Russian asset Jill Stein on Thursday filed the paperwork to run for president on the Green Party ticket in the 2024 election after similarly astroturfed spoiler Cornel West fucked off a few months ago.

Dem Wisconsin Gov Tony Evers’s office said he’ll sign a Republican-backed bill expected to pass the state Assembly on Thursday which would allow county clerks to begin pre-processing mail-in ballots the day before election day, provided the state Senate passes the same bill, the AP reports.

“Gov Evers will veto any bill that enables politicians to interfere with our elections or makes it harder for eligible Wisconsinites to cast their ballot, but if there are common-sense proposals that help ensure Wisconsin’s elections continue to be fair, secure, and safe, he’ll certainly consider signing them,” said an Evers spokeswoman Britt Cudaback about the proposal, which allows workers not to count the votes but to sort them out and get ready for tabulation starting after polls close.

The change would’ve gone an extremely long way – or maybe even all the way – to preventing disgraced former President’s 2020 election night meltdown in which MAGA voters jammed polls on election day and Dem voters mailed in their ballots, causing his lead to evaporate then flip to Joe Biden the next day as the counting wrapped up. Last year the Republican-majority state Senate rejected a similar bill that the Assembly had passed, at least in part because of what batshit MAGA freak state Representative Janel Brandtjen “gives bad actors an extra day to cheat.”

House Republicans on Thursday decided they didn’t want to protect the American people from woke bullshit and canned a bill with an amendment attached that banned the Biden Administration from using the term “Latinx,” Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports. The bill would’ve also done a bunch of other stuff, but it’s the “Latinx” part that is the real failure for the American people here.

With not passing the bill out of the way, white nationalist Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene then stood up to introduce a resolution impeaching DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas.

Complete shitbag G/O Media CEO Jim Spanfeller on Thursday announced the immediate closure of feminist-centric news website Jezebel, writing in a statement, “As of this week we are making the very, very difficult decision to suspend publication of Jezebel. Few decisions over the course of my career have been as excruciating, and I want to make clear this is in NO WAY a reflection on the Jezebel editorial team. They have had many successes over the past year or so and continue to do great work in difficult times. To an individual the Jezebel team has worked to meet and exceed their audience’s needs and wants in an incredibly important time for the core topics of the site.”

“Their urgent, breakthrough coverage of reproductive rights in this post-Roe era, as well as other key issues core to modern women, affirmed the brand’s storied legacy as the website that changed women’s media forever,” and blah blah blah the widely detested asshole continued.

Spanfeller is also famous for having ruined the once-extremely popular and well regarded sports news site Deadspin simply because they had too much non-sports content and shutting down Splinter News, which was the spiritual successor of Gawker after Peter Thiel destroyed it.

House Oversight Chairbilly James Comer and his brother Chad have been up to some financial shenanigans that if all things were equal in politics would merit that same level of scrutiny that Comer’s been applying to Joe and James Biden, according to a new report in the Daily Beast.

Normally we would summarize the Beast’s reporting but to be quite honest it’s pretty hard to follow and thus distill down here. That said, their headline “James Comer, Like Joe Biden, Also Paid His Brother $200K,” is as accurate as the exhaustive and complicated details are damning.

Just like Kathleen Kennedy, Kevin Feige emasculated his iconic Marvel heroes, piled on homosexuality, and buried us in sexless, humorless girlbosses… Now the news he won’t be making a Star Wars movie comes as something of a relief. https://t.co/n72Q3ujFRB

— Breitbart News (@BreitbartNews) November 9, 2023

Breitbart writer John Nolte on Thursday was relieved that a guy who turned a handful of obscure characters not even a lot of Marvel Comics fans knew existed into homosexuals and allegedly made Iron Man, Captain America, and other heroes less humorous than their source material won’t be directing a movie set in a fantasy galaxy where a girl boss and her long-lost twin brother bravely fought with a rebellion against a genocidal fascist autocracy led by two deranged religious fanatics who employed exclusively white men to run their deeply paranoid and insecure police state.

Far right New York Congresswoman Claudia Tenney on Thursday introduced an amendment to the upcoming government funding bill to reduce White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre’s salary to $1 annually, the latest attempt in a trend of MAGA dipshits in the House to punish thoughtcrimes against their version of reality. “She has repeatedly lied to the American people and acted in a condescending manner toward reporters and also violated the Hatch Act,” Tenney said as if she had the same issues with Jean-Pierre’s predecessors Sarah Huckabee and Kayleigh McEnany.

Speaking to the Associated Press about the death of a vegetable warehouse employee gruesomely killed by the pincers of an overeager industrial sorting robot, police in Gosong, South Korea on Thursday kind of blamed the victim for unintentionally siccing the simple-minded machine on him.

“It wasn’t an advanced, artificial intelligence-powered robot, but a machine that simply picks up boxes and puts them on pallets,” said Gosong detective Kang Jin-gi, making excuses for the technological terror that lifted the man up and crushed him on a conveyor belt simply for walking too close to its optical scanner whilst carrying a box of bell peppers. “It’s clearly not a case where a robot confused a human with a box – this wasn’t a very sophisticated machine,” said another law enforcement official, evidently similarly reluctant to bury himself and his colleagues with a likely unfathomable amount of paperwork involved with charging a robot with negligent homicide.

For the Gosong PD it’s basically an open-and-shut case of “Robot too stupid to commit murder, let insurance company and civil courts decide while we go work on convenience store stick-ups and pull over drivers for speeding… unless they’re self-driving cars. We’re staying out of that shit too.”

Continuing his legal offensive against the freelance MAGA conspiracy freaks constantly harassing him with insane bullshit, Hunter Biden on Wednesday filed a federal defamation lawsuit against QAnon-pilled former Overstock.com CEO Patrick Byrne for a series of tweets falsely linking Hunter to Iran and blaming him for the horrific October 7th Hamas terrorist attacks on southern Israel.

“Plaintiff brings this action for defamation against Byrne because he has made, published, and repeated false and defamatory statements about Plaintiff, knowing full well that the statements are false, for the purpose of subjecting Plaintiff to harassment, intimidation, and harm. On or about June 27, 2023, Byrne published false statements that Plaintiff ‘was reaching out to the Iranian government in the fall of 2021’ and offering to have Plaintiff’s father, President Joe Biden, ‘unfreeze’ $8 billion in Iranian funds ‘in return for $800 million being funneled into a numbered account for us.’ Byrne further stated falsely that Plaintiff urged the Iranian government that, ‘if you do this deal with us, it will lubricate other negotiations which have recently started between us.’ According to Byrne, ‘by that, the Iranians believed that Hunter meant the [Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action] talks, which had restarted in Geneva a month or two previously.’ These statements are completely false, and Byrne knew them to be false at the time he made them,” wrote Hunter’s lawyers in the complaint.

Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith’s DC case against disgraced former President Trump over his failed post-2020 election coup attempt may not specifically charge the bastard with inciting the deadly January 6th, 20201 attack on the Capitol by a horde of his most violent and deranged fanboys, but Politico notes that Smith’s team are putting the assault front and center in recent filings that his refusal to do anything to stop the mayhem was an act of furtherance for his conspiracy.

“The defendant here is charged with four related criminal counts, including conspiring to obstruct and obstructing the official certification proceeding on January 6. Essential to those charges are factual allegations and evidence that the proceeding was in fact impeded – namely, by a large crowd, including individuals whom the defendant had directed at the Capitol, that violently advanced on the Capitol building to create ‘a catastrophic security risk,'” wrote Smith lieutenant Molly Gaston in a filing this week. It’s not clear yet how much of Smith’s case will center on the riot, however Gaston wrote that it will be supported by “video, photographic, and geolocation” evidence as well as testimony from a number of insurrectionists who previously told courts and the January 6th Select Committee they sacked the Temple of Democracy at Trump’s behest.

Trump, confused: Kim Jong Un leads 1.4 billion people

(North Korea has a population of 26 million) pic.twitter.com/yJua4sbG7m

— Biden-Harris HQ (@BidenHQ) November 9, 2023

Meg Bryce, daughter of far right Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, and mom to four kids – all of whom have attended private schools since Bryce pulled them out of the public system during the COVID pandemic – was defeated Tuesday in the race for an open at-large Albemarle County, Virginia School Board seat in a 62-38 landslide by liberal opponent Allison Spillman, mother of five students in the district, one of whom her campaign website describes as a “a proud member of the LGBTQ+ community,” the Advocate reports on yet another defeat from a rough night for Karendom.

Lost in the shuffle of Ivanka testifying and the electrifying debate among the First Runner-Up nominees is the move by 106 Republicans to defund the Office of the Vice President.  Mixed into a slew of amendments House Members added to the Appropriations bill was a move nutty Georgia Republican Mike Collins–you thought I was gonna say Marge, didn’t ya?  You forgot they have more than one nutty Republican in Congress–to “defunding the Executive Office of the Vice President.”  Y’know, Kamala Harris’s job.

The amendment was defeated on a floor vote, but not before 106 Republicans voted to defund an office explicitly created by the Constitution of the United States, and it was such a spectacularly bad piece of performance art, Collins asked for a floor vote, which even the majority of other Republicans rejected.

The Republican Cloakroom has a fun list of amendments added by Republican House members, from Matt Gaetz’s attempt to prevent funding to buy land for the new FBI building (it lost) to Lauren Boebert trying to regulate the use of surveillance cameras in theaters, which isn’t a real thing but could be given some of the others offered.

The entertainment industry can get back to something close to normal after SAG-AFTRA announced a tentative agreement with the studios, NBC News reports, with actors able to go back to work as of 12:01 a.m. ET Thursday pending the expected approval vote of the 150,000 members.

The union had been on strike for almost four months, shutting down virtually all television show and movie productions across the country except for some independent productions.  The new contract is expected address many of the concerns members had regarding increasing use of technology through AI and improving pay rates coming from streaming and other alternative platforms.

I can’t get over the feeling that Vivek Ramaswamy really is trying his hardest to get me into that 2019 Altima that’s on the lot, but he’s got to his manager’s sign-off on the low-ball counteroffer you gave him.  He’s got the vibe of the guy who repeatedly reminds his co-workers around the coffee maker about how he graduated from the ‘used car salesman school’ with top honors because he recited the sales pitches so convincingly.  (And 5% GDP growth while eliminating trade with China to get them back for something, as he said earlier?  This guy ain’t ready for prime time.)

Unfortunately, Nikki Haley had to fend off a misogynist attack from one of her cohorts on stage to jab at another, but she handled it well.  She’s thoughtful, she’s experienced, she’s articulate, and she’s a woman, so she won’t get the nomination.  (Her sober closing statement after Vivek’s “Michelle Obama” rant shut down his nonsense.)

Ron Desantis?  Well, he’s Vivek Ramaswamy’s manager who comes out of the office to say, hey, look, I want Vivek here to hit his quota, but we just need a few hundred dollars more, so whaddaya say?  [Flashes fake smile as he puts his hand out to shake on the deal.] DeSantis relying on his record as governor is a joke, and he came perilously close to repeating Al Gore’s “Social Security lock box” gaffe from 2000, except sprinkled with a bit of extra-judicial murder.

Instead of doing two separate articles for both of these stupid spectacles let’s just put them together for a “split screen.” Starting first circa 7:30 EST is fat former President Trump’s rally in Hialeah, Florida, co-starring his former Reichsminister of Propaganda Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

American fighter jets in the Middle East whooshed into action Wednesday against a high-level class of Iranian bad guys and dropped some fweeeeeee-KABOOM! on them in a pretty challenging expert-mode mission in Syria, the Messenger reports on some cool new content from the US military.

As you might have read, Tuesday was not a great day on the MAGA internet and their collective mood did not at all improve after Wednesday dawned, seeing them grow only more negative:

“Imagine the ice that must run through so many people’s veins” – Top comment on the Gateway Pundit article “Ohio Legalizes Killing Babies Until the Moment of Birth and Overwhelmingly Votes to Legalize Marijuana.” Thanks for getting a not that great Foreigner song in our heads.

“Republicans need to realize Democrats are single issue voters. They don’t care about the economy, inflation, wars, energy costs. They care about abortion and nothing else” – Top comment on TownHall’s article “Republicans Lose Both Chambers in Virginia State Legislature.”

“You can grouse about cheating all you want, but the Democrats are better organized and have a better ground game, better fundraising operation, and a better ballot harvesting operation. What have Republicans done since 2020 to counter that? Under Ronna McDaniel, nothing. She has been a complete failure at her job. After overseeing three dismal election cycles, the Republicans rewarded her with an unprecedented fourth term. If the GOP gets wiped out in 2024, they’ll probably appoint her for life” – Top comment on the Instapundit post “YEAH. ESTABLISHMENT AGAINST DEMOCRATS? THE DEMOCRATS WIN. THEY’RE MORE AUTHENTIC, AFTER ALL: Mitch”

“Good thing all those ballot irregularities in Bridgeport, Connecticut only occurred in Bridgeport, Connecticut! Whew!” – The current top comment on PowerLine Blog’s “After last night.” Lucky for him the other readers deemed this inside of Poe’s law, because it was true in the real world.

“Three individuals have been arrested in connection with operating sophisticated high-end brothels in greater Boston and eastern Virginia. Commercial sex buyers allegedly included elected officials, high tech and pharmaceutical executives, doctors, military officers, government contractors that possess security clearances, professors, attorneys, scientists and accountants, among others.”

“The following defendants have been charged with conspiracy to coerce and entice to travel to engage in illegal sexual activity: Han Lee, a/k/a ‘Hana,’ 41, of Cambridge, Mass, James Lee, 68, of Torrance, Calif, and Junmyung Lee, 30, of Dedham, Mass. Han Lee and Junmyung Lee were arrested this morning and will appear in federal court in Boston later today. James Lee was arrested in the Central District of California and will appear in federal court in Boston at a later date. According to the charging documents, from at least July 2020, the defendants operated an interstate prostitution network with multiple brothels in Cambridge and Watertown, Mass, as well as in Fairfax and Tysons, Va. It is alleged that the defendants collectively established the infrastructure for brothels in multiple states which they used to persuade, induce and entice women – primarily Asian women – to travel to Massachusetts and Virginia to engage in prostitution,” says a Justice Department press release.

Continued: “Specifically, the defendants allegedly rented high-end apartment complexes as brothel locations, which they furnished and regularly maintained. The monthly rent for the brothel locations were as high as $3,664. It is further alleged that the defendants coordinated the women’s airline travel and transportation and permitted women to stay overnight in the brothel locations so they did not have to find lodging elsewhere, therefore enticing women to participate in their prostitution network… Over the course of the investigation, a wide array of buyers were identified, including, but not limited to, politicians, high tech and pharmaceutical executives, doctors, military officers, government contractors that possess security clearances, professors, lawyers, scientists and accountants. The investigation into the involvement of sex buyers is active and ongoing.”