Like you needed any further evidence that fat former President Trump was more or less immediately going to piss away whatever “advantage” the Hur report gave him (even as it said he clearly committed a crime) by saying something deranged, Politico Playbook’s Monday morning edition has sort-of rival Nikki Haley and House Intel Committee Chairman Mike Turner on record with just that.

Trump telling his cultists that Russia should be able to do “whatever the hell they want” to NATO allies “should send a chill up everyone’s spine,” Haley told Playbook, adding that the problem isn’t just that it’s “wrong” and that the Orange God Emperor is “lacking moral clarity,” it’s that “the kind of comment that makes Joe Biden look clear-headed. This is what makes Joe Biden look sane.”

Turner naturally didn’t go as far given the Orange Messiah could crush him like an insect. Still he was just as clear about the need to commit to Ukraine. “We have to get this done. This is no longer an issue of, ‘When do we support Ukraine?’ If we do not move, this will be abandoning Ukraine,” Turner told Playbook, adding that supposedly Jesus dork Speaker Mike Johnson will “bring it to the floor.”

“Special counsel prosecutors have produced to Donald Trump a sealed exhibit about threats to a potential trial witness after the federal judge overseeing his prosecution for retaining classified documents ordered the exhibit turned over despite the prosecutors’ objections, people familiar with the matter said,” the Guardian reports, which we copied verbatim as to not mince the meaning of it.

The motion by Smith’s team was the one they filed under seal last week because the witness had been receiving threats via social media – threats that are now the subject of a separate federal investigation. The whole thing was pretty puzzling because you would think that it wouldn’t be really Smith’s jurisdiction if some rando MAGA asshole had been threatening, say, a Mar-a-Lago employee suspected of flipping on Trump, which to us at least indicated that the person issuing the threats was actually someone associated with Donald. Now from the Guardian’s reporting it seems that Cannon is actually endangering them by giving the fat bastard’s defense team their identity.

Just like we drew it up. pic.twitter.com/9NBvc5nVZE

— Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) February 12, 2024

In the seventh-longest Super Bowl game in NFL history, the Kansas City franchise whose Pro Bowl tight end is dating America’s pop star princess won the team representing Nancy Pelosi’s district in a game that will be a question on Jeopardy! in seven years.  It’s all part of the plan.

As the Big Duper Nacho Bowl heads into halftime, the only mildly-political thing of note–besides the expected implosion of conservative heads for the performance of “Lift Every Voice and Sing”–was an commercial run by the campaign of Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., which recycled content and tunes from a 1960 JFK campaign ad.  We’re spotlighting the JFK ad because we no anti-science.

Drumroll please…. and the winner of the MVP Award for #PuppyBowl XX is Moosh!

He did the impossible and helped win his team the game 🥇 See more of our MVP at https://t.co/y68ZJqPdmI pic.twitter.com/bvTyH44cci

— Animal Planet (@AnimalPlanet) February 11, 2024

Two off-duty police officers working as security guards at the Houston megachurch operated by television host Joel Osteen shot and killed a woman who opened fire with a “long gun” she snuck into the building on Sunday under a trenchcoat, the Associated Press reports.

Accompanied by a child believed to be around five years old, the woman entered the church between programs, which a total of up to 45,000 people will attend on a weekend.  The child was also wounded in the exchange of gunfire and was taken to a local hospital for treatment.

Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin, who spend the Christmas holiday season hospitalized without anyone knowing, has been admitted to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center with an unspecified bladder issue, NBC News reports.  The condition is not believed to be serious, and the Pentagon said Austin will be equipped with communications and material needed to carry out his duties.

BREAKING: Police responding to reported shooting at Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church in Houston https://t.co/rpqr3e4lZH

— Fox News (@FoxNews) February 11, 2024

“Under my administration, the United States of America has stood shoulder to shoulder with our allies to build a NATO alliance that is bigger and stronger than ever and stands in defense of democracy against Vladimir Putin’s authoritarian aggression. America’s leadership on the world stage and support for our allies is critical to keeping the American people safe here at home. If my opponent, Donald Trump, is able to regain power, he is making it clear as day that he will abandon our NATO allies if Russia attacks and allow Russia to ‘do whatever the hell they want’ with them.”

“Serving as Commander-in-Chief is the ultimate responsibility and one that should weigh heavily on the individuals that hold this office. Donald Trump’s admission that he intends to give Putin a greenlight for more war and violence, to continue his brutal assault against a free Ukraine, and to expand his aggression to the people of Poland and the Baltic States are appalling and dangerous. Sadly, they are also predictable coming from a man who is promising to rule as a dictator like the ones he praises on day one if he returns to the oval office. As you’ve heard me say, freedom and democracy itself are on the ballot in November, and I am running for reelection to make sure that they endure” says President Joe Biden in a campaign statement responding to fat former President Trump encouraging Russia to “do whatever the hell they want” to NATO allies in Europe.

The US Senate on Sunday advanced the $95.3 billion in foreign aid to Israel, Taiwan, and Ukraine with at least 66 yes votes, minus all the border shit that Republicans said was so important. The bill’s final passage in the chamber and then its prospects in the House remain uncertain, however Dems and “moderate” Republicans are already planning a discharge petition to maneuver around Jesus dork Speaker Mike Johnson if and when he blocks the bill from getting to the floor.

“I signed and was responsible for the Music Modernization Act for Taylor Swift and all other Musical Artists. Joe Biden didn’t do anything for Taylor, and never will. There’s no way she could endorse Crooked Joe Biden, the worst and most corrupt President in the History of our Country, and be disloyal to the man who made her so much money. Besides that, I like her boyfriend, Travis, even though he may be a Liberal, and probably can’t stand me!” is seriously what fat Donald just posted.

pic.twitter.com/0V3geg6ETc

— DC_Draino (@DC_Draino) February 10, 2024

Weird how the 49ers, representing a city associated with rampant drug use and shoplifting and sexual deviancy by the right is now “Team Jesus.” But whatever. Team Soros rules.

Madagascar’s parliament last week approved a bill mandating convicted child sex offenders to be punished via castration – chemical if the victim is over 14, surgical if under 10, and either if the victim is between 10 and 13 – the AP reports on a crackdown on pedophilia in a country where its rampant.

“Madagascar is a sovereign country which has the right to modify its laws in relation to circumstances and in the general interest of the people. The current penal code has not been enough to curb the perpetrators of these offenses,” said Justice Minister Landy Mbolatiana Randriamanantenasoa, who told the AP that there were 133 child sex cases in January alone.

Just going to throw this out there but maybe it’d be a good idea to put a little higher of a burden of proof to the sentencing guidelines as well as make sure that people are aware of the consequences of the crime. Like posters saying “Attracted to minors? Think twice before you lose your balls.”

When asked last week whether she voted for fat former President Trump, New York 3rd District Santos replacement candidate Mazi Pilip mumbled some shit to CNN’s Manu Raju that sounded sort of like “It happened three years ago, I wasn’t even an elected official.” On Saturday however Pilip told the New York Post she “proudly” voted for the Orange God Emperor in 2020.

Probably not going to be enough to get the Gateway Pundit to retract their article saying “In addition to being a registered Democrat who does not perceive anything wrong with the weaponization of the justice system against Donald Trump, Pilip is married to a Ukrainian national” and “even if [Dem former Congressman Tom] Suozzi loses, Mazi is still a registered Democrat who makes no pretenses about her disdain for President Trump. So House Republicans are poised to lose a seat either way.”

Republican Florida Senator Marco Rubio on Sunday somehow managed to lament the “nastiness” of politics but also defend his Orange Caesar for ripping into Michael Haley for being deployed to the Horn of Africa while his wife is campaigning, saying people mocked Melania Trump for ghosting on Donald while she was caring for her mother who was dying of cancer. Of course Rubio did not also mention any specific instance of Nikki Haley being on of the ones who mocked Melania for ghosting.

Rubio also told Jake Tapper he has “zero concern” over Trump saying he’d let Russia attack NATO allies and said the Border Patrol union is wrong to support a bill that would make their job easier.

Pakistan’s national election commission on Sunday declared that jailed former Prime Minister Imran Khan’s Tehreek-e-Insaf party (PTI) have won a clear lead with 97 out of 265 seats in the National Assembly to the 76 pulled in by the Pakistan Muslim League led by Khan’s enemy, other former Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif, with the Pakistan People’s Party’s 54-seat third place finish eyed by both as the prize for a coalition partner to hit a 134-seat majority, Al-Jazeera reports.

Everyone’s really happy with the results and there hasn’t been any civil unrest… NOT! Lol. The PTI have been calling for fans to hit the streets and protest the results they say the government tampered with in a number of races. At least six PTI candidates are appealing results. “The fact that internet was blocked on day of election showed how the state tried to tamper with the results. We believe that state institutions are fully involved in this and this is deplorable. They should respect the votes by the people,” said one PTI supporter in Lahore as he headed out to Stop the Steal.

Pakistani politics geek Zaigham Khan tells Al-Jazeera PTI fans are not entirely wrong to worry as the party will probably get frozen out despite the plurality. “The most likely scenario is a coalition government that includes all political parties – minus [Imran] Khan’s PTI,” said Zaigham Khan. “The second scenario, less likely but technically possible, is the PPP joining hands with the PTI and forming a government.” It’s not clear how many were killed on election day Thursday.

A sentence I never imagined I would ever write:  Ozzy Osbourne sent a cease-and-desist letter to former presidential candidate Kanye West after the anti-Semitic rapper sampled a live performance of Black Sabbath’s song “Iron Man” despite Osbourne having explicitly banned its use, the Variety reports.

“@kanyewest asked permission to sample a section of a 1983 live performance of ‘Iron Man’ from the US festival without vocals and was refused permission because he is an antisemite and has caused untold heartache to many,” the Prince of Darkness posted on social media.  Ozzy’s wife, Sharon, put it more succinctly, telling TMZ, “Kanye fucked with the wrong Jew this time.”

West held a party to debut tracks of his new album “Vultures” at Chicago’s United Center on Thursday night, including the “Iron Man” sample, and word of the Black Sabbath’s song use apparently got back to Ozzy and Sharon.

After Donald Trump mockingly commented on her husband’s absence from the campaign trail at a Saturday rally, former Republican South Carolina Governor and perpetual second place finisher Nikki Haley defended her spouse who’s on deployment with the Army National Guard and recalled Trump’s persistent insults to veterans and people serving in the military.

USA Today reports Trump mocked Michael Haley’s absence at a rally in Haley’s home state.  “She comes over to see me at Mar-a-Lago – ‘sir, I will never run against you’ … She brought her husband,” Trump said.  “Where’s your husband? … Oh, he’s away … He’s away … What happened to her husband? What happened to her husband?! Where is he?! … He’s gone! He knew! He knew!”

“If you mock the service of a combat veteran, you don’t deserve a driver’s license, let alone being president of the United States,” Haley said at a campaign stop in Gilbert, SC, in preparation for the February 24th primary.  Trump has a well-known history of mocking those who died in uniform, were injured or taken prisoner calling those who served “suckers” and “losers.”  Trump himself received a questionable medical deferment for a likely falsified diagnosis of bone spurs when he was drafted during the Vietnam War.

Fat former President Trump will take the stage in Klanston or Methville or whatever the town is called in South Carolina shortly, just minutes after posting a demand that Senate Republicans cut off aid to Israel, writing “FROM THIS POINT FORWARD, ARE YOU LISTENING US SENATE(?), NO MONEY IN THE FORM OF FOREIGN AID SHOULD BE GIVEN TO ANY COUNTRY UNLESS IT IS DONE AS A LOAN, NOT JUST A GIVEAWAY. IT CAN BE LOANED ON EXTRAORDINARILY GOOD TERMS, LIKE NO INTEREST AND AN UNLIMITED LIFE, BUT A LOAN NEVERTHELESS. THE DEAL SHOULD BE (CONTINGENT!) THAT THE US IS HELPING YOU, AS A NATION, BUT IF THE COUNTRY WE ARE HELPING EVER TURNS AGAINST US, OR STRIKES IT RICH SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE, THE LOAN WILL BE PAID OFF AND THE MONEY RETURNED TO THE UNITED STATES. WE SHOULD NEVER GIVE MONEY ANYMORE WITHOUT THE HOPE OF A PAYBACK, OR WITHOUT ‘STRINGS’ ATTACHED. THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA SHOULD BE ‘STUPID’ NO LONGER!”