“Sometimes ducks cross the road to prove they aren’t chicken. This weekend, this mama and her babies needed a little help getting across SR 500 in Vancouver. On Saturday morning, Incident Response Team member Jake teamed up with Washington State Patrol to rescue this family. WSP did a rolling slowdown so Jake could move the ducks to the right shoulder. Once the ducks flocked to the shoulder, troopers and Jake grabbed the mama duck and collected the ducklings in a bucket.”

“We’ll pause here so you can check the photos because – yes – a bucket of ducklings is as cute as you’re picturing. Anyway, the humans walked the ducks down the on ramp and dropped them off in a marshy field away from the road. Jake says it’s the first time he’s had to chase ducks on the side of a freeway, but he’s happy they were able to save all of them! Thanks to our crews and WSP partners for keeping everyone safe out there – including the feathered kind!” says a Facebook post by the Washington State Department of Transportation about the total clusterduck.

BlackRock CEO Larry Fink, whose surname is defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary as an “one who is disapproved of or is held in contempt” lol, on Monday told the crowd at the Economic Club of New York that “Most CEOs I talk to would say we are probably in a recession right now,” and “One CEO specifically said the airline industry is a proverbial canary in the coal mine and I was told that the canary is sick already,” CNBC reports on more #MAGA #WINNING for America First.

Fink compounded the misery for pro-Trump douchebags in the audience with “This notion that the Federal Reserve is going to ease four times this year, I see zero chance of that. I’m much more worried that we could have elevated inflation that’s going to bring rates up much higher.”

The joint Trump-Netanyahu press conference was canceled because Team Orange wanted to limit the number of reporters with access to the fat fuck and thus the number of questions he’d have to answer, but the two autocrats are still doing a press availability in the Oval Office.

Fear has a way of being contagious.

But courage is also contagious. pic.twitter.com/YaEZfIJ1Zc

— Kamala Harris (@KamalaHarris) April 7, 2025

The other you has no idea how good they have it, not stuck with three years and change of tiresome, insufferable fucking morons whining “I didn’t vote for this! I just wanted my eggs to be cheaper! Kamala Harris didn’t warn me it was going to be like this! That means she was a terrible candidate!” Maybe it’s kind of like The Leftovers but instead of people physically being “departed” into separate universes, the consciousnesses of every voter got shifted into one where their chosen candidate lost. That a blissfully unaware copy of you is celebrating four months since the “real” Catturd committed suicide at home and the “real” Stephen Miller was left a quadriplegic after a Capitol cop used excessive force on January 6th, 2025. Nick Bostrom should look into this.

The joint press conference with convicted felon President Trump an accused felon Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu, originally scheduled for 2:30 PM Monday, has been called off for unspecified reasons, CBS’s Scott MacFarlane reports and God knows what Trump fucked up now, lol.

“President Trump would veto a bill introduced by Senators Maria Cantwell (D-Wash) and Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) that would limit the president’s authority to unilaterally impose tariffs, according to a White House statement seen by Axios,” reports the bullet point article factory.

Ughhhhhhhhhh… How about whether he would veto a bill requiring C-SPAN cameras and boom mic operators to follow presidents on the golf course or prohibiting them from having sexual contact with women under 30 years of age? Axios might as well cover their bases and let us know where he stands on those non-existent proposals just in case they come up in legislation anytime soon.

Would anyone have expected that the Cantwell-Grassley bill will even hit the floor unless they’re reasonably certain they have 67 votes in the chamber? (That’s even before the absolute grind that it faces in the House if it can even get past the Senate) What kind of jackass would ever think that Trump would willingly cede his power to fuck things up unilaterally? There can be zero doubt whatsoever that two-thirds in both chambers was priced into this bill from day one.

“What we’re hearing: Trump was rankled by the bill’s introduction, according to a person familiar with his thinking,” writes Axios at the close of the article. Fuuuuuu-uuuuuuuuu-uuuuuuuck, lol.

In a feat so incredible you’d think somehow gave his stolen 18 year-old economy car some meth to get it fired up, 56 year-old Milan, Illinois derelict Howard Frye managed to push the engine of a 2007 Hyundai Elantra up past the 100 mph mark early Saturday, Quad Cities news reports.

Frye managed the impressive and unexpected feat of horsepower from the Korean shitbox during an ultimately unsuccessful attempt to elude Iowa State Troopers during a pursuit in the Davenport area.

The arrest affidavit from the officer who led the chase wrote “I continued westbound accelerating to speeds in excess of 100 mph. The vehicle crossed the center line multiple times while fleeing. The vehicle failed to obey multiple red lights. The pursuit continued until the vehicle failed to negotiate a T-intersection and went off the roadway straight, causing disabling damage. The vehicle continued through (a) field.” Then, unlike the vehicle he had just totaled, Frye himself was unable to muster a similarly untapped well of speed from within – even with the aid of methamphetamine – as he was apprehended on foot shortly after running away from the wreckage of the stolen Hyundai.

“Frye stated he had methamphetamine in his pants pocket. I located a bag containing a crystalline substance suspected to be methamphetamine. Frye had an unused glass pipe that is commonly used to smoke methamphetamine in his pocket. Frye admitted to smoking methamphetamine a few hours prior to the incident,” the affidavit detailing the 2 AM Saturday arrest continued. Frye faces faces felony charges of eluding – speed 25 mph over the limit – second or subsequent, second-degree theft, and two charges of possession of a controlled substance – third or subsequent offense; and a serious misdemeanor charge of operating while under the inference – first offense on top of two active warrants in Illinois over unspecified matters. He’s due in court on April 15th.

Running this one not to propagate the Los Angeles Dodgers legitimizing an illegitimate tyrant, but on the chance the fat bastard starts taking questions from the press after the ceremonial shit.

“Yesterday, China issued Retaliatory Tariffs of 34 percent, on top of their already record setting Tariffs, Non-Monetary Tariffs, Illegal Subsidization of companies, and massive long term Currency Manipulation, despite my warning that any country that Retaliates against the US by issuing additional Tariffs, above and beyond their already existing long term Tariff abuse of our Nation, will be immediately met with new and substantially higher Tariffs, over and above those initially set.”

“Therefore, if China does not withdraw its 34 percent increase above their already long term trading abuses by tomorrow, April 8th, 2025, the United States will impose ADDITIONAL Tariffs on China of 50 percent, effective April 9th. Additionally, all talks with China concerning their requested meetings with us will be terminated! Negotiations with other countries, which have also requested meetings, will begin taking place immediately. Thank you for your attention to this matter!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday. It’s a wonder how this poker master bankrupted a casino.

For those keeping score at home, the 20 percent starting rate plus 34 percent added last week plus another 50 percent to get the ChiComs to back down – which they proooooobably won’t – would put the price of the base model of the iPhone 16 Pro, currently $999 off the shelf, at $2,037.96, plus sales tax depending on your state. Then that’ll drive up demand and cost for older models too.

Running out of time to retrieve as ordered Kilmar Abrego Garcia from the El Salvadoran dungeon they sent him to in defiance of a 2019 court order, the Trump regime on Monday petitioned the US Supreme Court for an administrative stay of the 11:59 PM deadline, writing:

“On Friday afternoon, a federal district judge in Maryland ordered unprecedented relief: dictating to the United States that it must not only negotiate with a foreign country to return an enemy alien on foreign soil, but also succeed by 11:59 pm tonight… The order compels the government to allow Kilmar Armando Abrego Garcia to enter the United States on demand, or suffer the judicial consequences. Even amidst a deluge of unlawful injunctions, this order is remarkable.”

“Even respondents did not ask the district court to force the United States to persuade El Salvador to release Abrego Garcia – a native of El Salvador detained in El Salvador – on a judicially mandated clock. For good reason: the Constitution charges the President, not federal district courts, with the conduct of foreign diplomacy and protecting the Nation against foreign terrorists, including by effectuating their removal. And this order sets the United States up for failure. The United States cannot guarantee success in sensitive international negotiations in advance, least of all when a court imposes an absurdly compressed, mandatory deadline that vastly complicates the give-and-take of foreign-relations negotiations. The United States does not control the sovereign nation of El Salvador, nor can it compel El Salvador to follow a federal judge’s bidding,” that last part written as if that wasn’t the whole fucking point of dumping Abrego Garcia and dozens of others in El Salvador.

The petition came just minutes before the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals denied the same stay.

.@PressSec: Reports that @POTUS is considering a 90-day pause on tariffs are FAKE NEWS. pic.twitter.com/UfXO1BhwYW

— Rapid Response 47 (@RapidResponse47) April 7, 2025

Yeah, the fat fuck isn’t “considering” a 90-day pause, at least not at this point of his self-inflicted shitshow. That was apparently just “irrational exuberance” as they say in the financial world.

Scattered reports indicate that White House economic wiener Kevin Hassett said convicted felon President Trump is considering becoming a Panican and pausing for 90 days his imposition of tariffs on the Heard and McDonald Islands as well as every other country on the target list except for China… Which is still a fucking pain in the ass with how much of everything comes from there.

And then in the middle of this article’s composition stocks went back into the red again with The Dow Jones down 414.59 points, or 1.08 percent, the S&P 500 is down 322.44 points, or 5.97 percent, and the Nasdaq down 962.82 points, or 5.82 percent, as of 10:27 AM on Monday.

The S&P 500 on Monday entered bear territory which, to those unfamiliar with turns of phrase common to the financial industry, sounds like a group of people wandering haplessly into a countryside rife with vicious predators who will, without any warning whatsoever, emerge from the brush and rip their faces off if they wander too close to the bears’ stash of sweet, delicious honey that they’ve spent years carefully harvesting from the hives of angry bees on high branches.

As of 9:58 AM EDT on Monday the S&P 500 is down 104.14 points, or 2.05 percent, while the Dow Jones Industrial Average is down 1,300.81 points, or 3.40 percent, and the Nasdaq Composite is down 324.78 points, or 2.08 percent, as the self-inflicted bear mauling continues.

In the current top article their homepage, billed as “The Great Reshoring – Major garment producer Bangladesh says US buyers halting orders” Breitbart reports that American fashion companies have been canceling their orders from manufacturers based in the impoverished south Asian country in response to the Trump Administrations imposition of a 37 percent tariff on their exports.

Then there’s some details about how the country’s interim leader, Muhammad Yunus, as having “pleaded” with Trump to “postpone the application of US reciprocal tariff measures” in a statement and quotes plucked from an AFP article in which a Bangladeshi garment manufacturing executive said an American “buyer asked me to stop a shipment of leather goods – including bags, belts, and wallets – worth $300,000 on Sunday… He’s a long-time buyer and now both of us are in limbo.”

Absent from the story is anything whatsoever about “reshoring,” that these buyers are looking to American manufacturers or are slapping together plans to launch their own factories. In fact the homepage on Breitbart says “The Great Reshoring” on top of the headline but the article itself leaves that part out. It’s as if it said “Florence Pugh agrees to go on a date with Breitbart correspondent Matthew Boyle” and then the report was on how she recently broke up with actor Austin Butler, lol.

Fair trade!!

— Gunther Eagleman™ (@GuntherEagleman) April 7, 2025

“Look at this lead pencil. There’s not a single person in the world who could make this pencil. Remarkable statement? Not at all. The wood from which it is made – what did it take to get that wood? It was cut from a tree, probably in the state of Washington. To cut the tree, it took a saw. To make the saw, it took steel. To make the steel, it took iron ore. This black center – we call it ‘lead,’ but it’s really graphite, compressed graphite. It comes from some mines in South America. The eraser, a bit of rubber – probably from Malaya [Malaysia], mixed with sulfur and other chemicals. The brass ferrule – I haven’t the slightest idea where it came from or the knowledge or skill required to make it.”

“What’s true for this pencil is true for everything we have. It’s so complicated, we could not exist if we had to make everything for ourselves. That’s why the free market is so important. It enables millions of people to cooperate, to work together, without even knowing each other, to produce goods and services that we all benefit from,” said economist Milton Friedman in a bit on his and wife Rose Friedman’s 1980 TV series Free to Choose, which Elon Musk was apparently watching at 4:59 AM EDT on Monday, possibly while high on mescaline in his office in the White House annex.

The point should be obvious enough and it was to Dollar Tree Catturd-level MAGA influencer “Gunther Eagleman™,” who obviously carefully and parsimoniously chose his rebuttal to the most recent of Musk’s displays of discomfit with his governing partner’s suicidally fucking stupid trade war. Don’t expect this rift to metastasize further so you can be pleasantly surprised if it does.

“If it’s a little inflationary, but it’s good for national security, so be it. I mean, get over it. National security trumps a little bit more inflation. I look at tariffs, they’re an economic tool, That’s it… They’re an economic weapon, depending on how you use it, why you use it, stuff like that. Tariffs are inflationary and not inflationary” – JP Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon on January 22, 2025 in an interview with CNBC’s Andrew Ross Sorkin at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland.

“Whatever you think of the legitimate reasons for the tariffs – and, of course, there are some – or the long-term effect, good or bad, there are likely to be important short-term effects. We are likely to see inflationary outcomes, not only on imported goods but on domestic prices, as input costs rise and demand increases on domestic products… The quicker this issue is resolved, the better because some of the negative effects increase cumulatively over time and would be hard to reverse… In the short run, I see this as one large additional straw on the camel’s back… The economy is facing considerable turbulence (including geopolitics), with the potential positives of tax reform and deregulation and the potential negatives of tariffs and ‘trade wars,’ ongoing sticky inflation, high fiscal deficits and still rather high asset prices and volatility. Markets still seem to be pricing assets with the assumption that we will continue to have a fairly soft landing… I am not so sure” – JP Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon on April 7, 2025 in a letter to shareholders via CNBC.

Former North Dakota Governor and now-Interior Secretary Doug Burgum is a bitchy, abusive diva to top political appointees at the department, forcing them to freshly bake chocolate chip cookies and even having them serve as waiters during a multicourse meal, the Atlantic reports.

“Burgum has also used the political appointees in his department for another purpose in recent days: stacking firewood in his office’s fireplace. At times, he has instructed his staff on the finer points of arranging logs so they won’t collapse and create noise when burning during meetings,” the Atlantic writes about the apparent tyrannical abuses meted out on administrative professionals, something that department staffers admit happened but tried to soften it by saying that “was not intended imperiously.” The sources mentioned that because Burgum worked as a chimney sweep in college he was just trying to be helpful with tips on how to properly maintain a fire, lol.

In another similar “pushback” the sources playing defense tell the Atlantic that Burgum requires all the labels be removed from bottles of water just in case they appear in social media photos to avoid making it look like he’s endorsing one brand of water over another, as if the Trump Administration is known for being so meticulous with ethical issues. This is a dozen or so paragraphs down from the part detailing how Burgum ordered a National Park Service police helicopter to take him to Andrews Air Force base so he could fly with the convicted felon president down to Florida, for which Burgum ordered the pilots to turn off the GPS transponder so the flight couldn’t be tracked. This was just over a week after the collision between a US Army Blackhawk and an American Eagle flight approaching DCA that killed 67 people and while Senator Ted Cruz was pushing for all federal aircraft over the DC area to keep their transponders on at all times to avoid a repeat.

“Oil prices are down, interest rates are down (the slow moving Fed should cut rates!), food prices are down, there is NO INFLATION, and the long time abused USA is bringing in Billions of Dollars a week from the abusing countries on Tariffs that are already in place. This is despite the fact that the biggest abuser of them all, China, whose markets are crashing, just raised its Tariffs by 34 percent, on top of its long term ridiculously high Tariffs (Plus!), not acknowledging my warning for abusing countries not to retaliate. They’ve made enough, for decades, taking advantage of the Good OL’ USA! Our past ‘leaders’ are to blame for allowing this, and so much else, to happen to our Country. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday.

The fat fuck also denied that he’s trying to crash the stock market on purpose, even though he posted some stupid video about it, saying “I don’t want anything to go down. But sometimes you have to take medicine to fix something.” Futures stayed deep in the red while this idiot kept talking.