“Crooked Joe Biden wants PRESIDENTIAL IMMUNITY to be protected perhaps more than any other living (barely!) individual because if it isn’t, and having absolutely nothing to do with me, he will surely be Indicted and Tried for many of his Dishonest, illegal, or Incompetent Actions (Afghanistan disaster, Southern Border catastrophe!). A President should not be placed in that position – MUST BE FREE TO MAKE DECISIONS, HOPEFULLY CORRECT ONES!” posted fat former President Trump on Wednesday, his panic over next week’s Supreme Court arguments suddenly surging.

If this is supposed to be some kind of reverse psychology play then it sure sucks. The whole point of the Supreme Court’s bullshit intervention is to determine where the line is between the regular functions of the presidency and prosecutable crimes. If anything, under the worst case scenario where they decide against Trump but indefinitely delay his DC trial by forcing Judge Chutkan to go through a laborious process to determine which acts were not “official” and thus prosecutable – and then Trump wins the election, then that actually protects Biden personally from legal jeopardy from whatever kind of frivolous bullshit the new MAGA DOJ could try to bring, by like a lot. So no matter where in the fairly narrow band of (realistic) outcomes in US v Trump the decision lands, it is absolutely in Biden’s interest to let Smith continue pushing the case to Los Supremos.

Two top officials in the DC National Guard last month told House Administration Committee staffers that former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley could have stopped the January 6th, 2021 MAGA insurrection sooner if she had just picked up the phone and called, Politico reports, citing closed-door testimony to Georgia MAGA Congressman Barry Loudermilk’s investigation of the investigation.

Oh wait, shit. We got Nikki Haley mixed up with Nancy Pelosi. Anyway the… Heyyy… The Politico article says it was actually Donald Trump who should have called the DC National Guard to stop his fanboys from rampaging in the United States Capitol. They have this exchange from the transcript:

“Could the president have picked up the phone, called the secretary of defense, and said, you know, ‘What’s going on here?’ Our law enforcement is getting overrun, make this happen!'” a committee staffer asked DCNG senior enlisted man Michael Brooks, who answered with “I assume he could expedite an approval through the Secretary of Defense, through the Secretary of the Army.”

The word “Pelosi” doesn’t even show up in the article and… Ahem, in all seriousness the rest of the report paints a larger picture of inaction by Pentagon leadership and that they could have responded independently of Trump, which in turn tracks with a theory printed in detail by JustSecurity in December 2021: That it was a tactical decision to avoid putting troops there that Trump could have immediately taken command of and then used to subjugate Congress to prevent the transfer of power from taking place at all. And even though holding back allowed cops to have the shit beaten out of them by crazed Trump fans and created space for Trump to continue lying about who’s call it was not to have the National Guard at the Capitol, not deploying them was the least bad option.

Mark Milley and the other brass are never going to say this publicly that they purposely committed such an act of purposeful dereliction. They’ll probably take it to the grave. Still the right call.

A Pennsylvania Taco Bell manager decided she could no longer bear to see what was happening and ran off the job to demonstrate her commitment to protecting precious life Saturday, 6ABC reports.

Becky Arbaugh, general manager at Taco Bell location #026064 in Richboro, but first a loving mom of two, rushed out to the parking lot to take her belief in post-fetal personhood into her own hands by performing chest compressions on 11 month-old Myles Long, who suddenly was having serious difficulty breathing while his mom Natasha was in her car waiting in line at the drive-thru.

“I ran out of the car and ran around and opened the car door,” said Myles’s mom Natasha. “I pulled him out and he turned completely blue and was lifeless. At that point I just completely blacked out. I didn’t know what to do.” Arbaugh said she heard Natasha screaming and “threw my headset. I ran outside. I took the baby and I started to do chest compressions on the baby and then he finally started to breathe.” Paramedics arrived shortly thereafter and Myles is under observation as doctors try to figure out what happened. Arbaugh told 6ABC she’s offered to come sit with the boy in his hospital room so Natasha and her husband can get a few hours’ break from the anxious tedium.

Most Americans Don’t Think Trump Acted Illegally In Alvin Bragg Case: POLLhttps://t.co/o9WoDkmifq

— Karoline Leavitt (@kleavittnh) April 17, 2024

The actual breakdown of this “Most Americans,” per the AP-NORC poll’s findings: 35 percent say Trump “acted illegally,” 31 percent say he acted “unethically but not illegally,” 14 percent say he did “nothing wrong,” and 19 percent say they “Don’t know enough to answer,” on “Allegations that he covered up hush money payments to a woman who said he had an affair with her.”

Yeah, we guess it’s objectively true that in THIS particular case MOST Americans (but really respondents to this poll) don’t think he did anything illegal… while the poll was conducted. It’s a very safe bet however that the “Don’t know” is going to ebb and a lot, maybe even most, of them will end up in the “acted illegally” column over the next few weeks as the coverage of the trail percolates into lower-info spheres. Same with the “unethically” if and when he’s found guilty.

And this was just the baseline before the trial even gets started. The other baselines are that 47 percent believe he acted illegally when he hid classified documents, same number in the Georgia RICO case, and 45 percent in the DC case. Then there’s the “Forty-five percent of Republicans would consider Trump fit for office if he were convicted of any of the charges, while 22 percent would not consider him fit to serve if he were convicted of at least one. Democrats are much more likely to consider him unfit for office across all four cases.” Not great, and probably why this dipshit former Trump White House comms aide-turned-failed Congressional candidate-turned-Trump 2024 campaign spokeswoman should’ve read the Daily Caller article she linked. They didn’t leave the findings about “fitness for office” out of their write up of the polling “win.”

Michigan Dems Mai Xiong and Peter Herzberg crushed their Republican opponents 65 to 34 percent in the 13th state House District and 60 to 38 percent in the 25th, respectively, on Tuesday to restore the Democratic trifecta in the Great Lakes State’s government, the Detroit Free Press reports.

Obviously there are a great many other implications of unified control at least through January but one worth mentioning here, as pointed out by Daily Kos’s Stephen Wolf, is the rare opportunity to get Michigan’s 15 electoral college votes added to the National Popular Vote Interstate Compact, which currently stands at 209 with Maine’s recent addition to the generation-long effort to runaround the 18th century relic that advantages Republican presidential candidates unnecessarily.

“I thought STRIKES were supposed to be ‘unlimited’ when we were picking our jury? I was then told we only had 10, not nearly enough when we were purposely given the 2nd Worst Venue in the Country. Don’t worry, we have the First Worst also, as the Witch Hunt continues! ELECTION INTERFERENCE!” posted fat former President Trump on Truth Social Wednesday morning.

IRS filings reviewed by Forbes reveal that, out of $478,000 spent in the first quarter of 2024 by the “Patriot Legal Defense Fund,” which was supposed to pay the legal bills of disgraced former President Trump’s minions in the various crimes in which he got them implicated, $465,000 – 97 percent of it – went to invoices from a firm called HaystackID for “attorney review service.”

HaystackID is in charge of producing documents to retired Judge Barbara Jones, the court-appointed monitor tasked with babysitting the Trump Organization to ensure they don’t commit any more fraud – meaning that nearly all the money supposed to help keep the fat fuck’s co-defendants out of prison really just went to defending his corrupt business empire. Among other expenditures noted in Forbes’s report are $18,000 for a reception at Mar-a-Lago, $2,500 to a former Trump White House photographer’s bill for taking pics of the reception, and $3,000 to their accountants.

Just $342 was spent at an actual law firm. The firm, California-based Higgs Fletcher and Mack LLP, formerly employed OANN reporter and sort-of Trump lawyer Christina Bobb, the idiot who had to be educated by Laura Ingraham on the basics of criminal law practice on live television in 2022.

President Joe Biden’s reelection effort received a $929,600 check – the maximum possible individual contribution – from David Ellison, son of tech billionaire Republican megadonor Larry Ellison, who spent $3 million on GOP candidates in 2022 alone, CNBC reports on a betrayal or something.

Citing “the growing importance of abortion rights and campaign finance,” the latter referring specifically to Dem Congressman Ruben Gallego’s $9.6 million to $2.5 million cash advantage over batshit MAGA maniac Kari Lake, Sabato’s Crystal Ball have moved their rating for the seat currently occupied by lame duck “independent” Kyrsten Sinema from “toss-up” to “Leans Democratic.”

The election egghead team also moved 6th District “moderate” GOP Congressman Juan Ciscomani’s race left from “Leans Republican” to “toss-up” given the abortion shitshow in the state, making it now the second GOP seat in Arizona up for grabs, along with AZ-01. They did not however move the state’s 11 electoral college votes, which remain rated as a “toss-up” between Biden and Trump.

Lake summed up the state of the race at a recent campaign event with “The next six months is going to be intense. And we need to strap on our – let’s see. What do we want to strap on? We’re going to strap on our, our seat belt. We’re going to put on our helmet or your Kari Lake ball cap. We are going to put on the armor of God. And maybe strap on a Glock on the side of us just in case.”

Lara Trump goes off on 'deranged' media pundits giddy over Trump trial https://t.co/Fzco39tGiG

— Fox News (@FoxNews) April 17, 2024

Divisions among Senate Republicans over how to handle Wednesday’s debate over the impeachment articles against DHS Secretary Alex Mayorkas are threatening to cause a mess and could make the immediate dismissal that much more likely, Punchbowl News reports.

“I don’t think we should be negotiating with the arsonists here. If Chuck Schumer wants to blow up impeachment trials forever, he ought to own that,” said MAGA Missouri Senator Eric Schmitt. Fellow Missourian Josh Hawley was more resigned, saying “The outcome is the same either way. If we do a bunch of talky-talk and then we vote to table or dismiss, it’s the same thing functionally.”

With one eye on public image and another focused on the next step of her political career, Republican Arkansas Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders spent way too much taxpayer money on a $19,000 lectern she supposedly bought for a trip to Europe and may have broken state laws in the way her administration paid for the (rather ordinary) piece as well as in their handling of media requests for information and documents after.

The Washington Post reports that after auditors from the legislative branch found Huckleberry Slanders–who served as RNC chair before the nepotistically appointed Ronna Romney McDaniel, who was booted for the equally nepotistically appointed pop singer Lara Trump–shredded documents relating to the purchase and mishandled reporting the payment.

Now legislators from both political Parties forwarded the legislative report to both the state Attorney General and the local prosecutor, suggesting they independently pursue possible charges.  The Attorney General, a Republican ally of Huckleberry, already announced the Governor’s Office is exempt from state purchasing rules, but didn’t address the destruction of evidence.

“Let me just say, since we’re addressing the subject of style,” fashion influencer of the #HauteMortician microtrend Stephen Miller forcefully asserts, “the most stylish President and First Lady in our lifetimes are Donald Trump and Melania Trump.  Donald Trump’s a style icon. He changed American fashion in “The Apprentice.”  People spent the next ten years tryin’ to dress like Donald Trump, so if anyone deserves a puff piece on their sense of style, it’s Donald Trump and the First Lady.”

So is it wearing an ill-fitting blue suit and unnecessarily-long red tie everywhere that makes someone a fashion icon or is it the goofy red hat?

Documents released in the upcoming corruption trial of New Jersey Democratic Senator and allegedly collector of precious metals Bob Menendez show that the politician’s defense will revolve around blaming his wife, who will be tried separately for her role in the crimes, the Washington Post reports.

The Senator (for now) and his wife, Nadine, face charges that they received financial benefits from sponsors within the Egyptian government for helping to direct US policy to benefit Egypt; Menendez served on the Foreign Services Committee, chairing it from 2013-15 and again 2021-23.  For his services, the Menendezes received gifts like luxury cars and gold bars.

“Uh, we’re in a Blue state.  That’s all by design,” attorney failing up Alina Habba contends without noting the crimes Donald Trump is accused of committing happened in the Blue state where he’s being tried for that crime.  “Don’t get it twisted, folks.  They do this intentionally just like they’re bringing the one in Washington just like Georgia.”

As Trump Media’s stock continues its tumble–it closed down another 14% on Tuesday, dropping to 22.97, one-third the value at its peak at the end of March–the company’s executives are already planning for their next steps even with their initial offering, Truth Social, floundering.  According to CNBC, Trump Media plans to launch an as-yet-unnamed “content delivery service” which will, of course, be a subscription that automatically renews.

“With our streaming content, we aim to provide a permanent home for high-quality news and entertainment that face discrimination by other channels and content delivery services,” Devin Nunes, the company’s ersatz chief executive, said. “There is a lot of great content that simply can’t find an audience for unjust reasons, and we want to let these creators know they’ll soon have a guaranteed platform where they won’t be canceled.”

With no announced timeframe–not even Trump’s infamously inaccurate “in two weeks”–the new venture will debut first on Truth Social, then expand into a dedicated streaming service, and then launch a cable television network.  The plan sounds as though the company wants to see what kind of audience it can attract to Truth Social using paid “creators,” which they’ll then post as streaming content.

House Republicans are already starting to consider their choice for leader in either the middle or longer term given Mike Johnson’s increasingly tenuous hold on the speakership that could break sooner rather than later, CNN reports in an article that mentions none other than failed speaker candidate Jim Jordan second after Majority Whip Tom Emmer, who failed less spectacularly last fall.

The article is indeed mostly about Emmer, who is reportedly cozying up to the Orange Tyrant after being so utterly and publicly humiliated with a “RINO” undorsement before he could even make it to the floor. Still, just the fact that they even mention Jordan at all is just so goddamned freaking funny.

Even funnier is how Trump said “We’ll see what happens” with Johnson as he left court on Tuesday, rather than “Mike has my full support right now and it’d be insane to change leadership again.”

In all honesty the likelihood that I commit suicide goes way up if SCOTUS doesn’t throw out the bogus 1512 charge. It’s pure evil what Biden’s DOJ has done to persecute J6ers. If the Supreme Court doesn’t have the courage to stop them then this country is finished.

— Philip Anderson (@VoteBidenOut) April 16, 2024

Not for nothing but we would hazard that this guy only tweeted this “threat” after seeing headlines recapping Tuesday’s arguments at the Supreme Court saying shit like “Supreme Court skeptical of feds’ use of obstruction statute in Jan 6 prosecutions” and “January 6 insurrectionists had a great day in the Supreme Court today,” knowing full well that he probably wouldn’t have to follow through.

Still pretty fucked up and there’s a reason why social media networks run by executives marginally more chemically balanced and moral than Elon Musk prohibit content promoting self-harm.

And even if the obstruction charges get tossed, Anderson himself is still on the hook for a felony civil disorder charge as well as misdemeanors for entering and remaining in a restricted building or grounds, disorderly and disruptive conduct in a restricted building or grounds, and disorderly conduct in a Capitol building. He’s accused of shoving cops during the battle at the West Tunnel Entrance to the Capitol and that’s still probably going to earn him prison time no matter what.

The kinds of shitbags who take online gambling seriously are undoubtedly freaking the fuck out now that stupid betting site Polymarket now finds President Biden the favorite over fat former President Trump at 45 to 44 percent, a pretty big swing from Trump 47 to Biden 34 in January.

“Why is there such an arbitrage between Biden on Polymarket and Predictit? Shouldn’t this alpha be bought out – AKA people taking Biden at $0.46 on Polymarket and then selling him short at $0.53 on Predictit?” some Wall Street reject twatwaffle named Spencer Hakimian wrote in a reply, lol.

The City of Ogden, Utah on Monday politely took back the space which formerly hosted a veterinary non-profit’s rehab center for living animals to make space for a neighboring “dinosaur park” to build a new “hatchery” to design and build new models of the extinct animals, the Deseret News reports.

Or maybe not so politely since it was kind of a “get the fuck out now” kind of situation, according to DaLyn Marthaler, executive director of the Wildlife Rehabilitation Center of Northern Utah, who says the center’s new home isn’t quite ready yet, but the city’s George F Eccles Dinosaur Park booted them anyway to make room for the new “Hatchery” where they’re going to build new fake dinosaurs.

“I cringe because I don’t want to know… It’s just a bad situation,” Marthaler said, estimating that her organization’s new home will only have 40 percent of the capacity even when the new premises is fully online and she’ll need to raise at least $3 million to care for injured owls, mammals, and raptors.

Eccles Dino Park board chair Shane Lyon is thinking about raptors too. “It’s something that’s going to help us take it to the next level,” Lyon said. “We don’t want to get stagnant. That’s the worst thing we could do,” absolutely thrilled about adding new artificial models of antediluvian reptiles to his lineup.