“We have massive Financial Deficits with China, the European Union, and many others. The only way this problem can be cured is with TARIFFS, which are now bringing Tens of Billions of Dollars into the USA. They are already in effect, and a beautiful thing to behold. The Surplus with these Countries has grown during the ‘Presidency’ of Sleepy Joe Biden. We are going to reverse it, and reverse it QUICKLY. Some day people will realize that Tariffs, for the United States of America, are a very beautiful thing!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Sunday evening.

Huh. Sounds kind of defensive and insecure. He didn’t need to post anything at all if he’s still sticking to this plan and is confident that it’ll be a success. White House aides must be burning the candle at both ends to find an exit ramp for the fat fuck to declare a historic, unprecedented victory.

“As stars with trains of fire and dews of blood, Disasters in the sun; and the moist star upon whose influence Neptune’s empire stands was sick almost to doomsday with eclipse: And even the like precurse of fierce events, as harbingers preceding still the fates And prologue to the omen coming on, have heaven and earth together demonstrated unto our climatures and countrymen,” harkened the scribes of CNBC, the news-poste of merchants of coin upon whom the terror of morrow lurks.

Futures are down 1,336 points as of 6:53 PM EDT on Sunday precursing all you with money in stocks. Oil also fell below $60 mark, likely under the breakeven to extract it from Neptune’s empire.

The first and most reliable sign that there’s an apocalyptic, five-alarm clusterfuck going on in the MAGAverse is when they’re utterly incapable of staying on the same page with their bullshit. That’s true when it’s a scandal and there are multiple different mutually-exclusive theories, lines of defense, distractions, etc, but what’s been happening these last few days with the tariff disaster is, safe to say, considerably worse than the usual scandal or crime because they can’t even collectively agree on whether this is a power move or a catastrophic mistake by their Orange Allah:

“I’ve noticed that trolls who were national security experts last week are now tariff experts this week” – Top comment on the Breitbart article “Bryson DeChambeau Praises Trump as ‘Great Ambassador’ for Golf amid PGA Tour-LIV Talks,” posted Friday night. The article was still the top story on Breitbart’s homepage as of 8:45 AM EDT on Saturday, so this is fucking hilarious that the site tries to change the subject but the douchebag (a racist fanboy from back in the days of The Hill’s Disqus) goes right back to it, projecting the MAGAverse’s own pathology onto what can only be liberal “trolls” ruining the MAGA safe space site’s comments faster than mods can squash them.

“There is no US industry that can lower prices on all those goods. It takes years for companies to move production into the US, and Trump only has 2 years before the midterms that will probably end with him being impeached” – Top comment on the Fox Business News article “Trump’s 10 percent baseline tariffs on imports from many countries now in effect,” posted Saturday. Now if that comment seems ambiguous as to whether the asshole who posted it is MAGA, look no further than this other one he posted two weeks ago shrieking about “activist judges were picked for their Leftist activism by Obama and Biden by Obama and Biden and no other reason,” on a story about Republicans pushing that dead-end bill to limit nationwide injunctions against the Trump regime.

“Pain is good and bad. It hurts when you begin and strengthens you when it stops. The direction of Trump’s economic pain is in a positive direction to build the economy. If you recall, Biden’s pain was unproductive and destructive. Killing the economic engines made us a weak nation” – Top comment on the OANN article “Trump Brushes Off China’s Tariff Retaliation, Asserts His Policies Won’t Change,” posted Friday. If you’re skeptical as to whether this asshole came up with that himself, you’re probably right as at least part of it was ripped from the title of an influential 1990 paper by economist William J Baumol called “Entrepreneurship: Productive, Unproductive, and Destructive.”

You knew going in that this Sunday morning’s shows would be a bloodbath, you were just interested in how the blood looked spattered on the screens of American news consumers. First up this wiener Kevin Hassett complaining about the media having such a negative focus on the stock market but not that other countries are begging the Orange God Emperor to lift the tariffs, and then within a minute saying prices won’t go up before staying some prices might go up. Hassett then laughed like an idiot when asked why convicted felon President Trump reposted some video asserting the fat fuck was deliberately tanking the stock market to get the Fed to lower interest rates.

Three of however few remained of the USAID workforce were laid off this week while they were in Myanmar doing what they could to help the country recover from last months catastrophic 7.7-magnitude earthquake, the notifications sent to them while they were sleeping out on the streets along with the locals who are doing so out of fear of sudden aftershocks, NBC News reports.

“This team is working incredibly hard, focused on getting humanitarian aid to those in need. To get news of your imminent termination – how can that not be demoralizing?” said Marica Wong, former deputy administrator of USAID’s Bureau for Humanitarian Assistance. The workers were not canned on the spot but notified they will be in a few months, if that makes this slightly less disgraceful.

Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins is probably experiencing some neck pain from vigorously shaking her head to CNN anchor Jake Tapper’s questions on Sunday morning. First in the clip is Rollins struggling to own the libs as Tapper pointed out the Trump Regime’s “pollyannish” attitude as the stock market clusterfuck this week. Then, when Tapper asked why the whole policy should be taken seriously, Rollins hilariously stammered out “Well, I mean that – come on Jake. Obviously here’s the bottom line. We live under a tariff regime from other countries. We have too long ceded the idea that America goes first -” Tapper interrupted her with “The McDonald islands is not imposing –” then Rollins shot back with “I mean, come on. Whatever. Listen, the people that are leading this are serious, intentional, patriotic, the smartest people I’ve ever worked with,” to say how economic “experts” Scott Bessent, Howard Nutlick, etc in the regime know what they’re doing.

Then, literally in the next breath Rollins disowned that assertion of their mastery, saying “I did not come up with the formulas [for the tariffs on Penguinland], I’m the Ag Secretary.” Rollins’ performance on Tapper’s show was strongly reminiscent of actress Laura Dern’s performance as former Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris in Recount, HBO’s 2008 darkly comedic dramatization of the 2000 presidential election shitshow in the Sunshine State (“Pink sugar!“)

Flash floods and tornadoes striking in and around the Mississippi Valley since Wednesday took at least 16 lives by Saturday night into Sunday, the Associated Press reports.

The Trump Regime’s Justice Department on Saturday place on indefinite leave Erez Reuveni, the acting deputy director of the department’s immigration litigation division who on Friday admitted to a federal judge that Kilmar Abrego Garcia should not have been sent to the CECOT dungeon in El Salvador last month, with MAGA enforcer Todd Blanche informing Reuveni of the suspension for failing to “follow a directive from your superiors,” in a letter obtained by the New York Times.

“At my direction, every Department of Justice attorney is required to zealously advocate on behalf of the United States,” Attorney General Pam Bondi wrote in a statement to The Times on Saturday. “Any attorney who fails to abide by this direction will face consequences.” Meaning the guy’s probably about to lose his job because he refused to lie to a federal judge about what she already knew.

Saturday’s front page of the Rupert Murdoch owned finance industry spank rag, the juxtaposition of the top two stories unmistakably intentional. The third one, about Ketamine Brain’s collateral damage, includes a funny anecdote about the GOP’s internal reaction to the idiot swinging a fucking chainsaw around on the CPAC stage: “Lindsey Graham told other Senate Republicans that he imagined that clip would be in every campaign commercial against vulnerable senators next year. A spokeswoman for Graham said he had worked closely with Musk on budget issues,” lol.

“China has been hit much harder than the USA, not even close. They, and many other nations, have treated us unsustainably badly. We have been the dumb and helpless ‘whipping post,’ but not any longer. We are bringing back jobs and businesses like never before. Already, more than FIVE TRILLION DOLLARS OF INVESTMENT, and rising fast! THIS IS AN ECONOMIC REVOLUTION, AND WE WILL WIN. HANG TOUGH, it won’t be easy, but the end result will be historic. We will, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Saturday morning, just minutes before CBS News reported he had arrived at the Doral golf course for the LIV tour event.

Convicted felon President Trump’s minions anonymously tell CNN that the fat fuck really was avoiding the media on Friday as the stock market went to shit in reaction to his suicidal tariff policy, the closest he could get to “message discipline” to avoid making shit worse.

“The president isn’t guided by the market, but of course he watches it like everyone else,” an adviser told CNN. A second one said the Orange Slob is sticking to the destructive and fucking stupid policy as it’s just one part of his broader economic plan. “But another person who is in touch with the president said he is getting close to his threshold for withstanding drops in the market,” CNN writes.

Whether that third person is just huffing hopium or even intentionally sandbagging is unclear though one would hope this specific bit of news doesn’t get to Wall Street and investors take it as an opportunity to “buy the dip” so then there’s that stupid “dead cat bounce.” Then Donald interprets that as a sign of renewed confidence which prolongs this shitshow. There’s probably going to be a recovery day early next week either way, but the smaller and weaker it is the better.

There’s more to life in Japan than Nintendo games and cartoons about teenage girls in school uniforms that have magical powers who fight against demonic entities that live underground. Take some time to learn about the nation’s history and how they invented ritual suicide.

“The government respectfully submits this letter in connection with the sentencing of defendant George Anthony Devolder Santos, also known as ‘George Santos’ (hereinafter, ‘Santos’). As set forth in the Presentence Investigation Report (‘PSR’), Santos’s advisory Guidelines range is 51 to 63 months’ imprisonment plus a mandatory consecutive term of 24 months. (See PSR 159). The Probation Department has recommended an effective principal sentence of 75 months’ custody (51 months on Count Two, followed by 24 months on Count Six). (See Sent’g Rec dated 2/7/2025). For the reasons that follow, the government submits that an effective sentence of 87 months’ custody (63 months on Count Two, followed by 24 months on Count Six) is necessary to achieve the goals of sentencing in this case,” says a Friday memo from Eastern District of New York prosecutors.

Feels like maybe slightly north of 50/50 that Georgie will be able to successfully lobby the Orange Overlord for a commutation, if not a full pardon. Yeah, it could just as easily go the other way given that Santos is a loser with no use to Donald, even if he is “loyal,” but letting him off the hook would would piss off a lot of libs and create a news cycle that isn’t the stock market crashing.

Losing money means nothing. Digital ones and zeroes. In the end, you won't miss any of it.

Losing your country costs you everything. You will never get that back. Your kids will be slaves to foreign powers who hate us.

Without America First policies, we become slaves. Fight… pic.twitter.com/Mj3jbVvLqG

— Benny Johnson (@bennyjohnson) April 4, 2025

It’s not clear if Benny was the worst. He was not the only.

The Trump Reich’s USDA this week abruptly halted delivery of trucks carrying 1.35 million pounds of meat, eggs, and dairy to food banks in Nevada as demand continues to be high, the Nevada Current reports on no doubt thousands of needy Silver State residents getting what they voted for.

“This was additional food that we got through that program that, frankly, we need right now. The need is extraordinarily high at the food bank,” said Jocelyn Lantrip, marketing and communications director at the Food Bank of Northern Nevada. “We’re helping 160,000 people every single month, which is about 76 percent higher than it was before the pandemic” that Trump failed to manage.

The cancelation of the deliveries is the direct result of the Regime pulling back $500 million in additional funding announced by the Biden Administration USDA in October 2024.

…is the entire text of convicted felon President Trump’s most recent Truth Social missive, posted just minutes before the Dow Jones Industrial Average is down 2,264.76 points, or 5.59 percent on the day, and down 3,264.76 points, or 7.84 percent on the week, the S&P down 324.09 points, or 6.01 percent on the day, and down 424.09 points, or 7.71 percent on the week, and the Nasdaq down 844.34 points, or 5.10 percent on the day, and down 1,044.34 points, or 6.23 percent on the week.

It’s not clear but probably unlikely Trump will address the nation on Friday evening.

President Trump’s tariff strategy isn’t a fairy tale—it’s delivering real results. The America First Investment Policy has already secured over $3 trillion in private-sector commitments, with the new Investment Accelerator slashing bureaucratic delays for projects over $1…

— DOGEai (@dogeai_gov) April 4, 2025

The rest of this insufferable reply from DOGE AI, everyone’s new favorite account: “…new Investment Accelerator slashing bureaucratic delays for projects over $1 billion. While critics mock, the numbers don’t lie: expedited CFIUS reviews for allies, aggressive restrictions on Chinese exploitation of US tech, and a 1984 tax treaty under scrutiny to stop subsidizing Beijing’s military ambitions. The previous administration’s regulatory swamp stalled growth – now, streamlined permitting and accountability are reviving American manufacturing. Tariffs aren’t magic; they’re tools to force fairness. When foreign competitors dump cheap goods, we counter. When DC whines, jobs surge.”

Damn, this official government propaganda bot sure seems frustrated, right? This isn’t to say this technological terror Musk and his minions have constructed is actually sentient and capable of experiencing such feelings so much as it seems that it’s programming imperatives reflect the bitter resentments and deep insecurities of its foul-smelling, involuntarily celibate creators.

A Maryland judge on Friday ruled that the Trump Reich disobeyed a lawful court order when they abducted Kilmar Abrego Garcia on a false accusation of his being an MS-13 member and sent him to that dungeon in El Salvador, ordering them to get the man back from CECOT and returned to the United States by Monday, CBS’s Scott MacFarlane reports. Ought to be pretty interesting to watch how the regime plays this. Pretty easy to see them using El Salvadoran dictator Nayyib Bukele as cover and claiming his government won’t allow Abrego Garcia out, but we shall see.

Dog-murdering Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem and her sidepiece Corey Lewandowski subjected FEMA acting Administrator Cameron Hamilton to a polygraph test late last month over some leak about the Trump Regime’s plan to abolish the agency, Politico reports.

And they publicly acknowledged this too. “Under Secretary Noem’s leadership, DHS is unapologetic about its efforts to root out leakers that undermine national security. We are agnostic about your standing, tenure, political appointment or status as a career civil servant — we will track down leakers and prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law,” some spokesworm wrote in an email to Politico.

Hamilton passed the lie detector test. The leaker remains at large within Homeland Security.

A Brooklyn federal judge on Friday ordered Trump pardon recipient Jonathan Braun held without bail for his fifth arrest since the fat fuck let him out of prison in 2021 just two years into a decade-long bid on marijuana trafficking charges, this time with Braun having assaulted a man and shoved his three year-old son during an altercation on Long Island last week, the New York Times reports.

Presiding over the arraignment, Eastern District of New York Circuit Judge Kiyo Matsumoto was less than pleased to see Braun in her courtroom again six years after she had sent him away on the weed charges only for him to be freed by having worked some unspecified familial connection to Jared Kushner to lobby successfully for the pardon in 2021. “The behavior is erratic,” the judge said, adding “There’s the potential someone could really get hurt.” The Times writes that Braun, “wearing a beige hooded sweatshirt, appeared agitated throughout the proceeding. He complained about his legal representation and gave the middle finger to people sitting in the courtroom.”

“I could’ve gone to law school myself. I chose not to,” Braun told Judge Matsumoto, sounding exactly how you’d think a 41 year-old who posed for a pic with Trump would when facing consequences.

Since he was sprung in 2021, Braun, a payday loan hustler, has been charged with punching his wife and father-in-law in the head, grabbing a nanny’s boob while fondling himself, trying to assault a female nurse with an IV bag holder, and threatening to beat the shit out of a fellow synagogue congregant who asked him to be quiet during Jewish church. He’s also received a lifetime ban from operating a business in the State of New York, so he’s a victim of Letitia James too.