Oh wait… Shit, wrong clip. Ahhh… Wait, here it is, where at a MAGA rally in Iowa on Wednesday Trump said if he’s not elected in 2024 that we’ll “have a depression the likes of which I don’t believe anybody has ever seen. Maybe 1929, that’s what’s gonna happen.” Sounds really scary.

The fat bastard also variously complained about gas being “5, 6, 7, even 8 dollars a gallon” which isn’t very accurate, the media “enjoying” his indictments which okay maybe they did a little, and Jack Smith “rushing” his “lawsuit” to the Supreme Court to force a “guilty plea.”

Senior White House Advisor Jake Sullivan met with Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman on Wednesday to reinforce the Biden Administration’s efforts to limit the spread of the conflict in Gaza, Politico reports, with the administration hoping to ensure its efforts to normalize relations between Saudi Arabia and Israel stay on track.

Sullivan stopped in Saudi Arabia also sought to secure that nation’s assistance in stopping attacks from Houthi rebels, who are firing missiles at and attempting to hijack commercial vessels from Yemen and threatening with Iranian-supplied drones the allied military vessels guarding the shipping routes.

While he reported left Riyadh with promises of cooperation from the Saudi government, Sullivan did not receive the billion-dollar deposit from alleged murderer MbS as was customary with envoys from the previous administration:  Jared Kushner famously got $2 billion for an investment fund he was establishing although the Saudi family trust board found him inexperienced in handling such funds, and Trump’s former Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin got a similar donation at half the level.

“So Deranged Jack Smith, the Biden appointed ‘nut job’ prosecutor with a big record of loses because he goes too far, wants to RUSH, RUSH, RUSH to the Supreme Court on the important matter of Presidential Immunity, something which is so basic to America that it should be automatic.”

“He doesn’t want to go to our Highest Court with a loss, or negative opinion, but what he does want to do is INTERFERE WITH THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION OF 2024, hoping to damage Biden’s POLITICAL OPPONENT. In other words he want to CHEAT, because if they really wanted SPEED, they would have brought this ridiculous lawsuit 3 years ago, and it would be long ago over. But no, they Waited, and Waited, and Waited, and brought it right in the middle of my Presidential Campaign – THE DEFINITION OF ELECTION INTERFERENCE!” writes disgraced former President Trump.

Kind of weird how he wants to pump the brakes on “something which is so basic to America that it should be automatic.” Like doesn’t he want this over with as fast as possible if he’s so confident he’s going to win his appellate case on the obviously strong merits of his “automatic” immunity?

Like just now the DC Circuit Court of Appeals agreed to expedite the case while the Supreme Court also considers picking it up. The Appeals court could decide on this as soon as early next month, so really Trump should be thrilled that they’re going to take care of this for him quickly. Like ecstatic.

“The American people need their leaders in Congress to take action on important priorities for the nation and world. On Tuesday, I met with the President of Ukraine, who is leading his people in a battle for freedom against Russian aggression. He came to America to ask us for help. Yet Republicans in Congress won’t act to help. The people of Israel are in a battle against terrorists, and they are waiting for our help. Yet Republicans in Congress won’t act to help. We have to address the situation at our southern border, and I am determined to try to fix the problem. We need funding to strengthen border security, but Republicans in Congress won’t act to help.”

“We need to continue our progress on the economy and make sure inflation keeps going down and job growth keeps going up. That means avoiding self-inflicted economic crises like a government shutdown, which Republicans in Congress are driving us toward in just a few weeks because they won’t act now to fund the government and critical priorities to make life better for the American people. There is a lot of work to be done. But after wasting weeks trying to find a new Speaker of the House and having to expel their own members, Republicans in Congress are leaving for a month without doing anything to address these pressing challenges. I wake up every day focused on the issues facing the American people – real issues that impact their lives, and the strength and security of our country and the world. Unfortunately, House Republicans are not joining me. Instead of doing anything to help make Americans’ lives better, they are focused on attacking me with lies.”

“Instead of doing their job on the urgent work that needs to be done, they are choosing to waste time on this baseless political stunt that even Republicans in Congress admit is not supported by facts. The American people deserve better. I know what I am going to remain focused on. I would invite Republicans in Congress to join me” – Statement from President Joe Biden.

The House on Wednesday voted along party lines 221 to 212 in favor of opening the impeachment inquiry into President Joe Biden. Guess the shit they were feeding to Punchbowl was right after all.

An exciting new prequel episode of the MAGA Cinematic Universe Infinity Saga by Real Clear Politics “Investigations” guy Paul Sperry finds an explosive new supervillain crossover featuring now-Deep State special counsel Jack Smith and now-deceased would-be heir to the “Biden Crime Family” running a secret criminal operation in the tiny, war-torn eastern European country of Kosovo.

“The whistleblower complaint a former federal agent filed with DOJ includes affidavit by eyewitness who claims Trump indictor Jack Smith oversaw the deposit of bribes into a ‘black fund’ while prosecuting crimes in Kosovo, where Beau Biden rebuilt the postwar justice system,” Sperry writes.

WOW! Did he say “whistleblower”?!?! Pop the fucking popcorn guys, this one’s going to be a thrill ride! There’s gotta be a Hillary or even a Soros cameo. Gotta do the fan service these days.

Record Stock Market & Jobs!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 13, 2019

On December 13th, while the House of Representatives debated impeaching the incumbent president, Donald Trump tweeted “Record Stock Market & Jobs!” to comment on the current state of two widely observed economic measures. We rate this as MOSTLY TRUE as the Dow Jones Industrial average on this date did rally more than 500 points to close at an all time high of 37,094.85, the first time the index ever crossed the 37,000 mark. The most recent jobs report however found unemployment at 3.7 percent, impressive but a few tenths above the modern Bureau of Labor Statistics’ all-time low mark of 3.4 percent achieved in February 2023.

Judge Tanya Chutkan put an immediate stay on all proceedings including pretrial processes like discovery until the Supreme Court rules on immunity issues.  “Thus, because Defendant has appealed this court’s denial of that immunity, ‘whether the litigation may go forward in the district court is precisely what the court of appeals must decide.’ Consequently, the court agrees with both parties that Defendant’s appeal automatically stays any further proceedings that would move this case towards trial or impose additional burdens of litigation on Defendant. Accordingly, and for clarity, the court hereby STAYS the deadlines and proceedings scheduled by its Pretrial Order, as amended,” Chutkan wrote in her three-page order acknowledging the Supreme Court must decide the issue before proceedings can continue.

Chutkan’s decision to put a pause on all activities involving the DC federal trial around Donald Trump’s effort to undermine the outcome of the 2020 election and reinstall himself to an unearned second term as President now puts pressure on the Supreme Court to hear the motion brought by Special Counsel Jack Smith to adjudicate the issue of “presidential immunity” expeditiously so this trial can proceed.

Texas Senators Ted Cruz and John Cornhole this week refused to answer reporters’ questions about Kate Cox, the woman with a non-viable pregnancy who was forced to leave the state to obtain an abortion – doing so before the state Supreme Court ruled against her, NBC News reports

“I’m not a state official, so I’m not going to comment on what state officials are doing. I’m happy to comment on anything that I’m responsible for,” Cornhole said, as if he wasn’t responsible for confirming the far right Supreme Court justices who made this happen.

Cruz didn’t even go that far, simply telling reporters to call his press office, which is what you’re supposed to do when a politician isn’t standing right in front of you to answer a question himself.

Non-Correction: The current version of this article misspelled Senator John Cornyn’s name as ‘Cornhole’ several times. National Zero does not regret the error and will not be correcting it.

Asked by some rando reporter on the street outside the Capitol what he hoped to gain by an impeachment inquiry, Texas MAGA Congressman Troy Nehls on Wednesday responded with “All I can say is Donald J Trump 2024, baby!” Later asked by Rolling Stone why Nehls was stupid enough to say such a thing on camera when that is not the official line, at all, Nehls’s office lamely responded with “[Republicans] will follow the rule of law and go where the facts lead us,” and possibly some lengthier paeans to governance and objectivity that Rolling Stone declined to print.

…is literally the entire text of fat former President Trump’s most recent Truth Social post, which kind of raises the question of why is he wading into this when he’s supposed to be keeping a distance politically. Isn’t that the reason his backing of the impeachment inquiry is only something that comes out in insider reporting from like the New York Times and the Washington Post?

After that Trump posted “THE MOST IMPORTANT POLL RELEASED IN THE LAST 20 YEARS CAME OUT YESTERDAY STATING THAT 20% OF THE MAIL IN BALLOTS IN THE 2020 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION WERE RIGGED OR DEFECTIVE. THAT MEANS THAT THE ELECTION WAS A GIANT SCAM. YOU CANNOT HAVE A FAIR AND HONEST ELECTION AS LONG AS THERE ARE MAIL IN BALLOTS. CHEATING WILL ALWAYS BE PREVALENT. FRANCE, AND MANY COUNTRIES, HAVE STOPPED THE MADNESS. THE REPUBLICAN PARTY MUST DO SOMETHING NOW!!!” Lol.

Lastly, the fat bastard also addressed a Wednesday report in Politico which said he was considering letting North Korea keep their nukes in a deal similar to the one Obama made with Iran, which Trump freaked out over and canceled in 2017. “A Fake News article in Politico, through anonymous sources (as usual!), states that my views on Nuclear Weapons in North Korea have softened. This is a made up story, DISINFORMATION, put out by Democrat Operatives in order to mislead and confuse. The only thing accurate in the story is that I do get along well with Kim Jong Un!,” Trump wrote.

The House of Representatives will meet Wednesday to consider opening a formal impeachment inquiry into Hunter Biden. House Republicans, impressed with size of Hunter’s cock, took a step toward voting to authorize the probe Tuesday, passing that resolution out of the Rules Committee. A floor vote is expected Wednesday after Oversight Chairbilly James Comer rambles repeatedly.

A new Public Policy Polling survey of Wisconsin GOP voters in the state’s Republican US Senate primary to take on incumbent Dem Tammy Baldwin finds far right extremist former Milwaukee Sheriff David Clarke with 52 percent support and his closest competitor Eric Hovde at 7 percent.

Clarke’s name recognition probably plays a role, as does him telling the audience at a 2021 QAnon fan event that the Capitol riot “was not an insurrection. If we decide to pull an insurrection, you’re gonna know it. There’s very little you’re going to be able to do about it,” and in 2020 tweeting that the COVID-19 pandemic was “an orchestrated attempt to destroy CAPITALISM.”

So yeah it’ll be great to have Clarke on the ballot in the one swing state where President Joe Biden has, for reasons unclear, been consistently polling ahead of his 2020 margin against Trump.

WOW! This upcoming political documentary looks fucking awesome. Such gripping footage. Also love the casting choices for the preenactments of the July 4, 2029 battle of Washington, DC. The director Alex Garland and his crew precreated the Western Forces/Florida Alliance assault on the White House perfectly. Just amazing attention paid to future historical authenticity here.

The Sarasota School Board on Monday voted 4 to 1 on a non-binding resolution to urge Moms for Liberty co-founder Bridget Ziegler to resign following the almost certainly unfounded rape accusation against her husband, Florida GOP chairman Christian Ziegler, NBC News reports. The lone dissenter was Ziegler herself, apparently not quitting as it seems extremely likely her husband won’t be criminally charged for a sexual encounter with their mutual three-way sex partner after video of it that Christian had recorded was obtained by police. So really at this point it looks like they’re just trying to fire Bridget for being bisexual, really the best of all outcomes for a woman whose career is built on homophobic and transphobic “moral” crusades.

First Son Hunter Biden showed up on Capitol Hill on Wednesday to not answer the subpoena for a closed-door deposition sent by House Oversight Chairbilly James Comer and his buddies Jim Jordan and Jason Smith, skipping their circlejerk to hold his own press conference with attorney Abbe Lowell, where Hunter railed against the Congressclowns whose “illegitimate investigations of my family do not proceed on distortions, manipulated evidence, and lies. I’m here today to acknowledge I have made mistakes in my life and wasted opportunities…for that I am responsible.”

“Let me state as clearly as I can: My father was not financially involved in my business… during my battle with addiction, my parents were there for me. They literally saved my life… to suggest that is grounds for an impeachment inquiry is beyond the absurd,” said Hunter to reporters. He then took it right to the three dipshits, saying “James Comer, Jim Jordan, Jason Smith, and their colleagues have distorted the facts… There is no fairness or decency in what these Republicans are doing. They have lied over and over… They have displayed naked photos of me during an Oversight hearing.”

Disgraced former President Trump’s lawyers on Wednesday seriously filed, to the Circuit Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia, widely considered to be the second most prestigious court of law in the United States, a motion calling their adversarial party, Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith, a “Grinch” who was trying to steal Christmas from them and their families.

We know he won’t do it, but Smith really should call Trump “Jabba the Hutt” in his response.