Liquidated my entire portfolio and put it into $DJT stock.

You didn’t?

Stay poor, liberals.

— Mike Crispi (@MikeCrispiNJ) March 26, 2024

The real tragedy here is that this “Rumble streamer” did not actually say how much was in his portfolio that he “liquidated” and dumped into $DJT. Or post a screenshot of the receipts (speaking of screenshots saving one here). So it’s just his word that we have to go on at this point, but let us pray that this boast was sincere and he really did in fact lose 68 percent of his investment.

Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel on Tuesday announced that he offices is bringing an array of felony charges against Republican former Speaker of the state House Lee Chatfield and his wife for embezzling from a non-profit and conducting a criminal enterprise, the Detroit News reports.

Chatfield, a young millennial bro who at least briefly entertained disgraced former President Trump’s commands to overturn the 2020 election in the Great Lakes State, is also credibly suspected of imprisoning his now-sister-in-law in a sexually abusive relationship that began when she was 15.

A dispute Tuesday over whether a potential juror was somehow biased for posting a video of Manhattanites celebrating in November 2020 after networks declared Joe Biden had defeated fat former President Trump in the election ended with Judge Juan Merchan telling dipshit lawyer Todd Blanche “Your client was audibly uttering something… I won’t tolerate that. I will not have any jurors intimated in this courtroom. I want to make that crystal clear,” per Politico’s Erica Orden.

An eight year-old East St Louis boy is lucky to be alive after cops caught him making the rookie mistake of driving on the wrong side of the road downtown at 4:00 AM Monday, KDSK reports.

The boy, name and gender not made public by St Louis Metro PD, was not charged, but his mom, who was too drunk to tell him to keep to the right side of the road as he drove them back toward the Illinois side of the Mississippi, was hit with two counts of First-degree child endangerment. The second charge was because a toddler in the car didn’t tell the kid to stay on the right either.

Voting tech company Smartmatic has reached a confidential settlement with right wing propaganda outlet One America News Network over the false accusations that Smartmatic had rigged the 2020 election against fat former President Trump, the Washington Post’s Jeremy Barr reports.

Americans are increasingly concerned about Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene’s mental fitness – and with good reason. While our nation is facing crisis after crisis – from inflation to an open border to attacks on American troops and our allies across the world — Georgia’s 14th District’s representative needs to be sharp, decisive and ready to lead. Being mentally competent is the bare minimum. But a recent hearing with DHS Secretary Alex Mayorkas showed evidence of serious cognitive decline — and it’s deeply alarming. “Are you familiar with Laken Riley?” Greene asked Mayorkas angrily, referring to the student brutally murdered by a Venezuelan migrant in February.

Greene then said Mayorkas “should have deported her, so that she could be alive today. Her parents would’ve appreciated that,” showing that the white nationalist just can’t handle this at age 49.

Now, we all have loved ones who struggle with their mental acuity in their late 40s — but the bar can’t be so low for Congresspeople. The unfortunate reality? Marjorie just isn’t up to the job.

Eggheads at the International Monetary Fund on Tuesday forecast that US economic growth will outpace twice over that of any other nation in the G7 group at 2.7 percent expected, FT reports.

Next best would be Canada at 1.2 percent, followed by Japan at 0.9, the UK at 0.5, and Germany at a total shisse 0.2 percent. Italy and France’s forecasts were not mentioned in the article, nor were shitty, autocratic non-G7 countries like Russia, Iran, China, Venezuela, Hungary.

“Trump’s head slowly dropped, his eyes closed. It jerked back upward. He adjusts himself. Then, his head droops again. He straightens up, leaning back. His head doops for a third time, he shakes his shoulders. Eyes closed still. His head drops. Finally, he pops his eyes open,” tweeted Law360’s Frank Runyeon from the New York Criminal Court on Tuesday, copied that verbatim for its florid narration of the addled orange old timer struggling to remain lucid at the defense table.

Speaker of the House Mike Johnson on Tuesday responded to Kentucky MAGA Congressman Tom Massie’s threat to support a motion to vacate with “I am not resigning. And it is in my view an absurd notion someone would bring a vacate motion when we are simply here trying to do our jobs. [The motion] is not helpful to the country. It does not help the House Republicans advance our agenda which is in the best interest of the American people here: a secure border, sound governance, and it’s not helpful to the unity that we have in the body,” per NBC News’s Sahil Kapur.

Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg’s team on Tuesday filed a memorandum in support of their motion for contempt against fat former President Trump for repeated violations of the terms of his gag order in the days and weeks before his 2016 election interference/hush money trial began.

“Upon a finding of criminal contempt, the Judiciary Law authorizes a court to impose a fine not exceeding $1,000 or to sentence the contemnor to no more than 30 days’ jail ‘or both, in the discretion of the court.’ Here, this Court should impose the maximum $1,000 fine for each of defendant’s three violations of the April 1 order. As this Court has already found, defendant’s inflammatory attacks ‘undoubtedly interfere with the fair administration of justice and constitute a direct attack on the Rule of Law itself’ Such grave harm warrants imposition of the maximum fine permitted under the law. This Court should also order defendant to remove the posts attacking Cohen and Daniels. Justice Engoron imposed such relief in the civil-enforcement proceeding. Removing these violative posts would also provide some indication that defendant is willing to ‘desist from further offensive conduct’ in a way that could ward off further findings of contempt.”

“And removal would also help to alleviate the intimidation and alarm intended to be inflicted by defendant’s posts on both Cohen and Daniels, as well as on other potential witnesses and prospective jurors. In addition, this Court should again admonish defendant to comply with his obligations under the order. And finally, this Court should warn defendant that future violations of the Court’s restrictions on his extrajudicial statements can be punished not only with additional fines, but also with a term of incarceration of up to thirty days,” Bragg’s team wrote.

Merchan scheduled something of a trial-within-a-trial for next Tuesday morning to determine whether fatass violated the terms of the gag order. He’ll probably fuck up again before then.

The US Supreme Court on Tuesday will hear arguments from a January 6th defendant who challenged federal government’s use of the obstruction of an official proceeding statute to prosecute the democracy-hating sons of bitches – on top of all the other crimes they committed.

Far right scumbag and antisemitic Kentucky Congressman Thomas Massie on Tuesday demanded Jesus dork Speaker of the House Mike Johnson resign or be vacated because some sort of internecine fucking tantrum over spending and foreign aid, doing so in front of the entire House GOP conference in their closed-door morning meeting, no less, Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports on a moment that probably brings us closer to QAdulteress Marjorie Taylor Greene‘s motion to vacate actually coming to to the floor as Massie said he’ll be co-sponsoring it.

Disgraced former President Trump’s campaign have begun circulating a four page memo titled “The Biden Trial, Talking Points,” ordering them to describe it as “a full-frontal assault on American Democracy and the Constitution” and a “witch hunt” as they’re “blanketing the airwaves” to minimize the political damage that having their Orange God Emperor in court will do, CNN reports.

It need not be said that calling it “The Biden Trial” is complete bullshit, not just in the sense that Joe Biden has nothing to do with it and that the fat fuck’s screeching about the 46th President being somehow behind a state-level prosecution which relies on the fact that one former DOJ guy is on District Attorney Alvin Bragg’s team, but that it’s kind of just really cunty in the most base sense: It’s not Joe Biden on trial, it’s Donald Trump. And he’s having an awful time coping with it.

The edict also commands Trump’s ball-sucking cultists to avoid using the words “hush money” but instead “entries in the company’s records,” and claiming Trump “did not control the books,” in during the trial in which their Orange Allah “faces no realistic threat of jail, even with a wrongful guilty verdict from the jury.” They’ve been wrong about a lot of shit before though, lol.

President Joe Biden will be in his hometown of Scranton, Pennsylvania on Tuesday to pitch voters on not reelecting the fat fuck who gave the wealthy and corporations a 40 percent tax cut and instead level the playing field and seek a fairer share from the plutocrats, USA Today reports.

Technically day two of disgraced former President Trump’s 2016 election interference/Stormy Daniels hush money payoff trial hasn’t actually started yet and there are signs that the fat fuck simply isn’t going to make it the seven or eight weeks or however long it takes to select a jury, hear from all the witnesses, and get to a verdict that is not terribly likely to end well for him.

Like if he starts the day with posting “MY TRIAL IS AN ASSAULT ON AMERICA!” and then “This conflicted, Trump Hating Judge won’t let me respond to people that are on TV lying and spewing hate all day long. He is running rough shod over my lawyers and legal team. The New York System of ‘Justice’ is being decimated by critics from all over the World. I want to speak, or at least be able to respond. Election Interference! RIGGED, UNCONSTITUTIONAL TRIAL! Take off the Gag Order!” when he should know full well that demanding the gag order be removed is not like demanding his Republicans in Congress vote for this or that bullshit piece of legislation.

Should know. Like he never was fully there, but hopefully this is a sign that shit is REALLY starting to get to him and what’s left of his diseased psyche and tenuous physical health further deteriorates rapidly and leaves him in a place where he’s essentially non-functional and unable to campaign.

“I’ve always interpreted Trump’s claim that…’they LET you grab them by the p***y’ to be an indictment on the low morals of your typical female celebrity groupie. Y’know, women like E Jean Carroll” – The current top comment on Power Line blog’s article “Grotesque Bias Against Trump,” posted Monday. In the article founding editor John Hinderaker whines over the inclusion of the tape as evidence of motive to pay off Stormy Daniels (it won’t actually be played for the jury though).

“What on God’s green Earth does the Access Hollywood tape have to do with Trump’s accounting records? Nothing. I can see no basis for this ruling other than an outrageous effort at election interference by the trial judge, Juan Merchan. It does not bode well for the coming weeks – during which, by the way, Trump will be required to be present at the trial and will not be able to campaign. More election interference,” Hinderaker writes, even though it’s been well-established, long before Trump was indicted in Manhattan, that in October 2016 Team Orange felt a serious urgency to pay off Stormy and Playboy playmate Karen McDougal after the Access Hollywood tape leaked.

Shouldn’t be surprising that Hinderaker – well-established as a complete worm – is less honest than one of his (supposedly more sophisticated than Breitbart and Gateway Pundit, etc) blog’s readership, who refreshingly find way to turn this all around on women and say what they’re actually thinking about them: It’s not Trump’s fault they’re all dirty sluts who throw themselves at him.

I encourage people who get stuck behind the pro-Hamas mobs blocking traffic: take matters into your own hands to get them out of the way.

It's time to put an end to this nonsense.

— Tom Cotton (@TomCottonAR) April 16, 2024

Per usual with Republicans, this isn’t just a bloodthirsty and twisted response to the pro-Palestinian libs blocking traffic in New York and San Francisco on Monday, it’s also the opposite of what he tweeted after his shitshow of a New York Times op-ed nearly four years ago.

Murders are down 82 percent in Boston, 37 percent in Philadelphia, 33 percent in Miami, 27 percent in Dallas, 25 percent in both DC and Houston, 15 percent in New York, and 6 percent in Chicago as of varying dates in April 2024 compared with same periods in 2023, Axios reports.

Los Angeles and Atlanta did see increases of 9 and 15 percent, respectively, but overall the trend is going in the right direction and since this can’t be divorced from the political context, Axios notes that Dems are “seeing signs that they are closing the gap with the GOP among voters who say which party is better at fighting crime. An Axios-Ipsos Latino Poll conducted in partnership with Noticias Telemundo and released this month found that Republicans had only a 4-point edge on which party was better at dealing with crime. Previous polls had them leading Democrats by double digits,” even though this shouldn’t really be a national or presidential election issue.

“NASA has selected a new crew of four volunteers to participate in a simulated mission to Mars within a habitat at the agency’s Johnson Space Center in Houston. Jason Lee, Stephanie Navarro, Shareef Al Romaithi, and Piyumi Wijesekara will step into the agency’s Human Exploration Research Analog, or HERA, on Friday, May 10. Once inside, the team will live and work like astronauts for 45 days. The crew will exit the facility on June 24 after they ‘return’ to Earth. Jose Baca and Brandon Kent are this mission’s alternate crew members,” says a NASA press release issued Monday.

“HERA enables scientists to study how crew members adapt to isolation, confinement, and remote conditions before NASA sends astronauts on deep space missions to the Moon, Mars, and beyond. Crew members will carry out scientific research and operational tasks throughout their simulated mission to the Red Planet, including a ‘walk’ on Mars’s surface using virtual reality. They will also experience increasing communication delays lasting up to five minutes each way with Mission Control Center as they ‘near’ Mars,” the press release continued. This is not the BIG simulated mission where the guinea pigs have to live in the confined simulation space for a year.

Still the four picked are definitely not the average schmucks a fictionalized, PR-hungry version of NASA were seeking in the classic 1994 The Simpsons episode “Deep Space Homer.” They’re definitely more the “clean-cut, athletic go-getters” that got the public bored with spaceflight.