Citing the voter-passed 2022 state constitutional amendment that guaranteed access to abortion, an Ohio judge voided a state law that required patients seeking an abortion to have two separate appointments at least 24 hours apart to complete the procedure, NBC News reports.  Patients can now get an abortion as quickly as they can buy a gun in the state.

Saying the issue is “clear and unambiguous” because off the amendment’s language, Franklin County Common Pleas Judge David C. Young found “that the challenged statutes burden, penalize, prohibit, interfere with, and discriminate against patients in exercising their right to an abortion and providers for assisting them in exercising that right.”  The state’s Republican attorney general said he would appeal the decision.

Just under four months after he posted “RFK Jr is a Democrat ‘Plant,’ a Radical Left Liberal who’s been put in place in order to help Crooked Joe Biden, the Worst President in the History of the United States, get Re-Elected. A Vote for Junior’ would essentially be a WASTED PROTEST VOTE, that could swing either way, but would only swing against the Democrats if Republicans knew the true story about him. Junior is totally Anti-Gun, an Extreme Environmentalist who makes the Green New Scammers look Conservative, a Big Time Taxer and Open Border Advocate, and Anti-Military/Vet,” and five months after it was “RFK Jr is the most Radical Left Candidate in the race, by far,” convicted felon former President Trump is expected to share the stage with that radical left liberal and roadkill hunter in Arizona on Friday. Solid chance something stupid happens.

A Trump-appointed federal judge in Kansas ruled that the long-standing federal regulations limiting private ownership of machine guns are illegal, citing the corrupt Supreme Court’s 2022 anti-gun-regulation ruling, Reuters reports.

The defendant in the case, Tamori Morgan, was charged with possessing an illegal machine gun as well as a machine gun conversion device known as a “Glock switch” which allows a Glock handgun to fire similarly to a machine gun.

Using the Supreme Court’s 2022 ruling as his guide, Judge John Broomes said prosecutors failed to establish the existence of a “historical analogue” to justify the ban on machine guns and conversion kits.

“With the exit of RFK Jr from the race and his endorsement of President Trump, there will undoubtedly be a great deal of speculation of what it means and who it will help. I’ve seen the Harris folks already trying to spin that it won’t impact the race. Well, the data speaks for itself.”

“The net vote gained in a state like Arizona based on just a 2020 turnout model would be over 41,000 votes nearly 4 times Biden’s winning margin or in Georgia the net gain would be over 19,000 votes nearly twice Biden’s margin. So, when you hear or see the Harris team and/or the Democrats try and spin otherwise, now that the data clearly paints a different picture. This is good news for President Trump and his campaign – plain and simple,” writes Trump campaign pollster Tony Fabrizio in a memo with a table showing their internal polling data of RFK Jr fans’ second choices.

Trump: She mentioned 'thank you' about 50 times. Thank you, thank you, thank you. What the hell is wrong with her? She talked about her family pic.twitter.com/xAE34DBdao

— Kamala HQ (@KamalaHQ) August 23, 2024

The United States Navy’s reserves of the service branch’s standard Working Uniform Type III trousers for the next several months, due to massive shortages worldwide, the Navy Times reports.

Courtney Williams, a spokesperson for Navy Exchange Service Command, said that the PX retail division is experiencing “severe shortages” in its on-base stores and online. “Size and location may vary, but overall NEXCOM’s NWU Type III trouser inventory stock level is currently at around 13 percent worldwide. Focus remains on the Navy’s new accessions programs, like Recruit Training Command, Naval Academy Preparatory School, Officer Candidate School and Officer Development School,” Williams said and holy shit the Navy Times article just keeps going and going.

Like we get the pants are important, that sailors can’t simply go to Kohl’s and buy some stupid “Route 66” or “Old Laramie” brand for their uniforms but maybe command can bend the rules a bit.

Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith’s team have opted not to move forward with the so-called “mini-trial” to hear witness testimony against fat former President Trump over his failed post-2020 election coup attempt and unfuck the situation caused by the Supreme Court rigging the system in his favor with that “presidential immunity” horseshit and Smith’s office will instead revise the original conspiracy indictment to work around the ruling in US v Trump, Bloomberg reports.

Who knows what the hell’s going to happen here. Bobby Jr definitely withdrew from the ballot in Arizona but there’s been some conflicting reports on whether or not he’s actually going to quit.

CNN’s Ed Dovere just reported that Kennedy’s campaign informed a judge in Pennsylvania that “As a result of today’s endorsement of Donald Trump for the office of President of the United States hereby withdraw their opposition” to a Dem plaintiff’s case to remove him from the ballot.

Having pulled the plug on the 2024 presidential election forecast model for after President Joe Biden dropped out of the race, the eggheads at FiveThirtyEight have accumulated enough polling data on Vice President Kamala Harris vs convicted felon former President Trump and… Well let’s just say some people are not going to be happy with it. And even less happy than they were when it showed Biden at circa 50 percent chance to win. That made a certain sense as the model didn’t solely rely on poll numbers but also historical patterns, incumbency, economic conditions, etc.

There’s a whole explainer on the site that doesn’t get into what if any changes were made Harris in terms of what kind of different parameters… Like the “incumbency” factor since that’s a little fuzzy.

The preliminary combined broadcast audience share of Vice President Kamala Harris’s Democratic nomination acceptance speech across seven networks at 15 million viewers was 22 percent higher than convicted felon former President Trump’s acceptance speech on the same channels at 12.3 million, Fox TV ratings analyst Michael Mulvihill reports. “Take it as you will, in the last three Presidential cycles the candidate with the larger TV audience for their nomination acceptance speech has gone on to win the Presidency,” Mulvihill wrote on Thursday prior to Harris’s address.

More important than that however is the implications to a certain obese man-child’s fragile ego as on Monday Rolling Stone reported that the fat fuck privately had “been sure to stress that the viewership he pulled for his televised acceptance speech on the final night of the Republican National Convention in Milwaukee last month was ‘tremendous,’ and that he feels it is unlikely Vice President Harris will be able to top his numbers on the evening she gives her big speech.”

pic.twitter.com/8LvNdBKwOe

— Ben Shapiro (@benshapiro) August 23, 2024

Immigration policy think tank American Immigration Council senior fellow Aaron Reichlin-Melnick on Friday spotted a sealed filing for a case titled “State of Texas v United States Department of Homeland Security,” writing “it seems likely that 16 states GOP AGs filed a lawsuit yesterday to block the Biden admin’s new Keeping Families Together program for undocumented spouses and stepchildren of US citizens. Theoretically possible lawsuit is about something else, but I doubt it.”

Of course it’s Picasso-faced Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton leading his pals from Alabama, Idaho, Missouri, and other MAGA states. Whether or not it’s actually a good idea remains to be seen as this week an advocacy group estimated that at least 60,000 swing staters are married to husbands and wives eligible for the program. They’re sure they want to piss these people off?

As of 9:41 EDT on Friday, Dem donation platform ActBlue processed $114,189,744 in contributions during this week, with a staggering $38,166,618 of it coming on the final day of the DNC on Thursday, per the ActBlue tracker at ObservableHQ written by the Marshall Project’s Ryan Murphy.

Again, the big caveat is that we don’t know yet exactly how much of that went to Harris-Walz as opposed to downballot Dems, the DCCC/DSCC, PACs etc, but you can fairly safely operate under the assumption that a large majority of it did in fact go to the top of the ticket. More than $7 million came in during the 11 o’clock hour alone on Thursday night during the Veep’s big address.

This is a very bad speech – poorly written with even worse delivery.

— Elise Stefanik (@EliseStefanik) August 23, 2024

Malevolent razorback MAGA Congresswoman Elise Stefanik’s live-tweeting of Vice President Kamala Harris’s acceptance speech on Thursday night reveals more than she probably intended about her reaction to the address, with posts like “Tonight millions of Americans are reminded why this candidate had to abysmally drop out of her presidential campaign before the first vote was even cast in 2020 and never earned a single vote in 2024,” and “Despite the desperate mainstream media coverage to prop up this candidate without a single vote being cast for her, tonight the American people are seeing that it turns out Kamala Harris is a much weaker candidate than Joe Biden! A great night for TRUMP 🇺🇸,” and lastly “The more the American people hear from Kamala Harris in the next 75 days, the better and better @realDonaldTrump will do on Election Day! 📉📈#Trump2024 to Save America – Let’s go! 📉📈.” Then it was radio silence from the House GOP Conference chair.

Even QAnon scumbag Marjorie Greene posted something “substantive” – like of course it was a lie but at least it was related to the actual content of the address – with “Kamala will make abortion up to the day of birth the law of the land as a major part of her presidency. Absolutely tragic.”

Not only did Stef refuse to do that, she didn’t even make an alleged lack of substance from the Veep a complaint. It was all just “SHE SUCKED! TRUMP 2024!” which to us sure seems like someone legitimately rattled. We’re less certain however if that makes Stef more rattled than her Orange God Emperor’s actual running mate, JD Vance. The couch fucker hasn’t tweeted anything for 17 hours.

Wildlife officials in Hawaii are rattled after an opossum turned up in a shipping container on Tuesday, the second of the North American mainland-native marsupial-ish hillbilly delicacy to make the journey to the Aloha State, raising fears of an invasion of its isolated ecosystem, KHON reports.

The first opossum was caught late last month after it was spotted on the window ledge of an office building in downtown Honolulu. State Department of Agriculture quarantine manager Jon Ho tells KHON the two are the sixth and seventh live opossums caught in Hawaii since 2005 – all of them appearing in the summer months – and theorizes that it’s simply heat on the mainland US prompting the ugly little bastards to creep into shipping containers. “Anecdotally it’s hot. They’re basically looking for shelter. Containers are open when these guys are doing their loading or it’s inside a pallet they get placed in and they get a trip to Hawaii,” said Ho, who adds that the state needs to step up on funding his agency because 65 inspectors simply can’t handle 4,000-plus containers arriving weekly and may God have mercy on Hawaii if one of they miss is just wall-to-wall opossums.

You can skip ahead to 5:21 in this CNN video of eight (allegedly) undecided Pennsylvania voters in the Lehigh Valley, five of them members of the UAW, as that’s when six of the eight said they were now ready to vote for Vice President Kamala Harris after watching her acceptance speech, one said convicted felon former President Trump, and the last one said she was still not sure.

Yes, it’s just a focus group, but sometimes these things tell you a lot about the “vibes.”

Thursday night is the Veep’s big night. This is huge and let’s hope she sticks the landing.

At least 18 cows are still roaming in and around Tuscola, Illinois after a crash between the truck that was 67 hauling them and another tractor trailer killed 18 of their bovine brethren, WCIA reports.

Yeah they’re probably not going to find them. Just throwing that out there. They’re as good as gone.

We are looking at tens of thousands of dollars so any help would be appreciated.

— Chester Todd (@ChesterToddWI) August 22, 2024

Funny enough before we even saw this jerkoff’s tweet we actually found this press release from MAGA legal group WILL reading “The Wisconsin Institute for Law and Liberty (WILL) is strongly condemning the Democratic National Committee’s (DNC) attempt to remove the Green Party candidate, Jill Stein, from the presidential ballot in Wisconsin. WILL hopes the Supreme Court of Wisconsin considers the arguments we lay out in our amicus brief that we will file tomorrow morning and denies the DNC’s effort to disenfranchise tens of thousands of Wisconsin voters.”

No mention made that these supposed tens of thousands of Wisconsin voters could just write in Jill Stein if they wanted to – or Vladimir Putin if they’re going to be more honest with themselves.

Florida Republican Party chairman Evan Power – who replaced the threesome guy Christian Ziegler back in January – tells the Palm Beach Post that fundraising email his party sent out warning recipients of “tough polling information to share with you” and included a screenshot of an “extremely alarming headline” from a Newsweek article about a poll finding Vice President Kamala Harris just five points behind convicted felon former President Trump in the Sunshine State doesn’t mean they’re actually worried the not-really-swing-state could back to blue anytime soon.

“It was a typical fundraising email that goes out every day from anybody who is Republican. We’re not worried. It was typical fundraising stuff we do,” said Power, openly and blithely admitting that the party’s “typical fundraising” emails are lies meant to terrify people into sending them money.

Or, maybe less likely, that he is legitimately scared about November and didn’t want to tell the media on the record. Either way it’s not a great look, but it’s not like MAGA voters will notice.