Yes, we know the results are pretty much set in stone across the country, but we’ll put the called races here to memorialize them as they’re called for the two major candidates.

• 7:31 p.m. ET:  North Carolina Republican Primary called for Trump by NBC News.  Also, North Carolina Democratic Primary called for Biden.
• 7:12 p.m. ET:  Virginia Republican Primary called for Trump.  NBC News added their concurring call at 7:20 p.m.
• 7:04 p.m. ET:  Virginia Democratic Primary called for Biden.
• 7:00 p.m. ET:  Vermont Democratic Primary called for Biden.  NBC News follows up with concurrence at 7:32 p.m.
• 6:10 p.m. ET:  Iowa Democratic Primary called for Biden.

The Bronx resident beaten and restrained by the Guardian Angels on the streets of New York City while their leader was being interviewed about rampant crime live on Sean Hannity’s Fox show will sue the New York vigilante group and seek to file criminal charges, the New York Daily News reports.

“Our guys have just taken down one of the migrant guys on the corner of 42nd and Seventh where all of this has taken place,” said Curtis Sliwa gleefully as his followers jumped on Marco Pina, 22.  “They’ve taken over!  Let’s just say we gave him a little pain compliance.  His mother back in Venezuela felt the vibrations. He’s sucking concrete.”  Sliwa claimed Pina was a shoplifter, but never presented any evidence to back the claim and Pina was never charged.

Pina has lived in the Bronx since his family migrated to the United States when he was two years old.  He met with the District Attorney’s office on Tuesday to discuss potential criminal charges for the February 8th attack.

House Republicans have yet to actually send the articles of impeachment against DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas because the assclowns want assurances that there will actually be a trial held, as one source tells CNN’s Annie Grayer “we don’t want to give them a reason to dismiss it outright” while both chambers and parties are in the middle of negotiating government spending.

🚨 #BREAKING: @Jim_Jordan, @RepJamesComer, and @RepAndyBiggsAZ Launch Inquiry into Treatment of Hunter Biden Business Partner by Biden's Bureau of Prisons pic.twitter.com/u2nx1GBKfA

— House Judiciary GOP (@JudiciaryGOP) March 5, 2024

Now look, we may be a little biased given our political leanings and that of our audience here but it’s kind of hard to look at a tweet like this and think that the House Republicans are conducting effective oversight of the Biden Administration. Like the truck payment thing and the Russian agent thing and the cocaine thing and a whole bunch of other things never really panned out which is okay because Democrats had their fair share of dead ends too over the years. Yeah, they impeached Trump twice and got him hit with 91 felony counts and soaked him for like probably within spitting distance of a billion dollars of personal and campaign funds when you put all the legal fees and judgments together over the years. That definitely counts for a lot when you think about it.

But they never found the pee tape, so that’s one pretty big L for them. It’s a lot like what the House GOP is going through now, except it’s just a lot of Ls. Lots and lots of them. So many that at this point it’s like “Alright guys, how about you just sit down and shut the fuck up because we’re starting to feel embarrassed for you when you act like an asshole who defrauded Native American tribes is somehow a political prisoner – who we will add was first sent to that prison during the Trump Administration and could’ve been pardoned as a ‘Biden Crime Family whistleblower’ in the final stretch of that campaign. Your own fans are beyond fed up with your utter impotence.”

Spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan’s lame “Weaponization” select subcommittee will hold a hearing Thursday on its investigation into the House January 6th Select Committee’s investigation into January 6th, CBS’s Scott MacFarlane reports, adding that former DC Metro Police Officer Mike Fanone will serve as the Democrats’ “rebuttal witness.” Should be a friggin blast.

It’s Super Tuesday and super-plus-two-seding indictment day for everyone’s second favorite Senator from New Jersey, Bob Menendez! This time – meaning the fourth indictment in the current case against him in less than six months – Menendez is charged with using his office to benefit the government of Qatar and we’ve lost track of how many felonies this is now.

A message for Arizonans from Senator Kyrsten Sinema pic.twitter.com/1XWFSWgGdh

— Kyrsten Sinema (@SenatorSinema) March 5, 2024

The Maine state House on Tuesday narrowly approved joining the National Popular Interstate Vote Compact, the decades-long effort to circumvent the Electoral College by binding states’ electors to the popular vote nationally irrespective of its own result, the Bangor Daily News reports.

Five Dems joined all Republicans in opposing the bill for the 74-67 vote, but the House was the biggest hurdle given the blue state Senate and Dem Governor Janet Mills, leaving little doubt that Maine will soon add four votes to the NPVIC’s current 205 total from bound states. Immediately winnable for the NPVIC is Michigan’s 15 electoral votes and, given their trifecta, Dems there need to get on it yesterday. Possibly on the table within the next decade or so are Pennsylvania (19), Nevada (6), Virginia (13), and either Arizona (11) or Wisconsin (10) as the final state to 270.

Meaning don’t bet against the effective end of the Electoral College by 2040. It’s been a fucking slog but it is well within reach to end the antiquated madness of it once and for all.

“Today, March 5, is the Presidential Primary in Tennessee and 16 other states and territories. I wanted to remind you guys to vote the people who most represent YOU into power. If you haven’t already, make a plan to vote today. Whether you’re in Tennessee or somewhere else in the US, check your polling places and times at Vote.org” wrote Taylor Swift in an Instagram post on Tuesday.

Which of course, despite the lack of the words “Democrats,” “Joe Biden,” or anything even remotely partisan was met with a full on fucking meltdown from right wing figures such as Joey Mannarino, who wrote “Taylor Swift is encouraging her millions of followers to vote Democrat. Even giving out polling locations. And some wanted to defend her? Fuck her.” Some other asshole wrote “Taylor Swift, who was born with a silver spoon in her mouth, is asking her fans to vote for poverty, catastrophic crime, and for her fans to accept the terrorist invasion at the border. She is a paid whitehouse [sic] propaganda puppet,” in response to The Hill’s lame article about Swift’s post.

Actually there were way more tweets from libs anticipating a MAGA freakout than there were actual MAGA freakout tweets. But sunk cost and all. Plus Breitbart posted an article titled “CHINESE STATE MEDIA GUSHES WITH ‘LOVE AND ENTHUSIASM’ FOR TAYLOR SWIFT” which is probably related.

“Defendant seeks to exclude any evidence regarding the Access Hollywood Tape on the basis that it has no probative value and will be impermissibly prejudicial. As to its probative value, defendant again improperly relies on his own version of the facts. As the People have explained, the Access Hollywood Tape bears directly on defendant’s intent and motive, both at the time that he and his confederates made the Stormy Daniels payoff and later when they sought to conceal that payment.”

“Indeed, the evidence will demonstrate that the release of the Access Hollywood Tape caused a panic within the campaign about defendant’s electoral prospects and ultimately served as the catalyst for consummating the Stormy Daniels payoff. As to undue prejudice, defendant bizarrely relies on a federal court’s decision to admit the Access Hollywood Tape as a basis to somehow preclude it here. This argument makes no sense. Rather, as the People have already explained, the federal court’s reasoning in admitting the Access Hollywood Tape confirms that the recording is not unduly prejudicial because it ‘is uniquely probative’ of defendant’s state of mind,” writes Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg’s team in a motion explaining to the judge why fat former President Trump has to be humiliated again in front of a jury with his brags about sexual assault.

Curious what’s going on this must-see viral video? White nationalist Georgia Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene doesn’t want you to know! It’s an exciting new hack by Ukrainian military experts, who have developed new naval drones to blow up this Russian warship on the Black Sea, killing at least seven enemy sailors. Greene, who appears on a list of 17 famous politicians who had extramarital affairs (Number 5 may surprise you!), is probably FURIOUS over the attack! Inspiring!

“Today, US Senator Tim Kaine, a member of the Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions (HELP) Committee, announced that Elizabeth Carr will join him as his guest at Thursday’s State of the Union address. Carr was the first person in the United States born via in-vitro fertilization (IVF).”

“She was born in Norfolk, Virginia in 1981. Carr’s attendance at the State of the Union follows a ruling by the Alabama Supreme Court that has already led to restricted access to IVF in Alabama. The ruling sparked a push by federal lawmakers to pass the Access to Family Building Act, legislation cosponsored by Kaine to protect access to IVF and other assisted reproductive technology services,” said Dem Virginia Senator Tim Kaine’s office in a statement Tuesday.

Federal Trade Commission Chair Lina Khan on Monday told reporters that the Biden Administration is launching a task force to take on corporate cocksuckers who raise prices on consumers and pretend that inflation is the real reason for ripping them off, CNBC reports.

“We’re excited to be co-chairing the president’s new Strike Force on Unfair and Illegal Pricing, which builds on the FTC’s far-reaching work to promote competition and tackle unlawful business practices that are inflating costs for Americans,” Khan said during a press roundtable. “Here at the Justice Department, we are confronting some of the world’s most powerful corporations so that we can improve the lives of American families,” added the task force’s co-chair Assistant Attorney General for Antitrust Jonathan Kanter. As for how they’ll actually enforce this mandate to bring a world of hurt on the vultures, an official who was not named in CNBC’s report said “There are dozens of statutes on the book across all of these agencies that can, in certain situations, be brought to bear where high prices are harming consumers. And it depends on how and when.”

The officials did not comment on whether it was a good idea to impose a 10 percent tariff on everything shipped from China or to deport millions of farm workers but the Americans fed up with $18 Big Macs should be receptive to hearing more about those options for bringing prices down.

Asked by Fox and Friends host Brian Kilmeade on Tuesday about how he’s going to come up with more than half a billion dollars total to appeal the two massive civil judgments against him, fat former President Trump simply rambled “I don’t worry about money, I don’t worry about anything.”

The twice-impeached loser also did nothing to answer a question about how he’ll fix inflation and said Israel had “gone soft” prior to the horrific October 7th attack by Hamas last year.

“Americans who elect to visit any Krispy Kreme® shop throughout the United States on March 5 – Super TWOsday – can receive two free Original Glazed® doughnuts, no purchase necessary. ‘While encouraging everyone to vote, our primary role on Super TWOsday will be to sweeten your day,’ said Dave Skena, Global Chief Brand Officer for Krispy Kreme. Krispy Kreme’s Super TWOsday offer is available nationwide, not just in states conducting primary elections – in-shop and via drive-thru.”

“Show how you’re celebrating ‘Doughmocracy’ and Super TWOsday with Krispy Kreme by using #KrispyKreme and tagging @krispykreme on social media,” says a Krispy Kreme statement with no mention of whether only US citizens or registered voters are eligible to participate in Doughmocracy.

House Republicans are working hard on a set of resolutions symbolically affirming support for protecting American families’ rights to use in-vitro fertilization, NBC News reports.

It’s a bold step forward for the party whose leaders previously only voiced support for IVF in public statements to reporters and in tweets, demonstrating the urgency with which they intend to symbolically address a potentially major political vulnerability. “As someone who struggled with infertility and personally witnessed the miracle of IVF, I strongly believe that IVF should remain protected and accessible,” said Republican California Congresswoman Michelle Steele who last week introduced a non-binding resolution expressing that strongly-held belief. Symbolically.

Her likely Dem opponent Derek Tran questioned Steel’s sincerity. “Just three weeks ago, she signed on to the Life at Conception bill. This is the second time she’s done that. And now she’s saying that she’s pro-IVF when the Life at Conception bill is anything but. So she still is just spilling out lies in order to get voters,” said Tran, referring to Steel’s vote for a non-symbolic bill that would effectively outlaw IVF kind of like how the Alabama state Supreme Court did last month.

A different symbolic resolution supporting access to IVF is supported by swing-district Republicans like Don Bacon, Jen Kiggans, and Nick LaLota. It’s not clear which one is symbolically stronger.

Rolling Stone is nothing but a liberal rag used as a propaganda tool for the far left zealots. They never get tired of lying! They just published another garbage hit piece directed at the Trump administration and based on “anonymous” sources. Pathetic!! Stop lying and name your…

— Ronny Jackson (@RonnyJacksonTX) March 4, 2024

Former Trump White House physician turned MAGA Congressman Ronny Jackson seems like he’s experiencing some of the side effects of the prescription amphetamines he’s been eating and handing out like candy all these years. Maybe he should go see a real doctor to get a checkup.

The six fake Trump electors in Nevada will not be facing trial until January 13th, 2025, per a scheduling order issued Monday by Clark County Judge Mary Kay Holthus, the AP reports.

Holthus pushed back the trial for state GOP chair Michael McDonald, national party committeeman Jim DeGraffenreid, Clark County party chair Jesse Law, Storey County clerk Jim Hindle, national and Douglas County committeeman Shawn Meehan, and Lake Tahoe-area GOP member Eileen Rice due to scheduling issues and a hearing to determine whether the charges will stick.

“A civilian employee of the US Air Force assigned to the US Strategic Command (USSTRATCOM), at Offutt Air Force Base, was arrested Saturday, March 2, for allegedly conspiring to transmit and transmitting classified information relating to the national defense (National Defense Information or NDI) on a foreign online dating platform beginning in or around February 2022 until in or around April 2022. According to the indictment, David Franklin Slater, 63, of Nebraska, worked in a classified space at USSTRATCOM and held a Top Secret security clearance from in or around August 2021 until in or around April 2022, after retiring as a Lieutenant Colonel from the US Army. It is alleged that Slater willfully, improperly, and unlawfully transmitted NDI classified as ‘SECRET,’ which he had reason to believe could be used to the injury of the United States or to the advantage of a foreign nation, on a foreign online dating platform to a person not authorized to receive such information.”

“According to the charging documents, Slater attended USSTRATCOM briefings regarding Russia’s war against Ukraine that were classified up to TOP SECRET//SENSITIVE COMPARTMENTED INFORMATION (TS//SCI). Slater then transmitted classified NDI that he learned from those briefings via the foreign online dating website’s messaging platform to his co-conspirator, who claimed to be a female living in Ukraine on the foreign dating website. The co-conspirator regularly asked Slater to provide her with sensitive, non-public, closely held and classified NDI and called Slater in their messages her ‘secret informant love’ and her ‘secret agent.’ In response to these requests, Slater indeed provided classified NDI to her, including regarding military targets and Russian military capabilities relating to Russia’s invasion of Ukraine” – Justice Department press release.

President Biden “has told friends he thinks Trump is wobbly, both intellectually and emotionally, and will explode if Biden mercilessly gigs and goads him – ‘go haywire in public,’ as one adviser put it,” Axios reports in a super-insider-y “scoop” about Joe’s intent to make things personal with the fat orange bastard at the eight month mark before an apocalyptic election day.