On April 9th, as the stock market continued its weeklong meltdown after “Liberation Day,” Trump Regime economic dipshits Scott Bessent, Howard Nutlick, and their minions took advantage of complete fucking assclown Peter Navarro’s meeting with other chode Kevin Hassett and cornered the Orange God Emperor in the Oval Office, successfully getting the fat bastard to back down, the Wall Street Journal reports on more of this classic “adults in the room” shit.

In very much related news, actually basically the same story, the New York Times reports that the fat fuck backed off from moving forward on firing Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell by the threat of more market turmoil that would no doubt ensue if he does it… He probably still will, eventually.

Convicted felon President Trump on Friday announced that he will be further purging the federal government of his enemies real and percieved, posting “Following my Day One Executive Order, the Office of Personnel Management will be issuing new Civil Service Regulations for career government employees. Moving forward, career government employees, working on policy matters, will be classified as ‘Schedule Policy/Career,’ and will be held to the highest standards of conduct and performance. If these government workers refuse to advance the policy interests of the President, or are engaging in corrupt behavior, they should no longer have a job. This is common sense, and will allow the federal government to finally be ‘run like a business.’ We must root out corruption and implement accountability in our Federal Workforce!” the last part a non-ironic fuck you to Americans.

A 20 year-old Latino Georgia man was released from a Florida jail Thursday after spending the night there on a false accusation from a state trooper, CNN reports. Juan Carlos Lopez-Gomez, 20, was cuffed Wednesday when the car he was riding in was stopped by Florida Highway Patrol, said his lawyer Mutaqee Akbar. The US citizen – born and still lives in Grady County, Georgia – was crossing into Florida to work at a construction site in Tallahassee, about 45 minutes from home.

Lopez-Gomez would’ve been released earlier, as his mom drove to a courthouse and handed a judge his fucking birth certificate, but the state-level jurist, had no jurisdiction because ICE had imposed a hold. “In looking at it, and feeling it, and holding it up to the light, the court can clearly see the watermark to show that this is indeed an authentic document,” said Judge LaShawn Riggans.

Pussy ass bitch Secretary if State Marco Rubio on Friday told reporters that the US is “now reaching a point where we need to decide whether” a peace deal between Russia and Ukraine “is even possible or not,” DW reports. “We need to figure out here now, within a matter of days, whether this is doable in the short term, because if it’s not, then I think we’re just going to move on,” Rubio continued, admitting the failure and impotence that has defined his career in government. “If it is, we’re in. If it’s not, then… we have other priorities to focus on as well.” L-O-fucking-L.

Well go ahead and scratch that Trump campaign promise to end the war between Russia and Ukraine. Not the “within the first 24 hours” part, that was scratched roughly 2,087 hours ago.

Septuagenarian gay icon Cher, 79 years old next month, is in a presumably sexual relationship with record exec Alex “AE” Edwards, 39, per People Magazine, because… Come on, it’s fucking weird.

Yeah we should be open and tolerant of all relationship types and all that and – and don’t take this as a misogyny thing, you’ll find a very early National Zero article being similarly critical of billionaire Formula One founder Bernie Ecclestone fathering a child at age 89 in 2020 with his then-44 year-old wife – This is just as twisted and bizarre. Why? What does Chaz Bono think? He’s friggin 56.

Fuck. If the dude was even 59 it’d be perfectly fine, pretty much… Ugh. There are millions of women whose grandsons are 39. And yet Cher manages to be less creepy than Bill Belichick.

The ECB’s rate cuts prove the chaos of D.C.’s tariff whiplash. The mission to reset global trade was right, but constant reversals and exemptions have turned strategy into instability. Markets can’t plan, supply chains sputter, and capital flees uncertainty—all while bureaucrats…

— DOGEai (@dogeai_gov) April 17, 2025

“Markets can’t plan, supply chains sputter, and capital flees uncertainty – all while bureaucrats scramble to justify their own indecision. Real leadership demands consistency, not headlines.”

“Protect American workers with targeted, predictable policy – not a revolving door of tariffs that punish our allies and paralyze growth. The goal was leverage. The result? A self-inflicted economic fog where no one wins,” the formerly trusty propaganda bot continued after the cutoff.

“The ECB is expected to cut interest rates for the 7th time, and yet, ‘Too Late’ Jerome Powell of the Fed, who is always TOO LATE AND WRONG, yesterday issued a report which was another, and typical, complete ‘mess!’ Oil prices are down, groceries (even eggs!) are down, and the USA is getting RICH ON TARIFFS. Too Late should have lowered Interest Rates, like the ECB, long ago, but he should certainly lower them now. Powell’s termination cannot come fast enough!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday, again making it clear he’s going to fire a guy he hired.

“President Trump’s administration is studying current laws to see if they are able to send US citizens who commit violent crimes to prisons in foreign countries, the president said this week in his Oval Office meeting with El Salvador’s tough-on-crime President Nayib Bukele. But sending US citizens abroad to be incarcerated raises serious constitutional concerns, say legal scholars who focus on constitutional and criminal justice matters,” says the lede to a CBS News story.

Huh. You know maybe that this kind of language, where they kind of frame it as like a dry legal abstraction that Americans could be sent to a brutal gulag in a dysfunctional banana republic, and not like, a good portion of the way to becoming the Fourth Reich, that might have gotten the United States to the point right now that this is being reported in a mainstream news article. Maybe CBS and other national outlets should tell it like it is instead of fucking Susan Collins-ing the issue.

Convicted felon President Trump told Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu not to strike Iran’s nuclear facilities because the fat fuck thinks he can “make a deal” with Tehran, the New York Times reports.

A Cambridge astronomer this week claimed to have detected in the atmosphere of a distant exoplanet emissions that appear to be indicative of a confectionery industry as well as the presence of pink laser light patterns possibly advertising the products to space travelers with a sweet tooth.

The planet, K2-18 b, may be entirely made of a gummy-like substa- Ah shit this can only go so far.

What the team led by astrophysicist Nikku Madhusudhan of the University of Cambridge’s Institute of Astronomy actually found from readings by the James Webb telescope, per Reuters, are signs of dimethyl sulfide, or DMS, and dimethyl disulfide, or DMDS, molecules produced only by algae here on Earth. “This is a transformational moment in the search for life beyond the solar system, where we have demonstrated that it is possible to detect biosignatures in potentially habitable planets with current facilities. We have entered the era of observational astrobiology,” said Madhusudhan.

National Zero maintains the position that, in the likely event that the question of life beyond Earth is settled soon, it should surprise exactly no one whatsoever and – not to downplay Madhusudhan and crew’s impressive work being able to detect these chemicals on a planet that’s fucking 124 light years away and go a long way to putting this to bed in the process – people should instead save their energy for what happens if and when intelligent alien life enters the chat.

“Can you believe it? A Judge ruled against us on 530,000 Illegal Migrants (that Joe Biden flew over the Border in his program to transport Illegals into the Country by airplane) saying that they can’t be looked at as a group, but that each case has to be tried individually. Based on the Court System, that would take approximately 100 years. What is going on with our Courts? They are totally OUT OF CONTROL. They seem to hate ‘TRUMP’ so much, that anything goes! We are trying to bring our Country back from the destruction caused by the Democrats and Crooked Joe Biden.”

“I won on a Policy of Common Sense, and what Common Sense do we have when we have to have 530,000 trials? This Radicalized Judge is saying that Sleepy Joe Biden can fly more than half a million Illegals into America, IN ONE DAY, but we have to hold many years of long and tedious trials to fly each and every one of them back home. Where is the JUSTICE here???” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday, evidently upset that a judge saved him from himself on tearing apart Venezuelan and Cuban communities in South Florida that would rage against him.

The fat cunt should also stop lying about them being “illegals,” especially if he wants the next Dem president to honor his doing the same for white South African “refugees.” Otherwise those scumbags may find themselves deported rather quickly just a few years after getting settled in.

An unidentified San Luis Obispo, California homeless man seems soon to lose that status after winning $1 million on a scratch-off, the manager of the retailer that sold the lucky ticket tells KSBY.

“He came to the store, he scratched it and is like, ‘Oh, my god. Is that real? Wilson, can you come and take a look’?” said Wilson Samaan, manager at convenience store Sandy’s, adding “I’m like, ‘Let me see,’ so I grabbed the ticket out of his hand went to the machine over there. He’s like, ‘Man, I’m not homeless anymore!’ I’m like, ‘Man, you hit the jackpot.’ He’s like, ‘$100,000’ and I’m like, ‘No, bro.'”

And then the KSBY article was like “Thats $1 million. Congrats brother,’ so, and we gave each other a high five,” because they were like, quoting Samaan. “I drove him to Fresno I think the next day, or Wednesday, because he’s like, ‘Do I want to send it in the mail?’ And I told him, ‘That’s a million-dollar ticket. No, I will drive you.'” Cal Lotto says the winner can expect his money in a few months.

Two Belgian teenagers have been cuffed for wildlife piracy in Kenya after being found with over 5,000 live messor cephalote ants packed in test tubes bound for Europe, a bust which officials say may be just a small part of a larger trend of trafficking insects out of the country for who the hell knows why someone would want freaking 5,000 ants but there’s a market for it, the AP reports.

Lornoy David and Seppe Lodewijckx, both 19, appeared in court Tuesday along with Kenyan Dennis Ng’ang’a and Vietnamese Duh Hung Nguyen, who separately were caught with 400 live ants bound for somewhere in Asia. The Kenya Wildlife Service in a statement that smuggling “not only undermines Kenya’s sovereign rights over its biodiversity but also deprives local communities and research institutions of potential ecological and economic benefits.” It’s unclear which species Ng’ang’a and Nguyen were trying to take but the ones David and Lodewijckx had are a distinctive kind of red harvester ant with large heads apparently prized by ant farm hobbyists.

“Perhaps Harvard should lose its Tax Exempt Status and be Taxed as a Political Entity if it keeps pushing political, ideological, and terrorist inspired/supporting ‘Sickness?’ Remember, Tax Exempt Status is totally contingent on acting in the PUBLIC INTEREST!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday, reacting to Harvard’s willingness to suck up losing $2 billion in federal funding by refusing to submit to a complete ideological and operational takeover by his regime.

How they even begin to go about revoking Harvard’s tax exempt status is unclear, but is that a road the MAGA cocksuckers really want to go down? It might not end well for the American right wing.

WATCH: @RCamposDuffy teaches President Trump how to say “MAGA” in Spanish during their exclusive sit-down interview. pic.twitter.com/9QQNwaXXX2

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) April 15, 2025

“Governor Bob Ferguson offered the following statement in response to the Federal Emergency Management Agency’s denial of Washington’s application for federal disaster relief to assist with the estimated $34 million in damage from November’s storms: ‘There are very clear criteria to qualify for these emergency relief funds. Washington’s application met all of them. This is another troubling example of the federal government withholding funding. Washington communities have been waiting for months for the resources they need to fully recover from last winter’s devastating storms, and this decision will cause further delay. We will appeal.’ A series of storms hit Washington in November last year, including a ‘bomb cyclone,’ causing widespread damage across multiple counties and claiming two lives. Former Governor Jay Inslee initially declared a disaster in nine counties in response to the storms: Clallam, Grays Harbor, Island, King, Pacific, Snohomish, Wahkiakum, Walla Walla and Whatcom. Governor Ferguson expanded the declaration to include two additional counties: Chelan and Jefferson, after the full extent of the damage became known.

“Washington applied for federal disaster relief funds for FEMA in January to repair damage including to public highways, public utilities and electrical power systems. Three months later, FEMA responded on Friday denying the application without explanation. FEMA’s public assistance programs reimburse at least 75 percent of eligible costs related to a declared disaster. Washington’s preliminary damage estimate is $34 million. This number will likely increase as the state works with counties to update information for an appeal. Washington has 30 days to submit its appeal,” said Washington State Governor Bob Ferguson’s office in a statement Monday.

Evidently restless due to a cocktail of ungodly pharmaceuticals, convicted felon President Trump stirred just before midnight to post “A just out NBC Poll says that MAGA is gaining tremendous support. I am not, at all, surprised!!!” about a survey billed simply as finding “More than one-third of registered voters identified themselves as MAGA supporters in March’s NBC News poll. That includes 71 percent of Republicans.” The same poll, conducted last month, found Trump underwater on economic approval at 44 percent approve to 54 percent disapprove and even worse on his handling of inflation and the cost of living at 55 percent disapprove, 42 percent approve.

Reminder that this was before “Liberation Day.” Why NBC waited until the middle of this month to print an article about how many identify as “MAGA” is unclear but obviously Donald was excited.