Mike Parsons, the Republican governor of Missouri, commuted a three-year prison sentence for Super Bowl champion Kansas City NFL team coach Andy Reid’s son, who had been sentenced to a three-year prison term after severely injuring a five-year-old while driving under the influence of alcohol in 2021, per CNN.

Britt Reid, a former assistant coach for the Chiefs, was put on administrative leave after his arrest and not re-signed when his contract expired.  “Mr. Reid has completed his alcohol abuse treatment program and has served more prison time than most individuals convicted of similar offenses. Mr. Reid will be under house arrest until October 31, 2025, with strict conditions of probation, including weekly meetings with a parole officer, weekly behavioral counseling attendance, weekly meetings with a peer support sponsor, and stringent community service and employment requirements,” the governor’s office said in a statement, without noting if this was a thank you for the Lombardi Trophy.

“The hypocrisy is rich here because they’re doing it all in the name of saving democracy,” former someone Tulsi Gabbard smirks.  “A-a-and the, the bigger underlyin–sure the other other underlying issue here, is that they’re not only doing this here.  Look at their foreign policy, the Democratic elite. President Biden’s pillar of his foreign policy is going around the world and protecting and spreading democracy and using that as an excuse to go in and oftentimes wage these regime change wars, spending our taxpayer dollars and oftentimes sending our men and women, their lives on the lives in doing so.”

Alaska Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski endorsed the presumed second-place finisher in the Republican presidential delegate race Nikki Haley, eschewing the favor of frontrunner Donald Trump, Politico reports.  “America needs someone with the right values, vigor, and judgment to serve as our next President — and in this race, there is no one better than her,” Murkowski said in a statement.

Two underwater photographers unintentionally dropped in on an intimate encounter between two whales off the Hawaiian island of Maui, only to realize the humping humpbacks were two males making the photos the pair took of the cetic sex not just the first photos of humpbacks humping, but the first of homosexual humpbacks humping.  Per People, photographers Lyle Krannichfeld and Brandi Romano boated out to deep water when the two whales started circling the vessel before one mounted the other.

A right wing guest billed as “James Lee” who appeared on Jesse Watters’ show Wednesday to scream about “migrant crime” is in fact named James DePaola, a change Fox News probably made to hide that he was once arrested for screaming at his wife and ripping the phone out of the wall to prevent her from calling the cops to the house simply because she had made him a grilled cheese with three slices of cheese instead of two like he had asked, Media Matters reports.

DePaola, of Athens, Georgia, was booked on the show after he loudly interrupted a police press conference over the murder of Laken Riley by a Venezuelan migrant earlier that day. Obviously he’s concerned over violence towards women because, per his 2016 arrest report over what cops called the “grilled cheese incident,” DePaola has a history of “abusive behavior,” and was”excessively critical and controlling of day to day things in life.” DePaola was charged with obstruction of a 911 call and criminal trespass/property damage for that incident and was subsequently arrested in 2020 and 2023 for driving without a license and without insurance, respectively.

Tapping the brake on the far-right’s demonization of anything they feel slights their beliefs, Republican Florida Governor and Napoleon of the Culture Wars Ron DeSantis vetoed a bill pushed through the legislature banning children under the age of 16 from using social media, the WFSU reports.  DeSantis plans to reintroduce the legislation after adding a provision allowing 14- and 15-year-old children to get a social media account with parental permission.

Is the Gemini fallout a 'Bud Light moment' for Google? https://t.co/veT1MA9KYW

— FOX Business (@FoxBusiness) March 1, 2024

A registered Republican Oregon man turned himself in to cops Thursday after he was hit with nine felony charges stemming from an incident last August in which he drugged three 12 year-old girls who had been staying over with his daughter for a slumber party, People.com reports.

Michael Meyden, 57, who probably voted for Trump, was “unusually” involved in the girls’ sleepover plans and continually checked in on them throughout the night before giving them “mango smoothies with white chunks in them” that later turned out to be benzodiazepine. The MAGA pedophile’s plans for sick enjoyment were foiled when one of the girls dumped the drink and pretended to be asleep. She then watched as Meyden crept up and touched another one’s nose as if checking if she was knocked out by the date rape drug. That girl then texted her mom, begging her to “please pick me up and say I had a family emergency. I don’t feel safe. I might not respond but please come get me 😭, Please. Please pick up. Please. PLEASE!!” at 1:43 AM that night.

Luckily the mom got the message and called the other parents to the house, finding Meyden insisting that the parents come back in the morning and telling her the girls were still asleep. They ignored him and grabbed the girls, taking the other two to the hospital. One of them “walked slowly and used the assistance of her mother for balance, her eyelids were heavy, and she spoke slowly,” per the arrest warrant for Meyden, who’s now out on $50,000 bail as he awaits trial.

Scumbag New Jersey businessman Jose Uribe pleaded guilty Friday to seven charges, including conspiracy to commit bribery, honest services wire fraud, obstruction of justice and tax evasion, months after getting indicted alongside scumbag Dem Senator Bob Menendez for bribing him with a Mercedes Uribe gave to Menendez’s wife, the Associated Press reports. Uribe has agreed to testify against the Menendezes so yeah, they’re probably pretty fucked.

Fat former President Trump and his minions’ lawyers make their closing arguments in their case within a case attempting to disqualify Fulton County, Georgia District Attorney Fani Willis ahead of the trial over their failed post-2020 election coup attempt in the Peach State.

“On February 14, 2024, Special Counsel David Weiss indicted Alexander Smirnov – a longtime confidential human source (CHS) for the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) – on allegations of making false statements to federal authorities. Prior to the indictment, the FBI allowed Mr. Smirnov to serve as a CHS for over 14 years and earn a six-figure income, while maintaining ‘extensive and extremely recent’ foreign intelligence contacts. Until very recently, the FBI held Mr Smirnov out as a ‘highly credible’ source whose outing could endanger national security. Only after Mr Smirnov reported that President Joe Biden accepted a bribe from a Ukrainian energy company in exchange for using his official position to oust the Ukrainian Prosecutor General did the FBI apparently take a hard look at this CHS. The Judiciary Committee has been examining the FBI’s CHS program in the wake of recent high-profile blunders, but this new information raises even greater concerns about abuse and mismanagement in the FBI’s CHS program,” writes spandex-wearing grapple freak Jim Jordan and his dumbass yokel buddy James Comer in a letter to FBI Director Chris Wray.

During a Friday scheduling hearing to determine when fat former President Trump’s trial on charges stemming from his theft of classified documents from the White House and defiance of a lawful subpoena for their return from the Mar-a-Lago bathroom, MAGA federal Judge Aileen Cannon called Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith’s proposed July 8th start date “unrealistic,” but did not otherwise hint at when she would like jury selection to start, Lawfare’s Anna Bower reports.

The orange asshole’s legal team asked for it to be pushed back until after the election, which at this point why the hell not. There’s no way a verdict could be reached before November 5th and the calendar should be kept clear for either the DC or, less likely, the Atlanta trial. The hearing will continue into the afternoon but it’s unclear if Cannon will set a new date or leave it TBD.

For those who keep asking this question: Jack Smith’s team explicitly took the position that the so-called “60 day rule” on political cases does NOT apply when a crime’s already been charged.

“House Republicans again commend Subcommittee Chairman Loudermilk and the entire Committee on House Administration for their ongoing commitment to ensuring that there is full transparency surrounding the events of January 6. This ongoing work is especially necessary considering the deeply flawed prior investigation conducted by the partisan January 6 select committee, which instead of delivering transparency, has contributed to defendants, public interest groups, and the media having to rely upon the interpretation of a small group of government officials.”

“Additionally, upon extensive further consultation with the Committee, and at my direction, the Committee will no longer plan to blur the faces of individuals in the footage given the significant logistic hurdles involved and the importance of getting this work completed as responsibly and efficiently as possible,” says Jesus dork Speaker of The House Mike Johnson in a statement.

So yeah just ignore all that shit he said a few months ago about how he didn’t want to make it easier for any of the remaining still-unidentified insurrectionists to be prosecuted.

https://twitter.com/KariLake/status/1763600289792446906

“On Tuesday, March 5, Senator Rick Scott will be joined by members of Florida’s Congressional Delegation for a major announcement,” says a press release from white collar criminal Rick Scott’s campaign, not his office, so who knows what this squidward-looking assclown is up to.

Former South Carolina Governor Nikki “Birdbrain” Haley’s campaign and joint fundraising committee hauled in a combined $12 million last month, lower than the $16.5 million they pulled in January but enough to keep things going at least for another couple of weeks, USA Today reports.

And when she says “election interference” she really just means government efforts to register people to vote. The best part might be when she demands answers from Mike Waltz and gets none.

Florida Governor and failed 2024 presidential primary candidate Ron DeSantis’s frenemy status in the Trump Regime-in-exile is sinking further and further after his passive-aggressive whacks at Donald, sources tell the Daily Beast of the fallout over DeSantis’s private call complaining about “identity politics” in Trump’s VP nominee search and his viability in the general election, as well as his tweet rejecting that batshit plan to use Florida taxpayers’ money to pay Donald’s legal bills.

“People have made very clear in Trump world that if he opens his mouth again or makes those types of comments, I think they’re going to bury him And that’s that,” one source in “Trump world” said. It’s annoying enough when the media uses “Trump world” as a sobriquet for the Orange God Emperor’s court but it’s just on a whole new level when they themselves use it.

The 62 year-old live-in son of a couple residing in the Village of Santo Domingo section of The Villages, Florida was arrested Wednesday on a charge of voter fraud over his casting a ballot in the 2022 midterms while being ineligible to do so due to prior felony convictions in three separate incidents of domestic abuse and probation violations, Villages-News.com reports.

David Robert Morgan, who registered as a member of the Independent Party of Florida in 2020 and then cast a mail-in ballot in October 2022, was flagged by the Sumter County Supervisor of Elections William Keen’s office as still owing $3,000 in fees, thus barring him from voting under the proscriptions of the DeSantis Regime. Morgan’s first arrest on Villages-News’s record was in 2019 when he walked out on his waiter job at Red Lobster and took $179.85 that should’ve been cashed in with his manager at the end of the shift. The manager called him several times to get the money back but got no answer, prompting them to call the cops to Morgan’s parents’ home.

Seattle comedian uninvited by progressive club predicts anger against cancel culture may affect 2024 election https://t.co/4qXascGna7

— Fox News (@FoxNews) March 1, 2024

Fox News on Friday implied in a headline that a conservative comedian says his canceled booking will affect the 2024 election because something something regular Americans will turn out to reject such blatant examples of cancel culture. “Jim Florentine, one of the four comedians who was canceled by a Seattle comedy club for being out of alignment with ‘progressive values,’ said that the country is moving away from cancel culture in a trend that may have an impact on the 2024 election,” they wrote in the lead to instill a sense of foreboding in left-leaning readers.

The actual quote from Florentine, a grown man who is apparently a fan of weird early-2000s heavy metal band Slipknot: “You really had to lie and couldn’t tell people who you were voting for. You’re not going to be called a racist if you don’t like the current administration. I really feel like people are having those conversations, whereas before you had to keep your mouth shut on who you were going to vote for. I don’t know what’s going to happen with the election, but I really feel like people are more open about talking about [politics],” he said in response to a question on “the effect that the declining power of cancel culture would have on the 2024 election,” whatever that means.

The article itself was devoid of any jokes or humor, which might have been more of a feature than a bug. Like if Florentine’s political bit is of a “Joe Biden’s so old he keeps talking about how sad he is that his pet dinosaur bit too many Secret Service agents!” caliber then maybe it wasn’t because the jokes are “right wing.” If it’s more of a “So I took her home and then I saw the package under her skirt and I’m like ‘Whoa!’ that was not in your Match.com profile!’ and then he went bananas and screamed ‘YOU’RE A TRANSPHOBE!’ and I’m like ‘WHAT? SERIOUSLY?!? YOU’RE OFFENDED?'” type of bit then well… Yeah he probably wouldn’t be welcome in the “CHAZ” part of Seattle.