United Healthcare has a new CEO after former chief Brian Thompson was abruptly terminated by an unforeseen adjustment to the company’s leadership team last month, CNBC reports.

New CEO Tim Noel is an internal hire, promoted from leading the team in charge of the insurer’s Medicare Advantage plans, which CNBC notes “have been the source of skyrocketing costs for insurers,” and thus policy holders constantly getting fucked over by nihilistic pencil pushers.

Noel “brings unparalleled experience to this role with a proven track record and strong commitment to improving how health care works for consumers, physicians, employers, governments and our other partners,” UHC said in a statement on their website. It’s not clear what if anything Noel will actually do to address the root causes of Luigi Mangione getting famous. Just about the only change of note that UHC had undertaken since Thompson’s assassination is taking down their executive leadership page and given the C-suite security details, the freaking pussies.

Convicted felon President Trump expressed confusion on Friday when asked about his invitation to California Senator Adam Schiff to tour the damage wrought on Los Angeles by the still-ongoing fires. Schiff’s office had on Thursday night publicly declined the invitation, saying “Senator Schiff greatly appreciates the President’s visit to see the devastation of these wildfires firsthand and the invitation to accompany him, and regrets that he’s unable to join the President in Los Angeles due to scheduled nomination votes.” So Trump doesn’t remember it or one of his minions did it for him.

Either way he doesn’t know what the hell’s going on has been apparent for years.

The funeral procession for Border Patrol Agent David “Chris” Maland, killed Monday by a still-unidentified German national during a traffic stop on I-91 in Vermont, will apparently not involve any campaign stops by politicians as Maland’s remains will be escorted to Albany, New York on Friday and then flown to his native Minnesota where he will be laid to rest, per the Burlington Free Press.

The Free Press’s article is devoid of any mention whatsoever of a visit to a funeral home by a certain politician. This is in contrast to the March 2024 wake of fallen NYPD officer Jonathan Diller and the August 2024 ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery in honor of the 13 service members killed in a 2021 suicide bombing during the exodus out of Kabul. It would seem that just by simple timing of his death alone, there is no political advantage to be gained by inserting one’s campaign into his family’s mourning, thus it’s not worth the time to do so. Or even publicly acknowledge it.

'Bolder than Most' serial attacker released into community despite opposition from victims https://t.co/8lDPdpJ7TG

— Fox News (@FoxNews) January 24, 2025

Immigration stormtroopers raided a Newark, New Jersey seafood store on Thursday, arresting three suspected undocumented workers and ordering several more to appear before a judge, owner Luis Janota tells PIX11 News, adding that among the “detained” was a Puerto Rico-born military vet – as in a citizen. It’s not clear from the article whether “detained” means the man was arrested and taken away or if he was subjected to a lengthy interrogation on-site and then left alone.

“I was confused, they took three people who did not have any documentation on them,” Janota said about the unfriendly visit by about 10 to 12 agents acting on a tip, likely from some local MAGA asshole and/or competitor. “I asked them [the agents] what documentation they were looking for, and they said it was a license or a passport. I thought, who walks around with a passport?”

Janota told PIX111 that “One of the guys was a military veteran, and the way he looked to me was because he’s Hispanic. He is Puerto Rican and the manager of our warehouse. It looked to me like they were specifically going after certain kinds of people – not every kind, because they did not ask me for documentation for my American workers, Portuguese workers, or white workers.”

Convicted felon President Trump will hold a campaign rally in Las Vegas on Sunday, his sixth day back in office, (for now) unable to run for a third term, with no endorsed MAGA candidates for other offices to rally with him, yet will simply stand on stage at an arena and yell bullshit at the crowd of his faithful for 90+ minutes as if it were October again, the Associated Press reports.

The rally will cap a domestic trip to visit disaster zones in Western North Carolina and Los Angeles, the latter stop California Governor Gavin Newsom was not invited to meet with the illegitimate president but plans to “crash” anyway by awaiting Trump at the airport, according to Politico.

Deportation flights have begun.

President Trump is sending a strong and clear message to the entire world: if you illegally enter the United States of America, you will face severe consequences. pic.twitter.com/CTlG8MRcY1

— Karoline Leavitt (@PressSec) January 24, 2025

Complete moron 37 year-old grandmother Congresswoman Lauren Boebert on Thursday freaked out when she thought she saw transgender Delaware Dem Congresswoman Sarah McBride in a Capitol ladies’ room, shouting “you shouldn’t be here” to the “intruder,” the Daily Beast reports.

Problem was it wasn’t McBride, but another congresswoman. McBride is the only transgender woman in the House, meaning the dumbass thought another biological woman was trans.

“I made an error regarding a mistaken identity. I apologized, learned a lesson, and it won’t happen again,” Boebert said in a statement to the Beast after they reported the story, sourced from a GOP congresswoman who was present in the ladies’ room during the confrontation.

Nobody was reported shot by a firearm, fatally or otherwise, for a stretch of five days between Saturday and Thursday evening in New York City, the New York Post reports. “This is the longest we’ve gone without a shooting victim since the beginning of the CompStat era,” said NYPD Commissioner Jessica Tisch, referring to to the police management system it created in the 1990s.

The fact that it’s cold as fuck probably had something to do with the lack of shootings, but it’s also been pretty damn cold plenty of times over the last 30 years in a city that’s supposed to be a violent, crime-ridden nightmare, where you can’t even cross the street without getting blasted.

I just introduced a resolution to amend the 22nd Amendment to allow President Trump to seek a third term. Read the details.👇https://t.co/OTacpt3ggE

— Rep. Andy Ogles (@RepOgles) January 23, 2025

A number of Trump minions bitched to Politico about President Elon Musk publicly trashing whatever the fuck it is Assistant President Donald Trump thinks he’s doing by announcing the “Stargate” AI project this week, with one saying it’s “clear he has abused the proximity to the president. The problem is the president doesn’t have any leverage over him and Elon gives zero fucks.”

The minion described people as “furious” with Musk for going on a daylong tweet binge ripping the project while a White House official cried over Ketamine Brain getting “over his skis,” but they’re now “working with him to make sense of his ideas – ideas are innovative. Execution not so much.”

Asked on Thursday by a reporter if it bothered him that Musk was publicly ripping the initiative, the Orange God Emperor said “No, it doesn’t. He hates one of the people in the deal,” referring to OpenAI founder Sam Altman, whose cult of personality is fierce but still a fraction of Musk’s fanbase.

Drunken white nationalist former Fox News host Pete Hegseth told Massachusetts Senator Liz Warren that he had paid $50,000 to the woman who accused him of raping her in a hotel room in 2017, the AP reports on this shitshow continuing even as the Senate advanced Petey Pee Pants’s nomination to lead the United States Department of Defense by a vote of 51 to 49 on Thursday.

Convicted felon President Trump on Thursday signed an executive order declassifying all files on the investigations into the assassinations of John F Kennedy, Robert F Kennedy, and Martin Luther King Jr, but not anything about Jeffrey Epstein, MAGAlyn Manson aka Laura Loomer reports.

An aide for House Speaker Mike Johnson last June told the House Republicans investigating the previous Dem majority’s January 6th Select Committee to kill an effort to subpoena former Trump White House aide Cassidy Hutchinson over fears she would reveal sexually explicit texts that elected Republican members of Congress had sent her, the Washington Post reports.

Just had to emphasize that last part because it was members of the House GOP caucus, not their aides, not fucking Nick Fuentes or Benny Johnson or Jack Posobiec, or any of those clowns, or even Jesse Watters or Greg Gutfeld or Brian Kilmeade, but actual congressmen. And that was the reason Johnson squashed a subpoena to harass the woman who had famously testified against the fat bastard in 2022. They had sent sexually explicit messages to her and they were worried it would have been a distraction from their circlejerk counter-investigation of January 6th.

It’s not clear from the Post’s article whether the texts were sent before or after she testified about Trump’s meltdowns to the House January 6th Committee in July 2022 – or both. Either way, the Post writes that “a Johnson aide told [lead House GOP January 6th investigator and credibly suspected traitor himself Barry] Loudermilk’s staff that multiple colleagues had raised concerns with the speaker’s office about the potential for public disclosure of ‘sexual texts from members who were trying to engage in sexual favors’ with Hutchinson, according to correspondence produced at the time that detailed the conversation. Separately, a member of Johnson’s staff told Loudermilk aides that Hutchinson could ‘potentially reveal embarrassing information,’ according to an email.”

A Seattle federal judge on Thursday blocked convicted felon President Trump’s executive order banning birthright citizenship, the New York Post reports. “This is blatantly unconstitutional order,” Judge John Coughenour told a regime lawyer who tried to defend the draconian bullshit.

FBI agents were spotted entering a Providence, Rhode Island building housing the law offices of municipal court judge and immigration lawyer Joseph Molina Flynn, in what could be a very ominous sign about how far convicted felon President Trump is willing to go to make non-citizen’s lives miserable or just a regular Thursday in the city, the Providence Journal reports.

Flynn resigned from his judgeship shortly after the raid, which might indicate it was the latter.

A23a, the largest iceberg ever observed – and oldest too, as it calved off of Antarctica in 1986, has broken loose from some rocks had been holding it up and is on a collision course with the remote British territorial island of South Georgia, Oceanographic Magazine reports.

This fucker is massive: A trillion tons and at 1,400 sq miles, just slightly smaller than the state of Rhode Island’s roughly 1,545 square miles. South Georgia is a mountainous, rocky strip about 106 miles long by 22 miles wide, so it won’t be obliterated by A23a so much as devastated. Just about 30-odd British government researchers are stationed there on the leeward side of the island and won’t be affected, but the same can’t be said about the penguin and marine mammal populations on the island’s southeasterly coast. They might go through some things.

Convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday pulled the security details for former Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and his top aide Brian Hook for reasons unclear, the New York Times reports.

Like former National Security Advisor John Bolton, Pompeo and Hook had been faced with continual death threats from Iran so the Biden Administration had provided them with protection for the last four years – though the latter two are believed to have had agents assigned to them from a State Department security division rather than Secret Service agents as with Bolton. Unlike Bolton, it’s not clear what Pompeo and his lieutenant had done to piss off Trump enough to get him to let Iranian agents murder them in revenge for the January 2020 assassination of Iranian Revolutionary Guard General Qassim Suleimani. Pompeo was mentioned as a blacklisted boss in a Truth Social rant and Hook was fired from one of those board seats given out to cronies since Trump retook power.