This is, uh, difficult to describe. Perhaps the easiest way to simply say that if we were to have an AI do a parody of what an ad for a future Trump Gaza resort would look like it’d probably be pretty similar to this. Maybe we’d cut out the bearded belly dancers, the Trump and Netanyahu sitting next together shirtless by the pool, and the Elon-like character eating crab toast or something.

Yet in this timeline, not only did the President of the United States post this on his shitty Twitter clone profile, he pinned it to the top of his feed, the clearest expression yet of his ambition to conquer Gaza and build some goddamned dump of a resort that’d be overpriced as fuck.

Wednesday’s Shivaratri festival in Kathmandu, Nepal may sound like a caucasian backpacker’s dream come true, but according to the AP it’s real: Just tens of thousands of spiritual pilgrims getting high as fuck at a temple in a cloud forest temple, given a pass by cops who normally enforce prohibition against the herb. “Weed smoking should be made legal but with some limits and boundaries,” said weed smoker/Shiva worshipper Abhishek Pathak. “There are multiple uses of marijuana and I really hope in the future that the use of marijuana will be totally legalized. Once it is legalized, the benefits would be not just for the individuals but for the entire country.”

Lol.

UPDATE 2/25/2025 8:15 PM EST: Oh wait these fuckers are going to pass it by like three votes max.

This is, um, unlikely to pass, so the real fun is watching it fail as Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson’s caucus needs “prayers” to take the first step to enacting convicted felon President Trump’s agenda.

Convicted felon President Trump’s regime plan to create a registry of all undocumented immigrants requiring them to submit their personal information or face fines and prison time, according to a draft regulation obtained by the Wall Street Journal. Undocumented aliens in the country – including children 14 and older – would have to submit fingerprints and their home addresses. Those who qualify but fail to register could be fined up to $5,000 and up to six months in prison. It’s not clear why it doesn’t just threaten them with deportation if they don’t register.

“We’re gonna be selling a gold card. You have a green card, this is a gold card. We’re gonna put a price on that card of about $5 million and that’s going to give you green card privileges, plus. It’s gonna be a route to citizenship, and wealthy people will be coming into our country,” convicted felon President Trump told reporters in the Oval Office on Tuesday as he signed executive orders

Grateful to announce that I am drafting legislation to direct the Bureau of Graving and Printing to design a $250 bill featuring Donald J. Trump. Bidenflation has destroyed the economy forcing American families to carry more cash. Most valuable bill for most valuable President! pic.twitter.com/sTqcHNpbBO

— Joe Wilson (@RepJoeWilson) February 25, 2025

Some people don’t appreciate the restraint it requires to not say what one really feels about certain actors in the political/media sphere. Every now and then the things they do elicit such a primal, sixth-grade-self urge to use specific language to describe said certain actors, fighting that urge while knowing that nothing’s going to do it except for the genuine article. Like not even “flamboyant” and “cocksucker” really feel like they get the job done here, even if notionally appropriate. Still, respect for members of our audience whom could be offended by the use of a slur is paramount will survive the thrashing against self-imposed restraint. Just barely. This time.

Holy fuck it is so hard. This guy is such a faaaaa… tuous twatwaffle. Sorry.

“The Trump administration and the Ukrainian government have reached a deal designed to allow the US to tap some of Ukraine’s immense mineral wealth and to spur post-war development in the country,” Axios reports, citing two sources “close to the Ukrainian government,” copied verbatim not to mince words about the potential for the development. Further down Axios writes that there are no security guarantees yet in the agreement that Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky is expected to travel to DC to sign in the coming days. Hopefully that’s a gap in reporting and not the agreement.

A Florida federal judge on Tuesday tossed Trump Media and Technology Group’s bid to overrule the Brazilian Supreme Court Justice Alexandre De Moraes, raising a shit ton of jurisdictional issues (as expected) and also pointing out that Devin Nunes and pals didn’t actually provide any evidence that a “Dissident” had been blocked from using Truth Social under De Moraes’s orders.

“Upon review of all relevant filings, case law, the arguments of Plaintiffs’ counsel, and being otherwise fully advised, the Court DENIES Plaintiffs’ Motion for TRO. The Court finds that the pronouncements and directives purportedly issued by Defendant Moraes, were not served upon Plaintiffs in compliance with the Hague Convention, to which the United States and Brazil are both signatories, nor were they served pursuant to the Mutual Legal Assistance Treaty between the United States and Brazil. The documents were not otherwise properly served on Plaintiffs.”

“Additionally, the Court is aware of no action taken by Defendant or the Brazilian government to domesticate the ‘orders’ or pronouncements pursuant to established protocols,” wrote US District Judge Mary Scriven, likely portending a rough time for Team Orange in this moronic lawsuit.

The identity of the official administrator of “DOGE,” whom Karoline “Blondi” Leavitt refused to reveal on Tuesday despite confirming that there is an administrator of the not really real government agency, is named Amy Gleason, per Semafor’s Shelby Talcott.

Now just be clear it would sound more like what QAdulteress is talking about here is the Dem members gathering outside the CFPB and USAID and what not like they did recently as opposed to the recent town hall tribulations of her colleagues. It wouldn’t be terribly off-brand if she did mean voters however, given the way she basically said fuck you to federal workers in the same clip.

Asked by the Washington Post’s Jacqueline Alemany on Monday a question about Venezuelan detainees at Guantanamo Bay who had told the paper they “were rarely let outside, they were shackled and placed in cages, and alleged they were not treated like human beings. Does the White House have any response to those conditions?” White House Press Secretary Karoline “Blondi” Leavitt didn’t deny it and seemed proud of the “accomplishment,” of the way the guys were treated.

“At Guantanamo Bay? It’s a promise the president campaigned on, that if you invade our nation’s borders, if you break our country’s laws, and then further commit heinous, brutal crimes in the interior of our country – like raping and murdering innocent, law abiding women and girls and commit heinous acts of violence, you may be held at Guantanamo Bay. These are criminals we’re talking about. Don’t forget that,” said Leavitt at her press briefing.

Leavitt also announced the regime would be taking direct control of the White House press corps, meaning members would no longer determine who is eligible to join. Fuck you First Amendment.

“Late yesterday afternoon, I walked to my backyard intending to retrieve a piece of conduit which came off my dock and was laying on the ice. While walking on the hill down to the dock, I stepped on ice and evidently fell hard, hitting the back of my head. I do not remember anything from the fall until arriving at Sanford Health emergency room with Kris. After seeing the emergency doctor, taking some tests, including a CT Scan, and seeing a neurologist, I was diagnosed with a severe concussion, a seizure, and a slight brain bleed. The wound on my head wouldn’t stop oozing, so the doctor punched a couple of staples on the laceration and admitted me,” says North Dakota Senator Kevin Cramer in a Facebook post. Or probably it was his staff writing in the first person.

“I had a good night sleep before getting a second CT Scan. I am better today with only a slight brain bleed and pretty bad headaches. Doctors prefer I rest a little longer before returning to DC, so I do not know exactly when that will happen. It will be day to day this week, but I am ready to return quickly if events require it,” the post from the Republican or his staff members continued.

It’s Cramer’s second household accident requiring hospitalization since 2022, when he completely fucked up his hand while plating around with a lawnmower. Since then his 43 year-old son Ian also killed a cop during a high speed chase and was subsequently sentenced to 28 years in the joint.

A new Roanoke College survey of Virginia voters finds Dem former Congresswoman Abigail Spanberger leading Republican Lt Gov Winsome Sears 39 to 24 in this November’s big gubernatorial race, which was going to be tough for MAGA even before all this DOGE bullshit started.

Of course they were. https://t.co/sKB6z05K17

— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) February 25, 2025

“George Soros or Xi Jingping or Bill Gates or someone else paid for this raucous protest at California Republican Jay Obernolte’s town hall on Monday, the MAGA propaganda-industrial complex will start saying soon. If they haven’t already,” National Zero wrote Tuesday just hours after the Washington Free Beacon printed their story linked above. So it was “already” and not “soon.”

Should’ve gone with that on Monday instead of calling it that they would start throwing “insurrection” around again to describe the protests. Anyway, it’s the old six degrees of Soros in the article, which says “When angry voters confronted Rep. Rich McCormick over DOGE at a town hall held in the Georgia Republican’s deep-red district, the New York Times, Washington Post, and CBS News cited the scene as proof of emerging bipartisan ‘backlash’ over Elon Musk’s efforts to slash government spending. CBS included a quote from one of the protest’s organizers, Maggie Goldman, describing her only as a McCormick constituent. Goldman does live in McCormick’s district, though she’s far from a concerned supporter of the two-term Republican. A self-described ‘Democrat and Political Activist,’ Goldman, who did not respond to a request for comment, coordinated volunteers for Pete Buttigieg’s presidential campaign in 2019 and 2020,” and so on and so forth.

All of this written as if the “concerned mom” on every fucking Fox News segment isn’t actually a right wing “policy institute” hack who was MAGA long before she was an “inseminated person.”

In a piece headlined “Where Was ’60 Minutes’ When Rust Belt Jobs Were Cut?” TownHall.com writer Salena Zito decries the weekly CBS newsmagazine’s focus on the workers laid off by convicted felon President Trump and drug-addicted billionaire Elon Musk’s ongoing destruction of the federal government at the alleged expense of media attention that Zito asserts should instead be directed at the millions of Rust Belters who have suffered so terribly over the last half-century.

“Sept 19 marked 47 years since thousands of workers, who were mainly men, did what they did every Monday in the valley. They walked into the Campbell Works of Youngstown Sheet and Tube along the Mahoning River for the early shift. Within an hour of the workers’ shift, Youngstown Sheet and Tube abruptly furloughed 5,000 of them in a single day. Within months, 16 more plants owned by US Steel shut down, including Youngstown-based Ohio Works. The company cited foreign imports, lack of profitability, aging facilities and the cost of growing government regulations on the industry to explain the move,” and blah blah blah, Zito writes, taking a while to get to the point.

“On a recent ’60 Minutes,’ Scott Pelley interviewed a woman named Kristina Drye, who lost her job during the US Agency for International Development shutdown,” Zito continues, quoting Drye telling Pelley “Twelve days ago, people knew where their next paycheck was coming from. They knew how they were going to pay for their kids’ day care, their medical bills. And then, all gone overnight.”

“The United States hereby files the attached Certificate of Pardon (the ‘Pardon’), which was issued by the Office of the Pardon Attorney on February 5, 2025. As stated in the Pardon, on January 20, 2025, President Donald J Trump pardoned the Defendant Jeremy Brown by ‘Presidential Proclamation.’ The Pardon provides that ‘[t]he pardon applies only to convictions for offenses related to events that occurred at or near the United States Capitol on January 6, 2021.’ Based on consultation with Department of Justice leadership, it is the position of the United States that the offenses of conviction in this case are intended to be covered by this Pardon,” wrote Florida federal prosecutors to Judge Susan Bucklew on Tuesday, asserting that Oath Keeper Jeremy Brown was pardoned not just for his insurrection-ing but also for possession of unregistered short-barrel firearms, possession of unregistered explosive grenades, improper storage of explosive grenades, and retention of classified information – the latter incriminating items two he had stolen from the US Army tears earlier during his service – found by FBI agents who raided his home in 2021.

Brown is apparently still currently in the joint. Bad as this is, a release for Brown would probably opening the door to other Capitol rioter David Daniel, who is arguing the same exact thing except with child porn, to also be released. The circumstances are identical except for the specific nature of the contraband the two men possessed. Another MAGA pedophile could be out on the streets again.

Monday evening could be the beginning of yet another weeks or even months-long shitshow in the United States House of Representatives as Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson has set a 6:00 PM vote on “H Con Res 14 – Establishing the congressional budget for the United States Government for fiscal year 2025 and setting forth the appropriate budgetary levels for fiscal years 2026 through 2034,” which either they pass with no Dem votes or the government shuts down in 17 days and Republicans own it. Should be a fun day on Capitol Hill.

“Beware the Ides of March,” tweeted Marjorie Taylor Greene on the matter, lol.

A cruel twist of irony – or rather a tackle line being pulled by a mako shark – ensnared an Australian recreational angler in the waters about 35 miles off of the coast of Newcastle, New South Wales on Sunday, ending in all likelihood with the fisher becoming the fished, as the man was not wearing a life jacket and is still missing, according to NSW State Police officials, 9News reports.

NSW Police Marine Area Commander Joe McNulty said the 58 year-old Yowie Bay man, Paul Barning, and his fishing buddies were retrieving “quite a large shark” when became caught in the line and was pulled into the water. “That 58-year-old man was not wearing a life jacket, he was not wearing a flotation device that would have aided him. That’s a message to everyone fishing locally, in our waterways, offshore, he was 55km offshore without a life jacket. Tragically, that might have saved his life,” McNulty said, lamenting that part but not the fateful means with which prey became predator as Barning’s quarry so ingeniously turned the tables on him.

Also that the life jacket probably wouldn’t mean shit if a shark pulled him 80 feet underwater. If anything he might’ve been eaten faster by making himself more visible whilst thrashing in the abyss.