amendment rights of association,” to disassociate themselves from the creepy ginger.

Conservative British MP Imran Ahmad Khan – not to be confused with the Conservative now former Pakistani PM Imran Ahmad Khan (thought they were going to have different middle names, haha) – has been convicted of sexually molesting a then-15 year old boy after getting him drunk on gin at a party in 2008, the Guardian reports. Khan has already been booted from the party and faces automatic expulsion from Parliament if he receives a sentence of over 12 months. The right wing groomer had tried to suppress media coverage of the trial, arguing that because alcohol and homosexuality are forbidden in Islam his life was in danger from extremist vigilantes.

A number of details in the article stick out, and would seem to indicate that this incident possibly occurred at a UK Conservative Party function and not a social occasion among the British Pakistani community. First, the article refers to the victim as a “Catholic teenager” for some reason, without context. Secondly, the boy’s brother, 18 at the time, said Khan had looked up his kilt and asked if he was a “True Scotsman” which in this context means that he was wearing it without underwear, per Scottish tradition. Another man testified that Khan had molested him in a guest house in Peshawar, Pakistan after getting him drunk and high during an official trip there, also indicating that Khan is the kind of sick asshole who would use his position to get his jollies.

Yale University faculty member and former FBI agent Asha Rangappa shared a voice mail message she got after appearing on CNN. The female caller noted that there was discussion about what “the little brown boy did” at the Grammy’s, and said Rangappa is upset because, “You just can’t stand that you don’t look like the white folks. You just can’t stand it.”

Caution: Audio definitely NSFW.

Leave it to Texans to give the nation oversized useless crap, like the world’s largest beer can house, and Ted Cruz.  Add to the list the World’s Largest Belt Buckle, which can not actually buckle and which is not actually part of a belt.  As UPI reports, the Montana Silversmiths unveiled their 15-foot wide belt buckle in Texas Monday.

“We are paying homage to a quintessential piece of the West and cowboy way of life,” Judy Wagner, Montana Silversmiths’ chief marketing officer, told Guinness World Records.  “The buckle is a perfect way to celebrate the industry and come together to showcase our lifestyle in iconic fashion. It’s a culmination of a lot of people’s hard work, it is amazing.”

As NatZero got inundated with those lonely Russian girls just looking for a sucker date, I sent a stream of Twitter Direct Messages with each “kiss bot” profile that liked posts on this site.  The list made just about made it to 30 when I finally got a reply from Disqus.  Their team is getting “on this asap,” which means it will likely be three, maybe four months, before we’re blessed with a solution.  Should anyone else care to also notify Disqus of their own Russian invasion, feel free to join the Twitter fun.

7. Everyone knows the danger and extreme consequences if this deceitful coordinated attack on our elections is allowed to stand.

Courts should not be used as political platforms that entertain political conspiracy theories and lies invented by one party against another.

— Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene🇺🇸 (@RepMTG) April 11, 2022

A poll by Remington Research Strategies for Must Read Alaska shows former Governor Sarah Palin leading at 31%, former Dem US Senate candidate Al Gross in second at 26% (now running as officially independent), and Republican scion of an Alaska Dem political family, Nick Begich III in third at 21% for the special election to replace recently departed Congressman Don Young.

Must Read asserts that, due to the vagaries of the ranked choice ballot system and the poll’s finding that Trump’s endorsement of Palin actually hurts and does not help her, Gross actually has a solid shot of taking the seat – which would be a nice consolation prize after Nazi shitbag Senator Dan Sullivan hung on to his seat in 2020 with some pretty blatantly anti-semitic ad buys.

We’re thinking it’s probably a good time to bring back OMEGAnon, the government secret agent whose OMEGA DROPS electrified some of the leftist internet with its tales of President Biden secretly fighting against a worldwide cabal of Satan-worshipping Conservative beastialists who molest and sacrifice cats, dogs, bunnies, chickens, dolphins, and other cute animals.

This is probably because the real news is getting dull and depressing for left-leaning voters while the other guys build anger and momentum ahead of the midterms. While we’re proud of our President and his accomplishments so far, it’s hard to escape the feeling that more could’ve been done by this point. So to make ourselves feel better about our support for him, let’s pretend that he’s secretly giving us signals about a coming mass arrest of members of the Global Conservative elite for killing baby animals and drinking their blood in unholy rituals!

Meet Ron Hanks, the latest performance artist to join the GOP candidate slate (and definitely not the answer to the question of if Ron Howard and Tom Hanks had a baby).  Besides being an election denier who attended the January 6th domestic terrorist attack on Congress, the Republican Senate candidate decides the best way to show his Repubicanness is to destroy a copy machine cosplaying as a Dominion Voting machine… because that’s rational.

A registered Republican Utah woman blamed a fentanyl IV for causing a sudden little accident in her pants which in turn caused a big, fatal accident in which she killed two brothers from California participating in a bike tour on Saturday, but cops did not buy it and booked Julie Ann Budge of Hurricane, Utah on two counts of homicide involving criminal negligence with an automobile, DUI and leaving the scene of a deadly accident, Gran Frondo Daily News reports.

“Both cyclists were found unresponsive and life saving measures were initiated by witnesses and then continued by first responders upon arrival. After being transported to St. George Regional Hospital they both succumbed to their injuries,” said a report by the Washington City Police Department that did not otherwise identify the two men. Witnesses told cops Budge “did not have the intention of stopping after hitting the cyclists,” and had been traveling at a speed estimated to be far higher than the post 50 MPH speed limit. Her fentanyl excuse for her little problem also sounds like a total lie because our understanding is that opioids cause the opposite effect.

At least four educators in Russia have been turned in to the government for breaking a new law that bans people from talking disparagingly about the Russian invasion of Ukraine or the Russian military, the Washington Post reports.

Snitching in a way that would make Republican Florida Governor Ron DeSantis proud, students have taken to recording their teachers’ lessons and turning the recordings in to authorities, prompting police investigations.

“So long as Russia doesn’t behave itself in a civilized way, this will go on forever,” she explained, saying Putin “wanted to get to Kyiv, to overthrow Zelensky and the government. This is a sovereign state,” Irina Gen, a 55-year-old teacher in the equivalent of a junior high told students when asked why Russia was being excluded by international sports competitions. “There’s a sovereign government there.”

We need free speech back whatever it takes.@ElonMusk, don’t let us down.

— Lauren Boebert (@laurenboebert) April 11, 2022

Trump fanboys were staining their pants in excitement last week because something something Elon Musk would reinstate Trump’s Twitter account. It was probably a long shot even before Musk backed out of joining the board on Sunday. Nevertheless they saw Musk as their savior to “Make Twitter Orange Again” but what is false hope without dumbasses like Boebert to help keep it alive?

Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed Bonesaw overruled the advisory team of a sovereign wealth fund he controls who recommended against sinking $2 billion into a new money laundering scam launched by former Trump White House coat rack Jared Kushner last summer, the New York Times reports. Meanwhile former Trump Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin, who’s also kind of a scumbag but is undeniably an actually successful businessman, got less than half the amount and on less generous terms for his fund Liberty Capital Partners. But since Mnuchin probably wouldn’t be back in a future MAGA Reich, Kushner was deemed a more worthy investment. “This investment aims to form a strategic relationship with the Affinity Partners Fund and its founder, Jared Kushner,” said a letter from the palace ordering the advisory panel to shut the fuck up.

Brian Kolfage, the disabled vet accomplice to Steve Bannon, indicted in 2020 for embezzling from the $25 million donated by MAGA dumbasses to their “crowdfunded” wall scam in 2018 will plead guilty to one count each of conspiracy to commit wire fraud and conspiracy to commit money laundering, as well as a related May 2021 tax fraud charge, Yahoo News reports.

Despite claiming he wouldn’t take “a penny in salary or compensation,” prosecutors found more than sufficient evidence to nail Kolfage to the wall for scamming at least $350,000 and then lying about it on his taxes, with ample photos of his Range Rover and boat paid for by white nationalist rubes who just wanted a wall built to keep Mexicans out of the country. The hardcore Trump fan was completely fucked over by the fat former president when he pardoned Steve Bannon, but not Kolfage, something the Donald could simply have done with the stroke of a pen but chose not to for whatever reason. We hope Brian Kolfage thinks extra hard on that part as he spends the next few years, possibly even decades of his life in federal prison.

So you're in favor of ditching the Electoral College and going with a similar system in which winners are determined by popular vote alone?

— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) April 10, 2022

Sweden and Finland will be joining the NATO military alliance as early as this summer, the Times of London reports, citing US officials in Brussels. “How can this be anything but a massive strategic blunder for Putin?,” said one senior American military official.

Twitter CEO Paran Agrawal announced on the platform that the Twitter Board of Directors offered Elon Musk, the company’s largest single shareholder, a seat on the board, but Musk declined the invitation.  (The tweet can be found after the fold.)

Agrawal noted that the board examined the risks and benefits of having Musk on the board, including that fact that joining the board would require Musk to act as a fiduciary for the company–a position the eccentric Musk might not have found desirable.

On Sunday morning, Musk apparently told Agrawal that he wasn’t interested in a board seat.

Someone working in the US Capitol this past week clicked on an advertisement for erotic fan fiction featuring Senator Ted Cruz (R-Quintana Roo) in a set up for a feature on internet tracking for Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.

The show did a deep dive into how companies sell enough of your personal data to identify each person individually and how advertisers can target people or others could do it for more nefarious reasons. … yadda yadda yadda …

To prove their point, producers purchased data hitting men 45 years and older within a five mile radius of the Capitol and who had searched for a specific set of terms, which Oliver read out to be “divorce, massage, hair loss and mid-life crisis.”