“As this news unfolds it’s worth reminding that in 2020 Michigan was first among the battlegrounds to go in the certification calendar. Had Trump succeeded in delaying or preventing a county or statewide certification in Michigan, that precedent would have been used to delay or block certification in Pennsylvania (which was certifying the following week), Georgia and so on, paving the way for the false slate of electors. We knew we were the first domino to go and that what Michigan did would impact the others,” tweeted Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson on Wednesday after the Detroit News’s story on now-former President Trump’s efforts to pressure the two Republican Wayne County canvassers to walk back their certification of the 2020 vote.

Benson also posted a much lengthier tweet saying how proud she was that people had showed up to protest the two MAGA asshole canvassers – one of whom died of COVID in November 2021 because he was an anti-vaxxer – refusing to initially do their jobs and the uproar supposedly prevented American democracy from suffering far worse damage than it was in this timeline.

That’s some wacky speculation, right? Like how is Benson any better than the MAGA conspiracy freaks who think Venezuela built a supercomputer that beamed its “STEAL_ELECTION.exe” sixth-order polynomial protocol to the Italian satellites and then back down to the Chinese thermostats that infected the Dominion tabulators? What makes any of the shit she’s saying here more plausible than that? Stupid Dems getting a pass just because it’s a “rational inference given the facts at hand” or “logical assessment of the available evidence.” This is why everything feels rigged against MAGA!

Ahem. You know who’s been silent since the news broke? Ronna Not-Romney. Yeah she hasn’t tweeted anything nor made any media appearances to address a recording for which she just might kind of be facing criminal liability for telling the two MAGA canvassers the RNC would cover their legal fees if they faced lawsuits or charges for unlawfully halting the vote certification.

You will not be surprised to learn that a January 2019 text message Hunter Biden to sent his daughter Naomi which read “I Hope you all can do what I did and pay for everything for this entire family [for] 30 years. It’s really hard. But don’t worry unlike [Joe Biden] I won’t make you give me half your salary,” that Republicans claimed was evidence of the now-president personally profiting from his son’s sketchy business schemes was taken out of context, the New York Times reports.

Sad and kind of boring story short, Hunter had claimed to Naomi that when he was in college, Joe told him “you can keep half of the paycheck, but you have to hand over the other half for ‘room and board,'” meaning Joe was encouraging his son to work and would tax him for his college costs. It’s not clear if it was literally half or if Hunter had just been embellishing, but it was him trying to tell his daughter that the money he was pulling in from Burisma wasn’t enough to cover everything for the then-25 year-old Naomi. Hunter was also in the middle of ketamine treatments for his drug and alcohol addiction at the time and simply rambling to his daughter via the text message exchange.

Exactly the kind of shit Republicans love to take out of context, which they did when the message was cherry-picked out of the contents of the “Laptop from Hell” by the MAGA media industrial complex. “I started crying. You really can’t make sense of these texts because they don’t make sense. It was such a hard time. These were his darkest days because of the drugs. It’s just, like, little bits of trauma and anger coming out,” Naomi told the Times. “Imagine if you read through anyone’s text messages. Of course you can twist these things. And of course they’re not going to be understood by everybody, because there’s a lot of personal nuances and inferences.”

Swedish retailer IKEA tells Fox Business that the Yemeni Houthi rebels’ attacks on shipping bound for the Suez Canal in the Red Sea are threatening to constrain its supplies of jumbled pieces of pressboard tossed into boxes with poorly-written instructions on how to make them into furniture.

Reason 1,594 to never take a cruise:  The Norwegian Cruise Line’s MS Maud was hit by a rogue wave that knocked out windows in the ship’s bridge, knocking out power as it sailed from Florø, Norway to Tilbury, England, NBC News reports.  None of the ship’s 266 passengers and 131 crew members aboard were serious hurt in the incident, which left the ship without power as water flowed into lower decks.  The ship is stable, and a tug with repair crews were dispatched to help jumpstart the vessel, or tow it back to a port.

“I think true independents, people concerned about our country, they go in favor of Donald Trump because the Republicans right now look like the adults in the room,” former Congressman and now just a guy Jason Chaffetz tells Sean Hannity’s withered soul of a replacement Kellyanne Conway, a person not known for reliably relating reality.

A Seattle hospital sued Republican Texas Attorney General and man so vile even Texas Republicans wanted to get rid of him Ken Paxton after Paxton demanded the hospital turn over medical records of children from Texas who may have sought care there, the Washington Post reports.

In his quest to weaponize the GOP’s targeting of the LGBTQ community, Paxton attempted to use the Texas AG’s consumer protection division to compel Seattle Children’s Hospital to turn over medical records of any child who sought trans care at the facility, presumably to find people to prosecute in the Republican Culture War.

The hospital asked the judge to nullify the order given the fact that the Texas AG has no jurisdiction over a Washington hospital, or if Paxton’s office has a specific complaint it was investigating, the hospital said it would comply with all legal orders.  In this instance, though, it “took legal action to protect private patient information related to gender-affirming care services at our organization sought by the Texas Attorney General,” a hospital spokesperson said.

Here’s Fox Newsbro Jesse Watters telling his fans that President Joe Biden should be disqualified from the 2024 ballot for, uh, giving “aid and comfort” to Iran, China, and Venezuela.

We might not have the full context here but it’s quite possible this fucking idiot doesn’t know that the “Cowboys for Trump” assclown Couy Griffin was removed from office and kicked off the ballot for life last year under the 14th Amendment. Victor Berger on the other was booted from his seat by a special committee under the 14th after being convicted of violating the Espionage Act. Berger’s conviction was later overturned and he ran again and returned to the House in 1922.

As China continues its aggressive posturing in South China Sea and Pacific Ocean, the US Air Force will essentially recommission the airfield on Tinian Island used to launch the missions that dropped atomic bombs on Japan in World War II, CNN reports.

The Air Force has already installed upgrades to the international airport that operates on the island, but Gen. Kenneth Wilsbach, commander of Pacific Air Forces, said the Pentagon will reclaim hundreds of acres that was once the location of North Airfield, which will be redeveloped into a functioning US airfield once again.

The Air Force abandoned the field in 1946, allowing the surrounding jungle to reestablish habitat, but a number of building foundations and a small monument to the military operation launched from there remain.  The overgrown area and remnants of the base, however, are a popular tourist destination for vacationers on the island, with is part of the Marianas.

Alcoholic shitbrain Rudy Giuliani on Thursday told Newsmax’s Rob Schmitt that he’s in good shape financially except for owing nearly $149 million to defamed former Georgia election workers Ruby Freeman and Shae Moss. This was after he said he only declared bankruptcy to protect “normal creditors” which we guess means “white people.” Thing is the record kind of says otherwise and Rudy wasn’t paying those fuckers either with, for example, owing his former defense attorney Rob Costello $1.36 million, his document storage firm $320,000 until Trump’s campaign paid it off, and a $30,396 phone bill he didn’t pay – all of that just this year and not even getting into the other lawsuits against him with judgments literally totaling in the billions when this is all done.

Recordings reviewed by the Detroit News reveal then-President and still wannabe dictator (for more than a day) Donald Trump personally pressuring a Republican member of the a county board of canvassers to refuse to certify the county’s election results.

With RNC chairwoman Ronna Romney McDaniel, herself a Michigan native, on the call, Trump told Wayne County GOP canvassers Monica Palmer and William Hartmann that they would “look terrible” if they signed the certification after they had questioned the results.  After first refusing to sign the certification, the two then sought a court order to officially revoke the refusals and certify the results, saying they were pressured.

On the November 17, 2020 phone call, Trump tells Hartmann and Palmer “We’ve got to fight for our country.  We can’t let these people take our country away from us.”  Had Hartmann and Palmer stood by their refusing to certify the county results, it might have led to a domino effect in other counties that would have caused chaos on the state level, a goal of the Trump camp in the days prior to January 6th.  The call, with Trump’s voice urging state officials to obstruct the certification, is likely in Jack Smith’s hands already.

A new survey by American Research Group finds disgraced former President Trump with 33 percent support among likely voters in the New Hampshire GOP primary, just 4 percent ahead of former South Carolina Governor Nimrata “Nikki” Haley at 29 percent, with fat former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie in third at 13 percent, with heels-wearing Florida Governor Ron DeSantis at 6 percent.

We’re don’t know anything about American Research Group’s track record. Their website is complete shit, but complete shit in a way that it was cutting edge in 1999, not complete shit like some assclown slapped it together from a Wix template. So it seems they’ve been around for a while, which could indicate they know what they’re doing and care more about polling than presentation.

Disgraced former President Trump’s legal team on Thursday filed a motion to the Second Circuit Court of Appeals indicating that he might try the same bullshit move he’s trying right now to avoid criminal consequences for his post-2020 election coup attempt to avoid paying a judgment to writer EJ Carroll in his upcoming damages-only defamation trial, Politico’s Kyle Cheney reports.

Whoa! The Los Angeles Times reports that the Adderall that some folks have driven south of the border to obtain amid this bullshit year-long shortage might not be real and probably contains meth.

Right? Who could have imagined that certain actors in Mexico might be taking advantage of the shortage of the ADHD medication in the United States by using a more highly-addictive and psychoactive chemical compound similar to the active ingredient in Adderall? To think that folks suffering from being unable to obtain the drug may have risked their physical and mental health by patronizing what they thought were reputable Mexican pharmacies is just… Alright, enough sarcasm.

Yeah we didn’t even scroll down the page, much less read this bullshit. The very existence of a “Setting the record straight” page tells us our first impressions were correct, that this is solely meant to split off votes that would’ve gone to Biden and get Trump elected again. But here’s the link anyway if any National Zero readers want a laugh at these fucking sandbagging assholes’ expense.

“Alabama Attorney General Steve Marshall – joined by 18 states – filed a brief in the case United States v Trump, opposing the Biden Administration’s extraordinary request to short-circuit the normal appellate process and go directly to the US Supreme Court on the question of presidential immunity. Last week, the federal prosecution team, led by Special Counsel Jack Smith, asked the high court to expedite review so that the prosecution could try to take former President Donald Trump to trial ‘as promptly as possible’ without going through the normal appellate process. The 19-state coalition argues that this unusual request is due to be denied, given the prosecution’s failure to give a legitimate reason for the Court to depart from its standard procedure.”

“‘In November of last year, Joe Biden vowed that Donald Trump would never become president again. Then, in August 2023, more than 30 months after the events alleged in the indictment, the federal government indicted Trump and now seeks to rush him to trial in March 2024. But the former President is entitled to appeal the trial court’s order denying him presidential immunity. Thus, worried about losing his trial date, the special counsel is asking the US Supreme Court to jump into the fray. But he gives no reason why the public interest demands a rushed trial, which suggests the real reason is to swing the presidential election,’ stated Attorney General Marshall.”

“The coalition’s brief argues that the federal government’s petition fails to clear the Supreme Court’s high bar for immediate review because the petition provides no explanation for the prosecution’s urgency. Instead, the petition simply asserts that the Court’s immediate review would permit Trump’s trial to proceed ‘as promptly as possible.’ President Trump’s trial is currently set to begin March 4, 2024, the day before Super Tuesday – the height of the presidential primaries. Alabama’s brief was joined by attorneys general from Alaska, Florida, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, North Dakota, South Carolina, South Dakota, Texas, Utah, West Virginia, and Wyoming” says a press release on how the Alabama Attorney General’s office is spending taxpayer resources trying to make sure that it takes longer for the Supreme Court to rule in favor of his Orange God Emperor and squash all the federal conspiracy charges against him.

A new survey of Israelis finds President Joe Biden leading fat former President Trump 40 to 26 percent in preference for the 2024 election winner, horserace asshole Josh Kraushaar reports.

Opinion | I'm all in for Biden in 2024 but banning Trump could spell disaster for my party https://t.co/RiS7HAsls7

— Fox News (@FoxNews) December 21, 2023

Alcoholic shitbrain Rudy Giuliani on Thursday filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in New York City, just a day after DC Cicruit Judge Beryl Howell greenlit Georgia 2020 election defamation case plaintiffs Ruby Freeman and Shae Moss to start collecting whatever they can out of the nearly $149 million that Captain 9/11 owes them. Giuliani listed $5 to $10 million in assets against $500 million in debts and liabilities, which is really sad for a guy who’s supposed to have lots of rich friends.

Spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan on Thursday wrote a letter warning Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith that he’s facing a subpoena – for real this time, mister – if Smith doesn’t give the three-time Speakership election loser whatever information he needs to undermine an ongoing federal criminal prosecution and help fat former President Trump get reelected.

“The Committee on the Judiciary is continuing its oversight of the Biden Justice Department’s commitment to impartial justice and its handling of an unprecedented investigationand prosecution of President Biden’s chief opponent in the upcoming presidential election. In June 2023, we wrote to Attorney General Merrick Garland requesting information on youroffice’s use of Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) personnel and unredacted copies of documents related to your appointment as Special Counsel […blah blah blah, lots of bullshit demands for stuff like every single communication with DOJ leadership and documents related to Smith’s search warrant on Trump’s Twitter account]”

“Please provide this material, as well as the material requested in our June 1, June 6, and September 7, 2023, letters [that definitely got thrown in the trash] – attached and incorporated herein – as soon as possible but no later than 5:00 pm on January 4, 2024. If you do not produce documents responsive to these requests, the Committee may resort to compulsory process,” Jordan wrote.

“Respondent agrees that the question whether a former President of the United States enjoys absolute immunity from criminal prosecution for a conspiracy to overturn an election, and thereby prevent the lawful winner from taking office, is an issue of great constitutional moment.”

“Respondent’s principal argument in opposition is that the Court should wait. That is incorrect. This Court’s immediate review of that question is the only way to achieve its timely and definitive resolution. The district court has set a March 4, 2024 trial date. Respondent’s interlocutory appeal has resulted in a stay of any proceedings that would move this case towards trial. And while the court of appeals has expedited briefing and argument on respondent’s interlocutory appeal, the time of its final decision is uncertain. Only a grant of certiorari before judgment – a procedure followed in United States v Nixon, and comparably consequential cases – will assure that the Court can hear and resolve the case promptly, and in any event in its current Term,” writes Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith’s team in a brief to the US Supreme Court in response to Team Orange’s stupid Wednesday brief arguing that all this due process is going too fast for him.

That brief was a bit of a switch from the “full confidence that the US Supreme Court will quickly rule in our favor,” that large-headed Trump spokesman Steven Cheung projected on Tuesday immediately after the Colorado state Supreme Court had disqualified Trump for many of the very same acts that Smith is prosecuting him for. Also a shit ton of Trump’s defenders cried that he had been denied due process in that case such as Glenn Greenwald, Nancy Mace, Jeffrey Clark, among others who are curiously not cheering for the speedy application of it on the question of Trump’s presidential immunity claims. They should be excited that there’s a non-zero chance that the Supreme Court could rule in Trump’s favor and remove a major obstacle to his reelection chances.