White House blames Republicans, Texas Gov. Abbott, after migrants attack Guard members, storm border https://t.co/VVZUCABNM1

— Fox News (@FoxNews) March 22, 2024

“Islamic State fighters attacked a large gathering of Christians in the city of Krasnogorsk on the outskirts of the Russian capital, Moscow, killing and wounding hundreds and causing great destruction to the place before they withdrew to their bases safely” says a statement translated from Arabic picked up by Visegrad 24, a reliable-ish pro-Ukrainian Twitter newsfeed.

What’s semi-plausible about the claim is that ISIS has been more aggressive ever since Trump didn’t defeat them in four weeks, and that bombing of the memorial for the Iranian Revolutionary Guard General Qassem Soleimani back in January. Whatever the Kremlin could gain by staging an attack on their own people and making up a claim that it was ISIS is not clear – or at least not clear relative to if they had faked a statement from some pro-Ukrainian partisans. So maybe it really was ISIS.

Before their leadership sold out the Kremlin the Chechens were in a long guerrilla war against Moscow, but they were not the only group. Countries with significant Muslim minorities spanning literally all the way from Nigeria to the Philippines have been home to ISIS franchisees for more than a decade, no reason to think Russia is any different in that respect. On the flip side there’s strong evidence that Putin engineered a number of late 1990s-early 2000s attacks on Russians. Who better to assign the blame to than the guys who already had a history of conflict with Moscow?

This terrorist attack in Moscow was a disgrace and Russia has every right to defend itself with overwhelming force. Sadly, American taxpayer dollars probably helped fund these attacks, which many reports are saying came from the Biden Administration. President Trump brought so much peace to the former Soviet Union through his negotiating skills and intelligence, only to see Biden whittle it away at a far more rapid pace than anyone thought possible. Here we go again.

As many as 200 Russian civilians are dead while Biden’s eating ice cream and getting ready to sign a uniparty swamp bill dropped in the middle of the night – none of which contains any money to help defend our important ally Russia from terror attacks like this. The simple fact is this never would have happened if you didn’t have a stolen election through just massive fraud. Why isn’t crooked Trump-hater Judge Engoron and his boss, New York Attorney General Fani Willis, going after Joe Biden for allowing this bloodbath to happen to Moscow? The world is going to hell on his watch.

These terrorist thugs knew they could get away with it because Biden has no guts and is weak. He doesn’t even know where he is most of the time. And a lot of people are saying he secretly paid for this attack on Russia. The Injustice Department and Deranged Jack Smith are interfering in the election by not looking very strongly at Hunter for this horrible massacre. Where’s Hunter?

Joe Biden’s ineptitude, weakness, and incompetence has led to this awful bloodbath in Russia, and it will only get worse. THE HORRIBLE ATTACK, MUCH LIKE THE ATTACK ON GAZA, WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED IF TRUMP WERE PRESIDENT – ZERO CHANCE! MAKE MOSCOW SAFE AGAIN!

National Zero will resume our regular coverage after providing our right wing readers with the talking points they need to win the internet. And yes we plagiarized and mad-libbed much of it.

🚨Announcement🚨

After today’s embarrassing showing in the house I have reflected and decided that I can no longer be part of the Republican Party…

The Republican Party continues to lie and swindle its voter base. I in good conscience cannot affiliate myself with a party that…

— George Santos (@MrSantosNY) March 22, 2024

After the cutoff Santos announced that he’s now running as an independent in New York’s 1st District, probably because he had zero chance of defeating incumbent Nick LaLota in the GOP primary for the seat… If Georgie’s still on the ballot while in prison this could theoretically help Dem former CNN anchor John Avlon in November. Theoretically. Santos might just get like zero votes.

At least several masked terrorists in green fatigues opened automatic gunfire fire on civilians at the Crocus City Hall luxury shopping mall and concert venue in Moscow’s western side on Friday, killing an unknown number of people and setting the building on fire, the Associated Press reports.

The US Embassy in Moscow had issued a warning to American citizens to avoid crowded spaces in the city earlier this month, naturally the bulletin is being taken by Putin fanboys as a sign that this was a false flag… Well an American-backed false flag. No group or state actor has claimed responsibility for the attack yet, exactly the kind of vacuum in which misinformation thrives.

We hope the Ukrainians aren’t fucking stupid enough to do something like this. That they haven’t already after two years of war would suggest they aren’t, but there’s always a chance some free agent pro-Ukrainian partisans along the lines of that one Nazi militia might’ve done it. But the likeliest true culprit is the same guy suspected of orchestrating past terrorist attacks in Russia when he’s not riding around shirtless on horseback or talking to the ghosts of dead monarchs.

“After conversations with my family, I have made the decision to resign my position as a member of the House of Representatives for Wisconsin’s Eighth Congressional District, effective April 19, 2024.”

“I’ve worked closely with House Republican leadership on this timeline and look forward to seeing Speaker Johnson appoint a new chair to carry out the important mission of the Select Committee on the Chinese Communist Party. My office will continue to operate and provide constituent services to the Eighth District for the remainder of the term,” says Wisconsin Republican Mike Gallagher in another fuck you to Speaker Mike Johnson on what was already a rough day for him.

MSNBC’s primetime propagandists wasted countless hours pushing the Russia collusion hoax.

Last night, they discussed Durham's report for barely 10 minutes, in which they insisted the weaponization of government found in the report was no big deal.

— Ronna McDaniel (@RonnaMcDaniel) May 16, 2023

The libs frustrated over NBC hiring this lying assclown should pipe down and ask themselves these questions: Would you have rather her ended up staying safe and sound in MAGA reality on Fox News? Is it going to go well for her when she has to sit on panels and be challenged for her bullshit, especially in the home stretch of the election? Are you going to avert your gaze from the reams of clips of it over the next few months? If your answer to any of those questions ends up being anything other than “no” then you’re lying to yourself. This is going to be some great TV.

AND on the very, very extremely slim chance Ronna somehow ends up becoming like that Michael Steele guy and turning against the party then… Well that won’t be as fun to watch and nobody would give a shit but at least Raw Story and Mediaite will get lots of segments to “cover.”

Residents of the Tampa, Florida suburb of Temple Terrace tell WFLA they’re sort of concerned that a “chunky” alligator occupying a vacant property a “really long time” could pose a danger if it ever manages to move from its spot amid a pile of mulch and trash on the lot near a number of homes.

“I kind of got to check every time I come out the house,” neighbor Priscila Watson said, not adding that she was calling animal control five times an hour to get the obese reptile removed. Workers on a construction crew at an adjacent job site told the station they saw other people feeding the alligator, but it’s unclear if this was for their amusement or to contribute to the beast’s sedentary sloth and laziness to negate whatever threat it could theoretically pose. Florida Fish and Wildlife officials told WFLA they’re “looking into” the situation, further confirming the lack of urgency.

“On February 8, 2024, the Department of Justice released the report of Special Counsel Robert K Hur’s investigation into President Joseph R Biden, Jr’s unlawful removal, retention, and disclosure of classified documents when he was a private citizen. That same day, President Biden held a press conference where he denied sharing classified information during your work as his ghostwriter.”

“However, Special Counsel Hur’s report unequivocally provides that ‘[d]uring many of the interviews with his ghostwriter, Biden read from his notebooks nearly verbatim, sometimes for an hour or more at a time,’ and ‘at least three times Biden read classified notes from national security meetings to [you] nearly verbatim.’ Despite President Biden’s unequivocal contradiction of these material facts, Special Counsel Hur’s report contains references to ‘audio recordings’ and ‘transcripts’ of your multiple conversations with President Biden ‘related to [your] ghostwriting work of Biden’s memoirs[.]’ In particular, Hur noted that once FBI agents contacted you relating to your ghostwriting work on President Biden’s memoirs, you ‘provided investigators records that included near-verbatim transcripts and… audio recordings.’ Hur also noted that shortly after he began his investigation, you took steps to conceal some of these recordings and transcripts,” and blah blah blah writes spandex-wearing grapple freak Jim Jordan to Biden’s ghostwriter Mark Zwonitzer.

Congressmoron Marjorie Taylor Greene was kind of all over the place Friday after she submitted but did not formally introduce a motion to vacate against Jesus dork Speaker Mike Johnson. The House is out for a two-week break which gives a lot of time and space to maneuver – and see whether she’s even going to move forward on the motion at all. Don’t be shocked if this is all turns out just to be a fundraising/publicity performance where she can have the motion hanging over Johnson’s head for the entirety of the break and then just forget about it when nothing happens.

Meanwhile CBS’s Scott MacFarlane reports that “multiple” Dems, including newly re-elected Long Island Congressman Tom Suozzi, say they’ll help Johnson if it means aid for Ukraine.

The US House on Friday squeaked past the required 2/3rds threshold to pass the bill funding the federal government until September 30th. The vote is still ongoing but the Freedom Caucasians have lost yet another battle with the “uniparty.” Whether or not they actually move forward to vacate Speaker Mike Johnson remains to be seen, but probably north of 50/50 they chicken out again.

Scratched that out from this prewrite because, as previously reported, white nationalist QAnon freak Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene has filed a motion to vacate the Speakership from Johnson, even if it’s sort of technically accurate as Greene was tossed from the Freedom Caucasians last year. Democrats better bring out their carving knives to get their pound of flesh.

White nationalist Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene on Friday filed a motion to vacate House Speaker Mike Johnson in the middle of the chamber’s vote on government funding, Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports on something that’ll be bad news for Joe Biden and Democrats somehow.

🚨 BREAKING 🚨 GAME OVER! 🚨 PRESIDENT JOSEPH R BIDEN HAS BEEN COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY EXONERATED IN COWFUCK AGRICULTURAL INSTITUTE GRAD JAMES COMER’S HOAX IMPEACHMENT INQUIRY! STILL YOUR PRESIDENT MAGATARDS! BIDEN-HARRIS 2024! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

In all seriousness you do not need to carefully parse Comer’s words here at all to conclude that this is over. He used the past tense “the inquiry was,” and admitted the Senate was just going to table the articles like they did “with Merrick Garland,” because this fucking moron forgot it was actually Homeland Security Secretary Alex Mayorkas that they impeached and isn’t going anywhere either. It was as close to an affirmative capitulation that we’re ever going to get, as now he’s saying he wants to move forward with the “off-ramp” of criminal referrals that they’re planning.

“So one Corrupt, Radical Left Judge in New York, a Trump hater a the highest level, can disobey and laugh at the Appellate Division Ruling that gives me victory, and confiscate New York property from me that took a lifetime of hard work to accumulate and build? It sounds like COMMUNISM to me! THERE SHOULD BE NO FINE, I DID NOTHING WRONG. RELEASE THE GAG ORDER ENGORON!” fat former President Trump posted on Truth Social, still caterwauling about the nightmare he’s facing.

Meanwhile MSNBC’s Katie Phang reports that the New York State Appellate Court division has granted Attorney General Letitia James’s request to file a “surreply” to the orange scumbag’s motion to waive part or all of the bond – in which we think she saying she’s introducing new evidence of Donald’s guilt in the matter as a means of further burying him and closing the door on the appeal.

The Russian and Chinese ambassadors to the United Nations on Friday spiked US Secretary of State Tony Blinken’s resolution declaring a ceasefire in Gaza to be an “imperative,” the AP reports.

The House Freedom Caucasians will screech into the microphone for about 45 minutes to an hour on Friday morning to protest Speaker Mike Johnson sucking it up and governing with Democrats.

The “Border911” organization founded by former Trump Administration ICE chief Tom Homan, purportedly founded to “educate” swing voters to “make the right decision” in the 2024 election is blatantly violating federal prohibitions on 501(c)(3) organizations favoring or opposing candidates for public office, ABC News concludes after examining the group’s propaganda for five seconds.

“No one did more to secure this country than Donald Trump, I’m a Trump guy,” Homan said in a video on Border911’s website that disappeared after ABC started asking questions. There’s also that they’re holding an event at Mar-a-Lago to raise the cash needed to fund their tour of the swing states to “educate” voters about the border. The specific scam here is that while they’re registered as a 501(c)(3) “charity” the contributions – as in tickets to their Trump-headlined April 4th circlejerk at Mar-a-Lago ranging from $1,200 to $100,000 – are tax-deductible. If they converted to a 501(c)(4) like they’re supposed to then they could advocate for Trump but the tax savings would be gone.

What the fuck is with that name too? Seems like it was colored within a millimeter of the lines of plausible deniability that “911” is meant solely to allude to “emergency,” but it’s hard to escape the feeling they were taking it further by not just calling it “BorderEmergency.” Or if that was too many characters and they wanted to focus on informing people then “Border411” would’ve worked fine. It just kind of seems like they want some people to “mistakenly” pronounce it verbally as “Border Nine-Eleven” since, if you watch Fox News and/or read the New York Post regularly, you think the “border crisis” is like another 9/11 attack happening every single hour of every single fucking day.

Soon-to-be-ex-Congressman Ken Buck on Thursday told Bloomberg’s Erik Wasson that the furniture in his office was packed up and removed by parties unknown before he actually effected his resignation, which we guess is not official until the session ends Friday. Buck doesn’t actually know what happened, even though it’s pretty goddamned obvious this was retaliation from Speaker Mike Johnson and/or his minions Steve Scalise and Elise Stefanik for resigning abruptly.

Kind of petty and impotent. Like if this is the worst you can do to the guy as revenge for giving up and walking out on the dysfunctional shitshow you created then why do it at all?

“Since 2:00 am yesterday, March 20, 2024, law enforcement agencies across Idaho have investigated and searched for escaped inmate Skylar Meade and shooting suspect Nicholas Umphenour. Just after 2:00 pm today, March 21, 2024, law enforcement located and arrested both males in Twin Falls, Idaho after a vehicle pursuit involving multiple law enforcement agencies.”

“The suspects were taken into custody with no further incident or injury. When the investigation expanded statewide, the Idaho State Police (ISP) began the collaborative effort among law enforcement agencies and the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Following tips and investigative leads, authorities believe the suspects fled northbound from the Treasure Valley to north central Idaho. Through their investigation, detectives located the Honda Civic, used in the escape, near Leland, Idaho. Additionally, law enforcement is investigating two homicides, in separate locations of Nez Perce and Clearwater counties, that are potentially tied to the escape.”

“Both homicides involve adult male victims and detectives are actively investigating. No further information is available for release on the homicides and the county coroner will provide identity as well as the official cause and manner of death. Law enforcement believes the capture was successful due to the hundreds of tips from the public and the multiple responding law enforcement agencies. ISP will continue to investigate the homicides and provide updates on those investigations as well as updates on the arrests in Twin Falls. The Boise Police Department will continue to investigate the inmate escape and the Ada County Sheriff’s Office will continue to investigate the officer involved shooting,” said an Idaho State Police press release.

What it left out was that Meade and Umphenour were blockmates for three years at the Idaho Maximum Security Institution in Boise, with Umphenour being released in January, per KTVB. Both are members of the Aryan Knights, an organization dedicated to Making America Great Again.

Usually we would just copy and paste the text, but sometimes it’s better to just see it in this kind of context to properly convey the anguish and madness this terrible scumbag is suffering through.