Fanboy Missouri Congressman Mark Alford is just dripping with love and praise for the “stamina” his Orange God Emperor is displaying by going to a courtroom in Manhattan less than 12 hours after spending days campaigning in Iowa, seeing it as a “stark contrast” with Joe Biden.

He’s not wrong. Biden didn’t rape a woman in a department store dressing room in the 1990s and then get sued twice in two separate jurisdictions for that assault and defamation for repeatedly publicly claiming she was lying about it. Not sure if that makes Joe “feckless” or “flailing” though.

“Can you believe I have to defend myself against this woman’s fake story?!” writes disgraced former President Trump on Truth Social just minutes before he arrived in the courtroom to face a damages-only defamation trial from writer EJ Carroll, whom a jury under New York State law already determined he had sexually abused circa 1995 and then defamed when he said she was lying about it. Then a judge determined Trump had raped Carroll and found that she had already prevailed on the merits of the federal defamation case. So it’ll probably be pretty ugly for the fat bastard.

After Trump had taken his seat in the courtroom, someone on his social media team started posting a string of screencaps of old sex-related tweets by Carroll about sex, as if it matters to the jury.

“As she campaigns in New Hampshire, Nikki Haley challenged Donald Trump to stop hiding and start debating. ‘We’ve had five great debates in this campaign,’ Nikki Haley said. ‘Unfortunately, Donald Trump has ducked all of them. He has nowhere left to hide. The next debate I do will either be with Donald Trump or with Joe Biden. I look forward to it,'” says a press release from Team Haley.

Ooh that’ll show him. Nothing like challenging a guy to a fight he won’t show up for because he just beat you by 32 percent and has absolutely nothing to lose by avoiding it. Also a real sign of confidence from Haley that she still has a chance in New Hampshire which, if you believe some polls but not others she definitely does… provided her third place finish in Iowa doesn’t sap whatever “momentum” she may or may not have going into the Granite State’s primary next week.

On that note, American Research Group just put out a poll finding Trump and Haley tied at 40 percent each in New Hampshire, the first from any pollster with the two of them even. The problem for Haley however is that it was sampled before Monday and also found Vivek Ramaswamy at 4 percent, all of which would almost certainly go to Trump. Another 9 percent were still undecided.

A picture worth a thousand words:

"There is no God", says the tattoo.

And indeed, for the unholy Kiev regime, neo-Nazis & their warmongering Western sponsors, nothing is sacred.

Hence, the PR stunts on the bones, persecution of Orthodox Christians & murders of journalists, etc pic.twitter.com/1U0it6nmoE

— MFA Russia 🇷🇺 (@mfa_russia) January 16, 2024

Someone’s getting thrown out of a window for this photoshop fail… Or at least not writing the tweet to say Zelensky has a body double with the same “Anti-Christian” tattoo on his hand.

US Central Command press release: “On 11 January 2024, while conducting a flag verification, US CENTCOM Navy forces conducted a night-time seizure of a dhow conducting illegal transport of advanced lethal aid from Iran to resupply Houthi forces in Yemen as part of the Houthis’ ongoing campaign of attacks against international merchant shipping. US Navy SEALs operating from USS Lewis B Puller (ESB 3), supported by helicopters and unmanned aerial vehicles (UAVs), executed a complex boarding of the dhow near the coast of Somalia in international waters of the Arabian Sea, seizing Iranian-made ballistic missile and cruise missiles components. Seized items include propulsion, guidance, and warheads for Houthi medium range ballistic missiles (MRBMs) and anti-ship cruise missiles (ASCMs), as well as air defense associated components.”

“Initial analysis indicates these same weapons have been employed by the Houthis to threaten and attack innocent mariners on international merchant ships transiting in the Red Sea. This is the first seizure of lethal, Iranian-supplied advanced conventional weapons (ACW) to the Houthis since the beginning of Houthi attacks against merchant ships in November 2023. The interdiction also constitutes the first seizure of advanced Iranian-manufactured ballistic missile and cruise missile components by the US Navy since November 2019. The direct or indirect supply, sale, or transfer of weapons to the Houthis in Yemen violates UN Security Resolution 2216 and international law.”

National Zero scored a huge victory Tuesday with our liberation from having to write articles about the goddamned Iowa caucuses and the weather and all that shit now that, as expected, fat former President Trump defeated his rivals handily, though with reduced turnout and a slim 51 percent majority, having captured just about 5,000 more votes than Ted Cruz did it 2016.

“Thank you for your support,” silver medalist in Iowa Ron DeSantis shouts like he’s talking to a nursing home’s Nonagenarian Club.  “You helped us get a ticket punched out of the Hawkeye State.  We have a lot of work to do.  I can tell you this:  as the next president of the United States, I am gonna get the job done for this country.”  Ah, Ron, you came in second; you didn’t get the job done in Iowa.

Speaking of not getting the job done in Iowa, here is dilettante candidate Vivek Ramaswamy announcing he’s suspending his campaign because he has rightly assessed “there’s no path for me to be the next president absent things that we don’t want to see happen in this country.”  Things we don’t want to see happen, like Vivek Ramaswamy ever seriously thinking he has enough support to be President of the United States.

With about 90% of the votes in Iowa tallied according to the Associated Press, one-time mini-Trump Ron DeSantis appears to have locked up the runner-up position in the Republican caucus, edging out former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley, who has been concentrating most of her effort in next week’s New Hampshire primary.

DeSantis will finish with around 21% of the vote to Haley’s 19%; both trail Trump’s 51%.  DeSantis spent a lot of time and effort in Iowa, including overtly visiting all 99 of the state’s counties.  Finishing in a virtual tie for second with Haley denies DeSantis any momentum.

And finally, it is my pleasure to announce that annoying bro candidate Vivek Ramaswamy has suspended his campaign, according to NBC News.  ‘Bout time.

President Trump’s team that he has put together is truly world-class,” ghoul Stephen Miller declares on Fox propaganda network.  “Let’s not mince words, Sean:  this is a thunderous victory tonight.”   The so-called “thunderous victory” showed nearly half of the voters in the Iowa caucus voted against the Party’s past president who’s running as an intraparty incumbent.  The base isn’t turning out for Trump in Iowa; half of the Party wants someone else.

“DeSantis Campaign Statement on the Media’s Election Interference DES MOINES, Iowa – The DeSantis campaign released the following statement: ‘It is absolutely outrageous that the media would participate in election interference by calling the race before tens of thousands of Iowans even had a chance to vote. The media is in the tank for Trump and this is the most egregious example yet,'” says a clearly fucking pissed DeSantis Comms Director Andrew Romeo.

Always great to be blaming the media for your own failures. Must really help ease the pain and anguish, even if he might be kind of onto something with them being “in the tank for Trump.”

“CNN’s projected Trump is going to win,” Asa Hutchinson says, leaning over and whispering to his staffer, looking at his phone in the back of this Clive precinct. https://t.co/fTRtSRiuOW pic.twitter.com/rpU3Z8OS8k

— Natalie Allison (@natalie_allison) January 16, 2024

This photo of former Arkansas Gove Asa Hutchinson and six others shows more human beings than actually voted for him in the Iowa caucus, which stands at five as of 8:09 PM CST per CNN’s count.

The turnout for Hutchinson likely will crack double digits within the next 20 minutes. Probably.

As “all the networks” start calling the Iowa caucuses for Trump, an outcome so anticipated the real race was for who finished second, Trump was stumping in Clive.  And no, we did not add the crying baby into the soundtrack.  Sometimes, life gives you comedy on its own.

More than two-thirds – 68 percent – of Iowa GOP caucusgoers responding to a CNN entrance poll say that Joe Biden didn’t win the 2020 election legitimately, in case you had any doubt about how this night is going to go and what the electorate in the Cornhole State looks like Monday night.

The Iranian Revolutionary Guard quickly took responsibility for a number of missile strikes around the Kurdish city of Erbil in northern Iraq, saying it undertook the mission to “destroy espionage centers and gatherings of anti-Iranian terrorist groups in the region late tonight,” Reuters reports.  Iran also said it undertook military action against ISIS terrorists in Syria.

The bombs dropped within kilometers of the US consulate in the region, hitting the home of a senior Kurdish intelligence officer as well as a Kurdish intelligence agency center.  A separate attack hit the home of a multimillionaire real estate developer, killing him and at least one other member of his family.

Campaigning in Iowa on Monday, Donald Trump Jr told fans he was not closing the door on a presidential run in 2028, saying “I’m not going to say no, because if you do, they say ‘liar!'” in response to a question from some asshole, Axios’s Sophia Cal reports.

“They wrote articles saying Bush was telling nuclear secrets to the Saudis in the patio at Mar-a-Lago,” Jesse Watters blathers as he conflates Trump’s multiple mishandling of classified documents, before he tries to depict the President as feeble.  “[Biden] should be bribing the press instead of bribing college kids.”

• To be clear, Bush would have sold nuke-u-lar secrets, but he didn’t.
• Trump shared top-secret information with a Chinese delegation including President Xi while authorizing an attack on Syria on the patio of Mar-a-Lago in 2017.
• Trump illegally possessed highly-classified government information that included classified reports about a foreign country’s nuclear capabilities, which he may or may not have shared with foreign governments.  He’s been indicted for this, Jesse.

A Mexican bride, identified only as Nancy N, was cuffed last week while her husband-to-be got away somehow when cops showed up on their wedding day to arrest the two cartel-connected scumbags on charges of extorting poultry distributors in the Mexico City area, CBS News reports.

The day is finally here! The Iowa caucus is one of the most exciting events in political media calendar and just because there effectively isn’t one this year doesn’t mean that the MSM isn’t going to cover it! There’s so much buzz and chatter and scuttlebutt swirling around the state about the weather! THE WEATHER IS CRAZY! Did you guys see how cold it is? Lots of politicians have their hands in their own pockets! That’s an old favorite among the legends in the news business.

Still there’s a lot of buzz from the Trump, Haley, DeSantis, Ramaswamy, and the uh, whoever the fuck the other guy is, because it’s really cold out and uh, there’s a lot of questions swirling about turnout and which one of them is going to be in second place and then there’s this um, controversy because of the Evangelicals and, um… Yeah go check The Hill for the buzz from Iowa…

The Curaçao national football team on Monday announced Dick Advocaat would take over the top spot on the coaching staff of the Dutch Carribbean territory’s squad. The 76 year-old Advocaat previously did three tours as the skipper for the mainland Netherlands team.

Two The Villages, Florida men in their 60s were arrested on indecent exposure and lascivious charges after they were caught doing you know what in Lake Okahumpka Park on State Road 44 in Wildwood last week, making it clear it’s not okay to hump ya there, Villages-News.com reports, based on a Sumter County Sheriff’s arrest record including the words “before falling on his rump.”