Banned from the Nathan’s Coney Island July 4th Hot Dog eating contest for bullshit reasons, world eating champ Joey Chestnut will instead spend Independence Day at Fort Bliss in Texas, facing off against no fewer than four US Army soldiers in a five minute hot dog battle, the Army Times reports.

If not for that the time is half that of the Nathan’s contest’s 10 minutes, we would go ahead and declare Chestnut the de facto winner by proxy kind of like how convicted felon former President Trump declares himself the winner of golf tournaments he didn’t play in because of some bullshit he made up in his head about shooting better than the tourney’s winner at the same course. Maybe he’ll still even beat this year’s Nathan’s winner with half the time anyway. As for the four soldiers we hope a military doctor more qualified than Ronny Jackson is present to monitor their health.

Chestnut’s next big showdown is against rival worldwide champ Takeru Kobayashi on Labor Day.

The US Supreme Court on Friday rejected white nationalist alcoholic Steve Bannon’s final last ditch effort to stay out of prison for the next four months, denying his petition for a stay.

How does Joe Biden look completely different from one day to the next?

I’m extremely confused.

The video on the left is from the debate last night.

The video on the right is this morning in North Carolina.

Why does he look like a different person? pic.twitter.com/6xupcAjqJH

— Joey Mannarino (@JoeyMannarinoUS) June 28, 2024

Lawyers for Georgia 2020 election workers Ruby Freeman and Shae Moss and former Dominion executive Eric Coomer this week asked a Florida judge to cancel the Gateway Pundit’s bankruptcy filing, arguing that scumbag founder and propagandist Jim Hoft is delaying the inevtiable consequences of his far right fake news outlet’s defamation of the three with his lame conspiracy theories about their supposedly rigging the 2020 election, the Missouri Independent reports.

In another smashing victory against reverse racism and other imagined malevolences, rural American retailer Tractor Supply Company on Thursday announced they were killing off their internal diversity, equity, and inclusion human resources policies, NBC News reports.

President Joe Biden’s campaign raked in at least $14 million before, during, and after the not so great time he had debating convicted felon former President Trump, WSJ’s Ken Thomas reports.

The US Supreme Court on Friday ruled 6 to 3 in favor of a Capitol insurrection defendant by narrowing the scope of the obstruction of an official proceeding of Congress law to the letter of whether they used an official document to do so when. Obviously since the rioters were beating cops with their weapons and fists rather than official documents they were not in violation of the statute passed in the 2002 Sarbanes-Oxley Act. It’s not clear how many January 6th cases are going to be affected by this and/or if some will walk completely but it is a limitation on the cases.

There had been some chatter over whether this would negatively affect Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith’s conspiracy case against the Orange Tyrant in DC – which by the way the court did not drop its decision for on Friday, of course – but it would seem sort of doubtful given that Trump did in fact engage in conduct that “alters, destroys, mutilates, or conceals a record, document, or other object, or attempts to do so, with the intent to impair the object’s integrity or availability for use in an official proceeding” with the fake electoral votes scam.

The federal government’s power to regulate business without being normally overruled by the courts was murdered Friday with a 6-2 decision in the “Chevron Doctrine” case. Libs owned big time.

Now would probably be a good time for the Biden Administration act like dangerous cornered animals and doing something crazy to damage convicted felon former President Trump.

Go scorched earth, hellfire and brimstone, full-on nuclear. There’s no way to move past a bad news cycle like creating a worse one for the other guy. Team Biden are uniquely positioned to do so given the orange felon’s former residence in the same building. Let the MAGA media industrial complex scream that it was in direct response to the bad debate. Let James Comer and Jim Jordan scream that they’re going to be firing off subpoenas to find out who leaked it and what their motivations were even though it would be pretty obvious. The mainstream political media are like moths to a mosquito zapper hung on the porch of a double-wide in a Louisiana bayou, so turn a bigger one on.

If there’s anything damning that Team Biden were keeping the powder dry on for a bad day in the campaign cycle well here’s your bad day. A transcript of a Trump call with Putin, unverified intel from foreign sources, hints about the contents of the classified documents he stole, God knows what else exists in the archives of “the Deep State” and can be quickly passed along to reporters. Nothing better than forcing your opponent into reacting, especially when his cult is praising him for his objectively shitty performance that only “won” simply by delivering it with more verbal, but not logical, coherence than Biden did. Make them suffer the consequences of their hubris.

An 83 year-old Perry Township, Ohio man is facing charges of felonious assault, failure to comply with order or signal of an officer, resisting arrest and obstructing official business and the misdemeanors of failure to comply with order or signal of an officer, criminal trespass, driving under suspension and operating a vehicle at a small speed and impeding traffic after a Wednesday incident in which he mowed a neighbor’s lawn without permission and fled at a low rate of speed on his ride-on until responding officers caught up with him, the Canton Repository reports.

It’s not the first time the unidentified codger was caught trespassing on another neighbor’s property to mow the grass as last August after cops had specifically warned him not to do so. That incident ended less acrimoniously as the suspect was fined $50 and sentenced to 30 days in jail – which it’s not clear whether it was suspended – after pleading guilty to misdemeanor trespass.

The Federal Reserve Bank’s core consumption expenditures price index was expected to increase 0.1 percent in May and 2.6 percent from a year ago, per the Dow Jones consensus, CNBC reports.

NASA engineers on Thursday said they’re continuing to evaluate whether the Boeing Starliner spacecraft can bring its crew of two astronauts, Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams, back home from the International Space Station after two weeks and counting of delays, Reuters reports.

At issue is the propulsion system which, since it was designed by Boeing, probably requires a congressional and/or federal law enforcement investigation to determine whether any documents were shredded or engineers committed suicide while planning to blow the whistle on its flaws.

Muskingum County, Ohio Sheriff Matt Lutz is again reminding citizens that two years ago the state actually had to pass a bill making it illegal to consume alcohol and light off fireworks because so many people were blowing themselves up while shitfaced, the Zanesville Times Recorder reports.

“People get careless, and they start mixing things with alcohol,” said Lutz, adding that his office spends too much time on the Fourth of July responding to drunkenly botched use of celebratory explosives. “You have to know what you’re doing. A lot of it comes down to common sense.”

Lutz said the most common issues his deputies respond to during the Fourth of July are hand injuries from patriots holding them and they go off too soon, property damage from people firing projectiles too close to homes, debris from aerial fireworks landing in nearby pools and causing damage, or injuries from people aiming and shooting fireworks at each other. The 2022 Ohio fireworks law makes lighting them off while intoxicated a first-degree misdemeanor. Among other provisions, the law prohibits launching fireworks at another person and discharging them indoors.

Top 5 moments during Trump-Biden debate showdown: 'I didn't have sex with a porn star' https://t.co/rduA8VRgNX

— Fox News (@FoxNews) June 28, 2024

Proof that Randy Newmann was right, stubby Republican Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced he canceled all state grants supporting the arts because of “sexual” content at Fringe Festival in Orlando and Tampa, the Tampa Bay Times reports.

Originally held in Edinburgh, Scotland and then spread around the world, Fringe Festivals are programs where writers and performers produce new and experimental theatre.  Such award-winning works as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead and Stomp debuted at Edinburgh.  The festivals in Orlando and Tampa schedule a wide range of shows, from kid-friendly and -focused programs to adult-themed dramas and comedies, like the theatre world in general.

“You have your tax dollars being given in grants to things like the Fringe Festival, which is like a sexual festival where they’re doing all this stuff,” DeSantis said during a media event on Thursday where he could not identify the “stuff” he objected to or specific shows he saw.

Welp.  That was not a great performance by the incumbent, was it?  Suffering from a cold, President Joe Biden came out without the benefit of the legendary Hi-Octane Five-Hour Energy Juice he had before the State of the Union.  And his opponent, convicted felon and one-time office holder Donald Trump, had the juice but didn’t have the facts.

Mumbly Biden will have long-time critics and new-found skeptics of the President’s competence taking up camera time discussing ways Biden can step aside graciously before the convention and have the delegates fight among themselves in floor campaigns among new candidates.

Others can, will and should point to the lack of substance to most of Trump’s responses.  Just like Infrastructure Week and Melania’s visa status, we’re still waiting for Trump’s positions on Israel and Social Security cuts.  Where Trump’s responses deflected, Biden’s–what you could make out of them–were policy-rich.

Well we’ve seen enough. Joe Biden’s performance in that debate was horrible and many prominent Democrats are in an absolute panic over it. Van Jones was straight up about to cry on CNN. No doubt at least 12 libs died of heart attacks on their couches while watching because it was so stressful even though let’s be honest Trump fucking sucked too. Still it’s clear that the Dems saying they need to replace Biden as the party’s 2024 nominee are correct, hard as it is to admit.

So here’s who we think should replace Joe Biden at the 2024 DNC: Joe Biden on drugs.

That’s right. Kick Joe Biden to the curb and get a real candidate who has all the policy smarts, charisma, and political IQ of regular Joe Biden and add a shit ton of neurochemical enhancements to make him into Joe Biden on drugs. It’s a win-win for all the people worried about his energy level and mental acuity on display at the CNN debate because those issues will be masked by a cocktail of high-grade amphetamines, selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors, modafinils, and measured doses of cocaine. Joe Biden on drugs will be clearer, more comprehensible, and most importantly possess a sharper wit and fiercer temper than the non-drugged Joe Biden we saw at the debate.

It’s such a simple shuffle for the presidential ticket and it’s shocking that so many political “professionals” on the left aren’t immediately advocating for it. Are they fucking high or something?

National Zero will resume our regular coverage after this important scorching hot take that will no doubt cause an immediate “game changing” stir across the whole American political media universe.

Well this is it. Unless you’ve been living blissfully under a rock for the past 43 days you know what’s about to happen: Joe Biden vs Donald Trump at CNN in Atlanta. Empty arena deathmatch. Hostile territory and terms of engagement for the Incredible Orange Blob. Moderators who are not cupcakes. Tens of millions watching across multiple networks. A chance for those walled off from the utter insanity and incoherence of the fat fuck to be exposed freshly to just how badly he’s gotten. A chance for Biden to demonstrate the mental strength and agility too many unfairly doubt.