Signaling a shit ton of skepticism of whether a state of war exists between the United States and Venezuela, which no, there isn’t for the moment at least, a three-judge panel at the DC Circuit Court on Wednesday denied convicted felon President Trump’s bid to stay a lower court ruling enjoining the deportation of five Venezuelans in the US targeted for deportation under the Alien Enemies Act.

You know it’s a good day when he’s calling himself the “Fertilization President.”

A complaint filed in Clark County, Nevada last week alleges that a 78 year-old California woman was “violently ejected” by a malfunctioning revolving door at the Trump Las Vegas hotel in March 2023 and finally succumbed to the injuries in October 2024, thus the convicted felon president’s corrupt business empire is responsible for her death, the Las Vegas Review-Journal reports.

Per the complaint filed by the family of Diana Truschke, the door was acting up before Truschke was exiting the premises and staff should have closed it down before it allegedly slammed into her from behind and sent her face-first into the pavement outside. The family seeks $15,000 in compensation, the minimum for wrongful death claims in Nevada. That and the fact that Truschke was staying there in the first place should tell you they’re Trump fans.

“Recent reports of a non-governmental app being used to convey highly sensitive and classified information about active military missions are deeply concerning. These instances of mishandling war plans, making unauthorized disclosures, and failing to meet oversight requirements on the Signal app underscore the urgent need for a comprehensive congressional inquiry into how classified information is managed by our nation’s national security officials.”

“As the Ranking Member of the House Foreign Affairs Subcommittee on Oversight and Intelligence, I write to you to request that the US House of Representatives establish a bipartisan select committee to investigate the mishandling of sensitive and classified materials – including the apparent automatic deletion of such materials in potential violation of the Federal Records Act-and how we can better safeguard information critical to our national security. A previous select committee, the House Select Committee on Benghazi, discovered during its investigation that then-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton had relied on a private email server while conducting government business. The allegation raised concerns about whether classified communications had been improperly handled. Critics, many of whom currently serve in Congress or the Trump Administration, pointed out that not following appropriate security protocols could have exposed sensitive information to security risks,” writes Florida Dem Congressman Jared Moskowitz in a letter to House Speaker Mike Johnson making clear his intent on pestering the Trump Regime over this fuckup.

“Indianapolis Zoo President and CEO Dr Rob Shumaker sustained an injury while feeding a chimpanzee through a mesh barrier last week. The tip of Dr Shumaker’s finger was bitten, and he received medical attention for the wound. Dr Shumaker has recovered, and the chimpanzee has no ill-effects. The incident was reported to the zoo’s accrediting body, the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, and was reported internally to relevant staff and to the zoo’s board chair.”

“Dr Shumaker is a primatologist who has spent his career researching and interacting with great apes and the incident occurred during a standard feeding interaction,” said the Indianapolis Zoo in a statement to Fox59 on Tuesday, with the “no ill-effects” part heavily implying the chimp could’ve gotten AIDS or rabies or something from biting Shumaker but tested negative.

Also if you’ve ever seen NOPE or heard of the Travis incident in 2010 you know what a “standard feeding interaction” could turn into, so just stay the hell away from chimpanzees at all costs.

Four US soldiers were killed in unclear circumstances after going missing Tuesday during a training exercise in Lithuania, the AP reports citing a statement from NATO Secretary General Mark Rutte.

“This is still early news so we do not know the details. This is really terrible news and our thoughts are with the families and loved ones,” Rutte told reporters in Warsaw. A Pentagon official confirmed this but would only say they died in an accident during the exercise. Lithuanian public media said the soldiers went missing on Tuesday during maneuvers at the General Silvestras Zukauskas training ground in Pabradė, a town located less than 6 miles from the border with Belarus.

Newsmax guy Rob Scmitt this week found himself not quite sure how to tell MAGA Congressman Greg Murphy that the drastic cuts to Medicaid he’s plainly excited about might be kind of bad for people out in impoverished Red States whose votes the GOP kind of counts on.

As expected, Texas MAGA Congressman Randy “Pussy” Weber on Wednesday introduced his censure of Lone Star State Dem Jasmine Crockett over her calling Greg Abbott “Governor Hot Wheels” while also, as not expected, Weber added in a second “whereas” condemning Crockett for mocking QAdulteress Marjorie Taylor Greene‘s “bleach blonde bad-built butch body” last year.

“Whereas on March 22, 2025, Representative Jasmine Crockett of Texas spoke at a Human Rights Campaign event in a manner unbecoming of a Member of Congress, calling the Governor of Texas, Greg Abbott, ‘Governor Hot Wheels’, and a ‘hot ass mess’; and Whereas the remarks from Representative Crockett are discriminatory in nature and are the latest in a continued series of inappropriate comments expressed by Representative Crockett, such as on May 16, 2024, during a hearing of the Committee on Oversight and Accountability, when Representative Crockett espoused inflammatory comments about the appearance of another Member of Congress. Now, therefore be it Resolved, that Representative Jasmine Crockett of Texas be censured,” wrote Weber or his staff.

Not really understanding the “such as” part of that. Why does Pussy write the date and setting of the “inflammatory comment” but not the comment itself? He included the “Governor Hot Wheels” and “hot ass mess” lines into the resolution so why not also spell out the “bleach blonde bad-built butch body” one too? And, maybe more importantly, if that was such a problem, why were he and the rest of the Republicans too chickenshit to try to censure Crockett for that back then?

CBP: “While US Customs and Border Protection (CBP) has seen a 48 percent increase of raw/fresh eggs seized at the northern and southern border ports of entry compared to last year, different types of eggs are arriving at a different port of entry in the Midwest. Starting in February CBP Agriculture Specialists (CBPAS) in Louisville see an increase in hatching egg shipment, and there have already been three seizures related to hatching eggs in March alone at the Louisville Port of Entry. Over two weeks, March 6 to March 20, CBPAS in Louisville seized 39 hatching eggs. Hatching eggs are all avian species to include poultry, game birds, racing pigeons, and other birds – if there is a market for a live bird someone will try to import hatching eggs for them.”

“These live eggs are shipped to the US for hatching or reproduction purposes. The eggs are commonly destined to be incubated, hatched and then raised. For agriculture purposes, hatching eggs fall under the regulations for live animals (9CRF) and are highly regulated because they can carry Newcastle disease and/or Avian Influenza (HPAI). The three shipments arrived March 6, March 16, and March 19. The first two shipments from Turkey were heading to New York and Nevada. The latest shipment arrived from Romania and was transiting to Costa Rica. In 2024, Louisville CBPAS seized 25 shipments containing a total of 519 eggs. They arrived from Turkey, Belgium, Romania, Singapore, and were heading to both stateside locations and other countries.”

Testifying in a criminal trial over incidents that occurred during the 2021 production of Les Volets Verts, French actor Gerard Depardieu on Wednesday told a court that “Sexual assault is something more serious than” grabbing a woman’s derriere… “But a hand on someone’s buttocks, it’s not… (that),” when asked about allegations by one of the two plaintiffs that he had groped her, Reuters reports, adding that later Depardieu also said he didn’t know what “sexual assault” meant.

Then Depardieu said he “did not touch her buttocks, I did not touch her breasts, I did none of that.”

Huh, sounds awfully familiar. Not just that a 76 year old lion of French cinema worth over $200 million, probably about 130 lbs overweight feels entitled to do whatever he wants to whatever woman crosses his path and has a long history of being accused of such, including from a woman who later committed suicide. It’s the whole “I didn’t do it, but even if I did it’s not a crime” that translates all too well to American audiences, particularly the ones who follow politics these days.

No way Depardieu’s a fan of Marine Le Pen. That’d be just too goddamned on the nose.

Hahahaha… Holy shit, there’s a round two of this hearing in the House on Wednesday, less that two hours after CIA Director John Ratcliffe and Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard’s Tuesday assertions, made under oath, that there was no classified information in their Signal chat were completely blown up by the Atlantic’s follow-up article displaying the entirety of the chat.

Well you probably already guessed. On Tuesday watchdog group American Oversight sued white nationalist binge drinker former Fox News host Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth and his texting buddies John Ratcliffe, Tulsi Gabbard, Marco Rubio, and Scott Bessent over a “failure to meet their obligations under the Federal Records Act regarding messages from a group-chat discussion of planned and active military operations from March 11, 2025, through March 15, 2025, on the messaging application Signal, which can be set up to automatically delete messages.”

So yeah, on Wednesday Politico’s Kyle Cheney reported that the case has landed in front of none other than DC Circuit Court Judge James Boasberg, the very same jurist that MAGA world has been screaming at and threatening to impeach for weeks over his demands for accountability from the Trump Regime over their quasi-genocidal abuses of Venezuelan migrants. Should be fun.

Said Tulsia Gabbard to the Senate Intel Committee of Tuesday: “There was no classified material that was shared in that Signal group,” CIA Director John Ratcliffe to the same hearing: “My communications, to be clear, in the Signal message group were entirely permissible and lawful and did not include classified information.” Convicted felon President Trump, to reporters in the White House: “It wasn’t classified information.” The Atlantic on Wednesday morning: “About that…”

This pisses me off.

Trump won this district by 15 points and Republicans didn’t turn out.

But, what pisses me off equally is that if the 473 Libertarians would have just voted Republican we’d have won the seat anyway.

The Democrats are fired up and funded. An Illinois PAC… pic.twitter.com/uGG9IbuKJA

— Joey Mannarino (@JoeyMannarinoUS) March 26, 2025

Continued irritable Pennsylvania MAGA douchebag Joey Mannarino after the cutoff in the tweet: “An Illinois PAC donated $100,000 to the Democrat in this race. Republicans are hardly donating to down ballot races any longer. I know. I do fundraising. It’s down dramatically. You think we won anything yet? You think they can’t take it all away? The game is just beginning. Don’t get lazy!”

Meh. If he’s crying and panicking then that’s fun, but it’s really not earth-shattering news that a Dem’s going to win a special, even in a hardcore MAGA district. The only thing this result is a harbinger of is what’s already been happening for years: Dem voters show up for low-turnout specials and the candidates overperform. Now MAYBE some eggheads want to do an analysis and demonstrate that the degree of overperformance in this particular election and the other one that the Dem won easily is significantly higher than would have been expected compared to that of specials conducted in similarly demographically-composed jurisdictions last year.

That would be worth looking at. For now though, anyone on the left or right who writes “OMG THE DEMOCRAT FLIPPED AN R+15 SEAT!” like it’s a surprise is just master-click-baiting. Also doesn’t help when Joey can’t even get his fucking math right, as the delta was 797 votes.

Edward “Big Balls” Coristine, 19, and a key member of Ketamine Brain’s DOGE squad, once provided tech support to a cybercrime gang that trafficked in stolen data and stalked an FBI agent, Reuters reports on exactly the kind of guy who should have access to the entire Social Security database.

A new FBI and Department of Homeland Security assessment memo obtained by ABC News stupidly forgets to play up dipshit Attorney General Pam Bondi’s moronic assertion that the attacks on Tesla dealerships are being coordinated by some sophisticated domestic terrorist group.

It also hilariously says the libs are outwitting them by committing the attacks at night, lol. “These criminal actions appear to have been conducted by lone offenders, and all known incidents occurred at night, making identification and arrest of the actors difficult,” the assessment dated March 21, says. “While they may perceive these attacks as victimless property crimes, these tactics can cause accidental or intentional bodily harm. Some individuals with political or social goals are likely to view the publicity surrounding these past incidents as validation that these tactics are successful in drawing public attention, and they may be galvanized to engage in similar violence.”

“Coatimundi Attacks Hiker. On Sunday, March 23, 2025, the Cochise County Sheriff’s Office was contacted about a wild animal attack in Ash Canyon south of Sierra Vista. A USDA Wildlife Specialist responded to the area and could not locate the animal, however he will return later tonight/early in the morning to search again. The man who was attacked advised that he was hiking in the area, and upon returning to his vehicle he observed a coatimundi on his hood,” says a Facebook post from the Cochise County, Arizona Sheriff’s Office and this would be a good time to explain what the fuck a coatimundi is: A relative of cacomistles, coatis, kinkajous, olingos, and olinguitos.

And raccoons. Actually raccoons would probably be the best point of reference here given that kinkajous and olingos sound like those vicious apex predators from Oompa-Loompa land.

Continued from the Cochise Sheriff: “The hiker advised that he shouted and waved his arms to get the animal to leave at which time the animal tore off a windshield wiper of the vehicle before jumping down and attacking the man. The man was able to get inside of his vehicle but not before the animal scratched and bit him, leaving injuries requiring medical attention. The man is receiving the rabies vaccine at a local hospital as a precaution before traveling back to his home in Tucson. The animal will be tested for rabies upon locating it and we encourage people spending time in rural / mountainous areas to be aware of their surroundings and not attempt to engage any wild animal.”

As of Tuesday afternoon wildlife officials were still looking for the fucker, per KTAR.

From the text of convicted felon President Trump’s Tuesday executive order on voting: “To enforce the Federal prohibition on foreign nationals voting in Federal elections: “Within 30 days of the date of this order, the Election Assistance Commission shall take appropriate action to require, in its national mail voter registration form issued under 52 USC 20508:(A) documentary proof of United States citizenship, consistent with” blah blah blah “‘documentary proof of United States citizenship’ shall include a copy of: (A) a United States passport; (B) an identification document compliant with the requirements of the REAL ID Act of 2005 (Public Law 109-13, Div B) that indicates the applicant is a citizen of the United States; (C) an official military identification card that indicates the applicant is a citizen of the United States; or (D) a valid Federal or State government-issued photo identification if such identification indicates that the applicant is a United States citizen or if such identification is otherwise accompanied by proof of United States citizenship.”

Oh gosh, if only people who had passports or access to their birth certificates or had their shit together enough to go to the DMV and get that stupid “real ID” thing could’ve voted in the last election. Might have unfairly disadvantaged one side over another and probably not the one that votes based on which candidate appeared on their favorite podcast or Charlamagne Tha Twat.

Well the ACLU or Marc Elias is going to fuck this order up for years anyway so whatever.