The subheadline of a Thursday press release from the DC United States Attorney’s office titled “85-Year Old DC Man Charged With Killing His 81-Year-Old Wife” also includes a secondary headline reading “Defendant Did Not Want to Eat the Pancakes She Made and Stabbed Her in the Back.”

There were no further mention of the pancakes in the press release, which says: “Steven Schwartz, 85, of Washington, DC, was arrested earlier today on the charge of second-degree murder while armed in the stabbing death of his 81-year-old wife, Sharron Schwartz, on December 10, 2023, at their DC home, US Attorney Matthew M Graves announced. Defendant Schwartz was arraigned today in DC Superior Court, via video appearance, where he entered a plea of not guilty.”

“The Honorable Magistrate Judge Sherry Trafford found probable cause that the defendant committed the murder and held him without bond pending his preliminary hearing on January 2, 2024, at 9:30 am, before Judge Demeo in Courtroom 303. In announcing the arrest, US Attorney Graves commended the work of those investigating the case from the Metropolitan Police Department (MPD) and Assistant United States Attorney Nebiyu Feleke for his efforts in prosecuting this case. An arrest on a complaint is merely a formal charge that a defendant has committed a violation of criminal laws and every defendant is presumed innocent until, and unless, proven guilty.”

Elon Musk is donating $100 million to open a private elementary school and secondary school outside Austin, Texas with the goal of completing the educational pyramid by founding a college sometime in the future, CNN reports.  “The School is being designed to meet the educational needs of those with proven academic and scientific potential, who will thrive in a rigorous, project based curriculum,” an application to the IRS reviewed by Bloomberg states.

The primary and secondary schools will focus on “STEM subjects and other topics,” with the encapsulated educational system believed to be designed to promote Musk’s pseudo-libertarian viewpoints, which always sound more legitimate when you’re sitting on a pile of cash from your family’s African emerald mine.

Backers of Republican former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley are spending big in New Hampshire and Iowa, hoping to jumpstart momentum to push her over other challengers for second place in the GOP nomination race and in a strong position to force a confrontation with Donald Trump, Reuters reports.

A pro-Haley Super PAC called SFA Fund Inc. has already spent $21 million, more than twice that of Trump’s MAGA Inc. Super PAC.  (“MAGA Inc.” is really the official name of a Trump-supporting Super PAC as if it’s not clear that it’s just a money-making machine.)  The SFA Fund is made up of business titans like former WhatsApp CEO Jan Koum and LinkedIn co-founder Reid Hoffman, who is considered a Democratic mega-donor.

After voting to support opening talks with Ukraine to join the European Union, Hungary blocked the passage of a €50 billion aid package to the besieged country, the BBC reports.  “Summary of the nightshift: veto for the extra money to Ukraine,” Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban posted on social media as the meetings in Brussels shut down.  The EU will meet in early January to take up the issue again.

As part of their plea agreements, convicted co-conspirators Sidney Powell and Ken Chesebro scrawled hand-written, single-sentence letters of apology to the hundreds of thousands of Fulton County voters whose votes they tried to steal, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports.

“I apologize for my actions in connection with the events in Coffee County,” the letter from the Kraken read in its entirety.  “I apologize to the citizens of the State of Georgia and of Fulton County for my involvement in Count 15 of the indictment,” Chesebro wrote, reportedly while sitting at the defense table in October as the judge reviewed the plea deal.

A third defendant, bail bondsman Scott Hall, was more loquacious and organized, typing a brief but penitent apology for his actions saying, “Although I certainly did not mean to violate any laws, I now realize I did and have accepted responsibility for my actions.”  Sanctioned lawyer and Giuliani perfumer Jenna Ellis tearfully read her leader to the court in October.

Passed by unanimous consent, a Senate bill aims to compensate US military officers whose promotions were delayed because of a hold by Floribama Republican Senator Tommy Tuberville will receive the back pay differential that was withheld due to the Senate’s malfunction, Politico reports.

The bipartisan bill was co-sponsored by South Dakota Republican Mike Rounds and West Virginia Whatever-the-hell-Joe-Manchin-is Joe Manchin–and one of the first Senators to endorse the legislation was the aforementioned Tommy Tuberville.  “Finally, we’re able to right the wrong of Sen. Tuberville’s illogical, hurtful and dangerous holds and the massive impacts the holds had on military families,” Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer commented.

“This is exactly what they accused President Trump of,” Laura Ingraham, full of faux outrage and false claims, squawks.  “You’re leaning on your attorney general. Yo-yo-yo-you’ve been doing this.  You’ve been putting pressure on the independent, ah, y’know, um, Justice Department.  Your-your-you’re putting your finger on the scales of justice.  But this is obviously what’s going on here.  Obviously!  I mean it doesn’t even, I mean, it’s not even a question that’s happening here.”

“It’s exactly what they accused Barr of, though, though Barr did a better job of basically defying President Trump than Garland has done defying President Biden,” Fox contributor Sol Wisenberg notes while avoiding the fact that what Barr did do for Trump was cover up crimes and fail to prosecute despite ten charges outlined by the Mueller report.  Though yes, we concede Barr did refuse to participate in a coup Trump wanted.

Remember during the Summer of 2022, when Republicans were crying about their victimization (as they still do), and a disturbed man approached Republican Congressman Lee Zeldin as he was campaigning for New York governor?  The conservative hype machine cried it was a lib knife attack and assassination attempt, but it turned out to be a drunken veteran with PTSD holding a keychain with two sharp points.  Well, seventeen months later, the man, 44-year-old David Jakubonis, has undergone therapy, is completing an alcohol rehab stint, and was sentenced to three years of probation Thursday, per the Associated Press.

“Michael Green, 50, and Byron Bolden, 37, were formally sentenced this month after being convicted of retail theft at a Kohl’s department store in [Parker, Colorado]. The investigation revealed both Green and Bolden were associated with other Kohl’s thefts, which is why the department store dubbed the pair the ‘KitchenAid Mixer Crew.’ In addition to stealing brand name shoes and clothing, the thefts also included high-end KitchenAid appliances… At trial, defense attorneys suggested to a jury that their clients should only face a lesser misdemeanor charge because some of the items they stole were being offered ‘on sale.’ In Colorado, theft under $2,000 is a misdemeanor offense.”

“Meanwhile, theft between $2,000 and $5,000 is a Class 6 felony. The documented value of the items stolen was $2,094.98. A jury ultimately convicted both men of felony theft” says a Wednesday press release from Colorado 18th Judicial District Attorney John Kellner’s office.

A report from The Denver Gazette tells the story of their “defense” a little better, describing it was more theoretical that the items could have been on sale using various coupons and Kohl’s shopper discounts available… if they had actually paid for the shit. Which they didn’t.

Trump: He asked me a question, ‘please say you don’t want to be a dictator.’ I said no I won’t say that pic.twitter.com/JHHNkENs0D

— Biden-Harris HQ (@BidenHQ) December 14, 2023

“Members of the FBI’s Joint Terrorism Task Force located in the FBI’s West Covina Resident Agency and leaders with the Orange County Sheriff’s Department, the Tustin Police Department, the Fullerton Police Department, and the Orange County District Attorney’s Office on December 13 announced that a juvenile suspect who was a member of an online swatting ring was arrested on the morning of December 12. A series of hoax swatting threats had been made over the summer targeting numerous religious, educational, and public institutions in the United States, to include Jewish synagogues and African American churches. The group suspected of perpetrating the hoaxes was known to have called in bomb threats and swatting attempts at Jewish facilities, including at least 25 synagogues in 13 states between July 2023 and August 2023.”

“‘Swatting’ is a term used to describe criminal activity by an individual or group who knowingly provides false information to police suggesting that a threat exists at a particular location so that police respond with tactical units, or what’s commonly known as a SWAT team. The Joint Terrorism Task Force – in concert with law enforcement in Southern California and New York, as well as community organizations – compiled information that led to the identity of the individual believed to have created the server that hosted the suspected swatting network. The server that hosted that network, which has since been taken offline, included members who espoused extremist views, to include the glorification of highly publicized mass killers. The suspect was arrested on the morning of December 12 by members of the Joint Terrorism Task Force and will be charged at the state level by the Orange County District Attorney’s Office with two of the local swatting hoaxes. The local swatting attempts occurred at synagogues in Tustin, California, and in Fullerton, California. The suspect’s name will not be released because the individual is a minor” – FBI press release.

Florida GOP Chair Christian Ziegler has told his party he’ll accept $2 million if they want him to quit, evidently feeling confident enough to shake them down after the rape accusation against him almost certainly collapsed last week, FloridaPolitics.com reports on more fun in the Sunshine State.

One source told Florida Politics the party said they’re in no position to pay out that amount of money and another said the process of removing him is already underway though there’s no consensus on how long it could take. Worse, whatever momentum that still exists is likely to be sapped if and when law enforcement or prosecutors make a public call on whether they’re going to charge Ziegler.

Meanwhile the Biden Campaign tells CNN their Wednesday email fundraising off the inquiry vote was the best performing one so far this month, though they haven’t given specific numbers yet.

Just hours after an intermediate appeals court on Thursday tossed disgraced former President Trump’s appeal of the gag order imposed by Judge Arthur Engoron in the $250 million civil fraud lawsuit case New York Attorney General Letitia James brought against Trump’s corrupt business empire, the New York State Court of Appeals (which should just be called the goddamned Supreme Court like in every other state) denied the Orange Messiah leave for an appeal. Game over, fatass.

Dem former Congressman Tom Suozzi will face Republican Town of North Hempstead Council Member Mazi Melesa Pilip – an Ethiopian-Israeli-American former IDF paratrooper who was actually a registered Dem until recently – in the February 13th, 2024 special election to fill New York’s 3rd Congressional District seat vacated by Cameo star George Santos, the New York Times reports.

Cook Political Report’s Dave Wasserman rates the contest as a “toss-up” because everything needs to be a fucking horserace these days. Expect a shit ton of money and media coverage of a special in which both candidates were picked by what could reasonably be described with that old “cigar smoke-filled room” trope of Empire State politics. There probably was vape involved too.

“I got Impeached TWICE, was found NOT GUILTY, TWICE, but the Democrats never gave me the benefit or luxury of an Impeachment INQUIRY. Had they done so I never would have been Impeached They went straight to a Trial, before knowing anything about my complete and total innocence. WITCH HUNT! It was disgraceful. Biden is lucky to only have an Inquiry, and he’s GUILTY AS HELL!“ wrote disgraced former President Trump on Truth Social on Thursday.

This is – surprise! – completely false in regard to Trump’s first impeachment in 2019. Pelosi did get the House to formalize it in a party-line vote just a few weeks after she had first announced it.

It is true however that there wasn’t an inquiry vote taken the second time around in 2021, but that 10 Republicans went along with the Dems after all of their lives were endangered in the violent insurrection he had incited kind of takes off whatever edge Trump thinks he’s arguing here.

Ukrainian MP Oleksandr Dubinsky Rumored to be Summoned to Joe Biden’s Impeachment Hearings Is Violently Beaten by Unknown Assailants in Ukrainian Detention Center via @gatewaypundit https://t.co/BPyDgkBCXd

— The Gateway Pundit (@gatewaypundit) December 14, 2023

“Upon the conclusion of the 118th Congress, I will be retiring from the House of Representatives. Serving the wonderful constituents of Georgia’s Third District has been the honor of a lifetime. I have been blessed to have worked with such a talented and dedicated staff in my District and DC offices,” writes Republican Georgia Congressman Drew Ferguson in a Thursday statement that goes on a bit longer with boring boilerplate shit about his “achievements” in office and what not.

What it doesn’t mention – but is extremely hard to imagine doesn’t factor in to Ferguson’s decision to call it quits – is how his family received death threats after Ferguson switched his vote away from Jim Jordan during the locker room freak’s three failed votes to become Speaker of the House.

It’s not clear if it was Ferguson’s wife who got a voicemail from a MAGA terrorist who said “You’re going to be fucking molested like you can’t ever imagine,” among other shit. CNN’s Jake Tapper wouldn’t identify the target of the “grassroots pressure campaign” when he aired it in October.

Alcoholic shitbrain Rudy Giuliani’s lawyer Joe Sibley on Thursday informed the court that his asshole client will not be taking the stand in his defense in the federal civil trial to determine how much in defamation damages mother-daughter former Georgia election worker duo Ruby Freeman and Shae Moss are owed over Giuliani falsely accusing the two of being part of a vast conspiracy to rig the 2020 election against disgraced former President Trump, Politico’s Kyle Cheney reports.

The dodge comes just days after Rudy’s former client Trump pulled a similarly chickenshit move and backed out of previously announced testimony for his defense in the $250 million civil fraud lawsuit case New York Attorney General Letitia James brought against Trump’s corrupt business empire.

Not squirming out of testifying this week were the two plaintiffs. Moss on Tuesday had told the court she was humiliated when the manager of a Chick-fil-A she had applied to work at asked if she was a “traitor” while showing her a pic from some MAGA website. Freeman took the stand on Wednesday and told the court she had to leave her home after her name appeared on a “death list” kept by an Oath Keeper who FBI agents arrested in the days after the Capitol riot, among other horrible shit.

House Oversight Chairbilly James Comer on Thursday did a great job of repeating the lines Fox News conspiracy idiot Maria Bartiromo fed him after the Associated Press reported just after midnight reported that Comer’s own financial dealings risk “undercutting the force of some of Comer’s central arguments in his impeachment inquiry of President Joe Biden,” and that a shell company that Comer owned but transferred to his wife “functions in a similarly opaque way as the companies used by the Bidens, masking his stake in the land that he co-owns with the [Comer campaign] donor from being revealed on his financial disclosure forms.”