The US Supreme Court on Monday denied certiorari to InfoWars asshole Owen Shroyer’s bid to overturn on First Amendment grounds his misdemeanor conviction following a plea which saw Shroyer serve a 60 day bid for breaching a restricted area during the January 6, 2021 Capitol riot.

Former Chief of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases Dr Anthony Fauci will face a select subcommittee panel on Monday as House Republicans try to create a wedge issue to help Trump in the 2024 election by investigating top officials in the Trump Administration’s handling of the COVID-19 pandemic and its impact on the 2020 United States Presidential election.

Check out Fauci’s opening statement here. Among the COVID conspiracy theorists expected to angrily harass and shit-talk the retired government health official at the hearing are Congressman Ronny “Dr Feelgood” Jackson and Congresswoman Marjorie “Jewish Space Lasers” Taylor Greene

“I am the President, but I am also a Dad. Jill and I love our son, and we are so proud of the man he is today. Hunter’s resilience in the face of adversity and the strength he has brought to his recovery are inspiring to us. A lot of families have loved ones who have overcome addiction and know what we mean. As the President, I don’t and won’t comment on pending federal cases, but as a Dad, I have boundless love for my son, confidence in him, and respect for his strength. Our family has been through a lot together, and Jill and I are going to continue to be there for Hunter and our family with our love and support” – Monday statement from President Joe Biden.

A shocking new investigation by ProPublica reveals that former President Donald Trump may have repeatedly “rewarded loyalty” from subordinates who worked in campaign, administration, and/or personal/business capacities when those individuals were subpoenaed by state and federal law enforcement agencies to sit for interviews or testify in grand jury or other judicial proceedings.

“Nine witnesses in the criminal cases against former President Donald Trump have received significant financial benefits, including large raises from his campaign, severance packages, new jobs, and a grant of shares and cash from Trump’s media company,” ProPublica writes in the report that threatens to shatter the 45th president’s image as a paragon of integrity and decency.

Ahem. It’s not like a serious outfit that does excellent investigative work like ProPublica should be expected to lard this “revelation” with that kind of tedious sarcasm, it’s just… Like maybe “It should come as no surprise to seasoned observers of how Trump operates but we were able to quantify at least part of the financial gains nine of his subordinates received in timing that largely coincides with their being subpoenaed by investigators” or something. They were comfortable enough to make a considerable number of assumptions about the reader’s prior knowledge going into this, so why not be comfortable with some sort of implicit nod at “No fucking way, right?” in the text?

Arkansas has a long way to go to rebuild after last week’s storms but due to the selfless hard work of @SamaritansPurse and @EdwardG1911’s we will get there faster.

My mom, Bryan, Scarlett and I got to volunteer alongside them yesterday and experience first hand the power of… pic.twitter.com/Al4hxDc4Ye

— Sarah Huckabee Sanders (@SarahHuckabee) June 3, 2024

Arkansas Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders on Monday tweeted unverified and unauthenticated images of herself at the very least simulating her having engaged in manual labor to help a property owner in her state clean up from the aftermath of a series of destructive storms. It’s not clear if these images were generated by an artificial intelligence engine, doctored with photoshop, staged with an actor wearing a sophisticated disguise to mimic Huckabee’s appearance, or if the governor merely picked up a few branches during a stop on the way to lunch at a Golden Corral or possibly a Chili’s location. We would encourage CNN correspondent Jim Acosta to investigate the matter by showing up at the restaurant to pester Huckabee with questions while she’s trying to eat.

First Son Hunter Biden has arrived at a federal courthouse in Delaware on Monday morning for jury selection in his trial over falsely signing a gun permit, with wife Melissa Cohen, step mom Dr Jill Biden, and sister Ashleigh Biden in attendance supporting him, the Washington Post reports.

Dad Joe Biden is in town in Wilmington, but not in attendance, likely because of the considerable disruptions his Secret Service security detail would impose upon the courthouse.

International oil cartel OPEC on Sunday agreed to make an in-kind contribution to convicted felon former President Trump’s comeback attempt campaign by extending production cuts into 2025 and maintaining flexibility to go further if his poll numbers don’t improve, the Wall Street Journal reports.

Porn-star witness Stormy Daniels on Sunday urged Third Lady Melania Trump to pack her bags and leave her convicted felon husband in an interview with trashy British tabloid The Mirror.

“I don’t know what their agreement may or may not be, but Melania needs to leave him. Not because of what he did with me or other women but because he is a convicted felon,” said Stormy, listing the obvious reasons why with “It’s been proven he is abusive, he was found liable for sexual assault and tax fraud and is now a criminal. He’s neither Teflon Don nor Teflon Con anymore.”

Asked why she thinks Melania or Ivanka never showed up in court, Stormy said she “would not want to expose my children to that dangerous environment. And Melanie [sic] and Ivanka are both parents, they’re mothers who have younger children, and that would be my reason. You know, if it was the other way around, even if I wanted to support my spouse or my family member, I would choose the safety and privacy of my child over attending court.” Not sure if this kind of attempt appeal to Trump’s responsibility as a family man would definitely work to piss him off.

Worth a shot though. Asked why she thinks Trump didn’t testify, Stormy says “To my mind, it’s very simple why he didn’t give evidence. He didn’t want to perjure himself. He would have committed perjury. The prosecution would have straight out asked him if Miss Daniels was lying. Did you have a sexual relationship with that woman? He couldn’t tell the truth, and he could not lie either, so he never gave evidence. What happened between me and him wasn’t about the sex, it wasn’t about the hush money, it wasn’t about the NDA, it wasn’t about where he put his little thing. It wasn’t about any of that.” Okay, the “little thing” part would absolutely trigger the fat fuck, lol.

Princess Diana's death haunted John F. Kennedy Jr.'s wife before couple's tragic plane crash: book https://t.co/716JAaix0g

— Fox News (@FoxNews) June 3, 2024

Mexicans on Sunday turned out in a circa 60 percent landslide victory for climate scientist Claudia Sheinbaum, who squashed top rival Xochitl Galvez in the race to succeed outgoing, term-limited President President Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador, the Associated Press reports.

Sheinbaum, who was anointed by Lopez Obrador as his successor, will take office as the first female and the first Jewish person to lead the US’s not terribly stable southern neighbor amid rampant, drug-cartel fueled violence – and regular political violence. “I want to thanks millions of Mexican men and women who decided to vote for us in this historic journey,” Sheinbaum said in her victory speech outlining her plans for a “construction of peace” to build a “diverse and democratic” Mexico.

Ohio Governor Mike DeWine on Sunday signed a bill pushing back the deadline for candidates to be formally nominated from August 7 to September 1st, thereby ending the stupid loophole that threatened to exclude Joe Biden from appearing on the November ballot, WHIO reports.

DeWine had called the state legislature into a special session to resolve the issue, but in the meantime the DNC had scheduled a virtual nomination process ahead of their August convention.

Delaware federal Judge Maryellen Noreika on Sunday blocked Hunter Biden from calling a Columbia University psychiatrist and from entering a key piece of evidence just before jury selection is to begin in his gun charge trial, CNN reports on an awfully-familiar sounding story.

“The inadequacy of Defendant’s expert disclosure for Dr [Elie] Aoun leaves the government in the dark as to what his opinions about the facts of this case will be, thus rendering the government unable to prepare for trial,” the Trump-appointed Noreika wrote in her ruling. The judge also blocked Hunter from showing the jury an altered version of the federal firearms form he filled out when he bought the gun in 2018 that was edited in 2021 by the gun store employees.

It’s like he thinks we don’t have video tape: convicted felon and man praying for injustice Donald Trump now makes the incredible claim that he never said “Lock her up” relating to Hillary Clinton at any point during the 2016 campaign to now.

A couple who were “magnet fishing” in a park in Flushing, NY found a safe containing $100,000 on Friday, the BBC reports, and they’ll likely be able to keep the money.  James Kane and Barbie Agostini were dragging the bottom of a park pond with a powerful magnet searching for lost treasures, and they found one.

The pair brought up a safe stuffed with bricks of modern $100 bills, with the design introduced in 2013, wrapped in plastic.  While there was a lot of water damage to the currency, officials say they will still be able to deposit the bills if 50% of the bills are identifiable, per the Bureau of Engraving and Printing.

The couple bought a neodymium magnet for $22 on Amazon to start their hobby years ago, and have since found watches, jewelry, subway tokens and a handgun in their searches.  “We call it the poor man’s treasure hunting,” Kane said, so they started magnet fishing, which they highlight on their YouTube channel.

Elena Zhukova is in line to be the fifth ex-Mrs. Rupert Murdoch after the 67-year-old former molecular biologist wed the 93-year-old international propagandist on Saturday at Murdoch’s California estate, USA Today reports.  Murdoch was introduced to Zhukova at an event held by Murdoch’s third wife, Wendy Deng.  The scion of a cable news family values’ immediate previous ex-wife, his fourth, is model Jerry Hall whom he divorced in 2022

“The ‘Sentencing’ for not having done anything wrong will be, conveniently for the Fascists, 4 days before the Republican National Convention. A Radical Left Soros backed DA, who ran on a platform of ‘I will get Trump,’ reporting to an ‘Acting’ Local Judge, appointed by the Democrats, who is HIGHLY CONFLICTED, will make a decision which will determine the future of our Nation? The United States Supreme Court MUST DECIDE!” posted fat former President Trump on Truth Social.

We have quite a lot of unfinished articles in our archives, though few of them were actually pretty much complete but mothballed for want of either a little polish or the right time to print them. This roundup of angry MAGA reactions to now-convicted felon former President Trump getting heckled angrily by the crowd at the Libertarian Party’s convention last Saturday isn’t too stale and serves as a snapshot of a very brief liminal window in which this was he and his fanboys’ biggest problem.

“I used to be very active in the Libertarian Party, but I was a small ‘L’ libertarian, and failed too many purity tests. I’m convinced they don’t really want to win elections, they want to be unique, like someone with metallic green hair or a trans person” – Top comment on Twitchy’s article. You’ll notice a there’s few of these “I was once just like them but then I grew up”-type posts, lol.

“Libertarians are liberals high on pot. Don’t pander to those idiots” – Top comment on the DailyWire’s article, written as if Trump hadn’t just pandered to them by promising to pardon a cyber drug lord.

“APPEARS THAT LIBERTARIANS HAVE AS MUCH CLASS AS DEMOCRATS – IN A WORD NONE!” – Top comment on BizPacReview.com’s article about Trump pledging to commute the sentence of that Ross Ulbricht asshole, serving life for trying to hire hitmen to kill witnesses who threatened to expose his dark web market that trafficked heroin, child porn, and other Libertarian “party supplies.”

“Chase Oliver of Georgia, a Libertarian Party presidential candidate. was none too pleased at Trump’s appearance. ‘The truth is, I don’t like having a war criminal on this stage, I don’t feel he deserves a spot on this stage,’ Oliver said. It’s idiots like Chase Oliver why most Americans don’t take libertarians seriously” – Top comment on PJ Media’s article. Again, what the fuck was Trump doing there if he was not in fact taking them seriously and trying to get them to endorse him?

“You have to be a seriously mental reject to not like Trump as a President. I get if you didnt like his personality, his speech, his tan, or whatever, but as a President he was great for EVERYONE” – Top comment on the Breitbart article “Trump Vows to Put a Libertarian in His Cabinet.” Lol. No notes.

Trump lawyer Will Scharf and surrogates North Dakota Governor Doug Burgum and Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton had a rough go of it on ABC, CBS, and NBC’s Sunday morning shows respectively, tripped up by moderators who used “facts” to counter the narrative of a convicted felon former president being persecuted by a fascist communist Nazi Marxist justice system.

First up is Scharf getting dickpunched by ABC’s George Stephanopoulos over the bullshit conspiracy theory of Manhattan Assistant DA Matt Colangelo somehow being Joe Biden’s agent in the court.

Several spectators at a monster truck event in Maine on Saturday were injured when a locally-based lobster-themed truck dubbed “Crushstation” clipped utility wires during an aerial stunt, topping a pole and sending it into the crowd, the Associated Press reports on a PG-rated Final Destination movie scene given that only two people were hospitalized with minor injuries.