I’d normally make an Aprils fool’s joke today, but honestly what’s more of a joke than real life right now? Our entire country is a punchline right now.

— Donald Trump Jr. (@DonaldJTrumpJr) April 1, 2024

The Israeli Defense Force on Monday announced they’ve successfully exploded Iranian Revolutionary Guard Commander Mohammad Reza Zahedi in an air stike on Damascus, Syria.

Truth Social parent Trump Media and Technology Group’s stock dropped more than 14 percent on Monday morning after the company reported earning $4 million and losing $58 million in 2023.

A 60 year-old The Villages-area woman is out on $2,000 bail after being arrested on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon last week, the consequence of swinging a machete at her husband out of anger that he was still keeping a machete in the house after she had repeatedly told him to get rid of the dangerous brush-clearing blade, Villages-News.com reports.

It’s the third domestic arrest for Summerfield, Florida resident Nancy Ann Simmons in the last seven years as she was cuffed in 2017 for using scissors to cut up and man’s wallet and again in 2022 for throwing a wine glass at her son for refusing to wash the dishes. This one’s her first felony.

I feel like there is going to be a big baby boom in Trump’s first year back in office. Everyone I know is having a baby. My entire timeline is full of ultrasound pictures.

Donald Trump will Make America Great Again and a place for people to feel secure enough to have families!

— Laura Loomer (@LauraLoomer) April 1, 2024

The Trump Media and Technology Group on Monday filed an “8K” which appears to keep the six-month prohibition on Donald being able to sell the stock to raise cash, NYT’s Adam Goldstein reports.

Two states are the sites of intraparty battles to unseat incumbent Republicans in primaries for deep-red districts, more signs that the GOP is tearing itself apart between Party traditionalists and Trump-supporting MAGAts.  Ever the vengeful leader, Donald Trump wants a challenger to incumbent first-term Republican Laurel Lee in Florida’s 15th Congressional District because Lee, previously the Secretary of State of Florida, endorsed boot fetishist Ron DeSantis, who came up short during his humiliating run in the GOP presidential primary, per Politico.

In Virginia, Bob Good has no friend in fellow Republican Congressman, Wisconsin’s Derrick Van Orden, the representative who enjoys berating Congressional pages taking a break on a long night.  Van Orden and some of his House GOP colleagues are endorsing Good’s opponent, John McGuire, because Good is helping GOP causes.  “Bob Good didn’t come here to govern. He came here to be famous,” Van Orden, a Wisconsin Republican, told CNN. “Bob Good’s wearing our jersey, and he’s not on the team,” adding, “If you look at what we have not been able to accomplish in this Congress, it’s predominantly because of Bob Good and his ilk.”

New polling indicates conservative members of the lower chamber could number less than 100 after the next election, as the British public sour on the leadership of the Conservative Party led by Prime Minister Rishi Sunak.  Currently holding 348 seats in the House of Commons, the Conservative Party hold would drop to fewer than 100 members, according to a new poll done on a seat-by-seat basis reported by Politico.

In the 650-seat chamber, the survey shows that the liberal Labor Party would take 468 seats and give them the Prime Ministership.  The Labor Party currently holds a 19-point lead over the conservative Tories as far as public favorability. In Scotland and Wales, the poll shows conservatives being shut out of the election, with liberals in those countries.

If you read only the news itself and completely ignored polls these last few months you would be very hard pressed to argue what fat former President Trump and the party completely subservient to him have going for them with seven months and six days left to go before the election.

They’re hurting for money and disorganized. House Republicans can’t govern for shit, failing miserably in their quest to invent a pretext to impeach Joe Biden, decapitated their highest ranking elected official, and are threatening to do so again five months later. The party’s led by a racist madman facing 88 felony counts whose last term ended in disaster with his fans literally sacking the United States Capitol. They’ve been humiliated again and again and again in special and off-year elections far and wide after the worst midterm for the opposition party in 20 years. Trump’s already telling Nazi “Doctor” Sebastian Gorka the Democrats are going to steal the 2024 election from him.

At least 75,000 fish were killed in Iowa earlier this month when a farm accidentally NITROed them with NITRO fertilizer dumped into the East Nishnabotna River, FoxWeather.com reports. NITRO!

Thousands of demonstrators, including the families of at least 20 hostages currently held hostage in Gaza, protested outside IDF headquarters in Tel-Aviv against Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu’s regime on Saturday, calling for the asshole to resign, Axios reports.

The chief judge of the Northern District of Texas announced that his region would not adhere to a new approach handed down by the judiciary branch’s policymaking committee to minimize the impact of “judge shopping,” where plaintiffs file lawsuits in small jurisdictions so they get a specific judge, Reuters reports.

Chief U.S. District Judge David Godbey of the Northern District of Texas said his judges voted to ignore the guidelines requiring cases that could lead to injunctions of state or federal law to be assigned to a random judge from the district, not directly to the judge in the division where it was filed.  “The consensus was not to make any change to our case assignment process at this time,” Godbey wrote in a letter to Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that the conservatives who control the Northern District of Texas want to maintain their stranglehold on litigation regarding culture war topics near and dear to conservatives.  It’s how we got to Dobbs and having medications like mifepristone at risk of being pulled from the market.

“But what we want is for Lara to keep focusing on her music career while we focus on winning elections at the DNC,” Democratic National Committee chair and man who speaks the truth Jaime Harrison says of his Republican analog, pop singer who dabbles in politics, Lara Trump.  “The RNC is broke.  They’re embarrassing, unserious and they’re a big waste of money.”

AT&T confirmed that the personal information of more than 73 million current and former customers who were with the carrier prior to 2019 was stolen and released on the dark web, CNN reports.  The data files included the birth dates and Social Security numbers for 7.6 million current customers and 63 million previous customers, but did not include call histories or financial information.  AT&T says it is currently investigating the data breach, which apparently happened two weeks ago, to determine whether it happened from within the company or one of its vendors.

Saturday marks one year since true Americans were blessed to witness the historic first indictment of the Orange God Emperor and the wails of horror that erupted from his cult afterward, a celebration made all the more special in that, after a minor three-week delay, the fat fuck will face jury selection in just 16 days. That’s actually part of the trial, for which Donald is required to be present under New York State statute. Every extra minute it takes is a minute he’s tied down and unable to campaign to destroy American democracy. Pray we are blessed with another trial this year.

Murdoch-owned book publisher HarperCollins on Friday listed and the quickly de-listed “All The President’s Money” by failed House Oversight Committee Chairbilly James Comer, minus an actual cover design, to be published on September 10th, Axios reports on someone’s over-eagerness to print pallets upon pallets of free “gifts” to donors who contribute $75 or more to the NRCC this fall.

“The link was put up in error by Harper Collins. It was not authorized by Congressman Comer and he immediately requested it be taken down,” Comer spokesworm Austin Hacker told Axios, adding that there is no deal yet for such a book. Yet. “Although he has been in discussions with HarperCollins about a potential book, he has not entered into a publishing agreement with any publisher.”

What’s not clear is why HarperCollins (apparently) got first dibs on whatever bullshit Comer was going to compile about the “Biden Crime Family” rather than “Winning Team Publishing.”

• After two of his witnesses were disclosed as foreign agents, after he failed to produce the check for $10 million made out to “Joseph Biden” from the Communist Chinese government he claimed he saw, and after a witness said in sworn testimony that the Republicans are chasing talking points planted by Russia, House Oversight Committee Chair Jamie Comer announced he has invited the President of the United States to testify to his committee as part of an impeachment probe that has never presented a bit of evidence of any wrongdoing.  Talk about performance art.
• The Founding Fathers would be aghast at the direct meshing of the nation’s establishing documents with a religious text, and they’d have a collective aneurysm at the prospect of a leading presidential candidate selling Bibles in ads.  The Declaration and Constitution make no endorsement of religions, God or Jesus for a reason:  Religion is not a part of our government.
• Joe Lieberman was Joe Manchin twenty years before Kyrsten Sinema.
• Donald Trump made a few billion (on paper) with the Trump Media introduction to the stock market.  So that means he doesn’t need anyone else’s money for his legal fees or his campaign, right?  Because he’s really rich, right?
  Read More ▶ “Random thoughts Friday, Volume CLXVI”

In a video he shared on his grossly overvalued social media startup, Donald Trump showed a jacked-up pickup truck bedecked in various versions of defaced American flags, featuring a commercially available decal depicting President Joe Biden tied up and shoved in the bed of the pickup.  The video appears to have been taken from a car in convoy, perhaps by Trump himself.  Y’know, ’cause it’s funny.  Sheesh.

The family of labor icon Cesar Chavez sent a letter to attention seeking chaos agent Robert Kennedy Jr. to stop using the migrant advocate’s name and story during his campaign appearances, the Washington Post reports.  Saying he was a friend of the civil rights activist, Kennedy is set to hold a fundraising dinner in honor of Chavez in Los Angeles on Saturday to celebrate the anniversary of Chavez’s birthday.  The event marks the start of Kennedy’s campaign’s Latino outreach program.

“We respectfully call upon you and your campaign to cease using images of our father to associate yourself with him and suggest your campaign’s goals are compatible,” Fernando Chavez, Cesar’s eldest son, wrote to Kennedy. Julie Chavez Rodriguez, one of Cesar’s daughters, is Joe Biden’s campaign manager.

“I worked with Cesar Chavez and the United Farm Workers on multiple issues, events, and campaigns for nearly 50 years,” Kennedy said in a statement, adding that Saturday was a day to “honor Cesar Chavez and his close friendship with my father, my family and me and his impact on our country.”