Yemen’s Houthi rebels on Monday got a little too trigger happy and fired on a vessel in the Red Sea that was bound for Iran, the main backers of their pesky insurgency, the Associated Press reports.

“[We] will not hesitate to carry out more operations in retaliation to the Zionist crimes against our brothers in the Gaza Strip, as well as in response to the ongoing American-British aggression against our dear country,” Houthi military spokesman Brigadier General Yahya Saree said in a statement after the attack, not explaining at all why they would bite the hand that feeds.

It’s not clear if the vessel, the Marshall Islands-flagged, Greek-operated bulk carrier Star Iris was ever involved in supplying the Houthis, though probably not since the ship runs a private carrier route between Iran and Brazil. Still it’s hard to imagine the Iranians were happy with these fucking idiots nearly sinking a ship bound with deliveries for them no matter what it was carrying.

With a forecast calling for at least six inches of snow to fall across a region that hasn’t seen any real accumulation in more than two years, it’s clear Winter Storm Kitara could have a significant impact on turnout in Tuesday’s New York 3rd District special election as both candidates – Democratic former Congressman Tom Suozzi and MAGA-shy Republican Mazi Pilip – on Sunday nagged voters to show up on the final day of early voting ahead of Kitara’s ostentatious and flamboyant arrival.

CNN’s coverage of the race with “New York Democrats are worried about Tuesday’s special election. They have good reason to be” paints NY-03 as a toss-up jump-ball overtime thriller heavyweight bout that Democrats have good reason be extra worried about because crimeflation border crisis.

Meanwhile in the non-horserace circlejerk real world version of reality it is Suozzi’s to lose as even fucking fake-mainstream, pro-MAGA Emerson College polls last week found Suozzi leading Pilip 52 to 48 percent among likely voters while actual mainstream pollster Siena College found the same delta at Suozzi 48 to 44 percent. Trump leads Biden 47 to 42 percent in the same sample.

Dem elections geek Tom Bonier reports that registered D turnout was +11 percent over registered Republicans in the early in-person vote and +29 percent in mail-in ballots, better than the +7.8 and +26 they managed in 2022. A reply from Princeton political science geek Sam Wang sounds a note of caution given Cameo star George Santos’s +7.5 percent win in 2022, which is about the only indicator we have that’s maybe, possibly working in Mazi Pilip’s favor right about now.

Kitara looms large over election day however, even as the snow gives way mid-afternoon to a slushy mess on the ground that those who haven’t already voted may be hesitant to trudge through.

Like The Weather Channel does of its own initiative for no discernible purpose whatsoever, National Zero’s editors refer to winter storms that hit the NYC area by non-canonical names of our own choosing – such as “Kitara.” Those Weather Channel assclowns are calling this one “Lorraine,” lol.

“Deschutes County Health Services has confirmed a case of human plague in a local resident. The individual was likely infected by their symptomatic pet cat. ‘All close contacts of the resident and their pet have been contacted and provided medication to prevent illness,’ said Dr. Richard Fawcett, Deschutes County Health Officer. Symptoms of plague usually begin in humans two to eight days after exposure to an infected animal or flea. These symptoms may include a sudden onset of fever, nausea, weakness, chills, muscle aches, and/or visibly swollen lymph nodes called buboes.”

“If not diagnosed early, bubonic plague can progress to septicemic plague (bloodstream infection) and/or pneumonic plague (lung infection). These forms of plague are more severe and difficult to treat. Fortunately, this case was identified and treated in the earlier stages of the disease, posing little risk to the community. No additional cases of plague have emerged during the communicable disease investigation. According to Oregon Health Authority, plague is rare in Oregon, with the last case reported in 2015. It spreads to humans or animals through a bite from an infected flea or by contact with an animal sick with the disease. The most common animals to carry plague in Central Oregon are squirrels and chipmunks, but mice and other rodents can also carry the disease,” says a news release from the Deschutes County, Oregon Department of Health Services.

Sources tell NBC News President Joe Biden is getting increasingly sick of Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu’s bullshit, privately calling the corrupt and failed leader of the Jewish state an “asshole” and referring to him derisively as “this guy,” though at this point the president believes it would be “counterproductive” to go after “Bibi” publicly. So this was probably a sanctioned leak designed to put the asshole on notice and the pain is incoming. We would like to think that, at least.

Waymo Vehicle surrounded and then graffiti’d, windows were broken, and firework lit on fire inside the vehicle which ultimately caught the entire vehicle on fire. #SFFD
Photos by Séraphine Hossenlopp pic.twitter.com/aOTqL3Rk8V

— SAN FRANCISCO FIRE DEPARTMENT MEDIA (@SFFDPIO) February 11, 2024

Just to clear up any potential confusion: This was a Chinese New Year celebration that got out of hand, not any outrage over the 49ers losing the Super Bowl, as the torching was 18-ish hours earlier.

Like you needed any further evidence that fat former President Trump was more or less immediately going to piss away whatever “advantage” the Hur report gave him (even as it said he clearly committed a crime) by saying something deranged, Politico Playbook’s Monday morning edition has sort-of rival Nikki Haley and House Intel Committee Chairman Mike Turner on record with just that.

Trump telling his cultists that Russia should be able to do “whatever the hell they want” to NATO allies “should send a chill up everyone’s spine,” Haley told Playbook, adding that the problem isn’t just that it’s “wrong” and that the Orange God Emperor is “lacking moral clarity,” it’s that “the kind of comment that makes Joe Biden look clear-headed. This is what makes Joe Biden look sane.”

Turner naturally didn’t go as far given the Orange Messiah could crush him like an insect. Still he was just as clear about the need to commit to Ukraine. “We have to get this done. This is no longer an issue of, ‘When do we support Ukraine?’ If we do not move, this will be abandoning Ukraine,” Turner told Playbook, adding that supposedly Jesus dork Speaker Mike Johnson will “bring it to the floor.”

“Special counsel prosecutors have produced to Donald Trump a sealed exhibit about threats to a potential trial witness after the federal judge overseeing his prosecution for retaining classified documents ordered the exhibit turned over despite the prosecutors’ objections, people familiar with the matter said,” the Guardian reports, which we copied verbatim as to not mince the meaning of it.

The motion by Smith’s team was the one they filed under seal last week because the witness had been receiving threats via social media – threats that are now the subject of a separate federal investigation. The whole thing was pretty puzzling because you would think that it wouldn’t be really Smith’s jurisdiction if some rando MAGA asshole had been threatening, say, a Mar-a-Lago employee suspected of flipping on Trump, which to us at least indicated that the person issuing the threats was actually someone associated with Donald. Now from the Guardian’s reporting it seems that Cannon is actually endangering them by giving the fat bastard’s defense team their identity.

Just like we drew it up. pic.twitter.com/9NBvc5nVZE

— Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) February 12, 2024

In the seventh-longest Super Bowl game in NFL history, the Kansas City franchise whose Pro Bowl tight end is dating America’s pop star princess won the team representing Nancy Pelosi’s district in a game that will be a question on Jeopardy! in seven years.  It’s all part of the plan.

As the Big Duper Nacho Bowl heads into halftime, the only mildly-political thing of note–besides the expected implosion of conservative heads for the performance of “Lift Every Voice and Sing”–was an commercial run by the campaign of Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., which recycled content and tunes from a 1960 JFK campaign ad.  We’re spotlighting the JFK ad because we no anti-science.

Drumroll please…. and the winner of the MVP Award for #PuppyBowl XX is Moosh!

He did the impossible and helped win his team the game 🥇 See more of our MVP at https://t.co/y68ZJqPdmI pic.twitter.com/bvTyH44cci

— Animal Planet (@AnimalPlanet) February 11, 2024

Two off-duty police officers working as security guards at the Houston megachurch operated by television host Joel Osteen shot and killed a woman who opened fire with a “long gun” she snuck into the building on Sunday under a trenchcoat, the Associated Press reports.

Accompanied by a child believed to be around five years old, the woman entered the church between programs, which a total of up to 45,000 people will attend on a weekend.  The child was also wounded in the exchange of gunfire and was taken to a local hospital for treatment.

Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin, who spend the Christmas holiday season hospitalized without anyone knowing, has been admitted to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center with an unspecified bladder issue, NBC News reports.  The condition is not believed to be serious, and the Pentagon said Austin will be equipped with communications and material needed to carry out his duties.

BREAKING: Police responding to reported shooting at Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church in Houston https://t.co/rpqr3e4lZH

— Fox News (@FoxNews) February 11, 2024

“Under my administration, the United States of America has stood shoulder to shoulder with our allies to build a NATO alliance that is bigger and stronger than ever and stands in defense of democracy against Vladimir Putin’s authoritarian aggression. America’s leadership on the world stage and support for our allies is critical to keeping the American people safe here at home. If my opponent, Donald Trump, is able to regain power, he is making it clear as day that he will abandon our NATO allies if Russia attacks and allow Russia to ‘do whatever the hell they want’ with them.”

“Serving as Commander-in-Chief is the ultimate responsibility and one that should weigh heavily on the individuals that hold this office. Donald Trump’s admission that he intends to give Putin a greenlight for more war and violence, to continue his brutal assault against a free Ukraine, and to expand his aggression to the people of Poland and the Baltic States are appalling and dangerous. Sadly, they are also predictable coming from a man who is promising to rule as a dictator like the ones he praises on day one if he returns to the oval office. As you’ve heard me say, freedom and democracy itself are on the ballot in November, and I am running for reelection to make sure that they endure” says President Joe Biden in a campaign statement responding to fat former President Trump encouraging Russia to “do whatever the hell they want” to NATO allies in Europe.

The US Senate on Sunday advanced the $95.3 billion in foreign aid to Israel, Taiwan, and Ukraine with at least 66 yes votes, minus all the border shit that Republicans said was so important. The bill’s final passage in the chamber and then its prospects in the House remain uncertain, however Dems and “moderate” Republicans are already planning a discharge petition to maneuver around Jesus dork Speaker Mike Johnson if and when he blocks the bill from getting to the floor.

“I signed and was responsible for the Music Modernization Act for Taylor Swift and all other Musical Artists. Joe Biden didn’t do anything for Taylor, and never will. There’s no way she could endorse Crooked Joe Biden, the worst and most corrupt President in the History of our Country, and be disloyal to the man who made her so much money. Besides that, I like her boyfriend, Travis, even though he may be a Liberal, and probably can’t stand me!” is seriously what fat Donald just posted.

pic.twitter.com/0V3geg6ETc

— DC_Draino (@DC_Draino) February 10, 2024

Weird how the 49ers, representing a city associated with rampant drug use and shoplifting and sexual deviancy by the right is now “Team Jesus.” But whatever. Team Soros rules.

Madagascar’s parliament last week approved a bill mandating convicted child sex offenders to be punished via castration – chemical if the victim is over 14, surgical if under 10, and either if the victim is between 10 and 13 – the AP reports on a crackdown on pedophilia in a country where its rampant.

“Madagascar is a sovereign country which has the right to modify its laws in relation to circumstances and in the general interest of the people. The current penal code has not been enough to curb the perpetrators of these offenses,” said Justice Minister Landy Mbolatiana Randriamanantenasoa, who told the AP that there were 133 child sex cases in January alone.

Just going to throw this out there but maybe it’d be a good idea to put a little higher of a burden of proof to the sentencing guidelines as well as make sure that people are aware of the consequences of the crime. Like posters saying “Attracted to minors? Think twice before you lose your balls.”

When asked last week whether she voted for fat former President Trump, New York 3rd District Santos replacement candidate Mazi Pilip mumbled some shit to CNN’s Manu Raju that sounded sort of like “It happened three years ago, I wasn’t even an elected official.” On Saturday however Pilip told the New York Post she “proudly” voted for the Orange God Emperor in 2020.

Probably not going to be enough to get the Gateway Pundit to retract their article saying “In addition to being a registered Democrat who does not perceive anything wrong with the weaponization of the justice system against Donald Trump, Pilip is married to a Ukrainian national” and “even if [Dem former Congressman Tom] Suozzi loses, Mazi is still a registered Democrat who makes no pretenses about her disdain for President Trump. So House Republicans are poised to lose a seat either way.”