A truckload of wieners that could’ve been put in people’s mouths instead ended up flopping all over I-83 in Shrewsbury, Pennsylvania on Friday, the AP reports in an article headlined “Hot dog spill shuts down highway in Pennsylvania commuters’ wurst nightmare,” emphasis added.

“Crews were stuck with a job they did not relish,” the AP wrote under the lede, emphasis added again. There’s no official byline so it’s not clear whether UPI’s Ben Hooper – the redoubtable chronicler legend in the business for masterworks such as “Crash on a California highway caused an hours-long ‘traffic yam’” after a similar spill of sweet potatoes – has been poached by the larger rival wire service to serve as their most elegant quill of family-friendly, whimsical reportage.

Which would suck because that guy’s such a fucking wiener. Then again it doesn’t matter as his “style” has plainly already infected the brains of the AP writers who came up with these lame puns instead of just treating the audience like adults and going with sophomoric dick jokes. The closest they got in this article was an apparently sincere use of “tube steaks” as another term for hot dogs.

In an article headlined “Florida parent demands resignation of school board chair who celebrated Hulk Hogan’s death,” Fox News reports that they found some random dad of an Alachua County, Florida Public Schools student to demand that Sarah Rockwell, chair of the district’s baord, resign for writing “Oh did Hulk die? I didn’t even know. Good. One less MAGA in the world,” in a since-deleted post after the openly racist and fascist pro wrestler expired at age 71 on July 24th. Rockwell then added in a reply to herself that the Hulkster had “worked with the McMahons to union bust professional wrestling. He’s never been a good guy. I feel absolutely nothing about his death.”

Jeremy Clepper, whose name does not appear on voter rolls in that town in the Sunshine State, told Fox in a statement that “needs to resign because of her comment ‘good, one less MAGA in the world,’ saying she wants all MAGAs dead,” and that it’s “absolutely terrifying that someone like her is at the head of the system.” Fox News’s article then links to a video of a school board meeting at which Clepper spoke at, writing that Clepper said “he was ‘initially removed’ from the meeting but that the environment became so hostile that he ended up leaving.” The link leads to a Twitter video posted by an influencer Corey A DeAngelis “school choice evangelist,” whose profile banner features convicted felon President Trump’s boilerplate endorsement of his book “The Parent Revolution.”

You know when you really think about it, math itself is kind of like a belief system. Yes, people say that 12 + 5 = 17 but when you drill down that’s just really a widely held opinion open to subjective interpretation. Some might simply feel differently about it. Also numbers themselves are just symbols that can have all sorts of meanings. And if you think those numbers are wrong then you might understandably begin to feel like all numbers are wrong and shouldn’t be trusted.

President Trump on Friday announced immediate action to remedy the troubling jobs numbers from this morning’s monthly employment report by firing the woman who leads the agency compiling them, posting “I was just informed that our Country’s ‘Jobs Numbers’ are being produced by a Biden Appointee, Dr Erika McEntarfer, the Commissioner of Labor Statistics, who faked the Jobs Numbers before the Election to try and boost Kamala’s chances of Victory. This is the same Bureau of Labor Statistics that overstated the Jobs Growth in March 2024 by approximately 818,000 and, then again, right before the 2024 Presidential Election, in August and September, by 112,000.”

“These were Records — No one can be that wrong? We need accurate Jobs Numbers. I have directed my Team to fire this Biden Political Appointee, IMMEDIATELY. She will be replaced with someone much more competent and qualified. Important numbers like this must be fair and accurate, they can’t be manipulated for political purposes. McEntarfer said there were only 73,000 Jobs added (a shock!) but, more importantly, that a major mistake was made by them, 258,000 Jobs downward, in the prior two months. Similar things happened in the first part of the year, always to the negative.”

“The Economy is BOOMING under ‘TRUMP’ despite a Fed that also plays games, this time with Interest Rates, where they lowered them twice, and substantially, just before the Presidential Election, I assume in the hopes of getting “Kamala” elected – How did that work out? Jerome ‘Too Late’ Powell should also be put ‘out to pasture.’ Thank you for your attention to this matter!”

Missing from National Zero’s pickup of USA Today’s reporting earlier – and USA Today’s reporting itself – was that the prison sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell was moved to in Texas this week is a relatively comfy new Club Fed, making the conclusion that there’s some kind of deal going on with her and the Trump Regime inescapable, leading victims Annie and Maria Farmer along with the family of now-deceased victim Virginia Giuffre to issue a statement via CNN’s Kaitlan Collins:

“It is with horror and outrage that we object to the preferential treatment convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell has received. Ghislaine Maxwell is a sexual predator who physically assaulted minor children on multiple occasions, and she should never be shown any leniency. Yet, without any notification to the Maxwell victims, the government overnight has moved Maxwell to a minimum security luxury prison in Texas. This is the justice system failing victims right before our eyes. The American public should be enraged by the preferential treatment being given to a pedophile and a criminally charged child sex offender. The Trump administration should not credit a word Maxwell says, as the government itself sought charges against Maxwell for being a serial liar. This move smacks of a cover up. The victims deserve better,” said the Farmers and Giuffre relatives.

MuellerSheWrote reports that Maxwell’s sex offender status had to be waived for the move.

Virginia Lt Gov Winsome Sears was, um, not the most telegenic of candidates on CNN Friday… That’s a gentle way of putting it. There are a lot of non-gentle ways of putting how it went for her.

The above headline is a slight, immaterial truncation of a quote from convicted felon President Trump in a Friday phone interview with an unspecified NBC News reporter. What he actually said when asked if he’s concerned that prices would rise for Americans due to his tariff policy – after the fat fuck campaigned on “Bidenflation” – was “The only price that’s spiked is the hundreds of billions of dollars coming in.” As in the tariffs being paid by Americans buying foreign products.

One that note, the Yale Budget Lab on Friday issued an analysis finding that the “price level from all 2025 tariffs rises by 1.8 percent in the short-run, the equivalent of an average per household income loss of $2,400 in 2025. This assumes the Federal Reserve does not react to tariffs and so the real income adjustment comes primarily through prices rather than nominal incomes; if the Federal Reserve reacted, the adjustment could in part come in the form of lower nominal incomes. Annual pre-substitution losses for households at the bottom of the income distribution are $1,300. The post-substitution price increase settles at 1.5 percent, a $2,000 loss per household.”

Remember that “TRUMP LOW PRICES / KAMALA HIGH PRICES” sign from last year? That was funny.

“Based on the highly provocative statements of the Former President of Russia, Dmitry Medvedev, who is now the Deputy Chairman of the Security Council of the Russian Federation, I have ordered two Nuclear Submarines to be positioned in the appropriate regions, just in case these foolish and inflammatory statements are more than just that. Words are very important, and can often lead to unintended consequences, I hope this will not be one of those instances. Thank you for your attention to this matter!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday.

Disgraced former South Korean President Yoon Suk-Yeol stripped off his prison jumpsuit and laid down of the floor of his cell on Friday to avoid getting dragged out to face questioning from investigators over crimes unrelated to his failed coup attempt from last year that set in motion his impeachment, removal, indictment on charges of sedition, and jailing awaiting trial, the AP reports.

No this was about allegations surrounding Yoon’s wife Kim Keon Hee, including that she and her husband exerted inappropriate influence on the then-ruling party’s election nomination process in 2022 in the election that Yoon beat current President Lee Jae Myung, who two months ago defeated Yoon’s conservative successor in a special election. To think all Yoon had to do was just not fucking get pilled on domestic right wing conspiracy bullshit urging him to declare martial law.

Sex trafficker and Jeffrey Epstein accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell has been moved from the federal prison in Florida she had been staying at to a different one in Texas, USA Today reports with a confirmation from the US Bureau of Prisons and without any information whatsoever on why.

“We can confirm, Ghislaine Maxwell is in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons (BOP) at the Federal Prison Camp (FPC) Bryan in Bryan, Texas,” said a Bureau spokesman in a statement that did not at all shed light on the absolutely 100 percent certainly non-coincidental reason for the move.

Had this happened in any other context you could chalk it up to something like fights with and/or informing on other inmates to get herself moved to a nicer “hotel room,” et cetera, as being more likely than any “politically sensitive investigations” having any bearing on where she’s staying. But at this current juncture? There is no fucking way it’s unrelated to the Trump Regime trying to figure out what to do with her and whether/how she can be put to work on getting Donald out of this jam.

FBI agents scouring 100,000 pages of documents about the investigations into dead sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein as they prepared them for release had redacted mentions of convicted felon President Trump’s name from the files before deciding to just not release them to the public at all this spring, Bloomberg reports with further details on the extremely labor-intensive and opportunity cost-sucking misadventure inside the bureau first revealed by Senator Dick Durbin last month.

A 14 year FBI veteran named Michael Seidel, who had led the bureau’s Record/Information Dissemination Section, was also forced out for pushing back against pouring so much resources into the review – which again, did NOT end with any of these fucking files being released publicly, probably because Trump’s minions knew reporters, lawyers, and OSINT geeks would’ve within hours collectively reverse-engineered the black ink and found where the fat fuck’s name was mentioned.

The upshot of all this is that, after taking a ton of shit from the MAGA base for the failure that was the white-people-dancing-with-binders-full-of-already-public-info day on the White House driveway, Pam Bondi and K$H spent enormous resources flagging and the redacting the Orange God Emperor’s name from the documents, only to finally on July 7th decide that they were better off taking more shit from the MAGA base and everyone else than actually letting the files see daylight.

The One Big Beautiful bill will drive the return of the great American car.
🇺🇸🇺🇸 pic.twitter.com/poAsG8pDKg

— GOP (@GOP) July 31, 2025

Kind of at a loss for words on what to make of this. They couldn’t find a stock image of a freaking Cadillac or Corvette? A Jeep Grand Cherokee or Mustang? Is this just someone actively trying to get fired from their job making these fucking memes? It’s almost like the simplest explanation is deliberate internal sabotage when it says “the great American automobile” and then use a pic of something that is 100 percent not American… as well as from 40 or 50 goddamned years ago.

UPDATE 8/1/2025 1:05 PM EDT: The “community note” identifying the car as a Soviet “Lada VAZ 101” was not added until after National Zero had printed this “article” at 10:39 AM EDT on Friday.

Responding to a Bosnian appeals court ruling banning him from political office for six years, Milorad Dodik, president of the Serbian-majority semi-autonomous region Republika Srpska, said he’s going to run to daddies Donald and Vlad for help in overturning the decision, Reuters reports.

“I do not accept the verdict. I will seek help from Russia and I will write a letter to the US administration,” Dodik told reporters after the appeals court upheld a sentence imposed for defying the orders of the international peace envoy, whose role is to prevent the ethno-religiously trisected Bosnia from sliding back into civil war. Dodik also commanded his minions to cut off all contact with European Union ambassadors, even as the bloc continues to have peacekeeping troops stationed in the country after the destructive 1990s conflict that claimed over 100,000 lives.

While the fat bastard might be interested in “intervening” the same way he’s been with Brazil, it definitely wouldn’t hurt for Milo to start buying up some $TRUMP shitcoin with whatever’s left in the Srpska treasury that hasn’t already been looted to snag condos in London and Manhattan.

Congressional with Harvard degrees Dems led by Congressman Sam Liccardo and Senators Adam Schiff and Chris Van Hollen are threatening future consequences for the college if they strike any sort of deal with convicted felon President Trump and pay his $500 million ransom, Axios reports.

The Dems warned that “any such agreement may warrant rigorous Congressional oversight and inquiry,” and any deal with the Orange God Emperor “cannot be viewed in isolation” but “part of a broader pattern of attempted interference … in the governance of independent institutions… Any acquiescence to unjustified political threats would not only diminish Harvard’s standing but also make it complicit in the erosion of fundamental democratic principles.”

Georgia MAGA Congressman Rich McCormick on Friday betrayed possibly just a little too much about the kayfabe of the latest Hillary Clinton BOMBSHELL, by telling idiot Maria Bartiromo “I hope we get a scalp,” rather than “She’s DEFINITELY going to prison for her crimes.” Can’t set unrealistic expectations if you don’t at least pretend to hold those expectations yourself, Richard-head.

“Total nonfarm payroll employment changed little in July (+73,000) and has shown little change since April, the US Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) reported today. The unemployment rate, at 4.2 percent, also changed little in July. Employment continued to trend up in health care and in social assistance. Federal government continued to lose jobs,” says the monthly BLS report.

The consensus estimate was 110,000 new jobs with a 4.2 percent rate, per CNBC, who also report that revisions for May and June put the total between the two months at 258,000 fewer jobs.

A new survey of North Carolina voters by the unsubtly pro-MAGA pollsters at Emerson College finds former North Carolina Governor Roy Cooper leading now-former RNC chairman Mike Whatley 47 to 41 percent in the very likely 2026 matchup to replace retiring Senator Thom Tillis.

The NRSC’s own polling, obtained by NOTUS, finds “in a matchup between Roy Cooper and a generic pro-Trump Republican, they are tied 48 to 48 percent,” and damned if Mike Whatley is not THE most generic pro-Trump Republican candidate they could find. Current NRSC chair Tim Scott is urging other senators to endorse and quickly consolidate support for the first-time candidate who has never run for local dog catcher let alone an incredibly crucial statewide race.

“More to Come” – Kash Patel Calls Out Clinton After Declassified Durham Annex Reveals Hillary PERSONALLY Approved Trump-Russia Hoax https://t.co/wK0MzcujZ3

— The Gateway Pundit (@gatewaypundit) August 1, 2025

“Jerome ‘Too Late’ Powell, a stubborn MORON, must substantially lower interest rates, NOW. IF HE CONTINUES TO REFUSE, THE BOARD SHOULD ASSUME CONTROL, AND DO WHAT EVERYONE KNOWS HAS TO BE DONE!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday.