An envelope containing white powder was delivered to Donald Trump, Jr.’s home in Jupiter, Florida on Monday, apparently without a phone call from the podcaster and Kimberly Guilfoyle boytoy to his local delivery service, the Daily Beast reports.  Junior opened an envelope he received in the mail and a white powder, which Junior said was not his, came out of the envelope.  Junior called authorities and the local hazmat team responded.

Republican Arizona Senate candidate and Governor in Neverland Kari Lake is scheduled to attend a fundraiser Thursday hosted by a couple who have continued to share their beliefs in the QAnon conspiracy theories online, the Arizona Republic reports.  The event will be the second fundraiser hosted by a QAnon-affiliated host this month Lake will headline; Politico reports she attended one hosted by a different QAnon couple on February 2nd.

Clinging on to a conspiracy that is so 2016, Lake will be joined by GOP Wyoming Senator John Barrasso at the event hosted by Monica and Brad Litle.  A Truth Social account linked to Monica Litle posted last summer, “This really is the entire lynchpin of everything from the Devolution Theory to the Q Op and the Great Awakening itself.  Either Donald Trump considered himself a Wartime President, and acted accordingly to root out a Deep State Globalist Insurgency, while defending from foreign subversion, or he did not.  If you believe the former, you understand Donald Trump. If you believe the latter, you do not.”

Earlier Monday, the account posted how “the Narrative Pillar of the Deep State’s System of Systems” which [superficial logic brought on by a lobotomy inserted here] leads to “the absurd push of anti-Putin, anti-Russia western propaganda, as Ukrainian Gen. Kyrylo Budanov has rebuked the MSM’s conspiratorial theorizing re: Navalny.”

Stopping for ice cream in Manhattan on Monday, President Joe Biden told White House pool reporters that the “national security advisor tells me that we’re close, we’re close, we’re not done yet. My hope is by next Monday we’ll have a ceasefire,” per Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman.

While the economy and job creation outperform the previous administration’s and US influence on the world stage continues to recover from the Time of Trump Tantrums, lame-duck Republican Colorado Congressman Ken Buck called on Vice President Kamala Harris to invoke the 25th Amendment to remove President Joe Biden from office, Politico reports.

An opponent to the effort to impeach Biden because he says he didn’t see sufficient evidence, Buck’s resolution says things like “speaking in an incoherent and indiscernible manner” and has tripped up the stairs leading to Air Force One–yes, Buck thinks stumbling is enough to oust a President from Office–should force Harris to call a meeting of Cabinet officials to declare Biden unfit.

Trump moves to keep Stormy Daniels, Michael Cohen from testifying in DA Bragg case | Just The News https://t.co/YNa8rYzgG5

— John Solomon (@jsolomonReports) February 26, 2024

Iconic insurrectionist Jacob “QAnon Shaman” Chansley was treated as an honored guest of far right extremist Arizona state Senator Anthony Kern in the Capitol building in Phoenix last week, allowed to access certain areas not typically open to the public, the Arizona Mirror reports.

“I was looking at [Kern’s] guests and thinking ‘wow that guy looks familiar,'” said Dem state Senator Priya Sundareshan, who had seen Chansley around outside the state Capitol holding a sign saying “Q SENT ME!” before he became the face of the US Capitol riot. “I hope we don’t see a whole parade of others coming but he is, of course, the most prominent symbol,” Sundareshan said.

Chansley, currently running as the Libertarian candidate in Arizona’s 8th Congressional District, then testified at a state Senate Appropriations Committee meeting for some fucking reason.

“A young man has reportedly just been arrested in Moscow in connection with an attempted assassination of Tucker Carlson. According to reporter Simon Ateba, the man who has been arrested was reportedly being paid by Ukrainian intelligence to plant an explosive device in a vehicle used by Tucker while he was there to interview Russian President Vladimir Putin.”

“A video has just been released showing a 35-yr-old man by the name of Vasiliev Pyotr Alexeieovich, who claims he was ordered by the Main Directorate of Intelligence of the Ukraine Ministry of Defense in November 2023 to take an explosive device to the parking garage of the Four Seasons Hotel in Moscow and place it under the vehicle used to transport Tucker Carlson. Mr Alexeievich claims he was going to be paid $4,000 for completing the task of attaching the explosive device to Carlson’s vehicle, but he was detained in the planning process. Near the end of the videotaped confession, the stone-faced alleged criminal admits his target was ‘American journalist Tucker Carlson’ and says, ‘I’m sorry for what I did,'” the Gateway Pundit reports.

Copied that verbatim because that’s the amount of effort it deserves. Just really think for a second what it would look like if there really was reliable evidence that Ukraine attempted and failed to assassinate Tucker Carlson. Really think about how it would look to the mainstream media and the Biden Administration if the Ukrainians got caught trying to kill an American.

Mississippi Congressman Michael Guest’s 20 year-old son, Michael “Patton” Guest, is in trouble after throwing a beer at a cop from the roof of MAGA country star Jason Aldean’s bar in downtown Nashville on Friday night, ScoopNashville.com reports. The article uses the words “plastic cup” and then “glass” twice to describe the receptacle that Guest Jr dropped onto the cop’s foot unprompted but either way he’s charged with assaulting a police officer and underage drinking.

“Waking up to calls from two US congressmen[R] wasn’t how I planned to start my Saturday. No, I can’t help that your teen kid did some dumb shit in Nashville overnight and got a mugshot. Also, no, having MY congressman[R] call me on your behalf won’t help, he’s also an asshole,” tweeted Scoop Nashville editor Jason Steen before posting he posted the article on Monday. Not clear if he was joking or if they were really were leaning on him to “help” by killing the story.

Much of MAGA Twitter is reacting poorly to the rollout of Google’s new Gemini AI chatbot assistant something, but being the principled journalists we are, we couldn’t just take right wing incel podcaster Tim Pool’s word for it when he claims “Gemini has posted tons of lies about me and has accused many others of serious shit like abusing kids” and other rants about its alleged anti-conservative bias. We had to go straight to the source… And holy shit they weren’t lying.

A California federal judge on Monday denied pretrial release to Republican political consultant and Russian disinformation propagator Alex Smirnov, the Washington Post’s Meg Cunliff reports.

“Crooked Joe Biden’s Border INVASION is destroying our country and killing our citizens! The horrible murder of 22-year-old Laken Riley at the University of Georgia should have NEVER happened! The monster who took her life illegally entered our Country in 2022… and then was released AGAIN by Radical Democrats in New York after injuring a CHILD!! When I am your President, we will immediately Seal the Border, Stop the Invasion, and on Day One, we will begin the largest deportation operation of illegal CRIMINALS in American History! May God Bless Laken Riley and her family!!! Our prayers are with you!” writes fat former President Trump on Truth Social, seizing upon the tragic murder of Georgia nursing student Laken Riley for political gain as we expected he would.

On Saturday former Trump 20216 campaign aide AJ Delgado, a now single mom who quit after longtime Trump adviser Jason Miller knocked her up and then tried to serve her a smoothie made out of abortion pills, anticipated this, writing that it “seems *TRUMP* is the one to blame, if anyone is other than, you know, the murderer. You see, on his way out the door in January 2021, one of the last things Trump did was carve out a special category for Venezuelas, same as Cubans.”

“WHY did he do this? Simple. For years, the Right has cast Venezuelans as particularly ‘sympatico’ [because] they are ‘fleeing socialism.’ So there a big demand, esp from R’s in Florida, to allow tons of Venezuelans to come and give them protection [because] they are socialism victims… Can you say it’s the Dems’ fault? Sure. Is it also Trump’s’ fault? Sure. But I think it’s worse for Trump [because] the reason Trump did it was [because] he owed favors to rich Venezuelans in [Florida]. And that is the problem [with] Trump – he goes against his duty, to curry favor/repay favors.”

Continuing the Beijing-esque choreographed shuffling of posts at the commands of the Supreme Leader of the Party, Republican National Committee co-chair Drew McKissick on Monday followed in his failed boss Ronna Not-Romney McDaniels’s footsteps toward failure and rejection by resigning from his post, making way for the Supreme Leader’s inexperienced daughter-in-law Lara Trump to take the spot early next month, the Charleston Post and Courier reports.

McKissick, who also currently serves as the South Carolina state Republican Party chair and supposedly will continue in that post, said in a statement he is “willing to put self aside for the sake of building a team and focusing on winning is a big part of being successful” and pledged “to do anything that I can to work together and make that a reality.” We will update this story if and when Lara Trump hands McKissick a bushido blade and started explaining the history of the sacred ritual that Imperial Japanese military officers would commit to atone for failures of leadership.

We fucked up late last month when we reported that Turkey’s parliament was the final holdout among NATO members to ratify Sweden’s membership to the defense bloc when in fact Hungary was at that point still to approve the bid. It’s a moot point now as the AP reports that Budapest on Monday finally caved against the wishes of Vladdy Daddy’s Killer Kremlin Krew and gave the go-ahead for IKEAstan to become the 32nd NATO member, nearly a year after neighboring Finland, which had began the process simultaneously with Sweden, was accepted.

President Joe Biden will pay a visit to the border city of Brownsville, Texas on Thursday, paralleling a disruption by fat former President Trump somewhere also along the frontier with Mexico the same day, location still to be determined by his campaign, Bloomberg’s Jennifer Jacobs reports.

“Pursuant to CPLR §§ 5511 and 5515, Defendants President Donald J Trump, Donald Trump, Jr, Eric Trump, Allen Weisselberg, Jeffrey McConney, the Donald J Trump Revocable Trust, the Trump Organization, Inc, the Trump Organization LLC, DJT Holdings LLC, DJT Holdings Managing Member, Trump Endeavor 12 LLC, 401 North Wabash Venture LLC, Trump Old Post Office LLC, 40 Wall Street LLC, and Seven Springs LLC (‘Defendants’) hereby appeal to the Appellate Division, First Department, from the Decision and Order After Non-Jury Trial by Hon Arthur F Engoron, JSC, dated February 16, 2024 (NYSCEF Doc No 1688), and duly entered in the above-captioned action by the Clerk of the Supreme Court, County of New York on February 16, 2024, and served by Notice of Entry on February 16, 2024, which found all Defendants liable under the second, third, fourth, fifth, and seventh causes of action and Defendants Allen Weisselberg and Jeffrey McConney liable under the sixth cause of action, directed the Clerk to enter judgment in favor of the Plaintiff in the principal sum of $363,894,816.00, and ordered injunctive relief. This appeal is taken from each and every part of the Order insofar as Defendants are aggrieved,” says the notice of appeal from Team Orange of the nearly half-billion beatdown they took. Note the “President” and “Non-Jury Trial,” lol.

It’s not clear what, if anything, the fat fuck has been able to do so far to secure financing for the appeal or if it was required to be lined up for them to file this notice of the appeal.

Fox Business News morning host Maria Bartiromo wasn’t in a very sugar-coaty mood this morning, breaking the balls of MAGA Congressworms Warren Davidson and Claudia Tenney about their failures to deliver to the base on matters of the border and “election integrity” in this two-fer of clips.

New York Times polling egghead Nate Cohn on Monday took a look at fat former President Trump’s support few primary contests so far versus his polling and is starting to perceive that something may be off, writing that “with Mr Trump faring well in early general election polls against President Biden, even a modest Trump underperformance in the polls is worth some attention.”

After a whole bunch of nerd talk, Cohn gets to the good part of the nerd talk with “Once other explanations are ruled out, then we’re left with the possibility that there’s an unobserved bias in the data. That’s mostly because nonresponse theories usually don’t have any clear evidence on their behalf, which is the case here as well… There is one reason the anti-Trump turnout might have relevance for general election polling: It’s consistent with other data showing Mr Biden with the edge among the most highly engaged voters. This could yield a slight turnout advantage, even in a general election. It may also mean that the current polls of all registered voters slightly underestimate Mr Biden compared with the narrower group of actual voters. This wouldn’t mean the polls today are vastly underestimating Mr Biden, but it could make the difference in a close election.”

OMG WELCOME TO THE #RESISTANCE NATE COHN! HE’S FINALLY MAYBE NOT A TOTAL FUCKING DICK ANYMORE! WE MIGHT EVEN TAKE BACK SOME OF THE SHADE WE THREW AT HIM!

Stressing the importance of staying on the wagon during this election year in which the MAGA circlejerkers would thrill to him tumbling off, professional-ish artist Hunter Biden tells Axios he’s going to do his damndest to avoid fiend intemperance during a stressful period.

“Most importantly, you have to believe that you’re worth the work, or you’ll never be able to get sober. But I often do think of the profound consequences of failure here. Maybe it’s the ultimate test for a recovering addict – I don’t know. I have always been in awe of people who have stayed clean and sober through tragedies and obstacles few people ever face. They are my heroes, my inspiration,” said Hunter, not really naming these people, but whatever. “I have something much bigger than even myself at stake. We are in the middle of a fight for the future of democracy,” he added, hinting that a bad relapse could affect his father’s morale and focus on the task at hand.

“The Very Strict Rules and Regulations of the Department of Injustice STATE CLEARLY that you can’t prosecute a Political Opponent, or anyone, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS/HER CAMPAIGN. Why didn’t they bring these FAKE Charges THREE YEARS AGO? That would have solved all of their problems. (The answer is that they AIMED for the various trials to come up during my campaign for President, 2024!). This includes DOJ subservient ‘subsidiaries’ like local DA and AG Offices. In other words, all of these FAKE POLITICAL PROSECUTIONS (PERSECUTIONS!) OF CROOKED JOE BIDEN’S POLITICAL OPPONENT MUST BE IMMEDIATELY HALTED!” posted fat former President Trump early Monday, getting a head start on an unproductive day of complaining after having slept like, at most, four and half hours going by the timestamps of the prior posts on his Truth Social feed.

The “they AIMED for the various trials to come up during my campaign for President” is especially rich given that he did almost literally everything possible to delay these cases, going all the way to the Supreme Court repeatedly, dragged out the Carroll case for nearly five years, the Trump Organization case for nearly six years, fucking sued the government after the FBI raided Mar-a-Lago and slowed down that investigation for like five months, and is currently blocking the DC coup conspiracy case from going to trial right now, and on and on. So really it’s his fault that he’s facing this shitstorm during an election year. Much of it could’ve been over with already.

“AMERICAN’S FOR NO PROSPERITY HAVE JUST STATED THAT HALEY HAS NO CHANCE TO WIN, AND THEY WILL STOP FUNDING HER CAMPAIGN, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. WHAT A WASTE OF MONEY!” Trump wrote in the next post. Lol at the grocer’s apostrophe in “AMERICAN’S.”

Failed Republican National Committee chairwoman Ronna Not-Romney McDaniel on Monday told the New York Times she will officially step down from her post on March 8th to make way for her successor, douchebag current North Carolina Republican Party Chairman Mike Whatley.

“I have decided to step aside at our spring training on March 8 in Houston to allow our nominee to select a chair of their choosing,” Ronna said in a statement. “The RNC has historically undergone change once we have a nominee, and it has always been my intention to honor that tradition. I remain committed to winning back the White House and electing Republicans up and down the ballot in November,” as if it’s a sign of success that she’s quitting in an election year.

“One key element of Ms McDaniel’s tenure that her allies point to is that, under her leadership, the RNC has not faced criminal charges or the kinds of expansive legal actions that have ensnared Mr Trump and those supporters who helped him try to stay in power after he lost the 2020 election to President Biden,” the Times’s Maggie Haberman literally wrote in the article. It’s technically true but slightly misleading given the possibility that Ronna herself could be looking at trouble for her involvement in pressuring a Detroit-area canvasser in November 2020 to vote against certifying the election and also fucking hilarious this is where the bar’s been set for “leadership” in today’s GOP.