Disgraced former President Trump’s lawyers on Thursday notified Judge Tanya Chutkan they are taking their bullshit attempt to dismiss the federal conspiracy charges over his failed post-2020 election coup attempt to the DC Circuit Court of Appeals after Chutkan tossed it last week.

Spoiler alert: They’re not going to prevail on the “merits” of his incredibly stupid “presidential immunity” and “free speech” but if the fat fuck can get a favorable panel then maybe he can get a stay to delay the trial long enough to avoid getting convicted before the 2024 election.

And here’s the motion to Chutkan demanding she stay all proceedings until the appeal is resolved, filed just now: “President Donald J Trump respectfully submits this motion for an order enforcing the automatic stay of all district court proceedings in this case pending the final resolution of his recently filed appeal from the Court’s December 1, 2023 rulings on, inter alia, Presidential immunity and double jeopardy. President Trump’s notice of appeal has deprived this Court of jurisdiction over this case in its entirety pending resolution of the appeal. Therefore, a stay of all further proceedings is mandatory and automatic,” because the fat bastard was impeached and then acquitted by 43 Republican Senators on articles that scarcely resemble the conspiracy indictment.

“After last night’s debate, two things are clear. One, futile exercises like last night’s debate only serve to further divide our Republican Party and two, no one on that stage will be our Republican nominee. Division is the last thing we need – we need to rally behind our candidate for 2024 and we need to do it fast. The Democrats are already making excuses for their candidate, and their excuses are working because they’re speaking with one voice… It’s time to face the Democrats with a united front and rally behind Donald Trump. Trump won all 77 counties in Oklahoma in 2016 and 2020, and we’ll deliver all 77 counties again in 2024 in the primary and then in the general election as our nominee. I look forward to helping him beat Joe Biden and take back the White House,” says MAGA Congressman Kevin Hern in a statement that we trimmed down because it was lame and boring.

It’s only newsworthy because… Well, “newsworthy” is doing a lot of work there even with the additional context: Hern’s endorsement comes just a week after Trump’s enforcers Susan Wiles and Chris LaCivita sent Hern a letter saying, among other angry, hateful shit “You are no better than out-of-control Democrats, Never Trumpers, and enemies of the Make America Great Again movement,” and “We will not allow you or a scam PAC to mislead the American people in order to steal their hard-earned money through dishonest and deceptive tactics usually employed by other scam PACs,” ripping Hern a new asshole for “openly and flagrantly disregard[ing] our clear guidelines” for pasting the “Campaign’s formal ‘Seal of Approval'” on his PAC’s mailers without actually having “earned” it.

Juxtaposing that with the obviously non-reciprocated endorsement is why Hernie earns our seal of a dog so happy for an opportunity to lick his abusive master’s face… And if he’s lucky he might get the chance to have some peanut butter too if master smears it somewhere lower.

“In collaboration with the Guyana Defence Force (GDF), the US Southern Command (USSOUTHCOM) will conduct flight operations within Guyana on December 7. This exercise builds upon routine engagement and operations to enhance security partnership between the United States and Guyana, and to strengthen regional cooperation. In addition to this exercise, USSOUTHCOM will continue its collaboration with the GDF in the areas of disaster preparedness, aerial and maritime security, and countering transnational criminal organizations. The US will continue its commitment as Guyana’s trusted security partner and promoting regional cooperation and interoperability,” says the US Embassy in Guyana in a statement.

Since the statement makes it sound like they’re just flying around in circles in a place different from where they normally fly around in circles, here’s what’s actually happening: The Venezuelan military is amassing troops and tanks on the border with Guyana, possibly preparing to invade, because Venezuela’s a shithole of a failed state led by a deranged socialist dictatorship that claims their citizens approved a referendum measure to claim sovereignty over Guyana’s Essequibo region – a resource-rich swath of terrirtory which makes up 2/3rds of the smaller country.

On Wednesday a helicopter carrying five senior Guyanese military officers went down in the jungle about 30 miles from the border, though Guyanese Army Chief Brigadier General Omar Khan told the AP it was more likely due to bad weather than Venezuelan action. So shit could get real in yet another region of the world and we’re excited to read posts from the foreign policy experts concluding this is Joe Biden’s fault… three years after they used their election security expertise to conclude that a Venezuelan supercomputer hacked into voting machines to put Biden in office.

Republican North Dakota Senator Kevin Cramer’s 42 year-old son Ian is under arrest after a Wednesday night high speed pursuit by North Dakota Highway Patrol units ended with him slamming the Chevy Tahoe he had stolen from his mom into a parked patrol car that then rolled over a Mercer County Sheriff’s deputy who had been standing behind the vehicle, Fargo Inforum reports.

“Earlier this evening, our 42-year-old son Ian was involved in a police chase which resulted in an accident that killed an officer. Ian suffers from serious mental disorders which manifest in severe paranoia and hallucinations. Kris was with Ian when he insisted on going to his brother Ike.”

“Ike died in 2018. Kris took Ian to the Sanford Health emergency room in Bismarck. When she got out of our vehicle, Ian jumped into the driver’s seat and fled. Our daughter was able to track the car through Kris’ cell phone and lead officers to him in Mercer County, ND. We don’t have more details right now but will work with authorities to property inform the public. I will take the first flight I can to be with our family as we grieve what has happened. We grieve especially for the family of the hero who tried to help Ian,” said Cramer in a statement issued shortly after the crash.

Based on the headline it would’ve been easy to imagine that this was some entitled asshole prep school kid high on coke and maybe we might’ve made a joke like “Well at least Ian’s not in as much trouble as Hunter Biden” (actually probably not with the cop getting killed) but this is really just sad for everyone involved. If Cramer’s statement is to be credited – and it’s really hard to see who would want to lie about something like this – this is on a level that transcends political differences. That we can very easily picture what the Breitbart comments would look like if Cramer was a Democrat does not make going there in this timeline right. We all should be better than that.

Up to six surviving American veterans of the 1941 Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor that thrust the United States into World War II are expected to be present at the former naval base in Honolulu on Thursday for memorial ceremonies on the 82nd anniversary, the Associated Press reports.

It’s not clear how many, if any, still-surviving Japanese of the attack will show up to celebrate their victory. On one hand you’ll certainly see a number of surviving American D-Day veterans in France next June when the 80th anniversary of that surprise attack rolls around. But probably not too many Germans. Or even none. The test of whether it’s appropriate to show up and hold a ceremony is “Did you guys actually win the war in the end?” and not what side of the surprise attack you were on.

Christmas-hating former First Lady Melania Trump is urging her fat orange husband to pick former top Fox News propagandist Tucker Carlson as his running mate in the 2024 election, because he would be a “a powerful onstage extension” of Donald and “a Trump-Carlson ticket might encourage her” to hit the campaign trail for some reason, Axios reports in a big new exclusive about the fat bastard’s staffing picks should he return to power. Other people on Team Orange are wary of Tucker since he “can’t be controlled” and could draw more attention than the big fat boss man.

Other picks for the rest of the regime floated in the article are exactly the trolls and scumbags you would expect: Stephen Miller for Attorney General, Jared Kushner or Ric Grenell for Secretary of State, Kash Patel for CIA Director, Johnny McEntee and Jeffrey Clark for some unspecified cabinet positions, Tom Cotton or Lee Zeldin for Secretary of Defense, and Jamie Dimon for Treasury.

After he mocked former Speaker Kevin McCarthy for announcing his totally predictable resignation from the House, Matt Gaetz likely learned that the House Ethics Committee had recently called a witness in its apparently ongoing investigation into his questionable behavior.

According to CNN, the witness received an email saying “The Chairman and Ranking Member have authorized staff to conduct an interview” with the subject.  It’s unclear if the email was sent to the subject or a lawyer representing the individual.  And because it’s Matt Gaetz–who has nearly as many scandals going on as Trump has indictments–the investigation could revolve around his alleged trafficking of an underaged sex worker, showing pornographic photos to House members on the floor of the chamber, making lewd comments to members, boasts about using drugs, allegations that he laundered campaign funds for personal use, and/or a new probe into lobbying violations.

The Pentagon announced a service-wide grounding of all V-22 Osprey tilt-wing aircraft after one of the planes went down last week off the coast of Japan, killing all eight service members of the Air Force Special Operations Command aboard, the Washington Post reports.

Prior to this accident, more than 60 other crew have been killed in various accidents, including testing, involving the troubled V-22.  Since the Osprey became operational in 2007, 33 people have died in operational accidents, with two happening in combat zones.  Across the Pentagon, various services have more than 300 of the aircraft currently in operation.

Queens resident Philip Sean Grillo, who filed his paperwork to challenge then-incumbent Republican Congressman George Santos for the GOP nomination back in May before it was cool, this week was found guilty of repeatedly trespassing in the Capitol during the January 6th Republican-led domestic terrorist attack on Congress, NBC News reports.

Grillo repeated entered and exited the Capitol–he later testified he did not know Congress convened in the building–and paused for many interviews with people around him, at one time saying, “I’m here to stop the steal. It’s our fucking House!”  Into another camera, he shouted, “We fucking did it, you understand? We stormed the Capitol.  We shut it down! We did it!”

No word if the local county GOP leaders, who will determine the nominee for a runoff against a similarly-picked Democratic opponent and forgo the need for primaries, have checked into Grillo’s resume, but according to a DOJ release, he has a number of skills the GOP find helpful:  convictions for obstruction of an official proceeding, a felony, and misdemeanor offenses of entering and remaining in a restricted building or grounds, disorderly and disruptive conduct in a restricted building or grounds, disorderly conduct in a Capitol building, and parading, demonstrating, or picketing in a Capitol building.

Four people who will probably never be President of The United States will make lots of noises with their mouths for the next 90 minutes or so and some of the people watching from the audience will strike their hands together to make noises in approval of the noises on stage.

The five major entertainment broadcast networks–CBS, ABC, NBC, Fox, and The CW–will all simultaneously air memorial cards at the start of their 8 p.m. ET broadcasts in honor of television pioneer Normal Lear, the creator of such landmark shows as All In the Family, The Jeffersons, and One Day at a Time, according to the Hollywood Reporter.  Lear died Tuesday at the age of 101.

A Sarasota County School Board member will present a motion calling on Moms for Liberty founder Bridget Ziegler to resign her seat on the board, for which she is chair, Florida Politics reports.  The leader of a national movement to remove material from school libraries that she believes promotes behavior she disapproves of, Ziegler is mired in a scandal concerning a long-term throuple relationship she and her husband had with another woman, who accused her husband of rape after she withdrew from a scheduled threesome, presumably going through all this to become an example for children of what not to do in your life.

Mainstream Media Embraces Taylor Swift's Ability to Sway 2024 Election https://t.co/SUEWwkERKZ

— Laura Loomer (@LauraLoomer) December 5, 2023

Pointing to some lame opinion piece at The Hill titled “Miss Americana: How Taylor Swift could save Joe Biden” and her own shitty “reporting” on a very stupid, convoluted conspiracy theory in which the 2023 National Zero Person of The Year George Soros is supposedly coercing the 2023 Time Magazine Person of The Year into an endorsement that is almost certainly coming anyway given that Swift publicly backed Biden in 2020, deranged MAGA influencer Laura Loomer on Tuesday further slammed the panic button that Swift could intervene to Trump’s disadvantage in the 2024 election.

Loomer explained this “op” with “The uniparty loves using mainstream media outlets like The Hill to send a preview of their plans to the American public. Expect Taylor Swift to do exactly what The Hill writes. It gets even odder as Vivid Seats shows Swift is selling discounted tickets for her last show in Indianapolis. This is a strong indication that Democrat political figures will join Swift at her last show before the 2024 election” which actually speaks volumes about The Hill’s suckery.

After all, if someone as utterly incompetent and unhinged as Loomer can see what a piece of shit operation they are then there’s hope yet that The Hill will eventually meet its well-deserved end.

Texas Governor Greg Abbott on Tuesday endorsed endorsed Republican Texas state House 2nd District candidate Brent Money in a January 30 special election runoff against state House Speaker Dade Phelan-backed Republican Jill Dutton, despite Money having opposed Abbott in his 2022 primary, calling him “weak and spineless” in a since-deleted tweet, the Texas Tribune reports.

Calling Abbott “spineless” is grossly inaccurate as the governor certainly still anatomically possesses a spine even if it was partially destroyed by a falling tree decades ago rendering him a paraplegic for the rest of his life. Nice of Abbott to let that slide and endorse a guy running to replace the far right secessionist former Baptist minister who resigned in May – and then was still expelled – after getting caught basically trying to date rape a 19 year-old legislative intern.

After all, it’s a game of inches in Texas Republican politics these days while Abbott and Lt Governor Dan Patrick are trying to get some insane school vouchers bill passed while the marginally less extreme day-drinker Phelan is resisting. Money (such a douchey name) is also supported by the Defend Texas Liberty PAC, whose leader chilled with Neo-Nazi Nick Fuentes a few months ago.

Robert Rivernider Jr, The Villages, Florida Trump fanboy who was caught forging his recently departed father Robert Rivernider Sr’s ballot for the disgraced former president in October 2020, mailing it in days after the old man died of COVID-19, a deadly virus whose spread was the only reason Rivernider Jr wasn’t still in federal prison at the time as he had been released seven years into his 12 year sentence on a real estate scam for which he had still owed his victims $20 million in restitution and thus was ineligible to vote in Florida, was convicted Monday of felony counts of forgery to alter public records, fraud in connection with casting a vote, and pass counterfeit instrument, for which he faces at least a few years in the clink, ClickOrlando.com reports.

That run-on sentence could’ve been longer as there are a few more details we left out: Rivernider Jr had claimed after his arrest that the Sumpter County Elections Office director and sheriff were the tips on the spear of a pro-DeSantis conspiracy against vocal Trump supporters, which is hilarious because Sheriff Bill Farmer actually did endorse DeSantis just days after Rivernider Jr was arrested for the fraud three years after the election. Those two sets of facts can coexist quite easily.

Then there’s Rivernider Jr’s defense counsel: Famous assclown former Florida State Representative Anthony Sabatini, a notoriously demented Trump fanboy and failed 2022 FL-7th District GOP primary Congressional candidate. This year Sabatini set up shop in Florida’s 11th District to mount a challenge to GOP incumbent Dan Webster – who in 2022 easily fended off a similarly brash young MAGA carpetbagger in far right ghoul Laura Loomer. On Monday, the same day Sabatini’s client went down for three felonies Webster tweeted he was “thrilled to have approval of @realDonaldTrump! We need President Trump back in the White House to Make America Great Again!” which we guess means Trump had officially endorsed him over Crazy Tony. So Sabatini had a pretty rough Monday.

Nevada Attorney General Aaron Ford on Wednesday announced his office had secured indictments of all six of the Trump fanboys – including state GOP Party Chair Michael McDonald and Clark County GOP Chair Jesse Law – who signed fraudulent electoral college votes for the disgraced now-former president in 2020. “When the efforts to undermine faith in our democracy began after the 2020 election, I made it clear that I would do everything in my power to defend the institutions of our nation and our state. We cannot allow attacks on democracy to go unchallenged. Today’s indictments are the product of a long and thorough investigation, and as we pursue this prosecution, I am confident that our judicial system will see justice done,” said Ford in a statement.

CNN’s Zachary Cohen reports that cooperation from Kenny Chesebro, the Trump lawyer who quarterbacked the scam and reached a plea deal in Georgia last month, had sealed the deal.

All six of the assholes were charged with offering a false instrument for filing and uttering a forged instrument and face at least several years if convicted on both counts. The MAGA Nevadans join 16 of their buddies in Michigan and three in Georgia to face criminal charges for their attempt to overthrow American democracy three years ago this month. Arizona AG Kris Mayes is reportedly closing in on the scumbags in her state, while the 10 Wisconsin fake electors just agreed to a civil settlement in which they confessed to the crime, though it’s unclear if they’ll face any criminal liability afterward. The fake Trump slates from Pennsylvania and New Mexico, who had explicitly stated their votes to be “contingent,” have thus avoided prosecution for their effort.

The ten MAGAts who served as the GOP’s fake electors from Wisconsin publicly acknowledged that Joe Biden won the state in the 2020 election and was rightfully awarded the state’s electors and that Biden is the rightful President of the United States as part of a settlement of a civil lawsuit brought by two of the authentic electors from the state’s 2020 delegation, the Associated Press reports.

As part of the deal, the ten agree to not serve as electors in any future election Donald Trump is a part of, and in exchange, the two defendants have dropped their damage claims amounting to $200,000 against each fake elector.  There was no admission of guilt, and there has been no announced investigation into the legality of their actions because in their document, they specified they would be the slate if a court overturned the election results in the future, a caveat that likely saved their asses from going to prison.

Enjoy this tale of MAGA white trash depravity from a law enforcement source that we will not reveal until the end. Honestly, we would have picked up this story anyway if we had known about it otherwise, but the actual source revealing the perpetrator’s identity is some fine icing for this cake:

“On November 23, 2023, the defendant was arrested in Asheville, North Carolina, by local law enforcement authorities for assaulting two people. According to local police paperwork, at approximately 9:43 pm, police were called to the 27 Club, a bar located in Asheville, for a report of assault. Upon arriving at the bar, police spoke with Victim-1, who reported that she had been in the bar with Victim-2 and a third person. Victim-1 reported that she observed the defendant harassing another woman in the bar. When the woman denied the defendant’s advances, the defendant walked up to Victim-1 and Victim-2 and asked Victim-1 to make a bet on ‘who would fuck her first.’ Victim- 1 responded that the defendant needed to stop harassing the woman. The defendant then picked up an ashtray and threw it at Victim-1, striking her in the chest. Victim-1 threw a cup of water at the defendant, who then punched Victim-1 in the throat, causing scratch marks, bleeding, and bruising to her throat. Victim-2 then intervened and told the defendant to leave Victim-1 alone.”

“The defendant pushed Victim-2 to the ground and then began to kick him and stomp on his chest. Witness-1 called the police, told the defendant that he had done so, and instructed the defendant, ‘If you believe that you are in the right, you’ll wait for the police.’ The defendant then fled the scene in his vehicle. According to a criminal history records check, as the defendant was fleeing the scene, he was pulled over by police and arrested for driving under the influence. Back at the 27 Club, police were able to identify the defendant as Victim-1’s and 2’s assailant because, prior to leaving the bar, he paid his tab with a credit card bearing his name and presented an identification card with a matching name.” Emphasis ours for the extra fucking stupidity.

“On November 8, 2023, we issued subpoenas to your client, Robert Hunter Biden, for a deposition on December 13, 2023. We received your letters dated November 28, 2023, and December 6, 2023, concerning the deposition subpoenas. Contrary to the assertions in your letter, there is no ‘choice’ for Mr Biden to make; the subpoenas compel him to appear for a deposition on December 13. If Mr Biden does not appear for his deposition on December 13, 2023, the Committees will initiate contempt of Congress proceedings,” write Jim Jordan and James Comer to Hunter Biden’s lawyer Abbe Lowell, responding to his pointing out that Comer verbally offered a public hearing to Hunter.

OH NOES! CONTEMPT! This will ruin Hunter’s reputation! It-it-it will be a stain on him forever! He won’t be able to, um, look anyone in the eye and say “I complied with a subpoena issued by multiple investigative committees by the United States House of Representatives”! That’s horrible!

Hoping to find a long-term partner to back Republican Florida Governor Ron DeSantis in his spat with Manic Marigold Donald Trump, the Super PAC that for the moment supports his campaign has named Phil Cox, a long-time Republican strategist whose name would elicit parental challenges at school board meetings across the state, to be its senior advisor.

Per Politico, Cox will fill the void left after multiple previous DeSantis favorites backed out of the position at the Never Back Down PAC, with as many as two people in three days filling the gap… not that there’s anything wrong with that.  The hope is that the injection of Cox as the man on top of a DeSantis push during these final weeks before the Iowa caucuses–which are so, so close–may get their man over the finish line ahead of the others, with Nikki Haley likely finishing unsatisfyingly behind the hard-charging men.