Israeli-American real estate moguls Tal, Oren, and Alon Alexander were convicted on all counts Monday in a federal sex trafficking trial in New York City, ABC News reports while not actually using the headline “Property Brothers” to avoid confusing them with the pair on that stupid reality show titled as such that airs on HGTV or one of those other lame basic cable channels.

“These are chilling, reprehensible, and unacceptable acts,” said US Attorney Jay Clayton, whose office prosecuted the case, said in a statement following the verdict. “We commend the victims for their courage in coming forward and testifying at the trial. They bravely overcame the pain of reliving the abuses inflicted upon them and, as a result, prevented others from becoming victims.”

Alon and Oren, 37 year-old twins, and Tal, 38, all of Miami, Florida, were each charged with one count of engaging in a sex trafficking conspiracy, which carries a maximum sentence of life in prison; and one count of sex trafficking by force, fraud, or coercion, which carries a maximum sentence of life in prison and a mandatory minimum sentence of 15 years in prison. Tal was additionally charged with a second count of sex trafficking by force, fraud, or coercion, which carries a maximum sentence of life in prison and a mandatory minimum sentence of 15 years in prison. The three predators, who also came up in the Epstein files, face sentencing on August 6th and thus have five months to squirm knowing they could end up becoming prey for the rest of their days.

'FIRE AND FURY': President Trump sends an urgent warning to Iran about stopping the flow of oil in the Strait of Hormuz:

"We will take out easily destroyable targets that will make it virtually impossible for Iran to ever be built back, as a Nation, again — Death, Fire, and Fury… pic.twitter.com/6yTSoUL4UK

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) March 10, 2026

Convicted felon President Trump is delaying the final episode of his lame reality show’s prize of the Texas Senate GOP endorsement to pressure Senate Republicans to pass his stupid “SAVE America Act” by changing the filibuster rules to allow a simple majority vote on it, Politico reports.

The upshot is that Picasso-faced Lone Star State Attorney General Ken Paxton’s last-ditch effort to stave off the fat bastard’s endorsement of incumbent John Cornhole Cornyn actually apparently worked, according to the Sportscenter of politics’ sources in and around the White House. “I think that was a very smart strategy because it bought time. Because now, if you’re the White House or Trump, why would you now weigh in?” said an anonymous Republican operative. “Trump has remained very steadfast that he wants this done, and that is a huge priority, and he’s getting pissed off at these members and at [Senate Majority Leader John] Thune.”

Former Nixon White House aide Alexander Butterfield, whose 1973 revelation of the secret taping system that recorded all the very many smoking guns that he left for himself over Watergate and other scandals that led to his eventual resignation under pressure, died Monday at 99, Fox reports.

At some point the slob is supposed to hold a press conference

Convicted felon President Trump on Monday decided he’s open to TACOing his way out of the shitshow he created in the Gulf as well as killing the new Ayatollah, the Wall Street Journal reports.

“I’m not giving up my money.”

Stephen A. Smith shuts down talk of a 2028 presidential run.

Full episode drops tomorrow. pic.twitter.com/3fgI4Q0eho

— Sean Hannity 🇺🇸 (@seanhannity) March 9, 2026

Stay tuned to Mediaite for when Smith changes his mind again.

At 66 cents per gallon since February 28th when their Orange God Emperor launched his directionless attack on Iran, three-time Trump-voting state Indiana has taken the prize for highest average gas increase, beating out Ohio’s 62 cents and Michigan and Florida’s 59 cent jumps.

In fact, according to CNN’s tracker outside of California at 56 cents, Maryland at 55, Colorado at 53, and New Mexico at 52 the most dramatic increases are largely being inflicted on the MAGA states/swing states that fucked us over last election such as West Virginia at 55 cents, Iowa at 54, Texas at 53, at North Carolina at 52 cents per gallon. Enjoy driving your Ford F-350s, schmucks!

Ohio State University, oh sorry THE Ohio State University – friggin assclowns – President Ted Carter has resigned from the university after disclosing an inappropriate relationship to the board of trustees, its precise impropriety ambiguous because it was with “someone seeking public resources to support her personal business” per to the Board of Trustees, the Columbus Dispatch reports.

Carter himself said in statement he “made a mistake in allowing inappropriate access to Ohio State leadership. I believe we have made much progress during my time at Ohio State, and I’m sorry I’m not able to remain your president longer. The students, faculty and staff at this university are among the very best in the world, and the Education for Citizenship 2035 strategic plan has Ohio State poised to succeed for years to come,” further calling into question what the hell this was if it wasn’t an affair… Or maybe it was an affair with a corruption angle to it. Kinda like at Homeland Security.

Then again the Dispatch specifies that “Carter said he and his wife, Lynda, are leaving Ohio State with ‘gratitude and appreciation for this wonderful community,'” so unless they have a thing where the wife effs frat guys too then maybe it really was strictly a platonic inappropriate relationship.

Congressman Jim Jordan, who circa 1990 made a mistake in allowing inappropriate access to Ohio State wrestlers, has not resigned from representing the state’s 4th District and likely never will.

“Australia is making a terrible humanitarian mistake by allowing the Iran National Woman’s Soccer team to be forced back to Iran, where they will most likely be killed. Don’t do it, Mr Prime Minister, give ASYLUM. The US will take them if you won’t,” posted the FIFA Peace laureate on Monday.

The post came a little under an hour after CNN printed a story headlined “Five Iranian women’s soccer players safe with police after fleeing team as supporters plead for action in Australia,” which would seem to indicate that Trump simply just doesn’t know what the fuck is going on.

I happen to believe drones will be a much better investment than companies that still print newspapers. @wsj https://t.co/ipWAm5u5qK

— Eric Trump (@EricTrump) March 9, 2026

Sources in the US intel establishment have concluded that the likeliest culprit in the February 28th bombing of an elementary school for girls was the US military, CBS News reports on the reality that the blood of 168 civilians, the vast majority of them young girls aged 7 to 12, is on American hands.

Officials have concluded that the atrocious fuckup was the result of dated intelligence that had indicated the building – formerly part of an adjacent Iranian Revolutionary Guard installation that was struck in the initial assault that day – was still a legitimate military target. Such nuance was not part of convicted felon President Trump’s explanation for the horrific collateral damage, as he told a reporter “We think it was done by Iran, because they’re very inaccurate with their munitions, they have no accuracy whatsoever, it was done by Iran,” on board Air Force One on Saturday.

Initially there had been some attempts by US officials to blame it on Israel. Wasn’t that much of stretch after years of genocidally depraved indifference to human life in Gaza, but video of the strike emerging on Monday shows a projectile consistent with a BGM or UGM-109 Tomahawk Land Attack Missile – found only in American arsenals – soaring toward the site during the attack.

Ultimately it is a war crime committed in our name, however there’s still some room to note how on-brand this is for Tehran’s regard for their own people – less than two months after a crackdown on civil unrest that by some estimates left as many as 25,000 dead – to have flipped some military building into a girls’ school. Whether deliberate or not, it’s hard to believe that nobody on their side had never even at least considered that it might’ve come under fire at some point, especially if the site had only been partially rather than completely vacated by the IRGC. Again, this does not wash American hands, especially when a thorough-enough satellite analysis probably would’ve made it clear the building was off-limits. It can also be true that the Iranians either stupidly – or maliciously, to help further politically undermine Trump’s stupid war – put those girls in harm’s way.

“Help Corey ‘Big Hoss’ Harrison Recover from Devastating Motorcycle Accident in Mexico. My name is Aron Chambers, and Corey Harrison is one of my closest friends. If you’ve watched Pawn Stars, you know Corey – ‘Big Hoss’ – as the quick-witted guy behind the counter who always brings the laughs and tough negotiations. Off camera, he’s just Corey: loyal, proud, independent, and someone who’s always there for his friends and family. Right now, though, he needs our help more than ever.”

“With his full knowledge and blessing, we’re raising emergency funds to cover more than $100,000 in medical bills and related expenses after a serious motorcycle accident in Tulum, Mexico, that left him fighting for his life. Just days before his father Rick Harrison’s wedding in Cancun in February 2026,” says the “Pawn Stars Corey Harrison Needs Help after Motorcycle crash” GoFundMe page.

Weird how he can’t just say “Ehhhhh, $18,000 to fix my grievous wounds suffered while I was speeding on a motorcycle in Tulum before my dad’s second wedding to my third stepmom, a Russian lady two months younger than me isn’t really going to work. Best I can do is $300.” Or that the History Channel’s health insurance plan doesn’t cover injuries suffered overseas. Or that his wealthy dad, who everyone knows to be a greedy asshole, is that greedy of an asshole that he won’t kick in the $18,000, instead forcing him to ask for the money from the terrible show’s fans on GoFundMe.

'SHOW SOME GUTS': President Trump addressed the recent spike in oil prices during an interview with @kilmeade as the conflict in Iran enters its second week.

"These ships should go through the Strait of Hormuz and show some guts, there's nothing to be afraid of… They have no… pic.twitter.com/pbIqLgGFID

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) March 9, 2026

With the earliest possible decision day now at the end of the month, the US Supreme Court has now officially screwed Republicans out of the chance to destroy around 12 majority-minority districts across the South by withholding their expected gutting of the VRA, the Huffington Post reports.

“Short term oil prices, which will drop rapidly when the destruction of the Iran nuclear threat is over, is a very small price to pay for USA, and World, Safety and Peace. ONLY FOOLS WOULD THINK DIFFERENTLY!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Sunday.

Credit goes to @BadFoxGraphics for this catch: The fat bastard took a lot of heat from Twitter libs for wearing one of his stupid hats to the dignified transfer of the remains of the six service members killed in the Iranian drone attack on their command post in Kuwait last weekend, heat that Fox News was obviously cognizant of, and for which they just straight up lied to their audience and reused footage from a December 2025 transfer, even putting “Saturday” in the corner of the B-roll.

“Great Job by hard working Scott Pressler on Fox and Friends talking about using the Filibuster, or Talking Filibuster, in order to pass THE SAVE AMERICA ACT, an 88 percent issue with ALL VOTERS. It must be done immediately. It supersedes everything else. MUST GO TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE. I, as President, will not sign other Bills until this is passed, AND NOT THE WATERED DOWN VERSION”

“GO FOR THE GOLD: MUST SHOW VOTER ID and PROOF OF CITIZENSHIP: NO MAIL-IN BALLOTS EXCEPT FOR MILITARY – ILLNESS, DISABILITY, TRAVEL: NO MEN IN WOMEN’S SPORTS: NO TRANSGENDER MUTILIZATION FOR CHILDREN! DO NOT FAIL!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Sunday morning. Hopefully “mutilization” makes it into the exact text.