Ghislaine Maxwell should never ever be pardoned.

— Laura Loomer (@LauraLoomer) August 6, 2025

Some MAGA asshole on Wednesday called in a bomb threat to the St Charles, Illinois hotel where several of the “fugitive” Dem members of the Texas state House have been holed up since their flight from quorum to prevent the GOP from enacting a mid-decade gerrymander, WFAA reports.

“When the Attorney General tells people to ‘hunt us down,’ it’s not just politics — it’s a threat to our safety,” Houston Representative Ann Johnson said in a statement after the false threat. “Extremism is dangerous. Continuing to go further and further down the path of incitement and intimidation is dangerous. And this is the perfect example. We won’t be intimidated.”

An unidentified 18 year-old Utah man was in big trouble last year for statutorily raping a 13 year-old girl, looking at 25 to life in the big boy house and a hardass prosecutor who wouldn’t budge on a plea deal. Then suddenly some phone calls were made, a bill was signed, and the lad was sentenced to a week of time served and wouldn’t have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life.

What happened? Funny story. The Salt Lake Tribune reports that the man, let’s call him Brigham, is related to Republican state Senate President J Stuart Adams, who had gotten the call from Brigham’s defense attorney Cara Tangaro with an idea: Just a tiny little change to an existing law that stipulates that 17 year-olds who have sex with 13 year-olds are subject to a third-degree felony charge of unlawful sexual activity, a wide gap from the first-degree child rape charge and lifetime sentence to the sex offender list Brigham had faced. Tangaro, being the smart lawyer she is, sold Adams on amending the law to make 18 year-olds who are enrolled as high school students at the time of the offense to be charged as the third-degree felony reserved for 17 year-olds.

Adams then in turn got one of his members to sponsor the bill and presto! “You saw the legislative change,” Tangaro told the judge at sentencing two months later. “We all agree that’s not retroactive, but the government did change their offer based on that,” before Brigham walked out a free man.

At some point someone Republican’s going to file a bill sanctioning the Nobel Committee for refusing to consider however many goddamned ballsucking nominations it’s been by this point.

House Oversight Chairbilly James Comer’s subpoena for former FBI Director and Trump-Russia Special Counsel Robert Mueller for a September 2 deposition is very unlikely to obtain any testimony relevant to the 2008 investigation into convicted felon President Trump’s friend Jeffrey Epstein as Real Clear Politics dickwad Paul Sperry reports that Mueller is sadly in a “memory care facility.”

Typical fucking Comer move, not doing any goddamned homework before sending out these subpoenas – which is also very unlikely to have any legal weight on Bill Clinton as former presidents cannot be compelled. Mueller’s a private man and not checking first while ALSO leaving corrupt former federal prosecutor/Trump Labor Secretary Alex Acosta – who negotiated the 2008 plea deal with Epstein and obviously would have had significantly more knowledge than a lucid Mueller – off the list is so on brand for this stupid hick who got punked by the likes of Hunted Biden.

“Politically embattled Senator, Cryin’ Chuck Schumer, wants the Republicans to pay, as EXTORTION, TWO BILLION DOLLARS in order for the Radical Left Democrats to approve the hundreds of Trump Appointments who have been waiting for months, and are raring’ to go. This has never happened before. There has never, in US history, been such a delay. THEY ARE EXTORTIONISTS! Republicans must create legislation in order to get out of the grasp of these Country hating THUGS. Move quickly!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday, raging over Schumer blocking low-level nominees from quick confirmation in order to “extort” back $2 billion the rescissions fuckjob Trump and Republicans pulled last month. If he thinks this is bad then wait until next month when they have to do the appropriations process that requires 60 votes in the Senate.

And this fat megalomaniac’s also lying with “This has never happened before. There has never, in US history, been such a delay” two years after his loyal ballsucker Tommy Tuberville held up military promotions for months and months because he wanted the Defense Department to outlaw abortion.

'CLEAN UP OUR STREETS': @DHSgov announces new “Speedway Slammer” ICE detention facility in Indiana | @Sec_Noem pic.twitter.com/IGvYVExl5S

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) August 6, 2025

MAGA Tennessee Senator Marsha Blackburn, who would be the dumbest person in the chamber if not for Tommy Tuberville, on Wednesday launched her gubernatorial campaign, Politico reports.

Convicted felon President Trump’s team are planning a Wednesday night powow at JD Vance’s public housing for Jaydee, White House chief of staff Susie Wiles, Attorney General Pam Bondi, FBI Director Kash Patel, and Trump defense lawyer/Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche to figure a decisive way out of the Jeffrey Epstein shitshow for the Orange Caesar, CNN reports in their lede.

The real story however is the statement on how fucking desperate they are: That they’re considering trying to get Blanche booked on Joe Rogan’s show to bro out and quell all the deep and completely merited skepticism from the shitbrained podcaster’s disaffected listener base.

That would be an extremely risky move, to say the least. Obviously this being a White House insiders-sourced CNN report – following up on their Tuesday story about Team Orange thinking about releasing a transcript of the Blanche-Maxwell interview – they’re going to highlight the Rogan idea in their article without regard for how serious the Trump Reich actually are about trying to make it happen. It could’ve just been spitballed briefly during a meeting and nobody took it any further.

And even if they did who knows if Rogan would actually want to have Blanche on his show. But either way that they considered the idea seriously enough for someone to leak it to CNN that Team Trump would want to rely on a guy who thinks fucking dragons might have existed in antediluvian times to help get them out of this jam says a lot and nothing good about the situation.

Today's cover: NYC shootings have plunged to record lows this year, NYPD Commish Jessica Tisch says ‘we are resetting the curve’ https://t.co/73zcUEt8PW pic.twitter.com/nXeugzIgPh

— New York Post (@nypost) August 6, 2025

Writing to “express concern about the security and integrity of Intel’s operations and its potential impact on US national security,” menacing hick Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton on Tuesday inquired in a letter to the hardware company’s board of directors on the matter of whether Malaysian-born CEO Lip-Bu Tan is just Chinese or if he’s Chinese, like that kind of Chinese, Reuters reports.

“Intel is required to be a responsible steward of American taxpayer dollars and to comply with applicable security regulations. Mr Tan’s associations raise questions about Intel’s ability to fulfill these obligations,” Cotton wrote, trying to get a feel for how Chinese the naturalized US citizen is.

Racially-coded red-baiting aside, it’s not like Cotton is giving the ethnically Chinese Tan the glassy, internally dead, sociopathic side-eye simply because of his background as there are legitimate questions about Tan’s previous employer, Cadence Design, who pleaded guilty last month to violating US export controls banning the sale of certain specialized tech products to China. Cotton is specifically interested in whether Tan was aware of subpoenas issued to the Cadence prior to his departure in May 2023 as well as whether he owns any stakes in companies with ties to Xi’s Regime.

Aware of what the New York Times reports is the fact that “it would be nearly impossible to find sympathetic jurors in” the DC federal court circuit “overseen by a federal judge, James E Boasberg, whom the Trump team regards as an enemy,” the convicted felon president’s DOJ team are instead trying to impanel a grand jury for their “case” in South Florida, the implication obvious enough.

Equally obvious, even to the MAGA Reich, is that will be a complete dead end given both the statute of limitations and the Sixth Amendment. “Such concerns, however significant, have been swept aside, at least for now, by the eagerness to appease an impatient president demanding to use the vast powers of federal law enforcement to exact vengeance – and the political imperative of making the Epstein fiasco disappear,” the Times writes, adding it’s a “political objective” sought by that fat fuck, who “has privately carped about the slow pace of Justice Department action to his political enemies, according to people in his orbit, and made it unmistakably known what he wanted.”

“The emergence of the grand jury inquiry was unusual in several ways – not least, because its existence was revealed to right-leaning media outlets like Fox News before any actual investigative steps had apparently been taken. Moreover, it remains unclear who the grand jury might investigate and for what, if any, crimes,” the Times story continues further down, these passages copied here verbatim to illustrate just how far the Gray Lady is willing to go with validating what everybody already fucking knows about this slapdick distraction op and where it’s all but certain to be heading.

Think about how many criminal illegal aliens you could fit in this bad boy!https://t.co/nZkBEj4evQ pic.twitter.com/GH3SL1va0M

— Homeland Security (@DHSgov) August 5, 2025

This is a liver toxicity fever dream yet real. You can’t even say it’s like overtly troll-ish or fascist. Shit even calling it “cringe” is a stretch. Cringe makes you cringe. This is something else.

Coming to Oklahoma state Superintendent of Education Ryan Walters’ defense after the better part of two weeks of the far right assclown being left high and dry while accused of playing porn on a TV in his office during a meeting with the members of the Sooner State’s Board of Education and then falsely claiming the investigation into the incident was closed and he had been exonerated, state House Speaker Kyle Hilbert says he believes the TV was tuned to a 1985 Jackie Chan movie called The Protector, the Oklahoman reports on an oddly credible twist in the story.

“In my opinion, the most plausible explanation for what occurred that day is that the television, which had only been in the superintendent’s office for fewer than two months, automatically launched Samsung’s free streaming service and began playing a film that contained explicit content, without anyone in the room realizing it at the time,” said Hilbert as he explained his theory.

Which is actually genuinely 100 percent plausible. The two members of the board who saw the television screen said they had only briefly glimpsed naked women in a massage table-like setting and weren’t sure if it was actually porn. The Protector, Chan’s second American-produced movie, one still set and filmed in his native Hong Kong, does indeed feature a scene in a massage parlor with nude women. The free “Samsung TV Plus” does have literally thousands of channels of random movies and filler content. There’s literally a fucking Dawson’s Creek channel. It’s all Dawson’s Creek, all the time, 24-goddamned-seven. Furthermore, if you so much as sneeze too close to a Samsung TV remote you can suddenly find yourself watching Bigfoot Beyond The Trail: Searching for The Alaskan Sasquatch featuring an exclusive interview with a Bigfoot-themed rock musician.

“Violent crime is out of control in major Democrat-run cities across America. Biden-Harris allies like Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg and Philadelphia DA Larry Krasner are releasing violent criminals back on the streets with no regard for the alarming rise in violent crime or safety of their cities. Meanwhile, left-wing policymakers at the state and local level are passing radical pro-criminal policies that make it harder to put repeat criminals behind bars and out of American neighborhoods. Americans are less safe under the Biden-Harris Administration and their pro-criminal policies,” wrote spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan’s House Judiciary Committee on October 2, 2024 as they sold the feels of the apocalyptic election season in which everyone was getting murdered, every day.

Then on Tuesday the FBI released its annual national crime stats report and – shocker – they “violent crime decreased an estimated 4.5 percent in 2024 compared to 2023 estimates: Murder and non-negligent manslaughter recorded a 2024 estimated nationwide decrease of 14.9 percent compared to the previous year. In 2024, the estimated number of offenses in the revised rape category saw an estimated 5.2 percent decrease. Aggravated assault figures decreased an estimated 3.0 percent in 2024. Robbery showed an estimated decrease of 8.9 percent nationally.”

MAGA might as well go with “The criminals were pricing in a Trump victory and chickened out.”

Worth asking at this point if the games are even going to happen. Or if this senescent loser will still be alive to see them if they do. Trump just confused Kristi Noem with an LPGA golfer.

“Crime in Washington, DC, is totally out of control. Local ‘youths’ and gang members, some only 14, 15, and 16-years-old, are randomly attacking, mugging, maiming, and shooting innocent Citizens, at the same time knowing that they will be almost immediately released. They are not afraid of Law Enforcement because they know nothing ever happens to them, but it’s going to happen now! The Law in DC must be changed to prosecute these ‘minors’ as adults, and lock them up for a long time, starting at age 14. The most recent victim was beaten mercilessly by local thugs. Washington, DC, must be safe, clean, and beautiful for all Americans and, importantly, for the World to see.”

“If DC doesn’t get its act together, and quickly, we will have no choice but to take Federal control of the City, and run this City how it should be run, and put criminals on notice that they’re not going to get away with it anymore. Perhaps it should have been done a long time ago, then this incredible young man, and so many others, would not have had to go through the horrors of Violent Crime. If this continues, I am going to exert my powers, and FEDERALIZE this City,” posted the “Law and Order” president on Tuesday after spending some time on the roof of the White House.

He should totally do it, annoy the shit out of the cops and get hundreds of them to quit, then figure out how to blame someone else when Lindsey Graham gets stabbed in the liver by a vagrant.

“Attorney General Ken Paxton has announced that the continued refusal to perform legislative duties by Texas House Democrats who broke quorum constitutes abandonment of office and that he will pursue a court ruling ensuring that their seats are declared vacant. Speaker of the Texas House Dustin Burrows has given members until Friday, August 8, to return to Texas and present themselves before the House. Any lawmaker who has not been arrested and returned or fails to appear by the Speaker’s deadline will be subject to aggressive legal action by Attorney General Paxton,” said corrupt white nationalist Texas Attorney General Picasso face in a statement on Tuesday.

Pax doesn’t actually think it’ll work but has to perform for the MAGA base anyway.

In an article headlined “He fell 25 feet over a waterfall onto rocks below. His screams alerted rescuers,” USA Today journalist Natalie Neysa Alund puts forth a compelling argument as to why you should scream when in dangerous situation and require assistance, writing “Screaming for help, a hiker was rescued after falling over a waterfall and landing 25 feet down in ‘a rocky pool,’ according to officials in Southern California” in the lede to underscore just how crucial the act of screaming was to the man’s rescue from the treacherous rocks of Big Falls in San Bernardino County.

Unstated, but heavily implied in the text is that the man would in all likelihood otherwise have perished if he had chosen to remain silent during the ordeal, that the scream was literally the difference between life or death and the responders may not have visually ascertained his position.

Indeed, the article specifies that “While the firefighters who initially responded could not see the hiker, they could hear ‘cries for help,’ the department said,” which further bolsters this implication but does not foreclose the possibility that the firefighters could have sought another vantage point.

The bottom line: Screaming works in a wide array of dangerous situations – with some important caveats, like if a vicious werewolf just killed your neighbor on his front lawn and you scream in shock seeing it from your window. The werewolf would be alerted to your position and smash through your front door, requiring you to hide in the linen closet. Then you must remain absolutely silent while the lycanthrope sniffs the air hungrily, trying to find you. If he does rip open the closet door then go ahead and scream. It won’t do anything but it’ll at least feel good to vent some negative emotions.

Lady truck driver dials 911 after Massachusetts trucker exposes his genitals https://t.co/51IoSF6NBj #TheVillages #TheVillagesNews

— Villages-News (@Villages_News) August 5, 2025