Soon to start a weekend edition: the Saturday Satan https://t.co/xLVnMQs4RC

— Matt Schlapp (@mschlapp) August 30, 2023

Nothing like calling a widely well-regarded outlet like the Daily Beast “Satan’s publication” after their reporter revealed you tried to settle with a guy who accused your husband of drunkenly grabbing his dick and begging him to come upstairs for sex. That’ll really show them.

DC Circuit Judge Beryl Howell on Wednesday awarded a default judgment for Georgia election workers Ruby Freeman and Shae Moss in their federal defamation lawsuit against drunken shitbrain Rudy Giuliani, a stunning defeat in civil court just as Mayor 9/11 faces charges in a Georgia criminal court for the very same campaign of harassment he waged against the mother-daughter duo.

“Upon consideration of plaintiffs Ruby Freeman and Wandrea ‘Shaye’ Moss’s Motion for Discovery Sanctions, ECF No. 81, the related legal memoranda in support and in opposition, the exhibits and declarations attached thereto, the parties’ Updated Joint Status Report, ECF No. 89, and the entire record herein, for the reasons set forth in the accompanying Memorandum Opinion, it is hereby ORDERED that plaintiffs’ Motion for Discovery Sanctions, ECF No. 81, in the form of default judgment and an award for attorneys’ fees and costs associated with filing the motion, is GRANTED; it is further ORDERED that default judgment will be entered against defendant Rudolph W Giuliani on his liability for plaintiffs defamation, intentional infliction of emotional distress, civil conspiracy, and punitive damage claims, pursuant to Federal Rules of Civil Procedure 37(e)(2)(C),” wrote Howell.

The lengthy ruling concludes with Howell ordering that there will still be a trial, but only to determine damages – and the jury will be instructed to consider how much Rudy fucked around and withheld documents from the plaintiffs during the discovery process, Lawfare’s Anna Bower reports.

Republican Alabama state Representative David Cole was arrested Tuesday on charges of voting in an unauthorized location, WFSA reports on another non-Democrat getting caught fucking around.

The scheduled Wednesday sentencing hearings for Proud Boys leaders Enrique Tarrio, Joe Biggs, and Ethan Nordean have been canceled due to an “emergency,” Politico’s Kyle Cheney reports. The fascist street brawlers had been set to be locked up for a good while following their convictions earlier this year on charges of seditious conspiracy for their group’s involvement in the Capitol riot.

No further explanation was given. We would have to guess there’s been some kind of incident at the jailhouse, possibly a suicide attempt by one or more of them. Tarrio faces as much as 33 years in the big house for his role calling the shots in the attack even though he was not present.

Yet another anonymous “senior GOP aide” tells Politico Playbook the House Republicans are making shit up as they go along, saying “We haven’t proven the case for impeachment yet. How can you start impeachment? We haven’t done what you need to do to start. There is no way we’d get the votes,” as titular Speaker Kevin McCarthy moves forward hoping it’ll somehow all work out.

Naturally it’s all disgraced former President Trump forcing the issue on his weak underling, with Playbook writing that the Orange Overlord “has suggested he’d use an impeachment vote to smoke out any MAGA-skeptical Republicans and support primary opponents against them,” as if the fat fuck actually has the attention span to make that happen with multiple indictments on his plate.

Meanwhile the Gateway Pundit reports that Newsmax dipshit Greg Kelly promises there’s some new “smocking gun” incriminating Biden that’s coming very soon, like in October that will totally forced Biden to withdraw from the 2024 race. “There is an audio tape, I am told, by people in the know, not necessarily in government, not necessarily out of government. I can’t say too much, but there is incontrovertible evidence of Joe Biden’s corruption that is about to be made public. It’s not going to happen tomorrow. It’s not going to happen before Labor Day, but it will happen sometime between Labor Day and Halloween.” Kelly didn’t explain why he’s hyping this “incontrovertible” evidence rather than simply playing it for his audience on his low-rent Fox News clone network’s show.

“We will file this one in the I’ll believe it when I see it category,” says the top comment.

A coalition of right wing groups say they’re planning a telethon to raise money for the legal defense for the 16 fake Trump 2020 electors indicted by Attorney General Dana Nessel and yeah, a literal fucking telethon, like it’s 1985 and there’s a variety show going on with celebrities sitting at desks and answering the phones while people call in to donate, the Detroit News reports.

Even better is that one of the guest celebrities is Rudy Giuliani, who himself will be the guest of honor at a higher dollar legal fundraiser being thrown by disgraced former President Trump at the Bedminster golf club in New Jersey just two days later. “This telethon will feature hours of original content, including human interest stories about the electors showing what brave, patriotic conservatives they are,” wrote organizer Shane Trejo, director of the “Grand New Party” PAC.

The viral “military coup” trend that’s so hot lately in sub-Saharan Africa and other dysfunctional states in the global south has hit Gabon, with a group of soldiers voiding the August 26 election, dissolving the country’s institutions, and possibly arresting President Ali Bongo, who between he and his father, the late Omar Bongo, have ruled the country for 56 years, AFP reports.

Gunshots were heard in the capital city of Libreville, it’s not clear if it was from rogue soldiers firing off celebratory rounds, executing Bongo regime officials, or firing off celebratory rounds into the bodies of Bongo regime officials. The coup started just minutes after the Gabonese election authority announced Bongo had won a third seven-year term with 64 percent of the vote.

Last-minute preparations and evacuations are underway in Florida as Hurricane Idalia is expected to hit the Gulf Coast Wednesday morning as a Category 4 hurricane with storm surges expected to be as high as eleven feet in some areas, CNN reports.

Officials have urged the remaining residents to evacuate counties in the storm’s path, warning them that rescue operations may not help if the storm surges reach as high as expected.  Adding to the surge:  the wrath of God.  No, really:  there will be a supermoon Wednesday, at its closest point to Earth.  Because God hates Florida.

Sources tell CBS News disgraced former President Trump is considering waiving his right to appear in person at his arraignment on 13 felony counts from his post-2020 election coup attempt in Fulton County, Georgia on September 6th. There’s no requirement that the fat bastard or any of his co-conspirators show up to enter a plea since he’s already been booked separately on the charges. Co-defendant Ray Smith did so on Tuesday, filing his waiver and pleading not guilty.

What CBS’s sources do not address is why. As in why the fat asshole wouldn’t show up in court again to reap another day of wall-to-wall news coverage and the adulation of his cult gathered outside the building. Trump’s minions are usually eager to explain their “strategy” for handling this or that shitshow but this article doesn’t even have them on background, let alone anonymous quotes.

That Donald’s reportedly “considering” it now would seem to indicate that there’s no real scheduling conflict and he would go if he wanted to. So it’s not hard to guess why he’s wary: Cameras.

The Republican prosecutor in Blount County, Tennessee has sent a letter threatening to prosecute the organizers and hosts of an upcoming LGBT Pride event set for this Saturday on the campus of Maryville College in Maryville, Tennessee, writing that he intends to enforce the state’s anti-drag law even though a federal judge ruled it unconstitutional back in June, Law Dork reports.

Ryan Desmond, the district attorney general for the 5th Judicial District of Tennessee, coterminous with Blount County, claims the federal court’s ruling was only binding in the state’s 30th District and “that violations of the AEA can and will be prosecuted by my office.”

Desmond also ominously warns that “it is possible that there will be both protestors and counter-protestors present at this event,” like he’s purposely publicizing it to make sure another certain “pride” organization and the Moms for Liberty or some other assholes show up.

Aamon Bundy was all set to go on the lam, taking his anti-government, anti-establishment self underground to avoid the authoritarian hammer of the Big Bad Government for a contempt of court finding.  But then the voice of God Himself told His anti-The Swamp crusader to submit to the hand of law and go to his arraignment hearing in Idaho–so Bundy should literally thank God that he was not thrown in jail.

On Monday, per the Daily Beast, Bundy posted a hyperdramatic public letter to his attorney which sappily laid out his internal dialogue.  “Do I flee Idaho with nothing, leaving all I have for you to take and then start over somewhere else?  Do I grind through the legal process with no funds to really fight back, allowing you and St Luke’s to look justified in your terrible assault on the rights of parents and freedom of speech, just to have everything taken from me anyway?  Do I unite my neighbors, friends and family to physically defend against this terrible assault on liberty and the right to keep the fruits of my labor?  It is hard for me to know what God wants me to do right now, therefore, I have not yet decide if I will be attending the hearing today.”

Later that night, however, Bundy had an epiphany, as he described on his YouTube channel, with the Lord High Almighty telling him to get his butt to the courthouse to avoid a prison cell:  “We started boxing up our house and I just couldn’t see and had been asking the lord for direction and just couldn’t see an end to this and scheduled a moving truck, and the day the moving truck was scheduled to come, I—praying the whole time—the day the moving truck was scheduled to come, I woke up early in the morning.  And I felt very, very clear understanding from God, and I believe and know that that happens […] I felt very clear understanding that I was not to leave Idaho yet, that I was to stay and fight.”

John Eastman in an email at 11:44 PM EST on January 6th, 2021: “I implore you to consider one more relatively minor violation [of the ECA] and adjourn for 10 days to allow the legislatures to finish their investigations.” John Eastman in an email at 7:54 AM EST on January 11, 2021: “I’ve decided I should be on the pardon list, if that is still in the works.” There are probably some even better ones out there but these are more than good enough for our purposes here.

Harrison Floyd, the final one of the nineteen defendants indicted in Donald Trump’s racketeering scheme to overturn the results of the 2020 election in Georgia, will be released from jail after making bond, the Washington Post reports.

Floyd did not retain counsel prior to surrendering and did not make an agreement on bond with the District Attorney’s office prior to surrendering himself, nor did he not make arrangements for bond prior to turning himself in, leading to his detention while his other co-conspirators were released after processing.  Floyd was turned down by the Georgia public defenders bureau, a sign that he has financial means to pay for his own lawyer.  His bond was set for $100,000, and an on-line crowdfunding site has raised $300,000 for his defense.

Floyd and Kanye West’s one-time publicist Trevian Kutti were indicted for trying to intimidate Fulton County poll worker Rudy Freeman, threatening her to admit to changing votes and making Trump lose the election.

Some members of the Florida review board that questioned the content of the AP African-American studies program available in the state’s schools objected to lessons about the economic benefit European and white American enslavers received from the free labor the slaves provided, saying the lesson “may lead to a viewpoint of an ‘oppressor vs. oppressed’ based solely on race or ethnicity.”

Yes, you read that correctly:  Republican Florida Governor and man without a personality Ron DeSantis’s select group found lesson about the economic benefit collected by white slaveowners by enslaving Black people was rejected because it centered on the fact that one race oppressed another, and the lesson may be too harsh for students to learn.

Per the Miami Herald, when he announced that Florida wouldn’t back down to the woke agenda of AP African American educators who demanded the intolerable right to teach the actual history of slavery in the United States, DeSantis said it was because of controversial subject matter like the BLM movement or queer theory in the African-American community.

Scores of school chaplains from around Texas wrote a letter to school boards across the state urging them to reject a Republican state proposal that would put state-endorsed volunteer religious advocates in schools instead of school guidance counselors.

“Because of our training and experience, we know that chaplains are not a replacement for school counselors or safety measures in our public schools, and we urge you to reject this flawed policy option: It is harmful to our public schools and the students and families they serve,” the chaplains wrote.  [Emphasis in original.]

Republican Texas Governor and Rio Grande drowning advocate Greg Abbott signed the bill in June allowing schools to provide chaplains to handle situations typically handled by trained school counselors, crisis management teams or mental health professionals.  The bill, SB 763, includes the use of religious chaplains to counsel students considering suicide, which might include helping students who are trans or who find themselves pregnant, issues that a chaplain may not work for in the best interests of the child given the chaplain’s religious belief.

Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis is playing hardball with any of the 19 racketeering defendants in the 2020 election fraud trail.  She’s filed a motion asking the court to hold all the defendants in the trial to the deadlines set for the “speedy trial” date of October 23rd Fulton County Judge Scott McAfee set for Trump lawyer Kenneth Chesebro.

Willis is pushing the defendants to make up their mind:  If they want a speedy trial, they’ll all have to adhere to the schedule set for the Chesebro case and they will all be tried together considering none of them has yet made a motion to sever their cases from each other or from Donald Trump.  Even if they don’t request a speedy trial, Willis appears to want the court to order all the defendants to adhere to the filing dates for the Chesebro trial.

“Further, if the Court’s intention indeed was to sever Defendant Chesebro’s trial from the other Defendants, because Defendant Chesebro has not filed a motion to sever and because the Court has held no hearing on a motion to sever, the State of Georgia respectfully requests that the Court set aside its Case Specific Scheduling Order entered on August 24, 2023, to the extent that the Order states, ‘[a]t this time, these deadlines do not apply to any co-defendant.’ The State of Georgia further respectfully requests that the Court set a deadline for any Defendant wishing to file a motion to sever, allow the parties, including the State of Georgia, sufficient time to brief the severance issue, and hold a hearing on any filed motion to sever so that the Court may consider the factors set forth in Cain and its progeny, as required by Georgia law.”

Following the lead of fellow co-conspirator and disgraced lawyer Ray Smith, Elite Strike Force Team member Sidney “The Kraken” Powell has waived her right to an arraignment hearing scheduled for Tuesday, September 5th and filed paperwork pleading “not guilty” to the two felony counts she faces, CBS News’ Scott MacFarlane reports.

Federal judge Steve Jones, the Obama appointee overseeing former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadow’s attempt to remove his Georgia racketeering case to federal court, requested both parties submit responses to address the issue:  “Would a finding that at least one (but not all) of the overt acts charged occurred under the color of Meadow’s office, be sufficient for federal removal of a criminal prosecution under [the law]?”  Responses are due by 5 p.m. Thursday.

The first to fall in the 2024 presidential campaign:  faced with weak fundraising, no name recognition, and a continuing stream of ethical scandals relating to his ongoing business interest as he serves as Miami mayor, Republican Francis Suarez has announced he is “suspending” his campaign.  So, he’s quitting.

“While I have decided to suspend my campaign for President, my commitment to making this a better nation for every American remains,” Suarez wrote in a lengthy post on Twitter Tuesday afternoon.