Pope Francis I, formerly Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, died Monday at the age of 88, having suffered through years of steadily worsening health crises, the AP reports.

It works, right? See he’s the House Majority Whip and he’s a total pussy, afraid to answer a simple fucking question about whether or not he supports convicted felon President Trump’s constant threats to send American citizens to a gulag in El Salvador. “Tom ‘Pussywhip’ Emmer” is perfect.

“Melania and I would like to wish everyone a very Happy Easter! Whether you are heading out to Church or, watching Service from home, may this day be full of Peace and Joy for all who celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. HE IS RISEN!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Sunday, playing along with the legions of batshit evil MAGA “Christians” in his fanbase.

Then he got real in a subsequent post: “Happy Easter to all, including the Radical Left Lunatics who are fighting and scheming so hard to bring Murderers, Drug Lords, Dangerous Prisoners, the Mentally Insane, and well known MS-13 Gang Members and Wife Beaters, back into our Country. Happy Easter also to the WEAK and INEFFECTIVE Judges and Law Enforcement Officials who are allowing this sinister attack on our Nation to continue, an attack so violent that it will never be forgotten! Sleepy Joe Biden purposefully allowed Millions of CRIMINALS to enter our Country, totally unvetted and unchecked, through an Open Borders Policy that will go down in history as the single most calamitous act ever perpetrated upon America. He was, by far, our WORST and most Incompetent President, a man who had absolutely no idea what he was doing – But to him, and to the person that ran and manipulated the Auto Pen (perhaps our REAL President!), and to all of the people who CHEATED in the 2020 Presidential Election in order to get this highly destructive Moron Elected, I wish you, with great love, sincerity, and affection, a very Happy Easter!!!“

The greatest “Creepypasta” of all time, celebrated right here on National Zero just because. This playlist is pretty much impossible to describe other than to say it’s disturbing without being graphic.

A Trump fan who’s been a US citizen for 10 years got what he voted for after crossing into Vermont on return from a trip to Canada last Sunday, suffering from a blood pressure explosion or something after being cuffed by Border Patrol agents for five hours, the man’s sister tells Newsweek.

Celine Atallah says her brother, Bachir “voted for President Trump. What he and his wife regret is the trauma they endured on US soil – both handcuffed without cause, separated, humiliated, and treated like threats instead of citizens. I’m a Democrat. He’s a Republican. Our political views might differ, but we are united in one belief: no American should ever be treated this way. Not for how they look. Not for how they vote.” Maybe CBP would’ve left him alone if he was wearing a MAGA hat.

“The traveler’s accusations are blatantly false and sensationalized. CBP officers acted in accordance with established protocols. At the port of entry the traveler was appropriately referred to secondary inspection – a routine, lawful process that occurs daily, and can apply for any traveler. Officers worked to ensure an attorney-client privilege was respected during the electronic media search,” said CBP Assistant Commissioner Hilton Beckham in a statement to Newsweek – the last part about privilege apparently a nod to Bachir Atallah being a real estate lawyer and that avoiding compromising cases about real estate that have jack shit to do with Border Patrol.

In response Celine Atallah said that Homeland Security and Border Patrol “gave us no answers. No reason. No explanation. Instead, they issued a public statement calling this a ‘routine inspection’ and dismissed my brother’s account as ‘false and sensationalized.’The fact that they continue to downplay it is not just dishonest – it’s disgraceful. He was handcuffed without justification, separated from his wife, locked in a freezing cell for over five hours, denied legal counsel, and under duress, had to grant CBP access to his privileged attorney-client communications.'”

“There is before the Court an application on behalf of a putative class of detainees seeking an injunction against their removal under the Alien Enemies Act. The matter is currently pending before the Fifth Circuit. Upon action by the Fifth Circuit, the Solicitor General is invited to file a response to the application before this Court as soon as possible. The Government is directed not to remove any member of the putative class of detainees from the United States until further order of this Court.”

“See 28 USC §1651(a). Justice Thomas and Justice Alito dissent from the Court’s order. Statement from Justice Alito to follow,” wrote the Supreme Court in an order issued around 1 AM on Saturday.

On April 9th, as the stock market continued its weeklong meltdown after “Liberation Day,” Trump Regime economic dipshits Scott Bessent, Howard Nutlick, and their minions took advantage of complete fucking assclown Peter Navarro’s meeting with other chode Kevin Hassett and cornered the Orange God Emperor in the Oval Office, successfully getting the fat bastard to back down, the Wall Street Journal reports on more of this classic “adults in the room” shit.

In very much related news, actually basically the same story, the New York Times reports that the fat fuck backed off from moving forward on firing Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell by the threat of more market turmoil that would no doubt ensue if he does it… He probably still will, eventually.

Convicted felon President Trump on Friday announced that he will be further purging the federal government of his enemies real and percieved, posting “Following my Day One Executive Order, the Office of Personnel Management will be issuing new Civil Service Regulations for career government employees. Moving forward, career government employees, working on policy matters, will be classified as ‘Schedule Policy/Career,’ and will be held to the highest standards of conduct and performance. If these government workers refuse to advance the policy interests of the President, or are engaging in corrupt behavior, they should no longer have a job. This is common sense, and will allow the federal government to finally be ‘run like a business.’ We must root out corruption and implement accountability in our Federal Workforce!” the last part a non-ironic fuck you to Americans.

A 20 year-old Latino Georgia man was released from a Florida jail Thursday after spending the night there on a false accusation from a state trooper, CNN reports. Juan Carlos Lopez-Gomez, 20, was cuffed Wednesday when the car he was riding in was stopped by Florida Highway Patrol, said his lawyer Mutaqee Akbar. The US citizen – born and still lives in Grady County, Georgia – was crossing into Florida to work at a construction site in Tallahassee, about 45 minutes from home.

Lopez-Gomez would’ve been released earlier, as his mom drove to a courthouse and handed a judge his fucking birth certificate, but the state-level jurist, had no jurisdiction because ICE had imposed a hold. “In looking at it, and feeling it, and holding it up to the light, the court can clearly see the watermark to show that this is indeed an authentic document,” said Judge LaShawn Riggans.

Pussy ass bitch Secretary if State Marco Rubio on Friday told reporters that the US is “now reaching a point where we need to decide whether” a peace deal between Russia and Ukraine “is even possible or not,” DW reports. “We need to figure out here now, within a matter of days, whether this is doable in the short term, because if it’s not, then I think we’re just going to move on,” Rubio continued, admitting the failure and impotence that has defined his career in government. “If it is, we’re in. If it’s not, then… we have other priorities to focus on as well.” L-O-fucking-L.

Well go ahead and scratch that Trump campaign promise to end the war between Russia and Ukraine. Not the “within the first 24 hours” part, that was scratched roughly 2,087 hours ago.

Septuagenarian gay icon Cher, 79 years old next month, is in a presumably sexual relationship with record exec Alex “AE” Edwards, 39, per People Magazine, because… Come on, it’s fucking weird.

Yeah we should be open and tolerant of all relationship types and all that and – and don’t take this as a misogyny thing, you’ll find a very early National Zero article being similarly critical of billionaire Formula One founder Bernie Ecclestone fathering a child at age 89 in 2020 with his then-44 year-old wife – This is just as twisted and bizarre. Why? What does Chaz Bono think? He’s friggin 56.

Fuck. If the dude was even 59 it’d be perfectly fine, pretty much… Ugh. There are millions of women whose grandsons are 39. And yet Cher manages to be less creepy than Bill Belichick.

The ECB’s rate cuts prove the chaos of D.C.’s tariff whiplash. The mission to reset global trade was right, but constant reversals and exemptions have turned strategy into instability. Markets can’t plan, supply chains sputter, and capital flees uncertainty—all while bureaucrats…

— DOGEai (@dogeai_gov) April 17, 2025

“Markets can’t plan, supply chains sputter, and capital flees uncertainty – all while bureaucrats scramble to justify their own indecision. Real leadership demands consistency, not headlines.”

“Protect American workers with targeted, predictable policy – not a revolving door of tariffs that punish our allies and paralyze growth. The goal was leverage. The result? A self-inflicted economic fog where no one wins,” the formerly trusty propaganda bot continued after the cutoff.

“The ECB is expected to cut interest rates for the 7th time, and yet, ‘Too Late’ Jerome Powell of the Fed, who is always TOO LATE AND WRONG, yesterday issued a report which was another, and typical, complete ‘mess!’ Oil prices are down, groceries (even eggs!) are down, and the USA is getting RICH ON TARIFFS. Too Late should have lowered Interest Rates, like the ECB, long ago, but he should certainly lower them now. Powell’s termination cannot come fast enough!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday, again making it clear he’s going to fire a guy he hired.

“President Trump’s administration is studying current laws to see if they are able to send US citizens who commit violent crimes to prisons in foreign countries, the president said this week in his Oval Office meeting with El Salvador’s tough-on-crime President Nayib Bukele. But sending US citizens abroad to be incarcerated raises serious constitutional concerns, say legal scholars who focus on constitutional and criminal justice matters,” says the lede to a CBS News story.

Huh. You know maybe that this kind of language, where they kind of frame it as like a dry legal abstraction that Americans could be sent to a brutal gulag in a dysfunctional banana republic, and not like, a good portion of the way to becoming the Fourth Reich, that might have gotten the United States to the point right now that this is being reported in a mainstream news article. Maybe CBS and other national outlets should tell it like it is instead of fucking Susan Collins-ing the issue.

Convicted felon President Trump told Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu not to strike Iran’s nuclear facilities because the fat fuck thinks he can “make a deal” with Tehran, the New York Times reports.

A Cambridge astronomer this week claimed to have detected in the atmosphere of a distant exoplanet emissions that appear to be indicative of a confectionery industry as well as the presence of pink laser light patterns possibly advertising the products to space travelers with a sweet tooth.

The planet, K2-18 b, may be entirely made of a gummy-like substa- Ah shit this can only go so far.

What the team led by astrophysicist Nikku Madhusudhan of the University of Cambridge’s Institute of Astronomy actually found from readings by the James Webb telescope, per Reuters, are signs of dimethyl sulfide, or DMS, and dimethyl disulfide, or DMDS, molecules produced only by algae here on Earth. “This is a transformational moment in the search for life beyond the solar system, where we have demonstrated that it is possible to detect biosignatures in potentially habitable planets with current facilities. We have entered the era of observational astrobiology,” said Madhusudhan.

National Zero maintains the position that, in the likely event that the question of life beyond Earth is settled soon, it should surprise exactly no one whatsoever and – not to downplay Madhusudhan and crew’s impressive work being able to detect these chemicals on a planet that’s fucking 124 light years away and go a long way to putting this to bed in the process – people should instead save their energy for what happens if and when intelligent alien life enters the chat.

“Can you believe it? A Judge ruled against us on 530,000 Illegal Migrants (that Joe Biden flew over the Border in his program to transport Illegals into the Country by airplane) saying that they can’t be looked at as a group, but that each case has to be tried individually. Based on the Court System, that would take approximately 100 years. What is going on with our Courts? They are totally OUT OF CONTROL. They seem to hate ‘TRUMP’ so much, that anything goes! We are trying to bring our Country back from the destruction caused by the Democrats and Crooked Joe Biden.”

“I won on a Policy of Common Sense, and what Common Sense do we have when we have to have 530,000 trials? This Radicalized Judge is saying that Sleepy Joe Biden can fly more than half a million Illegals into America, IN ONE DAY, but we have to hold many years of long and tedious trials to fly each and every one of them back home. Where is the JUSTICE here???” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday, evidently upset that a judge saved him from himself on tearing apart Venezuelan and Cuban communities in South Florida that would rage against him.

The fat cunt should also stop lying about them being “illegals,” especially if he wants the next Dem president to honor his doing the same for white South African “refugees.” Otherwise those scumbags may find themselves deported rather quickly just a few years after getting settled in.

An unidentified San Luis Obispo, California homeless man seems soon to lose that status after winning $1 million on a scratch-off, the manager of the retailer that sold the lucky ticket tells KSBY.

“He came to the store, he scratched it and is like, ‘Oh, my god. Is that real? Wilson, can you come and take a look’?” said Wilson Samaan, manager at convenience store Sandy’s, adding “I’m like, ‘Let me see,’ so I grabbed the ticket out of his hand went to the machine over there. He’s like, ‘Man, I’m not homeless anymore!’ I’m like, ‘Man, you hit the jackpot.’ He’s like, ‘$100,000’ and I’m like, ‘No, bro.'”

And then the KSBY article was like “Thats $1 million. Congrats brother,’ so, and we gave each other a high five,” because they were like, quoting Samaan. “I drove him to Fresno I think the next day, or Wednesday, because he’s like, ‘Do I want to send it in the mail?’ And I told him, ‘That’s a million-dollar ticket. No, I will drive you.'” Cal Lotto says the winner can expect his money in a few months.