A center-right coalition led by Friedrich Merz of the Christian Democratic Union of Germany and backed up by the Christian Social Union looks poised to have the first crack at establishing a government and handing Merz the chancellorship, Politico EU reports citing official projections of Sunday’s snap elections showing the CDU/CSU in first at 29.9 percent, the Fourth Reich Alternative for Deutschland (AfD) in second at 19.9 percent, now-outgoing Chancellor Olaf Scholz’s Social Democratic Party in third at 16.2 percent, the Greens at 13 percent, and so on.

Politico’s Euro branch describes Merz as an extreme Americaphile and Ronald Reagan fanboy, visiting the US more than 100 times in his life. Or he was a fan until Jaydee’s speech at this month’s Munich Conference, joining other European leaders as seeing America now “as another force joining Russia and China to steadily chip away at their ever-more brittle democracies.” Nice job, MAGA.

Spandex-wearing grapple-freak Congressman Jim Jordan on Sunday conceded to Fox’s Shannon Bream that “Maybe there have been some mistakes made,” in firing thousands upon thousands of federal workers in the ongoing DOGE purge “but” because the Washington Post reported that some of the National Park rangers knew how to unlock the doors when people got trapped in toilets it’s kind of justified. He also said he’s not in favor of cutting Medicaid benefits “but” imposing work requirements are necessary to save money. Since that forces disabled people to have to go find a job and when no one hires them they can be kicked off Medicaid. Thus cutting spending.

A new ICE memo obtained by Reuters and titled “Unaccompanied Alien Children Joint Initiative Field Implementation,” outlines the federal immigration enforcement agency’s plans to protect minors who crossed into the United States without a parent or guardian from sex trafficking and other forms of exploitation by deporting them, especially those who have ghosted deportation hearings.

So if, for example, one of the sex trafficking victims depicted in QAnon fan-favorite movie Sound of Freedom somehow ended up escaping from a sinister cartel’s camp in Colombia on their own and against all odds later made it into the United States to go work on a farm then ICE wants to make sure they’ll be deported back to Colombia for their own protection from sex trafficking.

House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffires on Sunday was a bit tentative on how far he’d be willing to go with concessions to help House Republicans out with funding the government – since it will probably be a heavy lift for the MAGA party with a three-seat majority, especially with the whole DOGE shitshow – for now saying flat-out that it’s on them and for not expect a single Dem vote.

In a Sunday article titled “Idaho murders case: Bryan Kohberger’s likelihood of firing squad execution if convicted increases,” Fox News sounds an unmistakable note of excitement that the former PhD candidate credibly accused of the 2022 horrific murder of four sleeping undergrads could eventually end up being shot dead by Potato State corrections officers as the result of a bill designating firing squads as the state’s primary execution method steadily advancing though the state Senate.

“Idaho is one step closer to becoming the first state to use a firing squad as its primary execution method, months ahead of the start of college murder suspect Bryan Kohberger’s trial,” says the lede to the story which, while tying together two far less tenuously connected news cycles than some other Murdoch media products have in the past, still seems maybe just a little bit forced.

It’s not like the Republican supermajority Idaho legislature is doing this with the express intent that the 30 year-old Kohberger be shot dead so much as ensuring that he and others whom would be condemned have less room for appealing and delaying their sentences based on the increasingly complex issues surrounding lethal injection. Kohberger isn’t even mentioned at all in the Idaho Capital Sun article cited. But the high-profile murders and the prospect of a punishment as violent as the acts Kohberger committed were a no-brainer for the clickbaity propaganda network.

Pope Francis, the overlord of all Catholics, is in “critical condition,” the AP reports, citing Vatican officials who are no doubt already plotting to install one of the Borgias or some other malefactor.

“The Holy Father continues to be alert and spent the day in an armchair although in more pain than yesterday. At the moment the prognosis is reserved,” said the Vatican in a statement on the 88 year-old’s condition. Francis has been hospitalized for a the past week with a complex lung infection which got to the point of requiring a blood transfusion as he was showing symptoms of anemia.

“ELON IS DOING A GREAT JOB, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE HIM GET MORE AGGRESSIVE. REMEMBER, WE HAVE A COUNTRY TO SAVE, BUT ULTIMATELY, TO MAKE GREATER THAN EVER BEFORE. MAGA!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Saturday morning in the middle of an all-caps binge. He forgets his place, groveling at the feet of the true overlord.

“MSNBC, COMMONLY KNOWN AS MSDNC, IS A THREAT TO OUR DEMOCRACY. SUCH LYING AND MISREPRESENTATION. BAD PEOPLE AT THE TOP!” and “OUR SOUTHERN BORDER IS CLOSED!!!” the fat fuck also posted, apparently pumped up with extra Adderall ahead of his CPAC speech.

“This bill establishes the ‘Save MO Babies Act’, establishing within the Department of Social Services the Division of Maternal and Child Resources, which has the purpose of coordinating and applying for services for expecting mothers who wish to place their baby for adoption and placing such babies for adoption with fit and proper adoptive parents,” says the text to Missouri state House Bill 807 as introduced last month by Republican state Representative Phil Amato.

“Additional powers, duties, and functions as they relate to the Division’s purpose are specified in the bill. Relevant sections of existing law governing the Department’s Family Support and Children’s Divisions are updated to include the Division of Maternal and Child Resources. The Division is required to establish a ‘Missouri Adoptive Resources Services System’ for the entire state, the function of which is to promote the safe and healthy birth of children in the state through the utilization of existing resources; coordinate community resources and provide assistance or services to expecting mothers identified to be at risk for seeking abortion services; and prevent abortions through the adoption of children by fit and proper adoptive parents. The Division is required to make and maintain a central registry of each expecting mother who is at risk for seeking an abortion and a central registry of each prospective adoptive parent” and blah blah blah the whole thing is larded with way more “adoption” shit as to obscure the real purpose of this bill.

Why spend $100,000+ and at least a month in Nepal getting acclimated to the altitude when you can watch (fictionalized version of) other people dying horribly of hypothermia and hypoxia in the comfort of your own home? Now Everest is okay, though short of spectacular. It’s easy to appreciate the whole based on a true story thing, but it’s maybe just a shade too boring and janky plot-wise.

They could’ve gone with “inspired by a true story” and made it better. However the part where the storm blows in on Jason Clarke and John Hawkes’s characters just below the summit, where the lightning cracks and the fucking cloudburst comes UP at them is freaking awesome. Just spectacular CGI design and execution in showing what happened to these poor bastards.

Of course if you want really too high up scary check out The Summit. The story of a similarly doomed expedition to K2, the world’s second highest mountain (and per capita deadlier than Everest) is free on YouTube but impossible to put here since those pants-pissing wieners won’t let other sites embed R-rated movies.

“At approximately 6:42 pm on Thursday, February 20, 2025 the New Hampshire Fish and Game Department received a call for two hikers in waist deep snow needing assistance. The hikers called for help while making a 7-mile loop on Mount Moosilauke and were on the Snapper Trail.”

“Without snowshoes or headlamps they were having trouble navigating the trail and their cell phones had low batteries. During the initial call with a Conservation Officer, the hikers’ cell phone batteries died and all contact was lost. Conservation Officers responded to Mount Moosilauke and began a rescue mission for the hikers. At approximately 7:45 p.m. another 911 call was received. The hikers located a battery charger in their pack and were able to charge a cell phone and a light. They had also made it to a more packed out hiking trail and were trying to self-rescue.”

“Conservation Officers located the pair near the Ravine Lodge at 8:38 pm. The hikers were identified as Adrian Colon, 17, and Andrew Lucier, 18, both of Auburn, Massachusetts. The pair started their hike at 1:00 pm and had warm gear for winter hiking but failed to bring snowshoes or headlamps which would have prevented the rescue call,” said the New Hampshire Fish and Game Department in a news release which might as well be calling them “dumb fucking Masshole city kids.”

“Area CBP agriculture specialists issued 16 civil penalties totaling almost $4,000 linked to the attempted smuggling of prohibited agriculture and food products including raw eggs. Travelers need to be aware that raw egg imports from Mexico are prohibited. Since January area CBP officers have encountered more than 90 people attempting to import raw eggs from Mexico. Importation of raw/fresh eggs into United States is generally prohibited due to concerns about diseases such as Highly Pathogenic Avian Influenza HPAI and Virulent Newcastle disease ND. Travelers are prohibited to bring in fresh eggs, raw chicken, unprocessed avian products and/or live birds into the United States. Travelers are encouraged to declare all agriculture products to CBP officers and Agriculture Specialists, failure to declare may lead to potential fines and penalties,” says a CBP bulletin from Friday on the most Trump Era-thing ever. Or the most Trump Era-thing so far this week.

Actually maybe the most Trump Era-thing this week is this moron Fox News anchor trying to downplay it to Dem Senator Ruben Gallego by saying the eggs might be contaminated somehow, only for him to shoot back and point out that Elon Musk fired all the inspectors.

Acting ICE Director Caleb Vitello has failed Emperor Trumpaltine and his loyal enforcer Darth Homan for the last time, as NBC News reports that the underling has been removed from the top job amid the fat fuck’s frustrations over the slowing pace of arrests and deportations.

Like the other two hapless assholes who were sent back to their former jobs, Vitello was not fired altogether or taken to the gravel pit by DHS Secretary Noem, but was demoted back to his previous post overseeing the agency’s arrests, targeting, and field operations.

Damn, just a day too late on that monthly “scorecard“: The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed Friday at 43,428.02 per CNBC, just slightly below the 43,487.83 close on January 20th, but down more than 1,200 points in just two days as investors started pricing in a Trump presidency for real.

In a statement to the New York Post, “Iranians for Trump” co-founder Sarah Raviani says that when she called the cops on MAGA Florida Congressman Cory Mills on Wednesday, she had “reached out to law enforcement to address a personal matter. Several factors influenced my decision to involve the authorities. I had just returned from a 14-hour flight, severely jet-lagged and sleep-deprived.”

Okayyyyy. “Additionally, I had been drinking during my vacation and had a drink in front of me when the officers arrived, which contributed to my emotional state. Upon their arrival, they noticed some bruising and marks on my arms, which I explained were the result of medical conditions like eczema and activities from my recent trip to Dubai. While the personal matter in question was emotionally charged, there was no physical altercation. Regrettably, the situation has since been misrepresented by reporters and led to relentless harassment from various sources. Words have been taken out of context, and my privacy is being disregarded. This is a deeply personal matter that is being unfairly exploited for political purposes or other motives,” Raviani, 27, continued in the statement.

Lot to unpack here. First off that is not Mills’s wife who, worth noting here, is an Iraqi refugee. Some folks tend to gravitate towards certain “types,” and well, what kind of “personal matter” can one have with another woman’s husband? Second off, Politico has the same statement and while they did include the “jet-lagged” part, they did not print the entirety of a victim’s excuses for her accuser like the Post did here. Third off, who the fuck is “exploiting this for political purposes”? Is some Dem in Florida’s 7th District already firing up campaign ads here? Have some freaking self respect. Christ.

Oh and last off, Mills is still an incel, if only by the vibe he gives off, not to mention the fact that he would slap around a woman otherwise completely unattainable for him if not for being elected.

This just might not be real but the Drudge Report put it on their home page: French conservative weekly Le Point reports that sources tell them convicted felon President Trump will travel to Moscow for the May 9th victory parade celebrating the 80th anniversary of the Soviet Union’s win in the last major war on the European continent, though it’ll be obvious which one they’re actually high-fiving.

Le Point, translated by Google: “On May 9, according to our sources, there should be a major guest in the Moscow stands: Donald Trump, alongside Vladimir Putin. On May 9, 2025, what victory would Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump celebrate? Less that of the Allies of 1945 than their common one in the peace negotiations on Ukraine, which the Kellog Plan predicts will end on… May 9. If all goes well for them, for their common plan, May 9, 2025 will mark their triumph, the triumph above all of Putin, who will thus see his initial comparison of Ukraine with the Nazis corroborated and endorsed. Let us never forget this argument about ‘Nazi Ukraine’ which had justified in Putin’s eyes his war. Thus, according to him, 80 years after having triumphed over the Nazis, we triumph over other Nazis!”

The Proud Boys and Oath Keepers’ joint “Our House” demonstration at the US Capitol on Friday went great, as the USCP arrested former Boys leader Enrique Tarrio for what Politico’s Kyle Cheney reports “for swiping his hand at a counterprotester who got in his face,” with a pic of Tarrio in cuffs.

Refusing to get jabbed with some cockamamie Faucist Frankenstein clot shot or zapped with electricity that could potentially have come from woke renewable green energy, red-blooded patriot South Carolinian Brad Sigmon on Friday instead chose to celebrate America’s unique protections under the Second Amendment, selecting a firing squad for his March 7th execution, the AP reports.

In a statement, Sigmon’s attorney Gerald “Bo” King said his client didn’t pick the electric chair because it would “burn and cook him alive. But the alternative is just as monstrous. If he chose lethal injection, he risked the prolonged death suffered by all three of the men South Carolina has executed since September – three men Brad knew and cared for – who remained alive, strapped to a gurney, for more than twenty minutes,” which would still be cleaner than the savage 2001 baseball bat murder of his then-girlfriend’s parents before kidnapping her and shooting at her as she fled.

Sigmon, 67, will request clemency from Gov Henry McMaster, something the AP notes is unlikely given that the condemned in the Palmetto State have gone 0 for 46 since the death penalty was reinstated in 1976. In the next sentence they write the state “spent about $54,000 in 2022 constructing an area for a firing squad in its death chamber.” Gotta justify that to taxpayers.

Delaying his call on whether to proceed with the Trump Regime’s motion to dismiss the case against dickhead New York City Mayor Eric Adams, Judge Dale Ho on Friday instead adjourned the trial indefinitely and informed the parties that “to assist with its decision-making via an adversarial process, the Court exercises its inherent authority to appoint Paul Clement of Clement and Murphy PLLC as amicus curiae to present arguments on the Government’s Motion to Dismiss. The Court expresses its gratitude to Mr Clement for his service and will provide Mr Clement a copy of this Order and the transcript from the February 19 conference.” Politico’s Josh Gerstein says Clement is a conservative who formerly served as Solicitor General during the Bush Administration.

Convicted felon President Trump on Friday acknowledged that his Agriculture Secretary better figure out the egg thing fast, because they might have to start taking responsibility for that, but that there will be other things he and Republicans can blame other people for.

The above is not a verbatim quote but it’s pretty close to what the fat fuck actually said.