Cops in Peru have arrested local weirdo Julio Cesar and given the country's culture ministry an 800 year-old Incan mummy Cesar had been hauling around in a thermal food delivery bag bearing the logo of a South American DoorDash or GrubHub knockoff called "Pedidos Ya," NBC News reports.
"It sleeps in my bedroom, with me. There's my bed, the TV set and next to it, there's Juanita. I take care of it. It's like, if you'll pardon the expression, as if it were my spiritual girlfriend," Cesar told local outlet Noticias Sin Filtro Puno TV about the mummy. Scans by the culture ministry revealed that "Juanita," who Cesar said had been in his family's possession for generations, was actually a male.
It is unclear what kind of horrific supernatural torment is in store for Cesar as punishment for his disrespect and misgendering of a ritually interred ancient Incan or if it can act fast enough before some other inmate in the notoriously savage Peruvian prison system does the job first.