Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer on Tuesday hinted his caucus are going to need a pound of flesh from Republicans to avert a government shutdown from kicking in at midnight on Saturday, as the House-passed continuing resolution requires 60 votes in the Senate, Axios reports.

“Democrats had nothing to do with this bill. And we want an opportunity to get an amendment vote or two. So that’s what we are insisting on to vote for cloture,” Tim Kaine told reporters after Dems met on Wednesday, adding “There are not the votes right now to pass it.”

The Social Security Administration’s phone-based service for seniors and disabled people is likely to get DOGEd, the Washington Post reports on the Trump regime tempting the wrath of the olds.

Among the ton of stupid shit convicted felon President Trump embarrassed the United States with during an Oval Office presser with the Ireland’s Prime Minister was this gem above. Then there was “Nobody’s expelling any Palestinians,” even though that was supposed to be the plan, before that was “Schumer is a Palestinian as far as I’m concerned. He’s become a Palestinian. He used to be Jewish. He’s not Jewish anymore. He’s a Palestinian,” and “I have a right to adjust” his tariff policy with all this back-and-forth dipshittery, and “I think the markets are going to soar when they see what’s happening,” as if they aren’t seeing what’s happening and reacting accordingly to his failures.

In a media advisory for interviews with Navy SEAL Lt Cmdr Jonny Kim MD, prior to his scheduled mission on Tuesday, April 8, NASA touts his background “a US Navy lieutenant commander and dual designated naval aviator and flight surgeon. Kim also served as an enlisted Navy SEAL. He holds a bachelor’s degree in Mathematics from the University of San Diego and a medical degree from Harvard Medical School in Boston. He completed his internship with the Harvard Affiliated Emergency Medicine Residency at Massachusetts General Hospital and Brigham and Women’s Hospital. After completing initial astronaut candidate training, Kim supported mission and crew operations in various roles, including the Expedition 65 lead operations officer, T-38 operations liaison, and space station capcom chief engineer.” Plus his girlfriend’s probably pretty hot.

Oh but Kim’s Asian. Sounds like a woke DEI hire who needs to get DOGEd yesterday.

A plane carrying former Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte landed in the Netherlands on Wednesday, putting the psychotic mass murderer in the custody of the International Criminal Court on a warrant for thousands of extrajudicial “death squad” killings against suspected drug dealers during Dutere’s six year term, Politiko.com.ph reports.

EXCLUSIVE National Zero video of one lone MAGA dickhead getting shoved and chased out of Foley Square in Manhattan during a large protest against Mahmoud Khalil’s abduction and detention.

…is the text of a Truth Social post by the fat fuck accompanied by a video of some nebbishy beta male staring into a laptop camera for a Newsmax interview. Just the text alone is good enough.

Greenland’s centre-right Demokraatit party – running on a platform of gradual independence from Denmark – pulled in around 30 percent of the vote in Tuesday’s big election, the BBC reports on some not-great news for convicted felon President Trump’s imperial designs on the vast island.

“Greenland needs us to stand together in a time of great interest from outside,” Demokraatit leader Jens Frederik Nielsen told reporters. “There is a need for unity, so we will enter into negotiations with everyone.” In second place came the Naleraq, running on immediately starting the independence process and forging closer ties with the United States at 24 percent. In third and fourth were the current governing coalition parties, Inuit Ataqatigiit (IA) and Siumut, marking a defeat for soon-to-be-former Prime Minister Mute Egede. But it sucks worse for fat Donald.

In an interview with the New York Times, New Hampshire Dem Senator Jean Shaheen says she won’t be running for reelection next year, leaving the seat up for grabs but still a reach for the GOP.

A senior Canadian government official tells the Associated Press that Tim Hortonsland will announce as soon as Wednesday $29.8 billion CAD/ $20.7 billion USD in retaliatory tariffs in response to the 25 percent steel and aluminum tariffs levied Tuesday by convicted felon President Trump.

The European Union on Wednesday also announced retaliatory tariffs against the US.

In a story headlined “US astronauts stuck on space station because Biden didn’t want to risk rescue before election: ex-NASA spaceman” the New York Post cites former NASA astronaut Clayton “Astroclay” Anderson, who spent a total of 167 days in orbit, as their expert in support of the alleged political considerations of the delay in returning Barry “Butch” Wilmore and Suni Williams from their eight day stay on the International Space Station that has now lasted more than nine months.

“Elon said it was politically motivated, I think there’s some truth in that,” said “Astroclay” – whose first-name basis familiarity with the ketamine-addicted SpaceX founder might be one’s first potential red flag in this article – adding that Musk “offered to bring them home earlier. It came about right before the election. My opinion is that they didn’t want a disaster right before an election that they were trying to win and therefore asked the astronauts to sacrifice and stay in orbit.”

“That’s why I loved Trump #DrainingtheSwamp… I’m tired of corruption,” said “Astroclay” not during the interview with the Post, but in a 2021 tweet exchange with some deleted account. The Post naturally omits any such hints at “Astroclay’s” political leanings, instead presenting him as a “neutral” expert on the political dimensions of spaceflight, rather than on spaceflight itself.

It’s also not really a flex that Biden supposedly ignored Musk’s offer to return Wilmore and Williams because “they didn’t want a disaster right before an election.” Would that have been good for Ketamine Brain if the two burned up in the atmosphere on board a disintegrating SpaceX rocket?

A new CNN/SSRS national survey finds convicted felon President Trump 12 percent in the red on net approval of his handling of the economy at 44 percent approve to 56 percent disapprove in March 2025. CNN helpfully included a list of findings on the same question from his first term and, of the 35 times they asked it previously, only six times was there a net negative, none of them later than February 2018, when it was just 1 percent underwater at 46 approve/47 disapprove – though he broke even twice in 2020 at 48 to 48 in June and October of that plague year. The net negative approval never got higher than 5 percent at 45 to 49, all the way back in December 2017.

Your wallet misses President Trump. https://t.co/xuslFh8Oyz

— House Judiciary GOP 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 (@JudiciaryGOP) September 23, 2022

Trump’s average net economic approval in CNN/SSRS’s polling during his first maladministration was +5.41 percent, which is noteworthy because the fat fuck has NEVER had a net positive rating in overall job approval from this pollster, averaging negative 14.59 percent underwater in the first term.

In testimony to the Texas State K-12 Senate Education Committee on Tuesday, far-right pastor and suspected conspirator in the President John F Kennedy’s 1963 assassination Rafael Cruz Sr urged lawmakers to impose an anti-communism history curriculum as part of a plan to instill Christian dominionist beliefs on schoolchildren in the Lone Star State, the Texas Tribune reports.

“Communism needs to undermine the construct of god because government must become your god,” said Cruz, 85, apparently without any irony given the devotion displayed by the GOP toward a certain figure central to their politics since 2016. “In many instances our classrooms are failing us, because they’re following an agenda. It is not our agenda. It is a communist agenda that has, like tentacles, immersed itself into our education system. So we need to retrieve our educational system from that evil agenda,” Cruz continued, adding that kids are “brainwashed on the virtues of socialism” through Critical Race Theory, Diversity or Equity and Inclusion, and other woke shit.

A number of South Dakotans tell Politico they don’t expect any ICE raids in Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem’s home state anytime soon given that removing even a fraction of the farm labor workforce would completely cripple its agriculture industry, particularly the dairy sector.

“It would be a political disaster if she did,” said former Dem state Representative Kathy Tyler, adding that Noem showing up in her militia Barbie getup would remind people about how lax she was on the issue when she was governor. Former state Ag Commissioner Walt Bones, who himself got slapped with fines for employing some not legal fellas, keeps lobbying for shit that will never happen.

“The focus now is bad actors – the folks with criminal records who are here and committing crimes and are not stellar citizens and who are not contributing to society. My hope is that, let’s focus on those folks, and in the meantime, let’s try to get some policies in place so that we can keep our good people here who are contributing,” Bones said, but might as well have been using “family-oriented.”

Rosie O'Donnell announced that she has escaped the US for Ireland and won't consider coming back until it's "safe for all citizens to have equal rights there."

Will anybody miss her?? pic.twitter.com/qGtaK49hqy

— Libs of TikTok (@libsoftiktok) March 11, 2025

How could she do this to us?!?! In the moment we needed her most Rosie O’Donnell has fled to Ireland!!! All hope is lost!!! We are so fucking screwed now America!!! So freaking owned, all of us!!!

Convicted felon President Trump’s regime will fire approximately 50 percent of the US Department of Education’s workforce at 6 PM on Tuesday, ABC News reports on another imminent catastrophe.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed down 478 points on the day at 41,433, putting the index over 2,000 points below where it closed on November 6, 2024, after the fat fuck’s ill-gotten win.

“A Pennsylvania man was caught with a turtle concealed in his pants when the Transportation Security Administration body scanner triggered an alarm in the area of the man’s groin on Friday, March 7, at Newark Liberty International Airport. A TSA officer administered a pat-down of the area of the man’s body where the alarm was triggered and in doing so, determined that there was something concealed in the area of the man’s groin. When asked if there was something hidden in his pants, the man, a resident of East Stroudsburg, Pa, reached down the front of his pants and pulled out a live turtle that was wrapped in a small blue towel. The turtle was estimated to be about 5-inches in length. The man told officials that it was a red-ear slider turtle. Port Authority Police questioned the man, took possession of the turtle and indicated that they would contact the US Fish and Wildlife Service and local animal control officials. The man missed his flight and was escorted out of the checkpoint by police,” says a TSA press release.

Republican Orange County, California Superior Court Judge Jeffrey Ferguson, who shot his wife Sheryl square in the chest during a drunken argument at their home in front of their 23 year-old son back in August 2023, is almost certainly headed to a second trial after some fucking asshole on the jury refused to vote to convict over eight days of deliberation, prompting Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Eleanor J Hunter to declare a mistrial on Monday, USA Today reports.

On August 3, 2023., the couple’s son Phil said he witnessed Jeffrey and Sheryl first arguing over dinner at a Mexican place where Jeff made a gun-like hand gesture at her chest. Then at home, the argument flared up again in the living room when Sheryl screamed “Why don’t you point a real gun at me?” Jeff did, pulling a .40 Glock he kept strapped to his ankle and promptly shooting her in the chest. Jeff then dialed 911 and when the dispatcher asked if he shot his wife the judge said he wasn’t ready to discuss it at the time. Before the cops came he then texted his clerk and said “I just lost it. I just shot my wife. I won’t be in tomorrow. I will be in custody. I’m so sorry.”

That of course was not what happened according to Ferguson’s testimony at the trial, with the judge claiming he was placing his gun on a coffee table at the request of his wife when a pain in his right arm caused him to accidentally fire the weapon. It’s semi-consistent with the lie he told Hunter after his ankle monitor detected alcohol in his system, that he’d applied hand sanitizer to it due to chafing.