Turkish Islamist opposition MP Hasan Bitmez, who on Tuesday collapsed from a massive heart attack in the parliament chamber immediately after he warned that President Recep Erdogan’s ruling party “will not be able to escape the wrath of Allah” for continuing to trade with Israel during the war in Gaza, died Thursday after having lingered in a hospital for two days, Reuters reports.

It’s not clear if any of Bitmez’s Islamist MPs or other religious/political figures in Turkey or elsewhere in the Muslim world are reconsidering invoking the wrath of Allah on Israel and/or their domestic political opponents given the curious timing. More likely they’re just going to chalk it up to the two blocked veins in his heart that struck him down and leave it there. Science is good enough this time.

The Wisconsin MAGA hillbilly who goes by @JudicialProtest and wrote the infamous “Why is Judge Engoron’s Principal Law Clerk, Allison R Greenfield, palling around with Chuck Schumer?” post that led to fat former President Trump getting slapped with a gag order is himself a serial stalker who has no less than three 50 year restraining orders, has been convicted of violating the multiple times, and is once again under investigation for another violation, the Messenger reports.

Just the week after a screenshot of his September 27 post on Greenfield was picked up by Trump on Truth Social, 40 year-old Brock Fredlin was arrested on 130 counts of violating a restraining order and stalking. Later that month in an appeal to the Minnesota Supreme Court, Fredlin wrote that two of his stalking victims should be prosecuted because his “sentiments have already received endorsement from President Trump, who expressed support for them on October 3, 2023.”

The Florida Man virus has mutated into a corporate variant:  A Florida company that promoted itself as “America’s Most Patriot Brand” and said its Manly Man products “are 100% American made and nothing says ‘Merica [sic] like making products right here at home for ‘Merica man and woman alike” are actually 100% made in China, the Miami Herald reports.

According to the company’s website, which goes by the brand name Old Southern Brass USA, you can buy things like a shot glass shaped like a shotgun shell, or a shot glass with a fake bullet in it, or reusable drink chillers shaped like bullets, or a shot glass or a Fourth of July patriotic whiskey decanter sans bullet.  And it gets worse:  the company promoted that 10% of their sales went to support veterans’ charities, which of course was a lie.  (Remember Letitia James’ first victory over Donald Trump was also veterans fraud:  using his Foundation funds illegally for political purposes by paying off veterans charities?).

The website has since been updated with what appears to be boilerplate language explaining that while parts are manufactured in China, some products are assembled in the US. Yahoo has archived images.

With war breaking out in Europe and the Middle East, why not have a new one in South America for kicks, eh?  That’s what’s brewing on the border of Guyana and Venezuela, where troops are massing along the border as the two nations squabble over an oil-rich province that both nations claim as their own, NBC News reports.

Guyanese President Mohamed Irfaan Ali called Venezuela’s Nicolas Maduro “an outlaw” after Maduro started giving licenses to Venezuelan oil drilling companies for Guyana’s Essequibo region, which Maduro claims voted to join Venezuela suspiciously after oil was found there in 2015.  Election experts–real ones, not like Sidney Powell–question the legitimacy of the claimed outcome, however.

Asked a direct, ambiguous question from Trump advisor and unemployed foosball figurine Sean Hannity–“Is this now an investigation about Joe Biden being involved in what would be a bribery scandal, a money laundering scandal, and an influence-peddling scandal?”–Missouri Republican Jason Smith completely misses the softball:  “This has always, Sean, been an investigation in regards to Joe Biden.  The IRS whistleblowers when they came forward, they highlighted how the Justice Depar–” before Hannity interrupts to ask the question again: “Those three issues, though.  That’s what I’m asking:  bribery, money laundering, influence peddling.”–“It could be a multitude of numerous items and we’re just continuing to follow the facts.”

Except they’re not:  they’re not releasing facts.  They’re releasing quickly-debunked accusations that don’t point to anything corrupt, so “could be” does a lot of heavy lifting when you have no evidence of anything resembling a crime done by Joe Biden.

Three lawyers who represented Republican gubernatorial candidate and soft-focused Zoomer Kari Lake face sanctions from an Arizona regulatory committee after an investigation by the state bar association, the Arizona Republic reports.  Kurt Olsen, Bryan Blehm and Andrew Parker represented Lake either individually or in various combinations in a series of lawsuits seeking to overturn the 2022 gubernatorial election, which Lake lost to her Democratic challenger, the now Gov. Katie Hobbs.

The state bar association has already sanctioned the three lawyers, and the state Attorney Discipline Probable Cause Committee, essentially acting as a grand jury for professional discipline, agreed that there is sufficient proof of malfeasance that the three should face a disciplinary judge.  That judge will determine the appropriate punishment, which could range from a reprimand to disbarment.

In challenges to Hobbs’ victory, Blehm and Olsen repeatedly claimed without evidence that it had been proven that 35,000 votes had been inexplicably added to the vote total to give the election to Hobbs.  Blehm, for his part, continues to believe, as he stated in his response to the charges:  “As I stated at the outset of this response, this argument was presented on behalf of our client in good faith and I continue to believe it has merit.  In no way did I or have I ever attempted to mislead the court and I am not now seeking to mislead the State Bar of Arizona.”

The Attorney General of New Hampshire has filed a civil lawsuit against a group of neo-Nazis for trying to intimidate a LGBTQ-owned coffee shop in Concord from hosting a drag queen story hour, NBC News reports.  Appropriately-named Christopher Hood, the 25-year-old leader of the neo-Nazi group NSC-131, and 19 other unnamed members face fines of up to $10,000 each for violating the state’s anti-discrimination law.

“NSC-131” stands for National Socialist Club 131 intending to imply there are 130 other such “clubs.”  The group of men wearing masks, sunglasses, baseball caps and matching shirts and pants, seen in a viral video taken from inside the Teatotaller coffee shop, banged on the windows and threw Nazi salutes while shouting to intimidate the people, including children, at the cafe for the June event to celebrate Pride month.

“Acts of hate designed to terrorize an individual or business into violating our State’s antidiscrimination laws are simply wrong and will not be tolerated,” New Hampshire Attorney General John Formella said in a statement.  The attorney for Hood called the lawsuit “virtue signaling,” which is a very poor defense in court.

Oh wait… Shit, wrong clip. Ahhh… Wait, here it is, where at a MAGA rally in Iowa on Wednesday Trump said if he’s not elected in 2024 that we’ll “have a depression the likes of which I don’t believe anybody has ever seen. Maybe 1929, that’s what’s gonna happen.” Sounds really scary.

The fat bastard also variously complained about gas being “5, 6, 7, even 8 dollars a gallon” which isn’t very accurate, the media “enjoying” his indictments which okay maybe they did a little, and Jack Smith “rushing” his “lawsuit” to the Supreme Court to force a “guilty plea.”

Senior White House Advisor Jake Sullivan met with Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman on Wednesday to reinforce the Biden Administration’s efforts to limit the spread of the conflict in Gaza, Politico reports, with the administration hoping to ensure its efforts to normalize relations between Saudi Arabia and Israel stay on track.

Sullivan stopped in Saudi Arabia also sought to secure that nation’s assistance in stopping attacks from Houthi rebels, who are firing missiles at and attempting to hijack commercial vessels from Yemen and threatening with Iranian-supplied drones the allied military vessels guarding the shipping routes.

While he reported left Riyadh with promises of cooperation from the Saudi government, Sullivan did not receive the billion-dollar deposit from alleged murderer MbS as was customary with envoys from the previous administration:  Jared Kushner famously got $2 billion for an investment fund he was establishing although the Saudi family trust board found him inexperienced in handling such funds, and Trump’s former Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin got a similar donation at half the level.

“So Deranged Jack Smith, the Biden appointed ‘nut job’ prosecutor with a big record of loses because he goes too far, wants to RUSH, RUSH, RUSH to the Supreme Court on the important matter of Presidential Immunity, something which is so basic to America that it should be automatic.”

“He doesn’t want to go to our Highest Court with a loss, or negative opinion, but what he does want to do is INTERFERE WITH THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION OF 2024, hoping to damage Biden’s POLITICAL OPPONENT. In other words he want to CHEAT, because if they really wanted SPEED, they would have brought this ridiculous lawsuit 3 years ago, and it would be long ago over. But no, they Waited, and Waited, and Waited, and brought it right in the middle of my Presidential Campaign – THE DEFINITION OF ELECTION INTERFERENCE!” writes disgraced former President Trump.

Kind of weird how he wants to pump the brakes on “something which is so basic to America that it should be automatic.” Like doesn’t he want this over with as fast as possible if he’s so confident he’s going to win his appellate case on the obviously strong merits of his “automatic” immunity?

Like just now the DC Circuit Court of Appeals agreed to expedite the case while the Supreme Court also considers picking it up. The Appeals court could decide on this as soon as early next month, so really Trump should be thrilled that they’re going to take care of this for him quickly. Like ecstatic.

“The American people need their leaders in Congress to take action on important priorities for the nation and world. On Tuesday, I met with the President of Ukraine, who is leading his people in a battle for freedom against Russian aggression. He came to America to ask us for help. Yet Republicans in Congress won’t act to help. The people of Israel are in a battle against terrorists, and they are waiting for our help. Yet Republicans in Congress won’t act to help. We have to address the situation at our southern border, and I am determined to try to fix the problem. We need funding to strengthen border security, but Republicans in Congress won’t act to help.”

“We need to continue our progress on the economy and make sure inflation keeps going down and job growth keeps going up. That means avoiding self-inflicted economic crises like a government shutdown, which Republicans in Congress are driving us toward in just a few weeks because they won’t act now to fund the government and critical priorities to make life better for the American people. There is a lot of work to be done. But after wasting weeks trying to find a new Speaker of the House and having to expel their own members, Republicans in Congress are leaving for a month without doing anything to address these pressing challenges. I wake up every day focused on the issues facing the American people – real issues that impact their lives, and the strength and security of our country and the world. Unfortunately, House Republicans are not joining me. Instead of doing anything to help make Americans’ lives better, they are focused on attacking me with lies.”

“Instead of doing their job on the urgent work that needs to be done, they are choosing to waste time on this baseless political stunt that even Republicans in Congress admit is not supported by facts. The American people deserve better. I know what I am going to remain focused on. I would invite Republicans in Congress to join me” – Statement from President Joe Biden.

The House on Wednesday voted along party lines 221 to 212 in favor of opening the impeachment inquiry into President Joe Biden. Guess the shit they were feeding to Punchbowl was right after all.

An exciting new prequel episode of the MAGA Cinematic Universe Infinity Saga by Real Clear Politics “Investigations” guy Paul Sperry finds an explosive new supervillain crossover featuring now-Deep State special counsel Jack Smith and now-deceased would-be heir to the “Biden Crime Family” running a secret criminal operation in the tiny, war-torn eastern European country of Kosovo.

“The whistleblower complaint a former federal agent filed with DOJ includes affidavit by eyewitness who claims Trump indictor Jack Smith oversaw the deposit of bribes into a ‘black fund’ while prosecuting crimes in Kosovo, where Beau Biden rebuilt the postwar justice system,” Sperry writes.

WOW! Did he say “whistleblower”?!?! Pop the fucking popcorn guys, this one’s going to be a thrill ride! There’s gotta be a Hillary or even a Soros cameo. Gotta do the fan service these days.

Record Stock Market & Jobs!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 13, 2019

On December 13th, while the House of Representatives debated impeaching the incumbent president, Donald Trump tweeted “Record Stock Market & Jobs!” to comment on the current state of two widely observed economic measures. We rate this as MOSTLY TRUE as the Dow Jones Industrial average on this date did rally more than 500 points to close at an all time high of 37,094.85, the first time the index ever crossed the 37,000 mark. The most recent jobs report however found unemployment at 3.7 percent, impressive but a few tenths above the modern Bureau of Labor Statistics’ all-time low mark of 3.4 percent achieved in February 2023.

Judge Tanya Chutkan put an immediate stay on all proceedings including pretrial processes like discovery until the Supreme Court rules on immunity issues.  “Thus, because Defendant has appealed this court’s denial of that immunity, ‘whether the litigation may go forward in the district court is precisely what the court of appeals must decide.’ Consequently, the court agrees with both parties that Defendant’s appeal automatically stays any further proceedings that would move this case towards trial or impose additional burdens of litigation on Defendant. Accordingly, and for clarity, the court hereby STAYS the deadlines and proceedings scheduled by its Pretrial Order, as amended,” Chutkan wrote in her three-page order acknowledging the Supreme Court must decide the issue before proceedings can continue.

Chutkan’s decision to put a pause on all activities involving the DC federal trial around Donald Trump’s effort to undermine the outcome of the 2020 election and reinstall himself to an unearned second term as President now puts pressure on the Supreme Court to hear the motion brought by Special Counsel Jack Smith to adjudicate the issue of “presidential immunity” expeditiously so this trial can proceed.

Texas Senators Ted Cruz and John Cornhole this week refused to answer reporters’ questions about Kate Cox, the woman with a non-viable pregnancy who was forced to leave the state to obtain an abortion – doing so before the state Supreme Court ruled against her, NBC News reports

“I’m not a state official, so I’m not going to comment on what state officials are doing. I’m happy to comment on anything that I’m responsible for,” Cornhole said, as if he wasn’t responsible for confirming the far right Supreme Court justices who made this happen.

Cruz didn’t even go that far, simply telling reporters to call his press office, which is what you’re supposed to do when a politician isn’t standing right in front of you to answer a question himself.

Non-Correction: The current version of this article misspelled Senator John Cornyn’s name as ‘Cornhole’ several times. National Zero does not regret the error and will not be correcting it.

Asked by some rando reporter on the street outside the Capitol what he hoped to gain by an impeachment inquiry, Texas MAGA Congressman Troy Nehls on Wednesday responded with “All I can say is Donald J Trump 2024, baby!” Later asked by Rolling Stone why Nehls was stupid enough to say such a thing on camera when that is not the official line, at all, Nehls’s office lamely responded with “[Republicans] will follow the rule of law and go where the facts lead us,” and possibly some lengthier paeans to governance and objectivity that Rolling Stone declined to print.

…is literally the entire text of fat former President Trump’s most recent Truth Social post, which kind of raises the question of why is he wading into this when he’s supposed to be keeping a distance politically. Isn’t that the reason his backing of the impeachment inquiry is only something that comes out in insider reporting from like the New York Times and the Washington Post?

After that Trump posted “THE MOST IMPORTANT POLL RELEASED IN THE LAST 20 YEARS CAME OUT YESTERDAY STATING THAT 20% OF THE MAIL IN BALLOTS IN THE 2020 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION WERE RIGGED OR DEFECTIVE. THAT MEANS THAT THE ELECTION WAS A GIANT SCAM. YOU CANNOT HAVE A FAIR AND HONEST ELECTION AS LONG AS THERE ARE MAIL IN BALLOTS. CHEATING WILL ALWAYS BE PREVALENT. FRANCE, AND MANY COUNTRIES, HAVE STOPPED THE MADNESS. THE REPUBLICAN PARTY MUST DO SOMETHING NOW!!!” Lol.

Lastly, the fat bastard also addressed a Wednesday report in Politico which said he was considering letting North Korea keep their nukes in a deal similar to the one Obama made with Iran, which Trump freaked out over and canceled in 2017. “A Fake News article in Politico, through anonymous sources (as usual!), states that my views on Nuclear Weapons in North Korea have softened. This is a made up story, DISINFORMATION, put out by Democrat Operatives in order to mislead and confuse. The only thing accurate in the story is that I do get along well with Kim Jong Un!,” Trump wrote.

The House of Representatives will meet Wednesday to consider opening a formal impeachment inquiry into Hunter Biden. House Republicans, impressed with size of Hunter’s cock, took a step toward voting to authorize the probe Tuesday, passing that resolution out of the Rules Committee. A floor vote is expected Wednesday after Oversight Chairbilly James Comer rambles repeatedly.