“Yesterday, late evening, President Joseph R. Biden, Jr. declared that an emergency exists in the territory of Guam and ordered Federal assistance to supplement territory and local response efforts due to the emergency conditions resulting from Typhoon Mawar beginning on May 22, 2023, and continuing. The President’s action authorizes the Department of Homeland Security, Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), to coordinate all disaster relief efforts which have the purpose of alleviating the hardship and suffering caused by the emergency on the local population, and to provide appropriate assistance for required emergency measures, authorized under Title V of the Stafford Act, to save lives and to protect property and public health and safety, and to lessen or avert the threat of a catastrophe in the territory of Guam,” says a White House press release.

Separately the storm was upgraded to a “super” typhoon, forecast to reach category 5 with sustained winds upwards of 175 MPH expected to hit Guam before Wednesday local time.

The fat bastard continued whining in a subsequent post, writing “The Carroll case is part of the Democrats playbook to tarnish my name and person, much like the now fully debunked Russia, Russia, Russia Hoax, the 51 Intelligence Agents, FBI/Twitter Files, and so much more. It is being funded and tried by Democrat operatives, although this was denied by them, and when they got caught in the lie, the Clinton appointed judge would not let us use it in trial. Time will prove him to be highly partisan & very unfair. Where’s the dress she said she had?”

The governor of Russia’s Belgorod region on Tuesday warned evacuees not to return home amid a rebellion by pro-Ukrainian partisans who late on Monday began attacking government buildings with drones and claimed to have “liberated” at least one village in the region, the Guardian reports.

“For now you should not return to your homes,” Governor Vyacheslav Gladkov said in a Telegram video, while also claiming Russian police and military forces had been successful in repelling the attack near the Ukrainian border and were merely “mopping up” the fighters from the Freedom of Russia Legion. Pro-Kremlin propagandist bloggers echoed with claims of serious casualties for the partisans, naturally none of it could be independently verified with photographic evidence.

“We are the same Russians as you. We are distinguished only by the fact that we no longer wanted to justify the actions of criminals in power and took up arms to defend our and your freedom. But today it’s time for everyone to take responsibility for their future. It’s time to put an end to the Kremlin’s dictatorship,” said a social media statement attributed to the Freedom of Russia Legion.

After spending years and years chasing every smear regarding the Russia collusion hoax, the mainstream media is trying to ignore the Durham report.

Republicans won't let them sweep his report under the rug.

— Ronna McDaniel (@RonnaMcDaniel) May 22, 2023

You could say she’s semi-successful here, since National Zero is indeed covering her impotent and empty threat. If you squint hard look past the reality that we exist on the far fringes of what you might call “mainstream media” and that we only picked this up to mock her enervation, then yeah, this is kind of a win for Ronna since the words “Durham Report” appear in the headline.

Shady Ukrainian criminal Lev Parnas, convicted in 2021 of campaign finance fraud for funneling Russian money to a Trump PAC, shared with Reuters dozens of 2018 text messages between himself and then-Florida Congressman Ron DeSantis as the short little bastard asked for help raising money and connecting with donors, as well as passing messages along to alcoholic shitbrain Rudy Giuliani.

“Ron DeSantis approached me at the Trump International Hotel and introduced himself, telling me that he was told to come meet me because I was very close with Donald Trump,” Parnas told Reuters, adding that Tiny D needed help securing a formal endorsement from the Orange God Emperor. “He told me he heard I was the guy to speak to because of my relationship with Trump, that’s how he worded it.” In 2019 DeSantis denied any relationship whatsoever with Parnas.

A lone wolf MAGA terrorist was arrested Monday night after crashing a U-Haul truck into barricades in Lafayette Square outside the White House, NBC News reports. “There were no injuries to any Secret Service or White House personnel and the cause and manner of the crash remain under investigation,” said a Secret Service spokesman. Officials found at least one Nazi swastika flag inside the truck, but no explosives. A nearby hotel was evacuated while a bomb squad robot examined the vehicle and guests were cleared to return to the rooms at around 1:00 AM Tuesday.

Pro-Ukrainian groups made up of Russian ciizens calling themselves “Freedom of Russia Legion” and “Russian Volunteer Corps” claimed to have liberated a village in Russia’s Belgorad region, a few hundred miles inside Russia, CNN reports.

The groups posted on Telegram that they had “liberated” the unnamed town, although local authorities say a village has sustained shelling damage from some “saboteurs.”  Ukraine officials acknowledge knowing about the action, but say the groups acted independently of any Ukrainian authorization or support.

“IT IS ORDERED: confirming the election of Katie Hobbs as Arizona Governor pursuant to A.R.S. § 16-676(B),” states the directive from Judge Peter Thompson of the Maricopa County Superior Court in finding against Republican grifter and one-time local television personality Kari Lake in the latest loss for the Arizona gubernatorial election loser.  While the count in the headline is admittedly approximate, Lake has yet to score a victory in any case that could in any way overturn the election, but she’s sure to appeal because that’s one more opportunity to panhandle fundraise.

This is false. And it’s defamatory. I’m giving everyone making this accusation 24 hours to retract and apologize. If you don’t you’ll hear from my lawyer. 👍🏼 https://t.co/iRJgg2tHxK

— Sean Feucht (@seanfeucht) May 19, 2023

Here’s the thing:  I’m honestly not sure what Sean Feucht–a so-call “Christian” minister so far right, he probably believes Pontius Pilate was a qualified “law-and-order” jurist–wants to be retracted.  Is it that the married father of four is allegedly having an affair with the newly-divorced granny.  Or is it that he’s a white nationalist? Is one thing true but not the other?  Which one is offensive to him?  It honestly seems he’s more upset about the insinuation of the affair rather than the white nationalism part.  But isn’t the Streisand effect grand?

“The climate changes all the time,” they said.  “Carbon dioxide isn’t poisonous,” they claimed.  “You’re being duped by Big Green, lib!” they mocked referring to an imaginary cabal of surprisingly powerful environmental activists which conservatives (who get paid tens of millions of dollars from Big Oil) believe control everything.

Well, now those doubters from Kansas are getting the last laugh as they plow under their wheat crops, ruined by drought, collecting insurance payments that will net more than trying to bring the grain to market, Reuters reports.  Nationally, one-third of the winter wheat crop has been abandoned.  In Kansas, the rate of abandoned fields for all crops, hit by a harsh winter and drought, is at 19% nearly double the rate of the previous season.  Two years ago, just 4% of the crop was abandoned.

The issue comes when you think that Kansas is the largest producer of wheat in the US, with a lot of that grain going to our bread supply.  A wheat shortage while inflation is high will lead to higher prices for one of the staples of American households.

With signs that Popocatépetl volcano, located 45 miles north of Mexico City, may be coming to life, authorities have told more than 25 million people to prepare to evacuate if the volcano erupts, CNN reports.

The volcano has been spewing ash for more than a week, disrupting flights out of Mexico City and covering local villages in a haze of gray.  People within a 60-mile radius around the volcano in the states of Morelos, Puebla and state of Mexico have been warned that they may be forced out if the volcano has a massive explosion.  Three million people who live in areas adjacent to the volcano have been put on “yellow phase 3” alert, meaning they should prepare for immediate evacuation if activity at the volcano increases.

“Mawar is intensifying on approach to Guam. The latest forecast track has Mawar as a Category 4 typhoon very near or over Guam during the day on Wednesday. The triple threat of cat 4 typhoon force winds, torrential rains and life-threatening storm surge are all expected for Guam and Rota. Large storm surge and coastal impacts are likely to occur just north of the center. If the center of Mawar passes just south of Guam, significant coastal impacts would spread to Merizo, Inarajan and vulnerable coastal stretches southeastern Guam,” says a National Weather Service bulletin.

The owners of an Orlando restaurant that regularly hosts drag shows on Monday filed a federal First Amendment lawsuit against heels-wearing Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, the AP reports.

During a 4:08 AM EDT Monday appearance by House Oversight Chairdick James Comer on “Fox and Friends First,” graveyard shift host Ashley Strohmier asked Comer if his moronic and ineffective investigations of President Joe Biden and his family had “moved this needle with the media.”

“Absolutely. There’s no question. You look at the polling, and right now Donald Trump is 7 points ahead of Joe Biden and trending upward, Joe Biden’s trending downward. And I believe that the media is looking around, scratching their head, and they’re realizing that the American people are keeping up with our investigation,” said Comer, forgetting that he’s supposed to at least pretend that his “oversight” isn’t political and meant to help Trump win reelection in 2024.

Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith’s team have subpoenaed the Trump Organization for information on the twice-impeached would-be dictator’s post-2017 business dealings with parties in China, France, Turkey, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, the UAE, and Oman, the New York Times reports.

It’s not clear what specifically Smith’s team are looking for, but the Times’s reporting says it suggests that there could be a connection between foreign business deals and the fat fuck’s theft of classified documents from the White House following his humiliating defeat to Joe Biden in the 2020 election. Hopefully this is the case as Smith going after the Trump Organization just for being the corrupt money laundering enterprise it is could be mission creep that might delay charges.

So this is confusing as shit but we can report that writer EJ Carroll has made good on her threat to sue fat former President Trump over his defaming her (again) at the CNN town hall shitshow. As Law and Crime’s Adam Klasfeld reports, Carroll still has a federal defamation complaint (called Carroll I in motions) outstanding against the Orange Warlord, one separate from the rape/defamation complaint that the jury found in favor of Carroll earlier this month (Carroll II) and awarded her $5 million.

In the Carroll I case, attorney Robbie Kaplan on Monday filed an amended complaint referring specifically to “allegations concerning the verdict in Carroll II and Trump’s public response to that verdict, which involved repeating on CNN the statements the Carroll II jury found to be defamatory, allegations that we believe are now directly relevant to the issue of punitive damages on the defamation claim in Carroll I,” meaning that Trump will be indeed on the hook for the shit he said about Carroll during his nationally televised comedy routine for New Hampshire Republicans.

“I want to personally thank you for your support in referring the vote for my expulsion resolution to the Ethics Committee. This has been an especially difficult time in my life, and I want to serve my constituents the best I can. Now more than ever, the Republican majority needs to stick together, and you demonstrated great dedication and courage by putting differences aside to allow the proper process to play out,” says a “personal” thank you note distributed to an unknown number – maybe all – of indicted piece of shit Congressman George Santos’s fellow House Republicans.

The referral to the House ethics committee was a self-serving bitch-out by wiener Speaker Kevin McCarthy, who would rather keep an indicted criminal in his caucus than lose a single vote. For whatever reason Santos thinks it’s smart to remind the rest of the team that they did it.

Under the leadership of Attorneys General Jeff “Keebler Man” Sessions, that bald dickhead interim acting AG whose name we forget, Bill “Fred Flintstone” Barr, and then finally that other interim Acting AG Jeffrey Rosen, the Trump Department of Justice kept open its investigation of the Clinton Foundation, only closing it days before Joe Biden was inaugurated and long after prosecutors and FBI agents knew it was dead, the New York Times reports citing newly released documents.

“On January 8, 2021 and January 15, 2021, [Assistant US Attorney] for the Eastern District of Arkansas [name redacted], provided two emails advising the closure of their files as they relate to the status of the above captioned investigation in their office. As a result of this declination, Little Rock Field Office considers this matter closed,” said an internal memo the Times obtained. Another document indicates the Clinton Foundation was served with a subpoena in January 2018.

But like everything else in MAGA world, there’s never any finality. Just because federal prosecutors loyal to Trump couldn’t prove the Clintons were deeply corrupt doesn’t mean that they aren’t deeply corrupt. They just bribed their way out of it or secretly assassinated people who had the “smoking gun” evidence or Soros rigged the investigation or something and so on and so forth.

The fight to #SaveChocolateMilk isn’t over.

Republicans continue to push back on the Biden Administration’s shameless government overreach.https://t.co/8LYqPlObZb

— Elise Stefanik (@EliseStefanik) May 22, 2023

So brave and bold of her to denounce white supremacy in milk choices offered by schools. If only Stefanik was half as upset over Florida banning Holocaust books as she is over this.

Apparently looking to do something productive with their lives, two senior members of Democratic presidential dilettante Marianne Williamson’s campaign announced their exits over the weekend, Politico reports.  Campaign manager Peter Daou and his deputy, Jason Call, both announced over the weekend that they were splitting from the self-help guru and pop mystic after she determined the effort needed to take a more progressive position.  Both men had joined the campaign just last month.

Having said he joined the campaign because he believed Williamson was “our BEST opportunity to challenge that entrenched system,” Daou has hinted in tweets that he would be open to join a third-party candidate.  His position will be filled by Roza Calderon, a 2020 campaign surrogate for Bernie Sanders.