I'm suing Joe Biden. https://t.co/wtZnlx9Hgt

— Rudy W. Giuliani (@RudyGiuliani) October 4, 2023

The tweet links to a “livestream from New Hampshire” where, and this is no exaggeration, it sounds like Rudy is suicidal. We can’t even tell what the hell his complaint is supposed to be about he just keeps rambling about losing his business and social media following because of Biden. We guess it’s defamation or something. Not clear is what lawyer is filing the complaint because on Wednesday morning his Georgia defense counsel motioned to withdraw from the case, the second one in as many weeks. Another lawyer, Rob Costello, sued last month over $1.36 million in unpaid fees.

In their post-mortem on California Congressman Kevin McCarthy’s failed speakership, the Washington Post reports that “One person close to Trump, who, like others, spoke on the condition of anonymity to comment candidly, suggested that the outcome might have been different if McCarthy had endorsed Trump early on in the former president’s quest for the 2024 nomination.”

No further details from inside the Orange God Emperor’s court of jesters were included in the Post’s report, but beyond that it was obvious that Trump wasn’t really inclined to get in the middle of it for a number of reasons: That the next Speaker will almost certainly be a fanatically loyal cultist and McCarthy had fairly recently already been in deep shit with for failing to “expunge” his two impeachments and had foolishly questioned whether Donald was the “best candidate” for 2024.

Then of course there’s Trump’s other problems this week in New York, where the Daily Beast’s Jose Pagliery just now reported that Donald “is starting to grumble in court, groaning in front of the judge while making winces and exasperated shrugs” as testimony in the $250 million business fraud lawsuit brought by Attorney General Leticia James continues. Fingers crossed for a major outburst.

In a development accelerating the abasement of the US House of Representatives, spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan on Wednesday said he’s running for Speaker, NBC’s Scott Wong reports.

Italian government officials have started redrafting evacuation plans after the city of Naples was hit with a swarm of mostly small earthquakes centered on the undersea caldera of Campi Flagrei, a freaking monster volcano that would cause untold destruction were it to erupt, ABC News reports.

Experts downplayed the action, saying the quakes don’t necessarily mean the volcano – which last erupted in 1538 – would awaken again. “The seismic activity has been intensifying for months. We have observed over 3,000 tremors since the start of 2023,” said Italian government geologist Gianfilippo De Astis. “Only 65, however, were above a 2.0 magnitude,” he continued, saying it may just be a cyclical movement of magma rather than a precursor. De Astis still warned authorities have to get their shit together and start working on preparing. “No doubt that the plans need to be updated, but that’s a complex issue,” De Astis said “For sure, escape routes have to be enlarged to allow a quicker exodus. The government should definitely act on the infrastructure side.”

Things got more than a little testy between Fox and Friends host Brian Kilmeade and hick Tennessee Congressman Tim Burchett on Wednesday morning, with Kilmeade plainly furious with the slow-witted white nationalist for voting alongside Matt Gaetz to remove Kevin McCarthy from power.

Sources tell the New York Times that alcoholic shitbrain Rudy Giuliani’s liver abuse has become a subject of interest for Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith’s team as they continue their investigation into Co-conspirator 1’s role in the Trump regime’s post-2020 election coup attempt.

Obviously it’s not a crime to guzzle whiskey before going on Fox News or hosting a stupid radio show and Smith’s team don’t care how much he drank. They do however want to use the lush’s habit to punch holes in Trump’s anticipated “advice of counsel” defense, where he blames Rudy and the other morons for telling him it was possible to overturn the 2020 election, something that becomes harder when they can prove to a jury that Donald was aware that Rudy was shitfaced.

The 2022-2023 “water year” ending October 1st was a boon for drought-striken California, with officials finding levels in the state’s reservoirs now up to 128 percent of the historical average after heavy rain and snowfall more than made up for years of dry spells, the Associated Press reports.

“This was as close to a miracle year as you can get,” said California Department of Water Resources Director Karla Nemeth. The constant flow of precipitation and built-up snowpack at higher elevations contributed to a much-needed respite from wildfires, with the 476 square miles of forest burned in 2022-2023 less than a quarter of the five-year average of 2,031 square miles.

AS SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE, my 2nd proposals brought to the House Floor are as follows:

Abolish the Federal Reserve

Give US Treasury Authority to Issue Currency

Defund & Abolish ALL Antiquated Federal Regulatory Agencies

Review ALL Old Laws & Purge Obsolete Laws/Statutes pic.twitter.com/Kq5ihbpLNJ

— Jake Angeli-Chansley (@AmericaShaman) October 4, 2023

Winner: Late-night talk show hosts who decided to get back in front of the camera at so-perfectly the right time you’d think they manipulated the situation.

Loser:  Oh, hell, yeah, Number One Loser is Matt Gaetz.  He fucked around, and he is gonna find out. When your political leverage in the House turns on fewer people than what’s needed for a full baseball squad (without a relief pitcher) you’ve made a wager you have no capital to cover.

Winner:  Kevin McCarthy.  Yeah, he won.  Think about it.  He didn’t really want to be Speaker.  He just wanted to have been the Speaker.  He wanted the portrait in the Lobby; he didn’t want the responsibility.  He’ll make the list, but he won’t have a legacy.  He’ll be the Jm. J Bullock of House Speakers:  Yeah, I know the name, but was he a ventriloquist, a ’70s actor, or the guy from that budget showdown that one time?  And guess what?  He’ll see a pension bump, too.

GOP House members are plotting revenge against the Jar Jar Binks of Congress, Florida Republican Matt Gaetz, after his stunt ousted California Republican Kevin McCarthy from the Speakership.  According to the Washington Post, one group of Republicans is looking to eject Gaetz from the GOP, while others are planning his eviction from the House.

Gaetz has put himself on an island:  he was despised before this stunt for embarrassing the Party by leading a rag-tag sect of far-right nihilists to force a days-long election of McCarthy in the first place.  It had gotten so bad, Gaetz frequently sat on the Democratic side of the aisle when the caucuses met on the House floor, ignoring his Republican colleagues and they him.

“I’d love to have him out of the conference,” Don Bacon of Nebraska told reporters Tuesday, adding, “He shouldn’t be in the Republican Party.”  South Dakota’s Dusty Johnson commented, “I think there’s some reason to doubt whether or not Matt Gaetz is serious.”

The Baltimore Banner reports an active shooting currently occurring on the campus of Morgan State University in Baltimore with at least four people shot.  The Historically Black University went into lockdown as the shooting was reported at a dormitory on the campus of 7,900 students around 10 p.m. Tuesday.  There are no details about the shooter or the condition of the victims.

Update: 12:52 p.m. ET:  Although no suspect has been captured, police said it is no longer an active shooter situation and at 12:35 a.m., the campus lifted the lockdown.  None of the victims’ injuries are life-threatening.

“Kevin McCarthy will not seek the Speakership again,” secret Trump advisor and cable propagandist Sean Hannity announces before pulling something out his colon.  “Now, sources telling me at this hour some House Republicans have been in contact with and have started an effort to draft former President Donald Trump to be the Speaker, and I have been told… uhhhh…  that, ah, President Trump might be open to helping the Republican Party at least in the short term if necessary, ahhhh, if it’s needed.”

Trump got away from the draft before so…  But seriously, Trump as Speaker has Jerry-Spring-meets-The-West-Wing-on-Survivor-Island all over it.  Trump would likely demand the House unilaterally make all his legal difficulties go away–and he’s try to defund Jack Smith’s Special Counsel’s office, too!  Besides, Trump’s got rallies and fundraisers and court dates coming up, so he just can’t do it.

North Carolina Republican Congressman Patrick McHenry, who has one week to give to this position, notified Speaker Emerita Nancy Pelosi that she must move out of her hideaway office by the close of business Wednesday so he can take it over in his duties as Speaker pro tem, Politico reports.  Pelosi is currently in California for the funeral of her friend and colleague, ground-breaking Senator Dianne Feinstein, who died last week.

“Please vacate the space tomorrow, the room will be re-keyed,” an aide to McHenry wrote to Pelosi’s office. “Sadly, because I am in California to mourn the loss of and pay tribute to my dear friend Dianne Feinstein, I am unable to retrieve my belongings at this time,” Pelosi said when reached by Politico, who did not mention if they heard her laugh when McCarthy’s name was mentioned.

Hideaway offices are a limited number of private rooms or suites scattered around the Capitol and unlisted on public maps, identified only by a number on the door, where Senators and senior members of the House have personal office space outside of staffers and the public.  As a former Speaker, Pelosi had been granted the privilege of having the personal space.

In what was likely his last missive under his @SpeakerMcCarthy Twitter handle, ousted former Speaker Kevin McCarthy maudlinly narrated a rather mundane and over-detailed retelling of his life before pinning the responsibility for his ouster squarely on his own Frankenstein’s Monster.

“I give it as good as I get it,” McCarthy said of Gaetz’s actions, a thinly-veiled warning to the Florida Republican Congressman who faces his own questions due to an ongoing Ethics Committee investigation into child sex trafficking allegations.

When asked by a reporter if he was going to stay in Congress, McCarthy was more enigmatic:  “I will look at that.”

A 19-year-old Florida Man–written like it’s a specific branch of paleolithic hominin–who was a brand-spankin’ new handgun owner decided to get into a fight at his local bowling alley so he had an excuse to brandish the weapon is now under arrest for aggravated battery with a deadly weapon after he shot a 17-year-old, WEAR ABC-3 in Pensacola reports.

Nicolas Vallia, a 19-year-old from Cantonment, last week started an argument with a group bowling in the lane next to his.  The disagreement spilled outside later in the night, when the victim declined to play in a “roll dice” game with Vallia and his friends.  The victim got into his car with his friends and drove away, followed by Vallia, who grabbed his gun and firing two shots into the victim’s car, hitting the victim in the stomach.  With the driver shot, his friends navigated the car to a shopping center parking lot and called 9-1-1.

Vallia’s girlfriend said he had just bought the gun six months ago and felt he needed more “protection.”  His friends said he was looking for an opportunity to flash the gun to “look hard in front of his girlfriend.”  There were no drag shows involved in the corruption and injuries of these children.

The immediate past Speaker of the House, Kevin McCarthy, pulled his hat out of the ring to recapture the seat after a humiliating vote to oust him, making him the first Congressman to be removed from leadership in the middle of a term, per Olivia Beavers of Politico.  His title is now Congressman.

According to Jake Sherman, McCarthy gave a lengthy, self-pitying speech to the GOP caucus.  “I did it for the good of the conference. The Dems came to me to make a deal. I wasn’t going to make a deal. When eight people work with the Democrats, it’s not for the best of the conference. I got to be the 55th speaker — my goal has been to save the country. I love a lot of you. I saw your kids grow up. … I’m not going to sell my soul to Democrats. Ill still work to get you elected — maybe not all of you because I’m a free agent. When we come out of the next vote, let’s elect that person on the first round. if I have to be the sacrifice, so be it. We’re the only conservative face for America. I appreciate all of you.”  [For clarification, the quotation marks are from Sherman’s Twitter-telling of the speech; it may or may not McCarthy’s speech verbatim.]

Sherman goes on to report the House has shut down for the week.  The GOP caucus will hold a candidate forum next week and intend to bring a vote for the next Speaker to the floor on Wednesday, October 11th.

“Legitimate Governor of Arizona” Kari Lake on Tuesday filed the paperwork to run for the 2024 Senate race for the seat currently occupied by Kyrsten Sinema, ABC15’s Garrett Archer reports.

The National Republican Congressional Committee – the organization responsible for recruiting, funding, and electing GOP House candidates – on Tuesday put out a statement declaring that the “House Democrats are now officially the Chaos Caucus” because they “voted en masse following their extreme leader, Hakeem Jeffries, to throw the House into chaos on a motion to vacate.”

“Extreme House Democrats are arsonists complaining about fire damage. As House Republicans continue to try to do the people’s work considering critical funding bills, House Democrats are using every dirty trick to delay, deflect, and destroy the institution,” said NRCC comms chief Jack Pandol.

Thanks to a motion from a nihilist alleged child sex trafficker from Florida, Matt Gaetz, California Republican Kevin McCarthy has lost the House Speakership, becoming the first House leader in the history of the nation to lose his seat by being ousted by his Party during the session.

Having reached the 214 vote threshold to account for “half-plus-one” of all the members present, McCarthy becomes the fifth Republican to hold the Speaker’s office in the last quarter century and the fifth to lose the job.  Newt Gingrich was drummed out on an ethics charge; Denny Hassert left office after being exposed as a child sex predator; John Boehner and Paul Ryan resigned in what can only be described as a varying mix of shame, ineffectiveness, exhaustion and disgust.  Over that time, Nancy Pelosi was the only Democratic Speaker, having served for eight years before Hakeem Jeffries took over as Democratic leaders in the current session.

Republicans voting against McCarthy included the motion sponsor, Matt Gaetz, as well as Andy Biggs (AZ), Ken Buck (CO), Tim Burchett (TN), Eli Crane (AZ), Bob Good (VA), Nancy Mace (SC), and Matt Rosendale (MT).  The final count after the clerk caught up with those member who missed their official slot to vote was 216-210.

An Oklahoma City wildlife removal contractor tells KFOR he’s closing in on the 13-foot python that for five months has been feasting on mammals in the Burntwood Mobile Home Park.

“We’re talking, that thing has been eating opossums, foot-long rats, and cats,” said Red Beard Wildlife Control’s Trevor Bounds. “The mouth on that thing is the size of your foot and when it opens up you’re going to be able to fit something pretty large in there,” Bounds continued, saying he was worried his serpentine quarry could start soon begin preying on humans too. “The constricting is what can be the dangerous part. You can’t have small children or pets going near this thing that’s why this should’ve been tackled a whole lot sooner. Things could have gotten much worse.”

Bounds has only been on the job since Friday but already he’s learned a thing or two about how to track down the monster reptile. “We were using our thermal camera last week to find it but because it is cold-blooded we had to just look for an outline of him,” said Bounds, the pressure to bring the python to justice was growing. “They have an animal that large and I can imagine that each one of those cats put up a nasty fight. So, when it’s been attacked that many times and to that extent, the nice non-aggressive pet snake we once knew is no more. This thing is dangerous now.”