Much to the consternation of local cops and zoo officials an intoxicated man last week ignored the warnings of an employee and climbed into the enclosure housing a 12 year-old Asiatic lion at the Tirupati zoo in Southern India last week, the Times of India reports. “Though the watcher on duty cautioned him not to get close to the enclosure, [drunken selfie clown Prahlad Gujar] intentionally marched towards the enclosure which has a four feet wall and six feet tall iron fencing and jumped into it,” the zoo’s curator C Selvam said. “We have taken utmost precaution to prevent such incidents. We will once again review the security measures to prevent such incidents in the future.”

The zoo won’t have to worry about a repeat from Gujar himself however, as the lion mauled him to death during the incident. It’s not clear if the man was at least able to take the selfie pic.

“We can’t allow Crooked or Compromised Judges and Prosecutors to get away with what they are doing to your favorite President, ME, in New York City and State, Fulton County (Atlanta), Georgia, or Washington, DC. It is a coordinated attack on FREEDOM & LIBERTY. It is an attack on the future of our Nation,” wrote fat former President Trump on Truth Social late Sunday night, naturally skipping the crooked and compromised judge assigned to his case in South Florida.

High school dropout Congresswoman Lauren Boebert recent dropping out from her Colorado 3rd District’s primary to avoid defeat to Dem challenger Adam Fritsch and switching to the 4th to battle in a crowded primary may just end up hastening her exit from the House as she’s been facing an icy reception from the locals on the other site of the Centennial State, the Wall Street Journal reports.

“I will not vote for her. Period. She’s not one of us,” said one GOP voter. ” don’t appreciate, as a Christian, people saying they’re Christian to get your vote and then turning out to be a lowlife, and now I just kind of think of her as a lowlife,” said another. “The idea that because it’s a Republican stronghold that they’re going to nominate a fringe conservative like a Boebert in the primary is a wrong notion – this thing is a horse race,” said local Republican strategist Josh Penry.

https://twitter.com/BruinGOP/status/1758929855742410776

After a scathing review of the Supreme Court justice’s questionable financial history during Sunday’s show, John Oliver, the host of HBO’s Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, offered Justice Clarence Thomas a guaranteed $1 million annual income and a luxury motorhome to announce his retirement from the Court within the next thirty days.

“We are prepared to offer you $1 million per year for the rest of your life if you agree to leave the Supreme Court immediately and never come back,” Oliver said grabbing what appeared to be a legal document from his desk.  “Just sign this contract, resign, and the money is all yours.  This is not a joke.  If you’ve watched this show before, you know that jokes really aren’t our thing. …  We have spoken to experts to all say that to the best they can tell, this is all legal, which is crazy to me because it really seems like it shouldn’t be.”

After raking Thomas over the coals for accepting gifts from wealthy “friends” who weren’t Thomas’s friends before he became a justice, Oliver sweetened the deal by adding in a complimentary 40-foot Prevost Marathon motorcoach worth $2.4 million, including four televisions, a washer/dryer, a full-size refrigerator, an upgrade and a bedroom with a kingsize bed–to replace the old one a donor loaned him the money for and which Thomas never paid back.

Unhappy with President Joe Biden’s policy dealing with the war in Gaza, Michigan Democratic Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib wants the state’s Democratic voters to select “uncommitted” on the ballot in the February 27th primary, CNN reports.

“It is also important to create a voting bloc,” Tlaib, the first Palestinian-American member of Congress said in a video posted to social media on Saturday. “Something that is a bullhorn to say, enough is enough. We don’t want a country that supports wars and bombs and destruction. We want to support life. We want to stand up for every single life killed in Gaza.”

Biden has been criticized by some members of the progressive wing of the Democratic House caucus for arming Israel and, they feel, under-funding aid to the Palestinian people, after the terrorist group Hamas launched an attack on Israel last October.

For the first time in its mission to protect commercial shipping traveling through the Red Sea, a US Navy ship encountered an unmanned underwater drone launched by Houthi rebels in Yemen, CBS News reports, which it destroyed.

Between 3 p.m. and 8 p.m. local time, multiple ships in the force conducted “self-defense attacks” against three Houthi anti-ship missiles and a drone surface vessel.  There are no details of the attack, the device or how the US Navy vessel defeated the weapon.

Disgraced former President Trump on Sunday posted screencaps of a piece by the TIPP Insights editorial board titled “Biden:Trump::Putin:Navalny” about how “Alexei Navalny’s untimely death shines a light on the Left’s lawfare on Trump,” making it clear enough that the fat bastard agrees with the “parallels between how the Biden administration is targeting the former president of the United States and how President Putin went after his arch-nemesis,” starting with the EJ Carroll case, which literally has nothing to do with the Biden Administration.

Then it lists the New York civil fraud case, which also literally has nothing to do with the Biden Administration. Then finally the classified documents case which, okay Biden appointed Merrick Garland and then Garland appointed Jack Smith who impaneled a grand jury which handed down the indictment, so sure, Biden is behind it. Totally. What’s funny is that we were to understand that TIPP was just a pollster and had no idea they were guzzling the Orange Kool-Aid, so going forward fuck them. Can’t remember the last time we credited their findings but we won’t again soon.

At $291,043 raised as of 3:43 PM EDT on Sunday, “militant Scientologists” Trump fans Elena and Grant Cardone have reached 0.081983943 percent of the $355 million goal of their “Stand with Trump” GoFundMe, meant to cover the judgment imposed by a New York City court for the fat former president’s years of outright fraud in running his corrupt business empire, putting them just shy of the all too-important 0.1 percent milestone after just two days of the campaign.

“The recent legal battles he faces are not just an attack on him, but an attack on the very ideals of fairness and due process that every American deserves. It’s a moment that calls into question the balance of justice and the application of law, disproportionately aimed at silencing a voice that has been at the forefront of advocating for American strength, prosperity, and security,” Elena Cardone wrote in the description on the fundraiser, which at this rate will meet its goal on or about November 9th, 2030… Oh wait… Fuck, the Cardones weren’t calculating for the 9 percent interest.

Which means they should’ve set it at $450 million and puts the current haul at 0.0646762 percent of the penalty to Trump. So at this rate it’d take them until about July 13, 2032 to pay it off.

A sample of 525 historians have ranked Joe Biden 14th on the annual “Presidential Greatness Project Expert Survey” run by Brandon Rottinghaus at the University of Houston and Justin Vaughn at Coastal Carolina University, putting the current commander-in-chief behind Lincoln in first place, FDR in second, Obama at 7th, and ahead of Reagan at 16th, Carter at 22nd, and George W Bush at 32nd. You’ll never guess who’s last, behind even James Buchanan and Andrew Johnson.

MAGA lawyer Jon Mitchell, architect of Texas’s draconian ban on reproductive health and who recently argued against disgraced former President Trump’s disqualification from the Colorado ballot in front of the US Supreme Court, tells the New York Times he hopes the fat bastard “doesn’t know about the existence of” the conservative establishment’s plans to use the Comstock Act to halt the sale of abortion pills and medical equipment used in clinics for the procedure “because I just don’t want him to shoot off his mouth,” and that he thinks “the pro-life groups should keep their mouths shut as much as possible until the election,” on how things are going to go if the GOP wins big.

Pretty interesting how this asshole manages to be arrogant and hubristic enough to openly say this to the Times while simultaneously acknowledging that he’s fearful of how independent voters would react to such plans if they so happened to read up on the plans to make life much, much worse for women without having to bother with Congress or even the courts. Per Mitchell, how far they go with cracking down on females is up to “whether the president wants to take the political heat and whether the attorney general or the secretary of Health and Human Services are on board,” which you already know the answer to. Mini Timmaraju, president of Reproductive Freedom for All says Trump is “trying to masquerade in public as a moderate. It’s mind-blowing that anyone would imagine he wouldn’t do worse in a second term. He’s going to do whatever Jonathan Mitchell wants.”

NBC’s Kristen Welker on Sunday pressed House Intel Chair Mike Turner on how he could trust fat former President Trump to run the country again after a courts repeatedly found that he had engaged in all sorts of scams and on Friday one in New York hit him with a $450 million judgment for his fraudulent business practices, to which Turner said “Actually I don’t trust this court decision.”

Turner also said he wasn’t surprised that an “associate” of the Bidens would be caught lying to the FBI when asked if he thought the impeachment inquiry should continue after the asshole behind that “FD-1023” ended up getting indicted last week. Logic so circular it had more digits than pi.

Far right Arizona state Senators last week scoffed at the notion that private and parochial schools would ever show “sexually explicit material” to students in classrooms after a Dem pushed to amend the state’s 2022 law which only applies to public schools, the Arizona Republic reports.

“Sounds to me that voting against this amendment means you want to protect the owners of private schools,” Dem state Senator Mitzi Epstein said as the chamber debated a bill to make violations of the law a felony. “If a teacher is going to be subject to a felony under the vague terms spelled out in the underlying statute, then we need to apply this risk across the board to private schools as well.”

Sponsor Jake Hoffman, a fake Trump 2020 elector, was triggered “Apparently Senator Epstein thinks that Christian schools are referring students to sexually explicit material. The idea that private Christian schools are showing these completely inappropriate and disgusting images to children is completely laughable.” Fellow election denier scumbag Sonny Borrelli said “Private schools are not showing these sexually explicit materials. It’s all doing it in public schools.”

South Carolina Senator Tim Scott, who quite literally owes his Senate career to Nikki Haley, who appointed him to the seat in 2012, thinks that her son Nalin Haley calling Scott “Judas” and Haley herself calling fat former President Trump too old is just as bad as or worse than Donald going birther on Haley and suggesting her husband is deployed in Africa to hide from her.

In an article headlined “MAGA Truckers Say They’ll Refuse NYC Loads After Trump Verdict,” Newsmax cites one tweet in which a right wing trucker who goes by “Chicago Ray” claimed “I’ve been on the radio for over an hour and I’ve talked to at least (10) Truckers who are gonna start refusing loads of Monday for (NYC) …I talked to (3) guys that I work with who texted the boss and told him no (NYC),” because one judge (who actually lives on Long Island) hit the fat former President with a $455 million judgment for defrauding banks with false valuations of his assets.

“Truckers are (95%) Trump… it’ll get overturned on appeal but you know how fucken [sic] hard it is to get one of these mfrs into (NYC) cut the bullshit I’ll cya down the road,” Chicago Ray continued in the tweet, which included an ominous, terroristic video of “Ray” yelling “fuck around and find out” and “we’re tired of your motherfuckin leftists fuckin with Trump!” while driving his rig.

Asked on Sunday why she thinks fat former President Trump hasn’t said anything about the murder of Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny, former South Carolina Gov Nikki “Birdbrain” Haley told ABC’s Jon Karl that Donald either “sides with Putin and thinks it’s cool that Putin killed one of his political opponents or he just doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal. Either one of those is concerning.”

The “knives are out” for small-faced MAGA influencer Charlie Kirk among different factions of fat former President Trump’s sycophants, NBC News reports on a supposed conflict stemming from Kirk’s campaign to get the Orange God Emperor to oust Ronna Not-Romney McDaniel from the RNC chair while Kirk’s Turning Point USA sucked up hundreds of millions, as well as his anti-Martin Luther King Jr Day crusade that supposedly has cost Donald his already overhyped Black support.

Ohio Pastor Darrell Scott, a member of Trump’s 2016 transition team and one of Donald’s first Black supporters, claims that he’s spoken directly to the Orange God Emperor about Kirk, telling NBC “I’ve got to say, racism is like the word ‘ugly.’ I can’t always describe it, but I know it when I see it. That boy’s a racist right there,” of Kirk’s campaign to downplay MLK in favor of better Black role models like Thomas Sowell, Ben Carson, and Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

“Trump is fucking pissed that Charlie is out causing problems for him in the Black community,” one source told NBC. Don Jr, a Kirk ally, denied this in a statement to NBC, saying Charlie’s in “great standing with both my father and the entire Trump campaign” is “nothing more than fiction coming from people jealous of the close relationship Charlie has built with our family.”

On the Ronna decapitation side, Kirk’s enemies in the Orange God Emperor’s court say the small-faced bastard’s contributions to the effort to remove the botox-faced figurehead were more about money than the long string of electoral failures under her. “This is why [Kirk] was trying to get rid of Ronna,” a Trump ally said. “He shouldn’t make it sound like, ‘Oh, we’re tired of losing. We don’t have an early vote program.’ He should have just said, ‘Listen, he who controls the RNC controls millions of dollars and I want to get my hands on them.’ That would have been a more honest grift.”

Hundreds of people have been arrested around Russia during demonstrations protesting the murder of opposition leader Alexey Navalny in a Siberian prison, with police removing memorials nearly as soon as they are put up, CBS News reports.

The New York Times reports more than 400 people were arrested for acts as simple as laying flowers at various towns around the prison.  In Moscow, a group with a police escort removed an impromptu memorial outside the headquarters of Russia’s national police, but overnight, more flowers reappeared.

The Times also reports some of the conditions Navalny was held under at the penal colony where he died.  He was reportedly being held in a punishment cell where every day at 6:30 a.m., he would be allowed into a narrow concrete room barely larger than an airshaft, but open to the sky above, the only view of the sky some prisoners get daily.  Although prison officials said Navalny collapsed while “walking,” he died reportedly after being in that enclosure for an unspecified time while the outdoor temperatures were -20º F.

We’re not going to submit our dear readers to hours of an irate shoe salesman bellowing into a microphone as enraptured cultists beg him to take their money to pay for his crimes.  Instead, we’re giving you just 15 seconds in which Trump demonstrates his narcissism, racism, and mental decline.

“But a lot of ’em’ll come to me and say, how do you do it? You go through all these subpoenas. YOU GOT INDICTED,” shouts Donald Trump, a man facing more than a half billion dollars in civil losses and 91 criminal indictments. “In my whole life I didn’t know what the n-word– I didn’t know what indictment meant. YOU GOT INDICTED, more than Alphonse Capone, “Scarface.”

Getting indicted more than Al Capone shouldn’t be a point of pride. And if he thought the “n-word” was indictment–or that indictment was ANY n-word, Don’s not all there.

Theory:  Donald Trump’s entry into a market signals its imminent downfall.  Evidence:  Trump Mortgage, launched in 2006 less than a year before the real estate collapse; NFTs issued in December 2022 after the market’s peak earlier that year; and of course, the Republican Party.

We can now add the collectible sneaker market to the list.  After losing nearly half a billion dollars in a New York civil trial, Donald Trump traveled to Philadelphia to announce the launch of his own sneaker line, available at GetTrumpSneakers.com–which, if you’re concerned, has a strict three-pair limit. The top-line Never Surrender High-Tops, limited to 1,000 pairs because they apparently ran out of spray paint, have already sold out (reportedly).  Lesser styles are still available, for just $199.

But the site is not just for sneakerheads!  You can also pick up your very own bottle of Victory47 Cologne by President Trump–with the first 1,000 bottles individually numbered–for just $99, a bargain for smelly water that likely smells suspicious like Empire by Donald Trump (circa 2015) or Donald Trump: The Fragrance (2004).