“A powerful Spring storm system will bring a barrage of life-threatening weather including flash flooding and strong tornadoes to portions of the Lower Ohio Valley and Mid-South Wednesday, with the flash flood threat only the beginning of a multi-day catastrophic and potentially historic event. A deepening upper-level trough and accompanying strong low pressure/frontal system over the Plains this morning will push eastward through the Midwest, Mississippi Valley, and southern Plains Wednesday,” says the National Weather Service in a pretty wide-ranging alert posted Wednesday.

“Extremely impressive dynamics given very strong upper-level and lower-level wind fields, as well as a deep influx of boundary layer moisture flowing northward from the Gulf, will help support a broad warm sector featuring widespread, intense thunderstorms stretching from the Great Lakes southwest through the Middle Mississippi/Lower Ohio Valleys, Mid-South, ArkLaTex, and Southern Plains. The Storm Prediction Center (SPC) has introduced a High Risk (level 5/5) of severe weather across portions of the Mid-South where the most favorable overlap of strong upper- and lower-level shear and instability may lead to an outbreak of tornadoes, including multiple intense tornadoes, as well as very large hail and significant damaging winds. A broader at least Enhanced level (3/5) severe threat covers the rest of the region where a more scattered but still significant threat of tornadoes, large hail, and damaging winds exists. Unfortunately, this severe threat will be compounded by the beginning of a life-threatening flash flood event.”

The “5/5 high risk” is extremely rare from the NWS, as in this storm isn’t fucking around.

Florida MAGA Congressman Byron Donalds wasn’t about to have his Liberation Day ruined by some CNN anchor needling him and saying that there could be increased prices for Americans, admonishing her for making “an assumption” that there would be “pain” for consumers and basing that assumption on convicted felon President Trump warning that there would be pain. It could go just fine and would completely undo years of inflation, bringing prices back down to 2019 levels.

Convicted felon President Trump has “told his inner circle, including members of his Cabinet, that Elon Musk will be stepping back in the coming weeks from his current role as governing partner, ubiquitous cheerleader and Washington hatchet man,” Politico reports in a story they almost certainly had pre-written before Tuesday and then their source in the White House gave them the go-ahead to print it after Ketamine Brain fucked up the Wisconsin state Supreme Court election.

Probably. The third sentence even says “Musk’s looming retreat comes as some Trump administration insiders and many outside allies have become frustrated with his unpredictability and increasingly view the billionaire as a political liability, a dynamic that was thrown into stark relief Tuesday when a conservative judge Musk vocally supported lost his bid for a Wisconsin Supreme Court seat by 10 points,” and Politico just had to fill in liberal Susan Crawford’s margin.

The fat bastard’s staff probably wrote the copy toward the end about them being “increasingly relieved that Musk is expected to soon move on from his central role at Trump’s side and that the litany of DOGE surprises – which have ranged from a weekend email blast demanding federal workers list their work output to accidental cuts to Ebola prevention programs – might finally be coming to a close. That’s to say nothing of their concerns about Musk as a political liability who has served as a rallying point for fractured Democrats,” as if the addled egomaniac is going to stay out of the midterms now that he’s had a taste of Republicans’ groveling and neediness.

“New York Attorney General Letitia James today announced that her office has stopped Super 4 Seasons, a Rockland County car wash company, from running a discriminatory scam that targeted Jewish customers preparing for Passover. In the days leading up to Passover, many Jewish families clean their homes, cars, and other spaces to remove ‘chametz,’ or leavened products. An Office of the Attorney General (OAG) investigation found that in the weeks leading up to the holiday, Super 4 Seasons advertised a ‘Passover Special’ cleaning promotion, targeting Jewish customers, that cost more than three times the standard price for the same service. Attorney General James is requiring Super 4 Seasons to immediately stop promoting or offering any discriminatory car wash special and, if the company fails to do so, pay a $75,000 penalty,” said James’s office in a Monday press release.

“The OAG opened an investigation into Super 4 Seasons in April 2024 after receiving several complaints that the car wash company was knowingly charging Jewish customers $169 for a service that was otherwise available for just $47. As part of the investigation, OAG conducted undercover testing, interviewed complainants, and reviewed thousands of the company’s sales entries.”

“The OAG found that Super 4 Seasons had promoted similar Passover-specific services dating back to at least 2018 and that in the weeks leading up to Passover, Jewish customers had been routinely denied access to standard pricing and were falsely told that only the high-priced ‘Passover Packages’ were available. The OAG investigation also found that Super 4 Seasons persistently posted promotional signs advertising that only ‘Passover Packages and Up’ were available, falsely claiming that standard services were not offered ahead of Passover. When an OAG investigator dressed in traditional Orthodox Jewish clothing inquired about standard pricing, he was told the car wash is ‘not doing anything except shampoos and Passover cleanings right now.'”

Screenshots posted by Russian-paid four-eyed penis Benny Johnson of a recent survey by Republican pollster Tony Fabrizio show corrupt piece of shit Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton up 53 to 28 percent over Senator John Cornhole Cornyn among Lone Star State Republican primary voters, a lead that increases to 70 to 14 percent on the “informed vote.” The screenshots number the first question at 29 and the second one at 46, meaning respondents were fed as many as 15 questions like “What would you think if you were told John Cornyn was rumored to have had sexual relations with a cow?”, “What would you think of him if it was an underage cow?”, “What if it was a particularly ugly underage cow?”, “Now what if it was a bull? (An underage, ugly, bull)” and “Did you know that Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is the only anti-Tren de Aragua candidate in the 2026 GOP Senate primary to have taken the homosexual rainbow fentanyl cartels head-on?” before they decided that Ken Paxton is the America First fighter Texas needs, not gay cowfucker John Cornyn.

Possibly more important than the findings and the content of the leading questions in the stupid poll is that it even exists at all, since Tony Fabs’s services don’t come cheap and only a well-funded GOP campaign operation is going to be in the market for them and then leaking it to douchebag closeted MAGA influencers like Benny Johnson – a strong indicator that Pax really is taking on Cornyn.

Convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday ordered the SEC to allow him to dump $2 billion of shares of $DJT, the symbol of Truth Social owner Trump Media and Technology Group, ABC News reports. Well the actually wrote that Trump “filed paperwork with the Securities and Exchange commission that could allow the president’s trust to sell more than $2 billion of shares” as if this is somehow up to the SEC and they’re not just going to rubber stamp it before prostrating and apologizing profusely that such Potemkin bureaucratic formalities even still exist at all.

Come to think of it somebody’s probably going to end up getting fired for letting this notice go public per standard operating procedure since, just as one would expect, $DJT is down 6 percent on Wednesday as of 10:33 AM EDT, to $19.00 on the nose on the news that the fat fuck could sell.

Get used to seeing this logo on the products you buy #LiberationDay🇺🇸 pic.twitter.com/2Er4HdqcfT

— Trump War Room (@TrumpWarRoom) April 2, 2025

Manhattan federal Judge Dale Ho on Wednesday dismissed the criminal case against dumbass New York City Mayor Eric Adams, the New York Post reports on the consummation of a corrupt deal with convicted felon President Trump’s regime. Ho did however at least fuck over Team Trump by dismissing with prejudice, removing the Sword of Damocles they wanted hanging over Adams to force him to comply with what would no doubt have been outlandish demands of fealty.

Exploding electric vehicle company Tesla’s sales dropped 13 percent in Q1 2025 compared to Q1 2024, delivering 336,000 vehicles down from a Wall Street estimate of between 360,000 and 370,000 deliveries and the company’s own investor relations team put at 377,000, CNBC reports.

Oh and Electrek.co reports they’re sitting on $200 million worth of the hideous shitbox Cybertrucks which, put together, should be the real apocalyptic harbinger for the company’s founder, not a fucking state Supreme Court election in goddamned Wisconsin. “Western civilization,” lol.

“Trump Tariff Plans Still in Limbo Ahead of Rose Garden Event” says the headline of a Tuesday night Bloomberg story first printed at 7:44 PM EDT and then updated at 6:44 AM EDT on Wednesday, which was 9 hours and 16 minutes before the 4:00 PM EDT announcement at which the President of the United States will purportedly declare economic warfare against the entire rest of the world.

They’ve now, as of this printing, got 7 hours and 9 minutes left to figure out the precise contours of the plan and as most people who have worked in pressure situations know, there’s nothing like crunch time to spark a little bit of creative magic. These are those golden hours in which they’ll be bouncing a rubber ball off the walls of their conference room littered with fast wrappers and empty coffee cups and then, before you know it, the spark of an idea will burst into a brilliant flame of a plan that will save the American economy, commence a thriving era of domestic manufacturing, leave allies and foes alike begrudging with respect for the Administration and renew a commitment in them to partner with the president on building a fair and equitable global economy.

It could absolutely go like that. It really could. It’s only at like roughly the 2:17 PM mark that if they don’t have anything yet they’ll really have to start to panic and then just frantically slap what little they have together and go out there with a straight face to act like this is a well-considered plan.

Yes, Democrats may have won the big Wisconsin state Supreme Court race on Tuesday, but they actually lost their most sacred values because they’re now pro-violence and anti-electric cars, said Jonathan Turley on Fox News Wednesday morning, plugging a new column he has out on the supposed mass betrayal. Apparently this means that Turley understands how badly he sucked at being a legal commentator he’s now trying to refashion himself as a political expert, lol.

That was the second half of the clip, which just barely won out over the first half, which was the not-as-MAGA Fox and Friends host Steve Doocy laying the blame on Elon Musk for the defeat, pretty much throwing him under the bus and reassuring viewers that Wisconsin voters were taking their anger out on him, not Trump. This of course ignores the fact that, had former Vice President Kamala Harris won in November, Musk would be at home playing Diablo IV and eating shrooms instead of at the White House annex office building playing Diablo IV and eating shrooms in between ordering his squad of incels to fuck over regular people in the name of specious “government efficiency.”

“South Carolina Forestry Commission law enforcement officials have arrested three individuals on charges related to the origin of the now-13,000+ acre Table Rock Fire near Pickens, SC. This morning officers arrested Nyzaire Jah-Neiz Marsh, 19, of Taylors, Tristan Tyler, 18, of Greenville and Isaac Wilson, 18, of Greenville, charging them with one count each of negligently allowing fire to spread to lands or property of another. While involved in the search for a missing hiker in Table Rock State Park March 21, Pickens County sheriff’s deputies, state park personnel and other first responders discovered a rapidly growing wildfire. As part of their response, the search group located and evacuated seven hikers, several of whom were questioned about the origins of the fire.”

“During preliminary interviews, four subjects, three adults and one minor, were relocated to the C David Stone Law Enforcement Center in Pickens for follow-up questioning. SCFC investigators along with Pickens County Sheriff’s Office detectives obtained evidence that they allege identified these subjects as suspects in the origin of the Table Rock State Park fire. According to the arrest warrant affidavits, the suspects took part in smoking activities on a hiking trail at the state park and did not extinguish their cigarettes in a proper and safe manner, which officials allege led to the ignition of the Table Rock Fire,” says the South Carolina Forestry Commission in a news release on the arrests of the three cool teenagers who ignored and mocked all those lame-ass anti-smoking PSAs.

In all seriousness those ads were fucking lame and likely made more smokers than they prevented.

Republicans on the Florida state House Government Operations subcommittee on Tuesday advanced a new bill requiring voters in the Sunshine State to verify US citizenship with one of seven forms of identification, including a passport, birth certificate, or driver’s license – with the bill also mandating the DMV update state licenses to indicate US citizenship – when registering to vote or making any changes to their registration, the Palm Beach Post reports.

The bill does not however go all the way and require voters to actually present proof of citizenship at the polls and current law allows Floridians to show something as far afield from real government-issued IDs as a neighborhood association card as long as it has a photo on it. Otherwise, since the state’s required driver’s license renewal interval period is every eight years – or 6 years if you’re over 80 years old – it’ll take until 2034 for the state to verify the citizenship of every voter who uses a driver’s license as ID at the polls… which is almost certainly the vast majority of them.

All this is to say these are some sneaky, weasely sons of bitches, not forcing everyone to present citizenship proof at the polls from the get-go or at least demand everyone on the state’s voter rolls update their registration with said proof before the 2026 elections. So in one sense they’re being smarter about it by tip-toeing around disenfranchising Republican voters – in fact if you still live in the same home 10 years from now and use any of the non-governmental IDs to vote then it appears you’ll be exempted from having to prove your citizenship indefinitely – but if this is as urgent as the MAGA assclowns say it is then they should be walking the walk on “election integrity,” instead of fucking around and gradually bringing the vast majority of the state’s electorate in over a decade.

The long con of the left is corruption of the judiciary

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) April 2, 2025

It’s “Liberation Day” in the United States, according to Reuters and a bunch of other news outlets that say Americans are about to be liberated from a shit ton of their money.

A Trump regime adviser on Tuesday reacted to the defeat of wienery former Wisconsin Attorney General Brad Schimel to liberal Judge Susan Crawford in the big state Supreme Court race by telling NBC News that “The results are what they are. It’s an off-year race, and predictive of nothing. I don’t think you can read too much into it, including Elon’s role,” even though, again, Musk said the race would “decide the future” of “Western Civilization” and the “destiny of humanity.” So yeah this adviser’s a twat doing a bad job of coping with a defeat in a race they should’ve stayed away from.

There’s also that Trump himself commanded his fans to vote for Schimel because a Crawford win would be “a DISASTER for Wisconsin and, the United States of America. SO IMPORTANT” and last week said “Wisconsin is a big state politically, and the Supreme Court has a lot to do with elections in Wisconsin. Winning Wisconsin is a big deal, therefore the Supreme Court choice. It’s a big race.”

“Elon was a happy warrior this entire race, knowing full well it was an uphill battle. The only reason Schimel was able to make this a race was because Elon got involved,” a “source familiar with Musk’s thinking” said. “He put the Democrats on defense and made them empty their coffers in a race that should’ve never been competitive.” What the fuck, lol. Crawford won by 9 percent. Still, the source vowed that Ketamine Brain’s “going to continue to be active and isn’t ceding anything to Democrats.”

Musk has not tweeted anything whatsoever in the more than two hours since the race was called.

Western civilization ended Tuesday in Wisconsin as liberal Judge Susan Crawford defeated former Attorney General Brad Schimel for a seat on the state Supreme Court, maintaining the 4-3 left majority on the bench, Cook Political Report’s Dave Wasserman projects in the moment that dooms all of society to darkness, according to drug-addicted billionaire Elon Musk, who on Sunday warned fans that “the future of Western civilization is very much in the balance right now,” during a rally at which he handed out $2 million in bribes to them on top of like $20 million dumped into the race, lol.

More immediately, drunken asshole MAGA Congressman Derrick Van Orden and his fellow Wisconsinite Bryan Steil had warned they would probably lose their seats in the 2026 midterms due to an anticipated un-gerrymandering of the state’s maps in an upcoming case. “We both lose,” Van Orden told CNN’s Manu Raju. “So that’s why everyone’s paying attention to this on a national level”

Convicted felon President Trump’s regime are preparing estimates of what it would cost to conquer and maintain control of Greenland as a US territory, the Washington Post reports, citing “three people with knowledge of the matter,” who are really acting on “the most concrete effort yet to turn President Donald Trump’s desire to acquire the Danish island into actionable policy.”

An option being floated is simply buying out the Danes and offering the Greenlanders considerably more in subsidies than the estimated $600 million Denmark’s government forks over per year. “This is a lot higher than that,” said a Trump regime official familiar with the plans. “The point is, ‘We’ll pay you more than Denmark does.’” Why Greenland should trust their word was not elaborated upon.

Then there’s selling the American public on the completely unknown but theoretically sizable economic benefits to accessing the vast frozen island’s resources. “There is a discussion about what would be the cost-benefit to the United States of America if we were to acquire Greenland,” an official said. “What would it cost us to maintain Greenland as a United States territory?”

Republican Jimmy Patronis has defeated Dem Gay Vailmont to replace credibly suspected sex trafficker and OAN host Matt Gaetz in Florida’s 1st District, convicted felon President Trump projects.

Scumbag Republican Randy Fine has defeated Dem Josh Weil in the Florida 6th special to replace Mike Waltz, elections geek John Couvillon projects. The only question now is how close Weil ran and how much he overperformed expectations in the Trump +30 district. It’s definitely not Fine +30.