A day after telling a federal judge overseeing her client’s defamation damages trial that she felt sick after being exposed to Covid, Donald Trump’s attorney Alina Habba was spotted celebrating Donald Trump’s slim victory over rival Nikki Haley in the New Hampshire primary, the Independent reports.

On Monday, Habba implored Judge Lewis Kaplan to suspend the trial–this one to determine how much Trump will pay to E. Jean Carroll for repeatedly defaming her; he already owes her $5 million–saying that she had been exposed to Covid by her positive-testing parents.  Claiming she felt a slight fever, Habba made this assertion in court sitting next to her septuagenarian client and co-counsel, without wearing a mask or taking any precautions to protect those around her.  After the announcement of the Covid exposure, Trump proceeded to leave to campaign in New Hampshire.

MSNBC commentator Lisa Rubin reported spotting Habba circulating among the crowd at the Trump victory party on Tuesday night.  Habba’s ploy postponed further hearings in this Carroll case until Thursday.

pic.twitter.com/blHVnzUtGa

— Eric Trump (@EricTrump) January 24, 2024

Let he who is with a record of supporting a presidential candidate who lost an election and then declared victory anyway cast the first stone as it’s not like a bastardized proverb will stop him.

A fringe candidate known as “Vermin Supreme,” birth name unknown, who WGBH describes as “running on a platform that includes free ponies for all Americans, time travel research and using zombies to create energy by harnessing ‘the latest in hamster wheel technology,'” won more than twice as many votes in Tuesday’s Dem New Hampshire primary than Texas businessman and Evangelical pastor Ryan Binkley, who spent at least $8 million on his campaign, did on the GOP side.

Mr Supreme’s campaign theme of mandatory toothbrushing laws, “because gingivitis has been eroding the country’s gum line for long enough and must be stopped,” won over at least 639 Granite State voters, whilst Binkley’s platform of restoring America as a “lamppost of freedom at home and throughout the world,” was only good enough for 265 voters at 91 percent of precincts reporting.

Binkley can however take a victory lap in having outperformed other Dem primary candidates such as “Paperboy Prince” (220 votes), “President Boddie” (94 votes), and “Star Locke” (26 votes). The Texan even edged out higher name ID Republicans such as Senator Tim Scott (166 votes), North Dakota Governor Doug Burgum (158 votes), and former Arkansas Governor Asa Hutchinson (98 votes), though Binkley fell short of former Vice President Mike Pence’s 353 vote finish.

Making it clear to Missouri Governor Mike Parson that convicted double murderer Brian Dorsey isn’t that bad of a guy once you get to know him, more than 60 corrections officers and staff in the Show Me State’s prison system signed onto a letter seeking clemency for the death row inmate who is currently scheduled to die by lethal injection on April 9th, the Associated Press reports.

“We are part of the law enforcement community who believe in law and order. Generally, we believe in the use of capital punishment,” they wrote, which was a good qualifier to help sell it. “But we are in agreement that the death penalty is not the appropriate punishment for Brian Dorsey.”

Dorsey was convicted in the 2006 murder of his cousin Sarah Bonnie, and her husband, Ben Bonnie under unclear circumstances and motive. No one from the Bonnie family have stepped up to speak out against the execution, though Jenni Gerhauser, a mutual cousin, is publicly opposed.

It’s not like she was “neutral” before Tuesday, but at least she pretended that it was a race by putting on all those stupid, pointless debates. Might as well cling tight to the Orange Fatass.

Wednesday morning’s edition of Politico Playbook includes a pretty funny excerpt from Michael Isikoff and Daniel Klaidmanin’s upcoming book titled “Find Me the Votes: A Hard-Charging Georgia Prosecutor, a Rogue President, and the Plot to Steal an American Election.” Best to print it verbatim:

Recall that the very same special grand jury Lindsey had testified to ended up recommending he be indicted for calling Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger and asking him to find a way to toss legal ballots and hand the Peach State to Trump in November 2020 – something that Donald himself was recorded doing about a month and half later. It’s not clear whether Willis’s office had declined to charge him on the merits or if they thought it would be too much hassle to put him on trial given the Speech and Debate clause. Either way it’s pretty goddamned funny that a “cathartic” moment nearly got him charged with criminal conspiracy. And that he “threw Trump under the bus” before trying to get back in Donald’s good graces last year with an endorsement.

MAGA Virginian John McGuire tells Punchbowl News he’s going to fuck up incoming House Freedom Caucasians chair Bob Good’s world in their upcoming primary face-off after Good’s ill-advised endorsement of heels-wearing Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’s failed presidential campaign.

“Bob will stab Trump in the back again the first chance he gets. Never Trumper Bob Good is only good for Joe Biden, not for the patriots of Virginia’s 5th Congressional District,” said McGuire in a statement which is just – Jesus Christ, how the fuck is that guy “good for Joe Biden,” lol.

McGuire’s already been endorsed by Marjorie Taylor Greene, Texan Morgan Luttrell, Wisconsinite Derrick Van Orden, and former Interior Secretary/Congressman Ryan Zinke, so it’s probably only a matter of time before the Orange God Emperor does the same to punish the foolish apostate Good.

🚨SMOKING GUN: CNN has a New Hampshire voter who is voting for Nikki Haley in the GOP primary and will switch his vote to Joe Biden in the general election.

This is an OUTRAGE. This must be fixed immediately. pic.twitter.com/jcRb3gf4Sh

— Charlie Kirk (@charliekirk11) January 24, 2024

A lower percentage of people who voted in Tuesday’s New Hampshire Republican primary believe the 2020 election was improperly decided than those who voted in last week’s Iowa caucus, and more would abandon Trump if he gets convicted of a crime, according to exit polls reported by Reuters.

In Iowa, 64% of caucus-goers said Trump would still be fit to serve as President if convicted of a crime; in New Hampshire, that dropped to 54%.  Forty-one percent of New Hampshirites said Trump would be unfit, versus only 31% of Iowans.  The slightest of a majority, 51%, of New Hampshire GOP voters said Biden did not legitimately win the 2020 election, a still shockingly high number, but lower than the 65% of Iowa voters.

Amazingly, Democratic presidential longshot Dean Phillips himself makes an appearance during a Fox “News”–and yes, they earned those quotation marks–live shot after the 2024 New Hampshire primary in January.

Okay, you caught us: that’s not really Dean Phillips, but you’ve got to admit you weren’t sure we were kidding at first, were you? Fox finding the single Dean Phillips supporter in all of Manchester.  Phillips will end up losing to a write-in campaign for President Biden after the incumbent boycotted the primary.  It kinda goes to show you what kind of day it was for Fox’s preferred candidate, Donald Trump: He will only win New Hampshire by 12 percentage points, after boasting that he would win by 30 points.

Vengeful is the rejected autocrat:  Republicans in Florida state politics are reportedly fearing the Wrath of Ron DeSantis, de former presidential candidate whose inevitable fall was only a Wilhelm scream from being a total cliche, now that he’s re-engaged in the state he abandoned for the lush fields of Iowa in winter, Politico reports.

After getting whipped by Donald Trump and Nikki Haley on the campaign trail, DeSantis can now use his powers as governor to make those who supported his opponents regret their choices.  It wouldn’t be the first time:  In 2023, the then-head of the state Republican Party state Sen. Joe Gruters–famous Hedonist Christian Ziegler’s predecessor–discovered funding for projects he championed had been cut from the state budget, apparently by the governor using his line-item veto power.

Known for his magnanimity and sportsmanship, former President Trump is expected to deliver a victory speech praising the competitive spirit of his opponent and apologize for calling her “Nimbra.”

“These are fake numbers,” Republican Georgia Congresswoman and evidence that evolution takes eons for some Marjorie Taylor Greene asserts on a network that would never challenge her statements, kicking off 2024 Conspiracy Season.  “Nikki Haley does not have this much support.  She’s gonna come out and claim she’s rising in the polls.  All these fake news media people up here on this platform are going to claim that Nikki Haley is rising in the polls.  It’s a total, complete lie.  Absolute lie.  Tonight, Nikki Haley was defeated.  The problem is she’s gonna be dumb enough and she’s gonna be a fake candidate and she’s gonna keep going and we’re going tah destroy her in South Carolina.  It’s gonna be a comed– a complete humiliation.  I can’t wait to see it.”

A recording obtained by the Daily Mail appears to document an attempt to bribe Arizona Republican (no office to list) Kari Lake to stay out of the race for the state’s Senate seat by state Party chair Jeff DeWit.  Recorded last March, DeWit told Lake he was getting pressure from “back East” because Trump was going to lose and it was time to make way for other people.

“So the ask I got today from back East was: ‘Is there any companies out there or something that could just put her on the payroll to keep her out?’” DeWit asked Lake, who replied, “This is about defeating Trump and I think that’s a bad, bad thing for our country.”

DeWit went on to inquire if “there was a number–” he says before Lake cuts him off, saying “I can be bought? …This is not about money. It’s about our country.”  The Daily Mail does not say what steps it took to authenticate the recording other than having two people identify DeWit’s voice from the recording.

Fat former President Trump has defeated former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley in the New Hampshire Republican presidential primary, Cook Political Report’s Dave Wasserman projects.

The margin will ultimately determine how much this is over by, if Haley can hold the fat bastard to a single-digit win then she can hang on and drag this primary out until her home state.

President Joe Biden – as a write-in candidate – meanwhile also defeated assclown Congressman Dean Phillips and New Age weirdo Marianne Williamson on the Dem side, per Wasserman.

Jen O’Malley Dillon, President Joe Biden’s deputy chief of staff, and senior advisor Mike Donilon announced they’ll leave their White House positions next month to join the President’s re-election campaign, the Washington Post announced.  O’Malley Dillon will become campaign chair with Donilon as the campaign’s senior strategist.  O’Malley Dillon was Biden’s campaign manager when Biden beat Trump in 2020.

The shift signals Biden is listening to leaders in the Democratic Party.  In a meeting earlier this month, former President Barack Obama echoed the concerns of some pundits and strategists, telling Biden he needed to add more senior staff to his campaign to give his re-election effort more urgency.

“SO RIDICULOUS THAT DEMOCRATS AND INDEPENDENTS ARE ALLOWED TO VOTE IN THE REPUBLICAN PRIMARY, ESPECIALLY SINCE CROOKED JOE BIDEN HAS ABANDONED NEW HAMPSHIRE – BUT WORD IS WE ARE DOING REALLY WELL!!!” writes disgraced former Trump on Truth Social ahead of polls closing in New Hampshire, already starting to make excuses.

We’re not going to start crediting exit polls here, but some of the eggheads on the Twitters are saying the type of turnout seen so far just might be not so great for the Orange Screamsicle, whose team is reportedly already saying anything over 7 percent would be a big win, even though for days they’ve been saying 30 percent or more over Haley was their target to end this thing.

Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s fiancee Riley Roberts is reportedly a very average sized dude, which means he towers over this little shit Greg Gutfeld. Squeaky Greg ought to pray they don’t ever meet after this bit. Roberts would be well within his rights to fuck him up.

Still nagging DC Circuit Court Judge Tanya Chutkan to allow cameras in the courtroom – or at the very least an audio feed – of the disgraced former President Trump’s criminal conspiracy trial over his post-2020 election coup attempt, the coalition of media outlets pushing for access sent a supplemental to Chutkan on Tuesday asking why it was cool for the DC Circuit Court of Appeals to run audio of the recent interlocutory fights brought by the fat fuck but not in her courtroom, writing:

“Pending before this Court is the Media Coalition’s Application for Audiovisual Access (ECF 1) to the trial proceedings in United States v Trump. In opposing that Application, the Government asserts that it ‘is clearly foreclosed under Rule 53 of the Federal Rules of Criminal Procedure.’ The Media Coalition therefore respectfully submits, as supplemental authority, a Public Advisory that the DC Circuit issued regarding oral argument held on January 9, 2024 in United States v Trump.”

“The argument concerned Defendant Trump’s appeal from the denial of his motion to dismiss on the basis of presidential immunity, and as the Public Advisory notes, the DC Circuit ensured that ‘audio of the oral arguments [was] live streamed on the Court’s YouTube channel.’ That allowed, in real time, the public to hear and the press to report on a criminal proceeding of exceptional importance to the nation, including, inter alia, this extraordinary exchange between Trump’s counsel and Judge Florence Y Pan: [transcript of that asshole claiming Trump could send SEAL Team Six to kill his political enemies and it’d be legal as long as he wasn’t impeached and convicted in the Senate].”

North Dakota’s one and only Congressman Kelly Armstrong announced Tuesday he’s fucking off from Washington to go run for state governor now that Doug Burgum is fucking off from that job.

In our book leaving Congress to go run for statewide office back home is the same as simply retiring so our count of Republicans fucking off (or expelled) from the House thus term stands at 19.