It’s too difficult to write a real article summarizing the shitshow that was Monday’s hearing in DC Judge Tanya Chutkan’s courtroom as she weighed a motion from Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith’s team to slap disgraced former President Trump with a gag order ahead of his trial in the district for his post-2020 election coup attempt conspiracy, so let’s just try to go in a straight line as sourced from top talent present in the courtroom such as CBS’s Scott MacFarlane and Politico’s Kyle Cheney. It’s already going pretty badly for the fat bastard:

Trump Defense lawyer John Lauro started off by arguing his client is “entitled to speak truth to oppression.. he’s even allowed to say things insulting to these prosecutors..as difficult as it may be for them to hear,” before mentioning something about “tyranny and the Biden Administration,” to which Chutkan cut Lauro off, saying she doesn’t want to hear “campaign rhetoric.”

Chutkan then told Lauro “Mr Trump is a criminal defendant. He is facing four felony charges. He is under the supervision of the criminal justice sytem and he must comply with the conditions of release. He does not have the right to say and do exactly as he pleases,” and that she’s not moving the trial start date. March 4, 2024 stands, deal with it loser.

Lauro then complained that any gag order would be “asymmetrical” and wouldn’t apply to Joe Biden. Chutkan then reminded him that “Joe Biden isn’t a party to this case… And he’s not under release conditions.” She then checked his whining with “Mr Lauro, let’s tone this down a bit.”

A group supporting Democratic candidates in next month’s big Virginia legislative elections is making a six-figure ad buy to capitalize on the House GOP’s dysfunction, Politico reports on more potential windfall for Old Dominion Dems still keeping an eye on Capitol Hill for material.

🚨BREAKING🚨

We are investigating whether classified documents President Biden was caught mishandling included sensitive information related to specific countries involved in his family’s foreign business schemes that brought in millions for the Bidens.@RepJamesComer is… pic.twitter.com/9m6f4u1kwg

— Oversight Committee (@GOPoversight) October 16, 2023

House Oversight Chairbilly James Comer’s got nothing better to do these days, so he might as well just pretend there’s some connection between Joe Biden’s vice presidential classified documents fuckup and his son Hunter’s fake business selling access to foreign scumbags. Why not, right?

“Tomorrow is a big day for Democracy. A Leaking, Crooked and Deranged Prosecutor, Jack Smith, who has a terrible record of failure, is asking a highly partisan Obama appointed Judge, Tanya Chutkan, who should recuse herself based on the horrible things she has said, to silence me, through the use of a powerful GAG ORDER, making it impossible for me to criticize those who are doing the silencing, namely Crooked Joe Biden, and his corrupt and weaponized DOJ & FBI. They want to take away my First Amendment rights, and my ability to both campaign and defend myself.”

“In other words, they want to cheat and interfere in the 2024 Presidential Election. Nothing like this has ever happened in our Country before. It is strictly Banana Republic kind of ‘stuff.’ These political Hacks and Thugs are destroying our Country. Let’s see what happens on Monday in Judge Chutkan’s courtroom. Will America survive, or not? I’ll be campaigning in the Great State of Iowa, where I am leading by 50 Points!!!” wrote fat former President Trump in a Sunday night Truth Social post, spewing exactly the kind of shit that prompted Jack Smith to a gag order in the first place.

The hearing starts at 10 AM EDT. White nationalist Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene is reportedly in attendance, in case it wasn’t already obvious that this is a big deal in MAGA world.

Florida MAGA activist and donor Steve Alembik, famous for his 2018 “FUCK THAT MUSLIM [N-WORD]!” tweet about Barack Obama that caused headaches for Ron DeSantis and Rick Scott during their campaigns, is dead after he shot his wife in the parking lot of a Delray Beach, Florida BurgerFi location and then turned the gun on himself last week, Boca News Now reports.

Alembik’s wife, name withheld from the article, was shot in the arm and back before she ran into the BurgerFi for help as she bled profusely. She remains in critical condition at a local hospital.

“Steve Alembik was a wonderful, and kind hearted man, and I was very sad and shocked to learn of his death today. I wrote about him in my book, as he was the person who gave me the first initial push to run for US Congress in 2020. I made the decision to run for Congress when we had a meeting in his office in Boca Raton, and he worked hard to support me every step of the way… Sadly, those of us who knew Steve understood that he struggled with his mental health at times, which he ultimately succumbed to when he died this week, but he always put on a smile for those around him and never complained,” tweeted fellow racist MAGA scumbag Laura Loomer in a lengthy response to Alembik’s self-cancelation. She didn’t mention the Obama n-word tweet.

“NBC News announced today that it will host the Republican National Committee’s third presidential primary debate at the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts of Miami-Dade County from 8 to 10 pm ET on Wednesday, Nov 8. NBC News will produce the debate and it will be widely shown on its television, streaming and digital platforms. The RNC also selected as debate partners Salem Radio Network and the Republican Jewish Coalition, as well as RNC streaming partner Rumble to live stream the debate. The RNC will announce the candidates who qualify to participate in the debate in the coming weeks,” says NBC News in a statement, which also amounts to a bargain for national advertisers looking for cheap commercial space during a weeknight primetime broadcast.

Now that the day and time have been set, within the next day or two disgraced former President Trump will announce his stupid “counter-programming” event, whatever that might end up being.

The White House on Monday postponed President Biden’s trip to high school dropout Lauren Boebert’s Colorado district so he can stay in DC “to participate in national security meetings.”

In very related news, Politico reports that Boebert’s finance reports reveal she spent more than $300 at the drag-friendly Aspen bar owned by the dude she fondled at the Beetlejuice show.

Liberty University President Dr Dondi E Costin tells Fox News in an “exclusive” that the Biden Administration tried to “poison the well” purposely by leaking a report finding that the shitty Evangelical school covered up numerous instances of sexual assault on campus after the Washington Post earlier this month obtained a copy and published numerous damning details.

“The most damaging element of this whole process is the fact that for the first time that any of us are aware, the Department of Education leaked a preliminary report while we are in the process of negotiating with the department about all the advancements that we’ve made. And so that’s the biggest issue,” said Costin, adding “The leak is intentionally aimed at laying the groundwork for an unprecedented fine and the report is filled with factual errors that the Department has admitted to Liberty in their negotiations.” Always the victims, those far right MAGA Christians.

“I think if you look in the Department of Education report, what you will see are a number of unsupported assertions of bad faith. It’s as if they are mind-reading the university,” said Costin.

Israeli Defense Force statement: “As part of extensive IDF strikes targeting senior operatives and terrorist infrastructure in the Gaza Strip, the IDF and ISA neutralized the southern Khan Yunis Nukhba commander (Hamas commando forces), who was responsible for the Kibbutz Nirim massacre. Following ISA intelligence, IDF fighter jets operated in Gaza and neutralized Billal Al Kedra last night, the commander of the southern Khan Yunis Nukhba forces, who was responsible for the Kibbutz Nirim massacre. Hamas and Islamic Jihad terrorist operatives were also neutralized.”

“The IDF also struck over one hundred military targets located in Zaytun, Khan Yunis, and west Jabaliya. These strikes impacted the capabilities of the Hamas terrorist organization, by targeting its operational command centers, military compounds, dozens of launchers, anti-tank missile launch posts and observation posts. Furthermore, operational command centers belonging to the Islamic Jihad terrorist organization were struck.”

Spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan is still short by “at least 10 to 20” votes of the 217 threshold required to become Speaker of the House ahead of the supposed Tuesday afternoon vote on the full floor where he faces a Dem caucus united behind Hakeem Jeffries, CBS News reports.

A 71-year-old white Illinois man has been arrested after attacking a Muslim woman and her six-year-old son, stabbing both of them repeatedly, resulting in the boy dying from more than a dozen wounds, Politico reports.  Expected to survive despite being stabbed multiple times herself, the mother was able to call 9-1-1 to report her landlord was threatening the family with a knife because he was angry about the Hamas attack on Israel.

According to a statement by Democratic Illinois Governor J.D. Pritzker, the child, identified as Wadea Al-Fayoume, was stabbed 26 times.  Police arrested 71-year-old Joseph M. Czuba of Plainfield, who was charged with first-degree murder, attempted first-degree murder, two counts of hate crimes and aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.

Officials said there has been a sharp increase in threats against both Jewish and Muslim populations since Hamas’s attack on Israel last week.  Pritzker condemned the attack, calling it “a hate crime,” although he did not say if his administration would pursue hate crime enhancements for Czuba’s charges.

House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries on Sunday told NBC’s Kristen Welker that there have been “informal conversations” with Republicans about setting up a bipartisan coalition in the chamber and that on Monday they’ll start work on making it formal, which is actually a pretty big deal.

Asked what the conditions will be for entering an agreement, Jeffries said first and foremost he wants to ensure that “votes are taken on bills that have substantial Democratic support and substantial Republican support, so that extremists aren’t able to dictate the agenda.”

Lindsey sure fucked up this time. Almost as bad was later in the interview when he said “That was a huge mistake” and “That was not helpful” about Trump’s meltdown over Netanyahu and Israel.

Former Vice President Mike Pence’s campaign is getting absolutely asphyxiated by debt, with $620,000 owed hanging heavily on $1.2 million cash on hand vs $3.3 million roped in from donors, a troubling sign that the near-lynching victim is getting ready to hang it up, NBC Noose reports.

NBC sees a parallel with former Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker’s 2016 presidential primary campaign at this point eight years ago, writing that reporting debt means the end is nigh.

“With just a few weeks to Election Day and early voting already underway in several states, it’s peak time for the ‘ground game’ that campaigns have spent months preparing. Back in May, on-the-ground Republican operatives voiced concerns to The Federalist that the Republican National Committee’s operations weren’t keeping pace with grassroots in swing states. Now, as Election Day nears, a narrative has emerged in the corporate media about the Trump campaign’s ‘paltry’ ground game,” wrote far right propaganda site the Federalist last week in a piece titled “Outside Conservative Groups Are Leading Trump’s Ground Game. That Might Be A Good Thing.”

Donald Trump +5 more 🔴 votes today thanks to Zerah who came from Oregon to help us Chase the Vote in Arizona!!

Every vote is critical.

Let’s go!! https://t.co/UW3fzSxyDa

— Charlie Kirk (@charliekirk11) October 10, 2024

That Federalist article might be what an outfit clearly bothered when a “narrative has emerged in the corporate media” about a serious weak spot in their effort to return convicted felon former President Trump to the White House would print and the tweet above might be contributing to that “narrative” considering that small-faced bastard is celebrating five more votes for his Orange Allah in Arizona.

Should Jim Jordan become Speaker of the House–and as it stands as of this writing, it is the most expedient and least disastrous route for the House GOP–Democratic candidates should send Matt Gaetz a daily Incredible Edible bouquet until Election Day 2024.  (It would accomplish two things:  His interns probably need some fruit in their diets and if kept in the office, they will feed an annoying swarm of fruit flies.)

Gaetz’s stunt lit a fuse on a bomb that has yet to explode, but the panic that it caused exposed the fundamental weakness of House Republicans:  lack of leadership.  The face representing the House GOP with which Republicans in every district will have to partner in the 2024 elections will be… Jim Jordan.  In every swing district, “Jim Jordan’s Far Right Freedom Caucus Agenda” gets pinned to the GOP candidate.

In this case, rightly so:  virtually every Republican in the House will have to vote for Jordan–or whomever ascends–for that person to become Speaker and that means each member casts a de facto vote for that person’s agenda.  And Jordan’s agenda isn’t popular with voters:  he’s anti-choice, pro-censorship, and he sits on the side of the insurrectionists.  In fact, some believe Jordan is a leader of the January 6th attempt to undermine the Constitution.

The Pentagon ordered the USS Dwight D. Eisenhower carrier group to move to the eastern Mediterranean, joining the USS Gerald R. Ford to offer security to Israel as it retaliates against Hamas for a deadly terrorist attack launched from Gaza, ABC News reports.  The Biden Administration also wants to dissuade Iran and Hezbollah from any action to support Hamas.

The Eisenhower set sail from Norfolk on a previously scheduled deployment that would take it into the Mediterranean and through the Suez Canal to participate in operations in the Persian Gulf.  It will now linger in the eastern Mediterranean until further notice.  The Pentagon is also considering moving the USS Bataan amphibious assault ship to the region to support potential operations.

On Friday patriot Jim Jordan was selected by the House Republican Caucus to become the next Speaker but there are serious doubts about whether he can be elevated to the most prestigious position in Congress, second in line to the presidency, as Democrats won’t help him get the majority of votes needed in the chamber to secure the gavel, preferring to play petty politics.

Leftists think this is so funny.

Why? The answer is obvious: The Democrats are seizing the opportunity to obstruct the impeachment inquiry against their corrupt, socialist leader Joe Biden. The momentum Republicans had three weeks ago was absolutely massive. The GOP had Biden and his evil son Hunter on the run, with the first blockbuster hearing in the inquiry nothing but wall-to-wall devastating testimony from witnesses. A full vote to authorize articles of impeachment was inevitable. All that changed when Democrats refused to help now-former Speaker Kevin McCarthy hang on to the gavel when he was hit with a motion to vacate brought by some Congressman for whatever reason.

Who did it and why isn’t important because the American people deserve answers and they won’t be getting them as long as Dems won’t work with Republicans to elect a conservative Speaker. Jim Jordan is the man who will continue exposing the corruption of the Biden Administration by subpoenaing Hunter Biden’s bank records and allowing members to show the American people pictures of him having sex with prostitutes before they go to the polls in the 2024 election.

Robert F Kennedy Jr’s younger brother Chris tells Politico he’s looking forward to Thanksgiving with the anti-vax weirdo now that Bobby’s dropped out of the Democratic presidential primary for an independent bid, with Chris having made the same calculation many in the GOP have already made.

“With Bobby no longer running in the Democratic Party, that’s taken a lot of pressure off of us,” Chris Kennedy said. “We love our brother. We love our party. And we love our president. Ultimately, it’s better that he’s running as an independent and can impact President Trump. We’re hopeful that he pulls support from President Trump and that he helps Joe Biden in the end. The folks I know who are most vocal about their support for Bobby are a lot of my traditional Republican friends. As a Kennedy, only Bobby, with that kind of charisma, could attract that much Republican support.